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Sexuality: Why Do Straight Men Have Gay Sex? 

(Photo Credits: Sean Cody)

In the past, we asked you if it’s possible for a straight guy to be in lust with another guy and what if he acted on that lust and have sex with another man, is he still straight?

Previous reasons cited as to why men sleep with other men include curiosity and intoxication; some of our Adam4Adam blog readers agree while others don’t. They argued that it simply isn’t possible for a straight man to sleep with another man and remain straight; if a man had sex with another man, then he is therefore, gay.

But Dr. Robert Burriss suggested in his article titled, “Why Do Straight People Hook Up With Same-Gender Partners?” that it is highly likely it was desire which played a huge part to men and women’s decision to engage in same-sex hookup. As for the why, Dr. Burriss—an evolutionary psychologist—explained that “desire and behavior are not the same as identity.” He further explained that “A person can identify as straight but still desire or engage in sexual contact with persons of the same gender.”

His conclusions were drawn based on a recently concluded study titled,Heterosexual College Students Who Hookup with Same‑Sex Partners” where almost 700 (383 men and 312 women) of the 24,000 participants, all of whom were straight college students, admitted to having same-sex hookup. Of these more or less 700 people:

  • 12 percent identified as straight men
  • 25 percent identified as straight women
  • 29 percent enjoyed the encounter and were likely to have had previous same-sex hookups; more than half of them “wanted to enter in a longer term relationship with their partner.”
  • it was likely the first time for 22 percent of them and over 70 percent of that “reported binge drinking prior to the encounter.” They were the “drunk and curious” type.
  • 21 percent of them were most likely intoxicated women, they engaged in the same-sex encounter in the public “maybe for show,” they are believed to be “enacting a social script” to “encourage performative bisexuality for the arousal of male peers.”
  • 12 percent, mostly women, “loved it but religious.” They most likely attend religious services and over half of them admitted that their “religious views influenced their opinions about sex.” However, they also enjoyed their same-sex experience and will most likely “pursue it further.”
  • 9 percent felt “little enjoyment” and three-fifths of them said they did not enjoy the hookup at all. Participants under this group were said to have known their partners before the encounter “which was unlikely to have progressed beyond kissing.”
  • 7 percent, all male and religious, were classified as “just not who I can be.” They believed that “same-gender sexual contact is wrong” though they reportedly enjoyed their same-sex hookup but only moderately.

Dr. Burriss added that most of these students are “unlikely to be ‘closeted’ or ‘secretly gay,'” although some of them will “no doubt transition to a gay, lesbian, or bisexual identity, but others will continue to identify as straight.”

There you have it, guys. Desire is the answer; or at least it is one of the answers why straight people engage in same-sex hookups. Do you agree that desire and behavior are not the same as sexual identity? Why or why not? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.


There are 70 comments

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  1. John

    I can answer from my point of view. I’m straight, but I love sucking cock. I like to bottom. It’s intense and extremely pleasurable. However, I don’t kiss or make out or cuddle afterwards. I just like fucking men, but I still love fucking women.

    • Mike

      erm….I hate to break it to ya John but you’re anything but straight *lol* if you not only like to SUCK on cocks, but also have them up your booty? then ummmmm yeah – you’re at the very least “bi” — and hey there ain’t no shame in that! but let’s call a spade a spade….no straight guy in the world loves REGUARLY sucking and getting fucked (maybe a one-time thing just to try it out — straight/curious?)

  2. midwestdude

    A guy I know says if he does something with a guy that he could do with a woman (get a blow job, top in anal sex) then that’s “not gay” (whatever that means). I can sort of see his point.

  3. Gunther

    I wouldn’t consider myself gay just because I occasionally, make that rarely, have a same gender sexual encounter. If I had to put a name on it then I would say bi. I enjoy sex, many varieties of sex. I enjoy the occasional man on man encounters but couldn’t see myself in a relationship soley with a man. If I was forced to choose one or the other i would choose a woman.

    • Marcus

      Gunther, I agree with you. I was married to a woman for years and have 4 wonderful kids by her. I have never dated a man nor would I ever have a affair with a dude. Being a good looking well built black man blessed with a big hard dick, i can easily get a man when I want one sexually. Also kudos to A4A for achieving that.. Lol….If I was forced choose one I too would choose a woman too. Seriously here’s why I decided to try a dude sexually. When I make love to a woman her reaction is always electrical!!!! To be specific they would go crazy when I stick my hard dick deep inside that tight wet pussy and work her ass into a frenzy. I wondered how would it feel if a hard dick was lodged deep inside my wet ass. Would i feel that same electrical feeling? I was scared at first thinking it may be painful. I tried it and it was better than I anticipated.

  4. Ron

    The entire question seems moot. It seems such a waste of time to apply labels to sexuality. Men and women engage in same-sex encounters because they are attracted and/or curious. It is about sex, not about gender identity. Why must we continue to classify ourselves? Should we not simply enjoy our sexuality without all stereotyping associated with it?

