Dating: What Does Cheating Mean in 2018?

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What counts as cheating for you in this day and age?

We are asking because there’s this recently released study conducted by GMFA—a British gay men’s health charity—on cheating and the gay community.

The study found that 58% of the respondents have been cheated on by their partner while 52% admitted that they themselves have been unfaithful. In addition, 45% of the participants said their partners found out about the affair while 39% said that yes, they told their partner about it.

Interestingly, the respondents (there’s almost a thousand of them by the way) have varying perceptions as to what “infidelity” means to them. When asked to define the word, 79% said it is considered cheating if their boyfriend or partner engaged in anal sex. Other sexual acts that count as cheating included receiving or giving blow jobs at 76%, hand jobs (74%), and kissing (66%).

Do open relationships have rules as well? Yes, they do. Does the boyfriend have sex with the same guy only again and again? Does he bring him to their home? Does he not use condom when having sex with others? There are a lot of rules and if those were broken by either party, it means cheating, too (68%).

Using hookup apps when in a relationship is considered cheating according to 55% of the respondents. Other behaviors that made it to the list included sharing sexual images (43%), sending private messages (34%), and flirting (18%).

What are the effects of cheating? Well, breakup mostly as majority or 61% of the participants said yes, they’ll breakup with their partner if they were cheated on. Further, 57% said that cheating impacted their future relationships in the sense that others lost their confidence to please their partner while others had trust issues afterwards. What caught my attention the most however, is the fact that some of the respondents who got burned ended up being scared and unable to enter into a new relationship. The guys now instead prefer casual sex with strangers to avoid getting hurt again. Could this be the main reason why we fuck and go? How true is this for you?

Having said that, what about you? How do you define cheating? Have you been cheated on before? Or maybe the correct question is, “How many times have you been cheated on before?” Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.

There are 46 comments

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  1. Charlie

    VERY true for me!
    I had trouble with the “open relationship” concept, and the guy i love(d) wanted that (apparently, given his 10 year succes with his partner who succeeded me who he has an “open relationship” with). Now i just hook up when i’m horny, and ‘LOVE’ is reserved for my family and friends!
    Makes life MUCH easier!
    ~Charlie O.

    • LJ

      Cuz there always looking for a bigger dick since they don’t have much to offer (not but most). It’s more the arrogance you have to put up with than the cheating.

  2. latinlust69

    I’ve cheated and been cheated on very very many times. In an open relationship i believe that guys should say who, what, and where. Sometimes getting the details can be a turn on! Many times guys cheat to get what they can’t get at home. One relationship i was in was with a great guy who was only into oral. Mind you he had a hot big cock and sucked like a god. But no butt. So off to a trick for ass action.

  3. Joe

    Sadly , 99% of relationships are not honest with themselves let alone their partner, I don’t believe that people don’t want anymore than the casual FWB… people only communicate electronically apps etc even when sitting at a gay bar , most only type, maybe they don’t know how to interact with a real human… life has sure changed the sad part is the real connections , the true love and caring has gone to another dimension
    Yes , I have been cheated on and it ruined any trust that I had for the person and from what I have run into (community wise) where I live (small town on an island ) there aren’t any men that are honest even with themselves,, if I can’t have a honest and trustworthy partner , I’ll stick with my dog

  4. A couple in Florida

    For my husband and I, it’s where a lie is involved. We have an open and honest relationship. If, due to any one of possible scenarios one of us is unable to provide sexual satisfaction for the other, we have granted permission to the other to find what he needs. We have many fwb, that both have approved, we turn to in that scenario. However, if one of us were to find someone of interest outside our circle, then we share that information with the other and try to bring them in.

    It may sound complicated, but it works.

  5. randye1107

    My BF and I broke up two weeks ago because he said he could not be true to me. I never seen yt as unfaithful if we had a three way or more way. Which we did now and then. I caught his many times behind my back. I wanna make note…. there is 30 years diff. in our age.

  6. Matt

    Monogamy is a female-based construct stemming from the days when women lost everything if they lost the man they were married to.

