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Survey: Would You Date Your Friend’s Ex-Boyfriend?

photo credit : Pride Studios

Have you ever dated a friend’s ex-boyfriend? Yes? How did your friend feel? Are you still friends with that friend? Are you still in a relationship with his ex-boyfriend or is he now a “common ex?”

Personally, I would not date a friend’s ex-boyfriend. If the guy broke up with my friend or vice versa there must be a reason, one I am sure I wouldn’t like, so why date him but that’s just me.

When I was in college I dated a classmate for a month. Fast-forward six years and he dated our common friend. Practically my best friend, for that matter, who broke the news to me by phone and at the same time apologize profusely, explain, and ask for my permission (somewhat belatedly) which I scoffed at. “No need to ask for my permission,” I had said. I was sincere. I had no romantic feelings for the guy which is why it only lasted as long as it did plus we separated on good terms. Our other friends on the other hand, thought it was uncool and even took the time to call me to commiserate with me. They seemed to think some kind of dating code was violated.

It was only when I fell for someone really hard that I finally understood why people would not want a friend dating their old flame. The thing is it didn’t really matter who I see my ex with, stranger or not it would still hurt because it wasn’t me who’s by his side anymore. Only, it will hurt more if he’s with a friend because then I would see him more often unless I stopped seeing that friend then I would have lost a friend and a boyfriend.

What about you, would you ever date a friend’s old flame? Why or why not? Did one of your friends date an ex-boyfriend of yours? How did you feel about that?

Share with us your thoughts and stories below.


There are 32 comments

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  1. Tyler

    I dated a friend’s ex once but didn’t know that they had dated until I was already involved. Their relationship was a very quiet one. It didn’t damage me and my friend’s relationship. We now share a same “ex” and we both understand WHY he’s an ex – LOL

  2. Father Hennepin

    Consideration should be considered a requirement. It depends on the qualities of their relationship and break-up. If there are no negative factors, then ask your friend if he would mind. Love happens where it does. But what are your motivations? To have a threesome? To have hot sex? To see what your friend was enjoying? Or do you actually have some feelings for the guy? If he was nasty or abusive, hurtful or cruel to your friend, is losing your friendship worth the new relationship? What kind of friends are you? Shallow companions or truly caring?

  3. HunterWI

    If you’re attracted to the ex (and know he’s not a psycho lying thieving nutcase), you are not required to get permission from your friend. However, it would wise to have an “I’m thinking of asking X out for a date. Is there anything I should know ahead of time?” discussion. This way you might find out about red flags as well as having put your friend in the “informed” mode.

  4. soft & fluffy

    Sometimes I really think that I would have been very comfortable living in Victorian England.
    I certainly would never pursue a good friend’s b/f while they were going together and out of respect I would not go after the b/f after their breakup either . Although I’m sure I’ve read somewhere in an etiquette related column that for heterosexuals it’s ok after a certain time has passed and even more ok if one asks the old friend if they don’t mind.

    Interestingly I have an old friend of many decades who got hooked up with a sweet guy 30 years his junior . I helped facilitate their secret get togethers for a long time before I actually met the younger b/f . We were all good friends then and the b/f is a fantastic guy . After about 7 years they broke up and as it turns out I’m the b/f’s perfect material and he’d hop in the sack with me in a heartbeat .
    Even if he was exactly what I was looking for I’d still not date him because of my old fashioned ways .

    • Jer

      Wow You’re a pig too . Wow it’s amazing how scandalous and just hideous so many gay men are . Make light if fucking an ex of a friend or just fucking whoever cuz they’re hot or sone big swingin dick .Def No scruples -no respect and just a raging horny pig

  5. Matt

    Girl….
    My fellow gays kill me sometimes. Y’all didnt work out, let someone else try, no matter who that is. You and dude aren’t compatible but maybe your friend has what you didn’t.

  6. Andrew

    To be honest i wouldn’t mind, as a growing individual being 26 years old and Bi, one has to learn to give up your claim of another, yes it would hurt a little that your friend is dating your ex, but quite frankly the relationship is over thats why they are my ex. The only time I would end a friendship with my friend in a circumstance like that is if i was with the person and my friend had sex or relations with my bf/gf aside from that if the two of them finds one another attractive and is in a relationship good for them, i’m not bitter to say one mans trash is another mans treasure and all that crap, i would congratulate them and wish them the best. I had my time and its over. Simple and clean.

  7. EJ

    I’ve dated a friend’s ex, but we all sat down and had a conversation about it. They dated for 6 months, but there was always a flirtation with me by his ex. I never acted on it because I respect my friend. When they ended I still didn’t act until they invited me out for drinks and my friend admitted that he saw the flirtation and it was ok. They only thing they had in common was video games, but his ex and I had way more in common. His ex and I lasted for 3 years after that, and my friend and I have been friends for 17 years. I think if it ended on good terms or at least in a mature way, I think it’s no big deal.