  5. Luigi Nonono

    Everyone is individual, and everyone is the same. As long as heterosexuals have more advantages or perceived power, borderline gay people will want to be seen as straight, but it also has to do with whether or not being gay can be perceived as having masculine power or not and achievement, career, etc., which also has to do with personality type. It doesn’t really matter as long as we get to fuck the straight guys, too.

  6. Jon98092

    Speaking as One formerly married to a woman, many”straight” guys say they can justify having sex with a guy in order to get a proverbial itch scratched (usually to get head).

    Many guys I know say their wife is no longer interested in sex. The guy still has desire/need. This is the most convenient/expedient outlet.

    I am sure there are other motivations- this is one I have heard repeatedly.

  7. edward

    Although I pride myself on being a talented cocksucker and at the begining of the year I began the practice of being fucked (a learning curve there) I see and perceive myself as being straight. That is my identity. My reason for maintaining that position is that I have no involvement with the Gay community. I do not participate in any of their events or activities. I don’t patronize their establishments. And I personally know only a few gay men and those are partners.

    • Mike

      Oh dear 🙁 To say you’re in denial is an understatement Eddie 😮 Last time I checked, being gay or bi deals with the gender of people you have SEX with, not that you know, socialize with, or go to pride parades with. No self-respecting straight man in history would ever describe himself as a “talented cocksucker” (or ANY type of cocksucker for that matter!) To use your language, I can “perceive” myself as a kitchen table, but that doesn’t mean I am one, according to the dictionary definition. You’re at the very least “bi” — and hey, ain’t nothing wrong with that! Rock on 🙂

  8. Frank M

    As far as straight guys, I think there many reasons. My experience is the guy is curious about whether a gay or bi guy can give s better blow job than a woman. Also, many women will not give a blow job on a regular basis and many gay or bi men will. Also, the same goes for anal.

  9. Levi Morton

    Whoa, whoa, whoa.

    This article is way too vague. There are many external considerations and societal influences when making this determination. And politically correct, virtue signaling, right-think responses aren’t going to help the issue.

    First of all, what kind of sex where these guys having? Were they getting off or were they intimate (kissing, caressing, etc.)? That is a big consideration in determining sexuality, which is usually denoted as a preference or orientation.

    Were drugs and alcohol coming into play? I have blown a ton of straight dudes thanks to the joys of a few lines of cocaine. There was no recip. But I have also hooked up with guys when they are drunk. Kissing is where I start moving the Kinsey line.

    Then factor in the MGTOW movement. When a good guy meets a girl at a party, and they’ve both been drinking, and they enter into consensual sex, then the poor sap is in front of a Stalinist show trial at the university accused of rape (note she does not accuse him in a court of law), a lot of guys are saying, “Fuck it,” and sticking to video games and having a gay friend pleasure them.

    Finally, we have the emasculation factor. Boys are no longer allowed to be boys. Told from childbirth their behavior is “toxic,” being fed a steady diet of SSRIs or MAOs because they are “hyper” and “aggressive,” and constantly forced to show “feelings,” we are on our way to raising a bunch of Alan Aldas.

    This indoctrination continues through college. The more weak-minded among the bunch will have gay sex because they aren’t “homophobic.” So of course they identify as straight.

    And what about the down low? Black men routinely have girlfriends and families, but have sex with men on the side. Are they gay? They wouldn’t say so, even in private.

    All this post-modernist horseshit being peddled is just that, horseshit. The problem is that when one tries to impose scientific rigor to subjects where there are no agreed-upon definitions, what we end up with is a bunch of idiot axioms like “love is love” and “labels don’t matter.” Christ, no one will even agree with the simple scientific fact there are two genders. That’s how crazy this has become.

    Men mostly want to get off. It is as simple as that.

    • Okzebra2

      Whoa. This reads like a troll posting from a Focus on the Family or similar neo-conservative zealot. Between the trashing of male childhood socialization and the diatribe against medication or compassion, I was expecting a ‘pray the gay away’ finale but I guess that would have been too obvious. Of course, it could be another self-hating log cabin republicrat gay. Yuck.

  10. Hunter0500

    Isn’t the real story that there are some “100% straight” guys, but they are a small percentage. They would never willingly have sex with men. The large balance are on Kinsey’s spectrum. A chunk of them present themselves as straight; they do not appear physically or behaviorally to be gay. For these guys, sex with men would come as a matter of desire and/or opportunity. For the rest, they’re gay, gay as can be.

    So fine, gay guys now and then get to have sex with guys who present themselves as straight and appear and act straight, but they’re not 100% straight. Kinsey put this to bed long ago.

  11. BiGuy

    It is far easier to get no strings oral service from a guy. No expense. No demands. Just long, slow sessions of oral service. Getting my ass rimmed, my balls and taint licked, my cock sucked.

