Gay Stuff: How To Have An Open Relationship

Photo credit : Icon Male

Yes, a lot of us dream about finding Mr. Right. But there’s also quite a number of people who aren’t just looking for a Mr. Right, but multiple Mr. Rights. Open relationships are a thing, after all, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

However, you don’t just jump into one willy-nilly, especially if you’re currently in a relationship and looking to open it up. There are ways to go about it without destroying the relationship you’re currently in, and popular gay Youtuber Davey Wavey talks about it in a video.

Entitled “How To Have An Open Relationship”, Davey Wavey’s video discusses the things you have to consider before making the big decision to open up a relationship. According to him, here are the things you should keep in mind.

1. Start in a good place

Davey Wavey correctly points out that one of the big reasons why open relationships have a rocky start is because couples think of it as a solution to already existing problems that they may have in their relationship. If you’re going to be in an open relationship, make sure that it’s because it’s something that the two of you really want and not because you think it will fix something wrong with what you have.

2. Explain why you want it

Telling your partner about why you want to be in an open relationship will also go a long way in making sure that no one’s feelings are hurt and that everyone is on the same page. You also stop your partner from thinking that they’re lacking if you tell him your reasons for wanting an open relationship.

3. Be clear about the rules

People have different comfort zones, so be sure to discuss what your partner’s comfort zones are before fully committing to an open relationship. Set boundaries and be clear about what the two of you are okay with, so no one gets their feelings hurt along the way.

4. Set a timeline

If it’s your first time doing this, it’s best to have a timeline as to how long you want this relationship to be open. This way, you and your partner can regroup and talk if things don’t work out. If everything is working out well, the timeline gives everyone involved a time to assess what can be improved in the relationship.

Watch Davey Wavey’s video below:

Do you agree with Davey Wavey’s rules? Have you ever been in an open relationship? If you have, what tips would you give to people looking to try it out? Share your tips and suggestions in the comments below.

There are 25 comments

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  1. Lamar

    Oh, I think I see, its a way to commit without having to really do so, but yet, be in denial of that, then, turn it in to something not just, ok; fashionable/trendy, smart and hip…Well as long as you wear your ‘love-gloves’, remember to all the time, every time, don’t get too drunk or high or whatever and forget and bring something to the one you love. Well, you couldn’t fully commit to in the first place…. Then one fine day, it all goes to hell, “oops, I’m sorry babe, my bad! I didn’t mean to give that to you!” Just sayin’, you know these things happen. It’s not something I’ve even considered…

  2. Mexverpas

    When I came out to my BF about an open relationship the first word I heard from him was, “you’re a whore” who wants to get in the bed with everyone. Instead of expecting a positive outcome, I got a negative one. I told him that I saw in other guys what I don’t see on him. To put it a different perspective. He said, “you’re a whore/puta”.

  3. Shawn

    Open relationships are just gays not commiting to ONE person…it only sets someone up for heartbreak and perhaps a slew of STD’s. I’m a believer in if I’m not enough sexually for one special guy or vise versa then we aren’t meant to be. Monogamy sets you to explore and push boundries not only in a sexual way but in a relationship in general. Jealousy creeps into an open relationship and that creates a wedge that only grows. Do you really want to be ok with knowing your boyfriend is douching or getting ready to go meet someone while you’re home and probably just as horny and want sex just as much? And can you really be sure that this sex partner isn’t someone you’ll be left for once feelings develop and your “boyfriend” has falling in love with this “one night stand”?? Challenge yourself to fully commit to one guy and see the amazing aspects of what that can and will entail in time and instead of spending that time cruising online endlessly to find a trick spend it with your boyfriend exploring each others fantasies!

  4. Devon

    Once again the comment section on this site doesn’t disappoint with its closed-minded trollish responses. But to be fair I knew what I was in for when I clicked on this article.

    As some one that has been in an open relationship for more than 10 years now, we get this kind of holier-then-thou response all the time. The majority of people have a real hard time believing that love and relationships can exist in a state outside of the norm that they are used to. Responses can range from pure misunderstanding to jealousy turned into aggression.

    I urge everyone to seriously take a moment, step back, and think about it from the other sides perspective. If they are in love, and both are legitimately ok with it, and not hurting anyone. Then why is it that you are so upset by the idea? Try not to project your own issues and problems onto other peoples situations.

  5. Matt

    The ONLY reason monogamy exists is because when women were virtually possessions, a straying man meant potential loss of financial security.

    Masters and Johnson have categorically shown that men are not wired to be sexually monogamous, but they can be emotionally monogamous (i.e. in love with one person).

    Gay monogamy is simply a false construct and monogamy in general isn’t needed anymore.

  6. JD

    My partner, now husband, of 12 + years both wanted a fully open relationship from the very beginning. He, being 10 years older than I, have never been equally matched on the sexual drive playing field. Even to this day, we still have a wonderful weekly sex life, but we both have the freedom to enjoy others as we choose. Some ground rules are things that we have learned over the years, his first of all open lines of communication, common courtesy… Which seems to be lost on many in today’s culture.

    He prefers that I host in our home, because it gives him a sense of security knowing that if someone I enjoy turns out to be an Ax Murderer or shows up with a chainsaw and a hockey mask… He will be here to save me.