    Studies show that men and NOT programmed for monogamy, so why do we continue acting like it is a virtue–especially in the gay community–where we know men have always had multiple partners.

    I say get the hell over the drama you’re planning to throw over someone cheating on you. Find your balls. Become a big boy. Accept reality.

    I’m in a relationship with an amazing guy, but we both enjoy finding a “find” and sharing the bounty. We also enjoy watching each other have sex with another man. We also play without each other.

    The rules? HIV negative status. No STDs. Condoms. Prep.

    • Chandler

      Matt – You are so scientific! NOT. There certainly are evolutionary differences. Brush up on your R vs. K reproduction strategies. 😛

    • DayShadow

      Your reality is warped and the things you and the like minded tell yourselves is just to justify acting like a whore……. studies show…yeah okay.

    • Frank

      Door Matt — The whores of the world always make this argument. It is insisted on yet unfounded.
      But it’s ok if you wanna be slutty. The world will still go around.

    • Rano

      Matt I m not a slut like many people think but your Statement is very close to what I see in gay people. Come guys, men attitude is conquered and moved on always on the go.

    • stevec

      Matt – time for a reality check on your criteria. Did you know that people lie, plarticularly if it gets them sex or money? I take anybody who tells me he is HIV negative with a degree of doubt, but if a man tells me he is poz then I’m pretty darn sure he is being truthful to me. The same with STD’s, most are contagious before they show symptoms.

  7. DayShadow

    It means the same thing it always has, you’re a cheater and a scumbag with no honor. Not to mention the diseases your behavior spreads.

  8. Tony

    It’s good that there’s variation among relationship types in the community, and I’m glad to hear you’ve found a situation that works for you and your partner. What I will say is, if the hallmark and pillar of a successful gay relationship is making sure to sleep with other people, then I’ll just continue to do without one. I’d rather have none than a derivation of what I’d like in a relationship.

    Not knocking open relationships, but it is getting a bit old feeling like/being treating as a leper for not wanting one.
    Cheers, boys.

  9. anonimatovato

    some guys are honest enough to say they’re married, but let’s not fool ourselves here, so many would say i’m single just to get off with another guy. there are guys that even want a ‘special’ relationship when still currently married, wtf lol!

    if you hooked up with a guy, especially the ones on the low, chances are he has a gf or married. not saying this is craiglist, but it ain’t that different here, except there’s more pictures here to look at.

  10. DayShadow

    Right off the top of my head I can think of fifteen species of life on the planet Earth that mate for life and some of you think it makes you a man or an adult to stick your prick in as many people as possible. I say you’re over compensating and aren’t man enough to make a long term relationship or commitment for life work. Anyone can go around screwing people, it takes a real man to build something worth wild and be faithful.

  11. Lamar

    Wow, I guess being “in-love” has really taken a back-seat to just, out-right-sex, really good sex, period. It’s about really gratifying sex, chiefly, “what’s love got to do with it?” love isn’t filling the bill anymore; in the sense that being in love use to? Or, has it become just having “enough in common” to hang/stick-together, cohabitate with said partner? You know, “he’s one of the pack/us…” Then there’s companionship to keep from being alone for “those kinds of relationships,” open ones of course, ’cause with each other, they’re not “in love,” so they’re always chasing, really, that exquisite sex that they crave… that they’re not having with each other, ’cause, they’re not in love, with each other, lol, but don’t want to be alone either, lol, wow, hope that sums it up.

    Really hard being gay isn’t it…. I think the question is, can you be “in love” any longer and for some, were you, ever, capable?

    I was in love twice in my life, once actually had a loving relationship, I out-grew him, though as he was/is an alcoholic. Now I’m in So., Florida, where “relationships actually die” regardless, how good/healthy-strong they were, yeah, that’s a quote. It’s a kind of “Las Vegas,” here; really sleazy, infested, typically, they look great though, lol, fools gold. I suggest you just don’t look too closely at what or who they really are, for if you’re old school like me, you’ll become very jaded, cynical but, clean and healthy.