    You just can’t get that type of treatment from a women (well, certainly, without paying for it).

    I fuck pussy all the time. But, there is nothing better that having a hungry sub boy between my legs.

  12. John

    I escort (though not as often nowadays). I have a handful of straight guys who tell me that they don’t consider it cheating when we get together. As I tell them, we are all sexual beings, and each partner offers something that the next doesn’t.

  13. Thug

    C’mon guys!!! Isn’t about time that you, of all people, wake up? “Sexual Identity” is entirely a cultural artifact that reflects no underlying biological reality whatsofuckinever.

    By continuing to feed the flames of these tired old, destructive, false, homophobic categories you have become a continuing force for preserving the hate and ignorance that underlies them.

    The need to draw lines around groups and define them by their desires is nothing more than the need to deny, partition, distance, project, …. The word we have for that need is: Homophobia.

    Stop it!

  14. Bobby

    With me it started as a curious thing! I had always wondered what it would be like! I finally met a guy that I knew was gay. Our friendship grew as did my attraction for him! I finally confronted him and told him about my curiosity about trying sex with another man! He took me and taught me what I had been missing! I now identify myself as a gay male and love it!

  15. Quantum_Sexual

    I have a suspicion about human sexuality, it can be never be humanely tested for obvious reasons but i would bet that if we could shield humans from social interference, shield them from bias and other prejudices we impose upon ourselves, I think 80% of all humans are born bisexual with about 10% being gay and another 10% being heterosexual.

  16. Rob

    I had sex with a straight guy. He didn’t tell me until after we had sucked each others cocks, I rimmed him out, pounded ass and did positions illegal in 43 states. I love me a moaner. It was a right-after-work hook up that worked out. Its a typical bright So California day, when you’re the horniest and after your thank-gosh-I’m-off-work” prescription bong hit. Laying there in bed afterwards he told me a little about himself, how he’s incredibly shy but always wanted to “try it with a guy”. In my head my eyes pop out of my head. I popped a cherry I thought my dick coming back to life. He said he loved the sex, but he wasn’t going to come out and be gay or anything like that. He said he couldn’t see himself with a guy like that, as he rimmed out my ass. I was like, hey its not for everybody, and a little to the left would be great. Gay sex is fun for everyone!

  17. bjjj

    Most all guys have at least a bi side, some prefer men strongly over women, some don’t. And of course some men prefer women over men. But generally most guys can get off with either sex, However I prefer men as us men knows what turns each other on. Unfortunately society tries to direct us into a monogamous man/woman relationship. But we are sexual beings, and our genes, hormones, and desires don’t always work that way. So many men are living a lie, trying to please society, families, and being miserable most of their lives. I remember back years ago in school locker rooms, seeing many of the guys with hard on’s. Yet those same guys would be the ones to talk out against and bash the gay life style. Why doesn’t society just accept that we all have different preferences of who we choose to associate with and who we prefer to be our sexual partners. So the jest of the whole thing here is that men who claim to be perfectly straight are living a lie, as us guys as a whole can and will have hookups and affairs that are gay and try to hide the fact. I know this is a fact as I tried living the “straight” life many years, finally admitting to myself and others that I am 99% gay. Life is so much better accepting yourself as who you are.

  18. william

    The article basically says, that people “identify” themselves as straight, yet they engage in same-sex practices. Doesn’t that still make you gay? People can date/marry/be with the opposite sex, but go behind their partners backs and have same-sex engagements if they want. That is not the question. The question is if a man does that, is he gay. I say yes he is. A true straight person (man) would not do that. They would have sexual engagements with the opposite gender, not one with their same gender.

  19. HiddenOkie

    I’ve had straight guys tell me in the past the reason they enjoyed hooking up with guys and it really did make sense. I would say 95 percent admitted that he loved his wife and really enjoyed intimate relations with his wife, but she couldn’t fuck him back so he had to go find a guy to do it. Straight guys, like everyone else, fill the void not because they’re not satisfied, but because they yearn for something that their partner can’t provide. It’s not a negative reflection on the wife as much as it is being a sexual being that enjoys a fuller experience than one sided intimacy can provide. Every single one of them told me that it gave them a much more intimate relationship with their spouse or girlfriend than if they went through life frustrated and feeling a void in their sexuality that monogamy couldn’t fill.

  20. Wayne

    I’m selective and my type of sex is where I view both sexes as women. I can only get turned on by a fem, transgender, transexual or a bio female. When I see a fine cute/pretty guy I check to see what the deal. If their open to play it’s on. Masculine men don’t do nothing for me… not matter how handsome they are. I like smooth… especially on the face a chest. I love kiss, cuddle as well as suck nipples. When it comes to women I prefer those who like anal. Anal is my drug of choice.

  21. Sammy

    I live a straight life but enjoy some hot mansex occasionally. I average once or twice a year with a guy. I enjoy the things I can’t do with my wife like giving head and getting ass fucked. I also find men are much more adventurous – my wife never tied me up but a man has and it was the best sex I ever had.