    • Jer

      The problem is with this whole question is is just because you could schedule honestly I mean game in go around fucking anything that’s breathing and yet at the same time they look to society for acceptance or even tolerating such behavior or try to gain respect and people in general to look to the Gay lifestyle in that it’s OK and yet nobody can seem to keep boundaries being the biggest -let alone any kind of respect with their friend or an ex or whatever else so that’s the reason why this question really irritates me and some of the peoples responses here are Hideous
      Honestly to have such audacity to think this is ok in most cases even if he’s hung or not to test some of your “No moralistic compass thinking”
      Let’s call a spade a spade
      You have no respect for your friend you have no respect for yourself you have no respect for anybody just because you want your hard dick in somebody or viceversa or otherwise .. let’s be honest
      But I’ll be honest I’ve been with guys that they’ve had friends that there’s been interested flirting with whatever else but it’s the fact that you’re acting on it and what comes of it and only that the fact that exes ARE an ex for a reason FOR the most part and other than if they didn’t part of bad terms like my last most recent EX of almost a decade ago ..that’s a different story
      He and I got caught I. The crosshairs of the economy taking and loss of jobs and just things had grown apart and it does happen. I still love him very much but to have someone want to leave you and your relationship because of outside factors .. that hurt and I could never think to be with him again ….. there are the ones before I can tell you there’s a lot of abuse not toward me — would let ever think of dealing with that
      but there was abuse from growing up and past relationships in their background and just a lack of intimacy Or otherwise . And the still So it DOES truly depend on the reasons for a breakup . And if it is meant to be so be it , But even as I read some of these responses here clearly it doesn’t last very long ….
      guess dipping in the honeypot doesn’t always seem so sweet in the end apparently …might want to rethink this ,. You can and do usually ruin friendships and relationships for underlying feelings flirtatious behavior .. is it really worth taste of the hung hard dick hot guy .. again clearly NOT FROM MOST RESPONSES

      • EJ

        You obviously missed the point of my post with all your personal issues. Where in the post did it say he cheated? also, where did I say it ruined my friendship? Flash forward, although my relationship with my friend’s ex didn’t last, I’ve been friends with him for 12 years. I always begin/end things in a mature way.

  8. qbano_sato

    I think it creates an awkward tension all around. It’s happened to me and it really bothered me.
    My ex was also friends with a few of his exes.
    I was not ok with it.
    Turns out, I caught him in a couple of lies.
    It all started over a mirror in his house.
    Strange, right?
    But it was a beautiful mirror and I liked it so much, i wanted to know where he purchased it.
    Well, turns out the mirror did not belong to my ex. It belonged to HIS EX who previously lived in the house with him.
    So I asked him why the mirror was still in the house.
    No answer, other than the look of guilt.
    So I asked him if the EX had a key to the house (since he gave ME a key that week).
    “Yes” he replied.
    I was immediately pissed. WTF?!
    I told him to get the key back and to get rid of his Exes shit.
    He did immediately.
    I was so mad, I left. I went home.
    After that I didn’t trust him.
    He couldn’t understand why I had issues with him maintaining friendshipswith his exes. (All of them had co-baptized his nieces and nephews. Wtf again!?
    I’m supposed to spend my holidays with his family and his exes?
    Never.
    I walked away.

  9. ME623

    My best friend and I made a pact a long time ago that we would never date each others ex, no matter how fine he was.

  10. Versboi55

    I have and it was nice I got all the juicy detail of what my friends cock was like. Plus it made it very easy to convince a threesome. Sadly the relationship didn’t last much to long

  11. Kirt28202

    What if you were in love with that person? As the gay community would say “Love Has No Boundaries”……..right?……….lol.

    I wouldn’t do it as I have respect for my friends. I hope they would have the same respect for me.

  12. JB

    I think people break up for all kinds of reasons, not necessarily bad ones. I don’t think there’s a true answer to this because it’s all very situational. But more importantly if 2 people have a strong connection and want to be together who am I to stop them? Anyone who thinks otherwise has a particularly pessimistic view of relationships.

  13. Brian O

    Uhm, I don’t really want to think about it too hard, but yes. Years ago, going out all the time and pretty much hanging with the same exact [several] groups of friends made it easy to end up doing something like that. Especially when you’re like me who seems to get along with most people and when a new person is (was) introduced into our “fold” – well you get that picture.

    The great thing is that there’s never been any animosity or hurt feelings. Although I do have this one ex-boyfriend who is that like jealous type of person while at the same time is controlling yet will play the innocent, naïve, I didn’t know card when you’ve had enough and tell him his “shit” stinks.

    Anyways, yeah. That!

  14. Matt

    I’d fuck him if I hadn’t already done so, but emotional stuff. Hell no. I’ve fucked my best friend’s boyfriends and he mine. Gay men fuck everything, so why is this even a question?

    PS: Spare me the moralistic responses.

  15. Devon

    I personally would not, mainly cuz it feels too much like your sister dating your other sisters ex boyfriend, just to me there is something kinda sleazy feeling about it, sucking the dick that was inside an ex just….ewww


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