  12. Chaz

    Why are so many closed minded to associate sex with love. They are 2 completely different things that have absolutely nothing to do with each other

  13. Jpowerhouse

    Cheating is the same in 2018 as it was last year and the year before that. I am very faithful to my partner; however, that means nothing to some of the guys on here. I love the guys that say they just want to meet to chat. If I’m in a relationship and meeting another guy just to chat, I’ve embarked on a very slippery slope. I know without question it will lead to more than that if I meet a guy in person. I am not seeing anyone right now by choice. There’s a guy I hooked up with about half a dozen times last year whom I can trust completely. The sex was very, very hot and he completely rocked my world. I’m very selective and not into one-night stands. I did meet one guy last year when I was seeing someone else and felt guilty the whole time I was on the date. He was a queen and very insulting, so I felt relieved, because nothing was happening with him regardless.

  14. KevStarSF

    Cheating in 2018 is violating agreements you have made with your partner. If you have agreed to monogamy then cheating is having sex of any kind with someone else. So that means you and your partner have to talk and make agreements on what is comfortable and acceptable to each of you. Seems that everybody does open relationships these days so you and your partner have to make agreements on what that means for the the rules of engagement. Violating the trust of someone you love is always the road to a breakup, so talk it out, make agreements, keep them. If you find the agreements you have made no longer suit you, then talk about changing the agreements before you go out an act unilaterally if you wanna keep the trust of your partner.

  15. Father Hennepin

    Is an open relationship a relationship? It seems like it is often one that has devolved to being roommates. The question is, how available are you to your new flames? Using them for only sex is not fair unless that is all they want, but it’s still unfair, really. While a relationship should not necessarily be tossed aside because of cheating, it depends on the situation and the depth of the relationship. Was your health threatened? Was your trust violated?

  16. bjjj

    My BF and I have been really close for over a year now, and although we do not live together we have great affection for each other. However, cheating? Well, we both see other guys as well, and we both accept it. I’m ok with it, and he is ok with me seeing others. I have had a three some with one of the guys that he has sex with as well, and it’s ok with all three of us. I don’t care to be tied down to just one person, it’s just more fun and exciting to enjoy the guys that are out there.

  17. Dustin

    There’s no such thing as cheating. My boyfriend told me I could suck as many cocks as I want, and he will watch, and then he wants to suck them all off too, same with fucking.

  18. James

    I have always wanted the marriage that my grandparents had, that one true love you would give your life for. I am finding, however that as a gay man, in todays world that does not exist sadly. So yes, I was the one that has been cheated on.

  19. K the Gay so Yay

    I am so glad this is an article. In today’s day I think it’s still extremely relevant to contemplate about! I have never been cheated on or done the cheating; however, I’ve never been in a relationship and don’t see a relationship happening in my lifetime due to… wait for it… the effects revealed in this article.

    That’s right. Since guys have been hurt, they hurt me by not considering me for anything more than being a used tissue, which in turn does the same thing (I don’t actively seek human contact, even though I crave it relentlessly; and I am now so sick of casual hookups, that I tend to want to vomit and how fully horny I am becoming). It’s unhealthy, but it’s my life and my reality until magic happens.

    That being said, I also have unique views on true love and open relationships. I think open relationships are possible and healthy IF there is even more communication then there is in monogamous relationships. I also think that partners feelings and end goals need to be taken into account in order to consider an open relationship. However, the most ironic thing I believe is that open relationships should be considered less frequently then they are becoming: that those capable of having healthy well-communicated open relationships, should consider monogamy as healthy instead of allowing open relationships. It’s all paradoxical, but I think it makes a lot of sense, especially now that research is parallel in my views.

  20. darlinglee43

    I have been in this relationship now for 13 long years and we have never had sex, so by me going out with someone else is that cheating? He is a nice guy but I have needs too.

  21. bicounty

    This is interesting; question I have about married gay couples how are they addressed; Heterosexuals are usually Mr. &Mrs.How does one know husband from wife with gays? do they take one name or keep two names? I have gay neighbors very good people only know them by first name and their last name? Are there any rules??