  22. KW

    I identify as gay and have traveled back and forth on the “spectrum” sexually. I enjoy sex with women, although I have no emotion connection, ie. I won’t fall in love with one. It’s a total desire and behavior that feels good physically. I am only emotionally attracted to men….hence why I identify as gay instead of bisexual. I think that a bisexual can fall in love with either gender, but, I don’t have have capability. I was once asked if I thought that I could fall for a trans-man. And, yes, I believe I could because they would be a man….no matter what genitalia they might still have. So, I really believe that the emotional transcends the physical. In my case, anyway.

  23. RJWELLS

    I started having sex with men , nearly ten years ago simply because I got tired of being rejected and played by alot of females. And when it came to just looking for a hookup with women, it seemed like a chore and had to go through 20 things just to see if we can have sex. But when it came to hooking up with men, it was much easier. No bullshit, no beating around the bush, just straight to the point. And it’s been that way for me ever since. I still love women but it’s been few and far between. And I enjoy kissing, cuddling, and topping both genders!

  24. Traveling troop

    They have sex with men because they are not ready to identify as a bisexual at minimum. Case in point, I had a friend and we first hooked up 10 years ago after he approached me. He knew I had a crush on him and he used that against me. We had sex. When we finally talked about it then it was two weeks later. I got the whole “it won’t happen again” speech. Needless to say that over the past 10 years we hooked up every time we were left alone. No emotions. Just sex. He was in a relationship with a girl for 3 years. I loved her! Naturally, i assumed since he was dating her then he was getting laid all the time and that there was no need for us to fool around. Nope, she would go to bed and we would fool around while she was asleep upstairs. Then NYE 2017, she came downstairs and caught us fucking. She dumped him and he dumped our friendship. I think he has been avoiding me because he probably blame me. From what I hear he has been telling people she wanted kids. There you have it.

  25. Greg

    Why do straight men have gay sex?

    When it’s situational.
    When they are curious.
    When they want sex and don’t care who they get it from.
    When they are drunk or high.
    For money.
    When they are not getting sex from their female partner but don’t want to cheat with another woman.
    When they are experimenting.
    When they are on a power trip.
    When their culture prohibits female contact.
    When they want stimulation a woman’s body doesn’t provide.

    It would be interesting to compare these reasons with answers to the question Why do gay men have straight sex?

  26. Bifun

    I learned you get a bj when you give a bj. Always fun. Women are for cuddling, sex and kissing , men for just sex. Easy and good times. Plus the submissiveness and pleasing a guy is just hot.

  27. Tarzan

    Hi, married straight guy that wife lost interest in sex! I was looking for fwb for nsa sex on cl. Had guys reply that said if I didn’t find pussy, they would gladly blow me! At first I politely declined their offer! But eventually the hornies got the best of me! I let a guy blow me, that led to more blow jobs, that led to me topping guys and ultimately me sucking cock and getting fucked! I consider my self bi now! Still love pussy, but prefer cock now!!

  28. Gee

    I will occasionally bed a dude and it has always been great sex, it’s also true, for me, the best blow jobs I ever got were from men…felt like he was sucking my soul out through my dick… I don’t go by a title, but if I did it would still be straight… I respect my gay brothers that they can enjoy what they like to do and have room for someone like me to enjoy them. A sexy bottom masculine deep moaning, enjoy getting fucked is my weakness…a man who gives up that ass but enjoys getting fuck as much as I enjoy fucking…

  29. Jake

    I honestly think guys can be straight and have sex with other men and probably rationalize it as ok because there are no feelings involved whatsoever. It’s simply gratification, satisfying that need to get off. With technology and the internet it makes it even easier to find a guy who’s willing to hook up with them late at night when they are horny and just bust one out.
    Especially true when it comes to oral. Find a guy online that wants to give you oral, meet up, and get it done. Over and done and time for bed lol. As long as there is no contact on their part as far as returning the favor or anything like that, they don’t see it as “gay” they are still straight. Thing of it is they find that guy that goes above and beyond in his performance and he often decides he wants it again or regularly from him. He realizes having a guy who gives him what he wants and is totally into it is way more satisfying than a woman on the other hand who does a half ass job and only does it because she feels obligated.
    Which leads me to married men. I’m just saying my take on it since I’ve had a lot of experience and have actually listened to what they’ve told me. Majority of married men are in marriages where they’re sexual needs aren’t being met. Either it’s the lack of desire from her to have sex or medical issues which leaves the couple in a sexless marriage. Frequency of sex drops over time for all couples but men are still highly sexual and become frustrated, don’t feel desired, and receive little or no attention anymore. A lot will view it as not cheating based on it’s not with another woman. Usually they still love their girlfriends, wives, families, and have no desire to change their situation or leave them either.
    As far as straight or married guys being serviced by other men think about it from a horny guy’s perspective. You aren’t getting any at home, there’s a guy who loves to do it and wants to whenever you want, no money involved, no feelings, no reciprocation asked for. What’s not to love about that. Winner winner chicken dinner right?