    I don’t bring strangers into our home until I have not only received a face, eyes, smile pic… But also spoken with him on the phone to make sure that it’s going to be a good mix when I invite them over

  7. Jeff

    As a bisexual man an open relationship works with rules. That’s the key. My wife has a ” friend” and I have a ” friend”. The main rule is our scheduled time comes first. Communication is important. If she has plans then I can hangout with my buddy. I have a guys campout once a yr and what I do on it, and what she does while I’m away is our own thing. 20 yrs. Looking for many more

  8. Hunter0500

    This post starts from a place where two guys have started as monogamous and now one wishes a change. There’s a problem there in that it appears that the topic was not discussed prior to partnering.

    Can we really think that in gay culture where its roots come from The Club Scene where guys bang guys without abandon that all of a sudden we’ll pair up and become The Cleavers or the Cunninghams? While there is a percentage, small, of gay guys who truly are monogamy material, for the majority it’s not realistic. Even though a good percentage will declare to their deaths that’s what they wanted. Most men just are not wired that way.

    I can’t see myself with one guy forever. I value the variety of men too much. I currently have a group of good men cultivated over a decade or so. They’re all different. Heights. Weights. Ages. Careers. Ethnicity. Creeds. Politics. I’d be happy to include Races in there but that just hasn’t happened. I’m closer to a couple of them than I am to the others. One has a partner but sex isn’t part of their relationship. I value the group of them. I talk with new guys from time to time but haven’t gained any long term traction for a couple of years. In talking with each of them we seem to agree we like the group environment. It fits in nicely between monogamy and senseless one time hook ups.

    If monogamy is what a guy truly wants, he should stick to it and play hard to gain it.

    If hookups are a guy’s thing, he should stick to that and be clear to guys that’s what he wants.

    If being part of a herd is a guy’s thing, he should be clear with new partners that that’s his thing.

  9. a

    I never thought I could go for an open relationship, however Ive changed through the years.

    Sex is just that – sex. I think its important to define a few rules. For me

    a) Just once policy – that means that a trick is only for a one time purpose only. This is like a disposable contact lens. Why? Well if it teeters into recurring hooking up with the same person then it becomes an affair. An affair interferes with the relationship. That means NO fwb’s or FB. Just tricks.

    b) Certain rules apply – maybe no kissing, no swallowing, etc.. whatever rules make both parties do their thing so be it.

    c) Location of where this takes place needs to be defined.

    d) Time allocated for hooking up shouldnt interfere with attention given. The partner needs to get priority.

    This is my opinion. Not everyone will agree, that is fine.

  10. bareback

    Not only gay men are involved in open relationship. If you think otherwise it’s because you’re not thinking. Moving on! I’ve been in a successful open relationship for over 10 years. Do I want to sleep with everyone? Fuck no that’s nasty. But it is fun to read the negative profiles people put up, or their list of must have yet they’re still single. I on the other hand have an option & not hooking up with a potential asshole is one or possibly meeting someone who can compliment what I already have found in my partner

  11. mike

    I always wondered if lesbians have open relationships as much as gay men. I rarely hear of women wanting this but was curious. As a single gay man I find it very tough to find a good guy for my own since most men in my area are already taken and are in open relationships

  12. Lamar

    Actually, to the point ‘Jeff’ makes. I can understand, as I once had a friend, who’s youngest sister is bi-. She was up-front with her husband to be, as a condition, “she has to have the company of another woman, from time to time,” he say’s, “great, I can do a threesome with another woman,” she said, “no, I mean myself and another woman.” They’ve had kids since then, I know it works, even if only for a ‘good’ block of time. In my head: especially if, she were to have found another married woman, whom also, is bi-perhaps there’s also, monogamy btw the two of them.

    I’ve just described, a very save/tidy “possible” situation for all involved to do this, but this would be solution that would work for married-hetero/bisexuals.

    As for two gay men, as I think this content was about mostly if not all together, well, refer to my first comment. If we know nothing else about the typical gay man, he’s very self-centered, anyway and certainly, selfish as a psychological profile, generally speaking, of “root causes,” that is. Because, we’re talking about, just another man or same sex person, more than one man in your life…

  13. Vinny

    I’m actually surprised that there aren’t more negative posts…
    I have been the 3rd…when it works it works well and I currently have 2 couples I hang with. I let them know from minute one that if either pulls any sneaky shit I’m out.
    I’ve been in 2 long term open and one not. First one open..not my suggestion but turns out he couldn’t handle it. Second one monogamous…at least on my part. His cheating did us in.
    This is only my experience. Men are hard wired for multiple partners..this has to be realized and dealt with honestly and intelligently.
    I do have a problem with those who oppose it and feel the need to be judgemental about it. Bitterness is ugly

  14. BJ

    I and my BF both have an open relationship. It works out quite well. We even talk with each other about our encounters. No jealously, no hang ups, we just know it’s ok to have fun with others as well. We both use common sense though as far as whom we see, and are quite careful not to pick up any STDs. As a matter of fact I and my BF, had a threesome with another man he knows. We really enjoyed each other. Respect and acceptance is the key to the whole thing.

    • BJ

      To add to this, I, my BF, and another BF of his went together on a road trip, and we got along fine. There’s nothing wrong with having more than one sexual friend. I also know of 2 other guys that we share our stories about each other, with each other. I have had sex with 2 of his other friends, and no jealousies, we just accept that as all of us see others as well.

  15. bob

    I have been the third a few times a year with one couple for a few years. I am with both of them at the same time. It is very hot, they are great, I never feel like I am in the way and they don’t get jealous of anyone. I just wish it was more often!

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