  22. HeyKOh

    After 15 years of marriage, with out any male contact, I told my wife, we divorced and I went looking for a man!! After a hook up, and a return hook up a few days later, a guy asked me if I was capable of a monogamous relationship. I said YES. Stupidly, I never asked HIM if he was! He was out sucking and fucking anything that moved ! Naive me!! A straight but play married guy, who I did not know, emailed me a year and a half into the “monogamous” relationship.Out of the blue, he told me to be careful……….funny, they were laying with one another every week. When I finally told Mr. Monogamous to pound sand, he then outed the married guy, and posted vile rumors that I was mentally ill, HIV positive, and an abuser…..he even called the cops on me when a friend called him out on his bullshit lies. So monogamous to one may not mean the same to the other. Trust issues? Fuck yeah……….First principle: Men are shit.

  23. Hunter0500

    If two guys have talked and defined their relationship and one doesn’t keep to the agreement, it’s cheating. If there is no confirmed agreement for behaviors, there is no cheating.

    But how often is there talk? Not often enough. Guys will “find themselves” having moved in with someone after only a few days or weeks of meeting, or think that because they’ve had several regular sex sessions and dates, they’re in a “relationship”. And along there way, there was no discussion about expectations. Those guys will call themselves “innocent victims” and be “ever so hurt” when the guys they think are their “partners” find sexual pleasure (of any kind) outside with others.

    Once guys have met each other several times, there should be discussion about any kind of relationship (monogamy to open) they have. If those discussions are not easy, then you’re not with the right guy.

  24. Charles

    To b honest I am in a relationship an I don’t mind it one bit he wants other dick/ass,just tell me about it an b truly,I have found out about other men,he has had sex with an won’t admit to it,I told him njoy your life,gay life is full of problems from start Street an the lies just makes it more F-UP!

  25. greypuma

    I don’t usually respond to anything here but have to tell my story. Many years ago (25 to be precise) i reluctantly went out with my roommate and ended up meeting a man visiting from another country, brought him home and ended up talking all night. He slept in the guest room (it happened to be April 1, should have known). anyway we carried on a long long distance relationship for 6 months and he was offered a job in London and asked me if i wanted to accompany him there. We were married in my church, by my childhood minister, had a wonderful party with about 80 friends and we moved to London. We were there three years, and i was always faithful and hope he was as well, when he was offered the position of opening an office in New England. We jumped at the chance as he always wanted to live in America. We had a great life and i had a circle of friends from the local softball team and was friendly with some of the competition as well. so anyway, planning a surprise birthday party for my love was a great joy until he didn’t show up for his party. I got a call at the house that he wouldn’t be coming home for the weekend he was staying at “joe’s in another neighboring state” what? wait? WHAT? two days later when he did come home i was sufficiently jumped as i walked into my house by the catcher of the opposing softball team. I was beaten unrecognizable. The love of my life, that i gave everything including my family had been unfaithful to me for 5 months and i didn’t know it….was i blind, stupid or to trusting. Needless to say i moved out (once out of the hospital), got myself together and moved to a much bigger city. I never tried to love again, i was afraid to give myself, i had scars to prove what could happen. I eventually moved back to my hometown, reconnected with my family and thought, after 17 years of living single that i found someone i could trust….i was wrong. do i pick the wrong people? do i just wear blinders? something had to be wrong with me right? well, i am about to retire, i am financially secure, have a loving family some good friends and the occasional fwb….yes being cheated on changed my life. Oh and my first love, called me from across the country out of the blue. he and joe are “roommates” both have been HIV+ for many years because they had an open relationship….that wasn’t so truthful. so guys, my advice, choose wisely, play safe, don’t bring anything home that might alter your future…..