    • MattK

      Jake, you’ve nearly described me to the T. I wrote my own post below if you want to read it, but in a nutshell, you’ve described me with the exception of the just wanting a BJ part. I’m into it all (as long as it’s all fool-proof safe), but I’m still able to view it (in my own mind, at least) as an outside physical encounter that has nothing to do with my regular daily married life. It’s completely love-less.

  30. Matt

    I like fucking, sucking, getting sucked. Not into hugging, kissing, and lovey dovey. I may as well be straight, but men simply are better at sex, but I don’t want to be in a romantic relationship with one. Buds who fuck is hot.

  31. steve

    I was on vacation and I could have had a str8 man everyday. They were contacting me. The sex was good, one said I was better than his gf. if a str8 man has a need why not take care of it.

  32. Lloyd

    Ugh … they don’t. Men who desire and engage in sex with other men are not straight. They may be bi; they may be gay; but they are not straight. Identifying as straight for these men is simply a form of denial. A better question, perhaps, is why do gay men obsess over straight men? Deep seated feelings of inferiority, perhaps? They believe that being a straight man is the ideal, while being a gay man is somehow less than?

  33. latinlust69

    According to Freud the are two predominant sexual perversions, complete heterosexuality and complete homosexuality. Freud believed that sexuality is more fluid than society allows. Sexuality, the need for satisfaction is beyond gender interaction.
    Btw i really think a clean ass tastes and smells better than a vagina.

  34. a

    As a gay man, I wont deny that fucking is just that – fucking. However, we all have our boundaries that we need to be aware of.

    Mine are simple – dating- NO – only another gay man. Been there – done that!

    FWB with a non gay guy – NO. 1 time encounter with a non gay guy – possibly. However, it depends on the time, place, and chemistry, and his cock.

    Surely, for me, to go back and forth via text or online with a non gay man for a hook up – is a waste of my time. I rather invest my time with someone I like, have more in common with, and have a real connection. The issue I have is my time being wasted with someone that is un-evolved or in denial or simply has other goals. Simple. They like va-jay jay – COOL! Have fun! I know I dont!

    If its in a cruisy location or at 2am when everyone magically becomes beautiful, I may change my mind. However, its the last thing on the totem pole, unless they have a great pole for both my holes.. 🙂

  35. R Duke

    I agree with w/ You. I had 2 neices in high school just a little over a decade ago. My Neices informed me that playing with both jenders was a turn for them. These people or friends of theirs were enjoying having sexual encounters of the same gender.
    Both my Neices participated in having sex with both the Male and female.
    Today my neices are both married with children of their own. One of my neices was in a lesbian relationship for just a little over a 2 year term.
    She now has four children and is happy in love with her husband.
    I could continue, but I’ll leave it at that.

  36. bobbbydrake

    Sexual orientation IS attraction and behavior. That’s it. All the rest of it, we ascribe to the term. Straight men don’t want to “identify” as gay because they cannot separate the idea of gay “culture” – attitudes, personalities, non-sexual behaviors (and the negative societal judgments that come along with that) – from the actual sex act. “Gay” is bad, so instead, they’re just straight men who have sex with other men (there’s even a culture-neurtral term for it… MSM!). We have a bit of an issue with turning terms that denote sex acts into personality markers, like how top = masculine and bottom = feminine, instead of JUST equaling a penetrative or receptive sex partner, just as gay = a whole rainbow of things instead of JUST being a man who is attracted to and/or who has sexual relations with other men (or maybe that’s the definition of homosexual, and part of the reason why the community has largely abandoned the term??)

    At the end of the day, though, I do feel like people get to identify how they want, and no one gets to tell them who they are or what they have to be. If you want to suck dick and get fucked and still be straight, do you. Just don’t use straight privilege against the real gays.

  37. Chuck

    As an open minded Bi MWM guy, my preferences tend to lean toward my earlier sexual experiences. Love men who ENJOY giving great head and love women for a full range of activities. Enjoy time with both sexes with the various interests of both and the sexual variety.

  38. Hunter4B

    If your drain was plugged, and I came over and unclogged it, you wouldn’t call me a ‘plumber” or pay me $300 for that hour, correct? So, why is it that if a man does one thing with a man, so many are ready to label him as ‘gay?’ Perhaps we are all being a bit too clear, when we live in a world where the scientists now refer to those on the spectrum as MSM [Men who have sex with men] which is much less committal, and more inclusive, than the terms GAY or BI. I have several gay friends who have not minded servicing their ‘straight friends’ for the pleasure of the moment or as part of their coming out process. One guy told all his buddies individually: “I think I might be gay” and nearly every one of his friends decided to help him by offering up their penises as something HE could work on during his discovery process… I told him then, that I did not believe that THEY were straight, as they were so willing to be with a man. However, he was very clear that in EACH SCENARIO these guys literally kicked back while he did all the work, performing oral sex on each of them to full completion. For several, it was a one time shot, for a couple of others there were return engagements, and for one … with a steady girlfriend, he set up regular camping trips, and moved from ‘just oral’ to full sex (but only as the Top). My friend is now married to a man, but none of his OTHER friends are gay, most are married to women, and NONE have messed with him since he clearly decided he was gay at 19. Since none of the others took the lead, and participated more than simply ‘kicking back’ I guess I can see his perspective in not calling his buddies behaviors as being overtly gay. Also, because they were young, I do see a moratorium on behavior, as many of us TRY ON a style, or JOB, or MINDSET, and then eventually move to a different perspective and never return to the former role.
    So, anyone got a drain they need unclogged?

  39. MattK

    Ohhhh…let me dig in here and I hope others will read this: I’ve had such a long and wonderful life being a happily married 58-yr-old HETEROsexual husband (over 30 years) while having a wonderful HOMOsexual sex life on the side (and to this day, completely unbeknown to my wife or anyone in my non-homosex life) that I’ve often thought about writing a book or some sort of magazine article or “manual” for guys like me. I grew up in an entirely str8 household. Liked girls, dated some, that was and remains the norm for me. Starting shortly after puberty, I gradually developed a curiosity for the male body, which evolved into a lust for dick. All the while, I remained (and remain to this day) completely hidden in the closet. First experimented with a guy at age 18 (he picked me up in a mens room, took me to his place, we 69’d, then flip-fucked – amazing virginity-losing experience). Had other discreet encounters on till age 25 when I had started dating my to-be wife and we got engaged. At that time, AIDS was in full bloom (and I was living in NYC at the time – a hotbed for it) and it scared the shit out of me, so I decided to marry her and to stop all homosex through age 34. Had jerked off when the oppty arose throughout that lay-off and my willpower finally caved, aided by the ease of finding guys online. Fast-forward 24 years later and I get dick about once a month give-or-take, often via adam4adam.

    So what does that make me? All along, I’ve always known it’s not in my DNA to fall in love with a guy. And I remain in love with my wife and my life and she’s never had a clue. My safe sex practices are sound and I would never bring anything home to her. But the need/urge for gay sex will never leave me and that need to suck, get sucked, fuck, sometimes rim – all of it – gives me great satisfaction PHYSICALLY. Emotionally, I remain completely intact with my daily hetero life, and like to think of myself as a “poster child” for bi-married men. And one last thing: One of the most satisfying things I do in bed with guys is super-intense french kissing. I love it because it’s completely different from kissing my wife. It’s purely sexual with guys, aggressive, full of sloppy tongue and lip swapping vs. the loving, sensual, delicate kissing with my wife. In other words, it’s purely physical w/ guys vs. loving with my wife. Lastly (if anyone’s still reading this), over the years, I’ve had some form of physical sexual contact with over 200 guys over the years, amounting to upwards of 275 or so experiences. Zero regrets. I’m satisfied sexually and I remain straight as an arrow socially.

    • MattK

      Oh – left out that I also get great satisfaction fucking guys up the ass and occasionally getting fucked. Like kissing, sticking my hard cock up a hairy ass is drastically than sliding it inside my wife’s vagina. And…no love bond there – it’s solely for my sexual pleasure and to pleasure the other guy.,

    • Nick

      I’m with ya man – always been attracted to guys but chose a married life because I met a great lady and we both wanted a family. Plus times have changed. I’m not out in my small town but have found fulfillment safely hooking up with visitors and making new friends with benefits. No heterosex for years due to early menopause hooking up with guys isn’t cheating.

  40. Stephen Zandy

    It’s been my experience with straight men that I have sex with their not getting it at home because most straight women don’t like giving head.

    My experience their horny, men give better head with no commitment. They want to get off and bolt as soon as they do.

    No complaining here, LOL

  41. Peter L. Townsend

    I think there’s a difference being bi and just some occasional tendencies not all men who have had/do have gay sex are completely bi. Some, will not kiss or have anal-sex, period, especially, a full-blown relationship; keeping the ultimate distance in being gay or bi, I get that and respect it, too. I do wonder ‘if’ there are just simply too many gay men with too many fantasies of “turning hetero men,” gay; like they’re all that (ego), ’cause I’ve run into women who thought as much of themselves, I’ve often enough told them,”not even if your pussy was lined with gold, baby, not a chance.” Because I know who I am, I can except, men know know who they are, so if you’re going to “go at it” in what ever form, just be clear; both parties expect nothing more than that. I wouldn’t suggest doing it with a co-worker or someone too closer for comfort in whatever capacity though, someone where the circles you both travel are far apart, discretion of course.