  26. RadicalDelusoon

    When a relationship is made of two guys, it is obviously very different then a relationship between a man and a woman. Men can separate love and sex much more easily than women can. So, I think for many men, having a sexually open relationship is not only realistic, but sometimes necessary. I think what’s important is to set certain boundaries that you both agree upon and are both comfortable with. I have seen many couples with open relationships where one person says they are OK with something but really is not. Then the resentment builds. I have also seen relationships where allowing sex with others actually strengthens the connection between the two because there are certain things they reserved just for the two of them. I think emotional cheating is the worst. Let’s face it, if two men are in a relationship, it is quite possible that at some point, one of them might have a little too much to drink, and do something purely physical out of lust. If someone starts confiding in somebody else and starts enjoying spending time with that other person and doing things with the person that used to do with their partner, then I would consider that cheating. If I were in a long-term relationship, I would have no problem allowing group sex, and perhaps sex with other people separately under certain circumstances, if we both agreed upon the terms. But I would want to know and be honest about everything. I think when people start hiding things and sneaking around and confiding in somebody else is when cheating begins. So, communication is key. Statistically, men “cheat” physically, whether they’re gay or straight. So when you have 2 men in a relationship together, it is better to realize that and establish certain ground rules that prevent the relationship frok being ruined simply by one person giving in to a moment of lust

  27. LJ

    Had a bf who started out the relationship (he’s a bottom) who said “It’s ok if someone gives you head but not okay if you top them!” I said “I don’t want you giving anybody head and as for letting someone top you…well go out and get ducked cuz I ain’t gonna be doing it!” Took him a week to figure out what I meant and that was the end of that…at least I had his ass good for a week in between blow jobs.

  28. LJ

    Lived in West Hollywood and the standing joke was: you’re only as secure with your boyfriend until the next dude comes along with a newer BMW, a better job, and a bigger dick. A place where people are as shallow as a spoon!

  29. Joey

    Men are lieing PIGS ..
    Just happened to me on Tuesday night ,, my instincts felt like he had been lieing to me about stuff… so when he texted me and said I’m at home and didn’t reply for 3 hours ,, I made a point of going to the house .. and just as I suspected , nowhere to be found ,,,, he didnt see me sitting in the car as he raced home and immediatley began texting… oh I was charging my phone the battery had died …
    Oic. I said
    Yeah really I’m home
    Ok thanx
    Your welcome
    I waited 10 mins ,, enough time for me to disappear and told him
    In the future , when you lie to someone , be sure to cover your tracks …
    Oh and fuck you …lieing ho…
    Haven’t spoke to him in a week , I won’t answer his calls , texts or e mails ,,, all of them denying anything …odd though got my tests done and what do you know I have an std…
    I ran not walked as far away from this guy as fast as I could and I won’t even acknowledge he exits …
    We had a 3 hour discussion 2 nights before about honesty , trust and respect yada yada …
    I am one guy who if you break the trust ,, it’s done .. no trust , dishonesty no thanks …
    Dumb ass is saying around town that o gave him an std …
    Anyone who knows me also knows that although o luv to play when I with someone I would not unless it was a 3 way with my ex…
    My issue was the lie … boom broken trust
    Let alone bringing your diseases body into my bed ,, and sharing it with me … and yes he had already known as he had gone to hospital 3 days before coz he hurt his nuts and they told him then and also told him to not have sex until they retested him
    AND imagine he never went back to doc and has infected a few people already …
    Once you broke the trust with me ,, it’s done ,,, there is no reason. To lie ,, the lieing is worse .. hurts only once if truthful but with a lie ,, every time I reme.berit..

  30. Tom

    The bar in “gayland” has to be set very low. Relationships are pathetic. I have little to no expectations, and, unfortunately I have never been proven wrong in lowering the bar to stay in a relationship. God knows when you’ll find the one that’s more than a blow n go after the relationship is over. Bottom line: cheating is having sex with someone else in person. If you are worried about his online camming, jerking off, or whatever else, as long as it’s not in person, count your blessings. My boyfriend as of a year who thinks infidelity is vile has a profile on Bear 411 saying he’s looking for love. I have to deal with it, since it’s the best I can do, or just be miserably alone. He’s handsome, and all others pale in comparison. It is what it is. I’m 56, by the way. I know what I’m talking about.

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