  42. Tony

    A black and white photograph is 90% gray. In other words no one is 100% gay or straight . Thankfully , humans and human sexuality is more complex than that. It’s a spectrum and one that changes over the course of your lifetime. It makes your life and the people in it more interesting.

  43. DM

    I lived in Sweden. There they referred to men as men who have sex with men, men who have sex with women, and men who have sex with both men and women. The labels gay and straight don’t seem to have that much relevance. Men are lustful by nature. Under the right “conditions,” anything could occur. I’m gay but I had sex with a woman once out of pure lust.

  44. Straight-Rude-Boi

    Labels are for store products. Mi nah like labels!

    Mi ah handsome man with long dreadlocks, earrings and gold teeth. Mi married to mi wifey for 28 years now, mi luv her a lot and we have 2 pikney-dem. Especially mi luv when mi wifey does di twerking dance with her big booty before mi pound-fuck her poom-poom hard, deep, and senseless. Mi broke her cervix a few times and she had to go to di hospital.

    But outside mi yard, mi luv to let a man suck mi dick while mi holding mi cell phone with mi right-hand talking to mi wifey. What mi luv more is to suck a big cheesy uncut dick, den get mi batty fucked and flooded with man’s juice. Den mi ah go ah mi yard and kiss mi wifey and pikney-dem. Mi only luv big, fat dicks because mi a rude boi.
    But mi no battyman, mi ah straight man.

    CALL ME NOW!

  45. Ryan

    First, would a male still be considered straight once they engage in sexual activity with another male? Wouldn’t the sexual act literally be the definition of homosexual? I also consider one would be gay if they can cuddle after they orgasm. Hornieness is extremely dangerous, powerful and magical. It can make you cheat, experiment and also desperate if other needs are not met. I suspect I have more female Goddesses for past souls and protection, thus this makes me believe they can influence one’s sensuality and sexuality. What if someone metro sexual aka must be gay, but isn’t could be because of more female Goddesses to male God ratio’s. People should view gay’s as men that are sterile, because there are straight men who cannot have children either and are otherwise sterile. Children bearing is a major factor in one’s views of homosexuality vs heterosexuality. Men idolize and respect other’s machismo, heck men go for looks in other men even if they are ‘straight’. Why? Is it because a slutty female may be turned off by their overweight friend? Some men are able to engage in homosexual activity with their girlfriend’s but casually make it an heterosexual activity. Men know what and how they like to be pleasured- perhaps the overly homophobic one’s are the more curious? I am gay and struggle with my sexuality which is making me express disgust towards my own kind. A eyes closed blow job is more innocent than a reciprocal swapping as a dick in one’s mouth is pretty gay acting…. if you orgasm or enact in pleasure deriving from one’s own testosterone hormones senses. Perhaps when we rebirth our souls, a man can receive the soul from the Empress, or a Goddess which makes that switch in their brain suddenly switch and they go from married to gay. It is much more difficult to go from gay to straight, but what if the next soul was a male who causes you problems in relationships with other men because they simply cannot fathom another man, which means this life time their souls will not find their true one. There is many reasons why men are attracted to other men- it was much more common way back in medieval times ect. If you watch porn it kind of looks normal for a man to engage in a sport of sex as many like it rough and wild- and it’s a time where they let their ‘anger’ or exactly that, testosterone, free- but horniness is temporary and a quick jerk can relief tension and sexual frustration but it will happen again in another hour. How is one satisfied with their partners when there is so many flavors out there….. being male and gay is not for the faint of heart- you are somewhat gay when you engage in sexual activity, so don’t claim straight unless you kick a dude to the curb the moment you orgasm… usually gays can cuddle afterwards. Bisexuals are hot but are not relationship worthy and females tend to be fake lesbians. They are 90% emotions and will stand male or female… only full on male looking lesbians are as committed as queen gays.

  46. SDsub4cbt

    The topic of sexual identidy is simply more complex than the study cited in the article was designed for, IMO. The element of affection/love is the critical missing part of this puzzle.

    I’ve had and richly enjoyed erotic experiences with men…they were fetish driven, perverse/deviant and also commonly facilitated and enhanced via the use of drugs/alcohol and porn. For me, its always been the taboo nature of an erotic encounter with another man that provides the important spark that switches on my fetish propensities.

    In order to stay on topic I’ll refrain from discussing my particular cravings. I will say, however, that fetishes in general invite a colorfully unbridled and creatively enticing range of sexual cravings and are insatible in nature. Fetishes are useful for one thing: they furnish the format and forum for unleashing uninhibited erotic fantasy and, in my experience, can produce the most amazing and most gratifying erotic pleasures imaginable.

    Sexual arousal/pleasure by another man is pretty amazing. Its a fleeting high…a moment of heart pounding physical pleasure..but that’s all it can ever be. Its no match nor substitute for the romantic love and long term companionship that a female can implore.

    I’m reminded here that way back in 1979 in my undergrad course “Abnormal Psychology”, homosexuality was listed and defined in the DSM 3 as a sexual FETISH. Of course, we now know that “sexual relations between same sex individuals” may in fact be indicative of a far more complicated and robust romantic relationship than merely the casual observation of the sexual activity can begin to describe.

    This brings me back to the idea that the topic of sexual identidy is a more complex subject than merely observing/surveying one’s sexual behavior can adequately explain/define.

    I’m straight.
    I’m not confused about my sexual identidy whatsoever. What invariably and reliably defines my sexual identidy is not my cache of erotic fetishist perversions but rather my affective behavior/emotions and the crucial value I place upon those emotions. In my heart, mind and soul, the human female is the one and only being who is capable of stimulating/invoking my deepest and most endearing affections of LOVE.

  47. Chris

    I don’t believe you can “force” a sexual identity on someone because of their actions. Just as a gay man that occasionally participates in opposite sex actions isn’t automatically straight or bi. A sexual identity is a label that’s chosen. Not that we “choose” to be gay, but that we choose to “declarer accept it”. There’s a large difference between acting on a desire or curiosity & self identifying as straight, gay or bi. Too the way this is written no sexual acts were declared. There’s a big difference between 2 girls kissing vs them being bi, or just trying to get some guys interested. Just like There’s a big difference between a guy getting a blow job from a gay dude vs. him bottoming. Too there is the saying. Men use love to get sex, women use sex to get love. Funny how things don’t always work out the way we expect them to. But there’s very little emotional attachment to a kiss or getting some head so there’s very little sense of obligation to your partner thereafter, especially if going into it you know you’re going to “just play”.

    • gautama

      *ALL* identities are forced. Every last one. Race wasn’t invented until a man who happened to have light colored skin decided he wanted to own another man who had darker skin. Men have been having sex with men since Cain and Abel. But gays did not exist until someone decided to invent that category and shove other people into it. Your most basic identity, your name, was forced onto you. No one names himself. No identity is self-chosen. This is why Buddhists say that identity and ego are illusions.

  48. Nervous

    Been lurking in the shadows for a while now. I’m a guy who’s been married for years to woman. The sex and love have we’re amazing but has drastically deteriorated. I love her very much and I’m straight. I could look and fantasize about women out and about all day. Getting hot and bothered visualing acts with them.
    Every now and again something happens, regardless of how much sex with a female. I get this curiosity that is really difficult to ignore. Never really done anything with a man before. And on the surface, never would think of it, but for some reason those urges/curiosity is there. Sites like this only added fuel to the fire. I have created and deleted three different accounts on here. I think because the taboo of it, the curiousness and the potential intensity is something that I cannot fully suppress.
    My dick gets rock hard and my mind wanders looking at the sights on here and the thoughts that come along. I’m still trying to have my first time with the right guy. I want to experience the rush and intensity of what I have read on here. By all accounts it seems m2m fun is on a different level. I don’t think there is anything wrong with a person wanting to feel good however that may be. If getting my ass locked and fucked makes me cum like never before, why not? If I end up licking a hot set of balls and liking it, why not? I won’t ever be in a “relationship” because I think a man can’t give me what I want in that aspect but I am not opposed to playing and seeing what other pleasures exist.

    • Jake

      I think it’s like I mentioned above in my post you can read it if you didn’t catch it. Guys normally have a higher sex drive throughout their lives than that of their wives. It sounds like you’re lacking the attention you used to receive, feeling desired by her, and sexually frustrated which is totally understandable. You’ve read explicit stories or see hardcore sex between men and it looks exciting, primal, full of physical lust, so you’re curious and aroused. It could just be what it is though a fantasy. Whether or not you act on it is entirely up to you. There could be consequences though to your actions you have to acknowledge for your indiscretion. The possibility of being caught or caught up in a lie or possibly the man you engage in something sexual with causing problems for you and your wife. Just some things to think about.
      My advice take it for what you will. If it basically comes down to you not getting any at home period and that’s what it is, find a guy to just give you oral. See how that goes as far as satisfying you and gauge your comfort level being with another man. If it does the trick maybe arrange to have it be something regular. Of course if you decide to proceed further at some point in time and he’s willing, you already have someone you are familiar with and at ease with to explore. In any case man just be careful and safe since you do have a wife to go home to.

  49. CZR2181

    Hey BIG GUY,I totally agree I have a Jewish married man that loves stopping by my place watch man on man porn sit back getting totally naked and allowing me to lick his balls his cock and when I lick his taint he begs for more. then suck his cock until he blows his load in my mouth or in my ass. He likes stopping by before work and on his way home. I get so turned on when he asked me where do I want his first load and he always gives me two loads. he tells me his wife denies him sex and he has to beg to get some head. when he’s at my place he’s so relaxed and just totally enjoys himself until this phone rings and it’s his wife LOL. I think the arrangement works for both of us cuz I don’t know if I could stand him 24/7 LOL. straight men are fun available full of cum and disposable
    hit me up big guy located in NYC


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