Sexuality: How To Be A Better Bottom

Photo : HotHouse

Everyone jokes about there never being any tops around, but the truth is a good bottom is hard to find. Most of you will agree that quantity doesn’t always mean quality.

Bottoming isn’t just you laying down or on all fours while the top plows you. It’s more than that, and we here at Adam4Adam are always here to help, especially to all the guys out there just discovering all the wonders of gay sex. Here are some tips that will start you on the road to be the best bottom that you can possibly be.

Clean is always in!

it’s always best to start with a clean workspace, and that includes your ass. We don’t mean shaving down there, especially if that isn’t what you or your partner are into. What we do mean is taking a shower beforehand and douching, especially if you don’t have the most fiber-rich diet. You want sex to be dirty, but not that dirty.

Talk about it beforehand.

If particular types of porn is to be believed, all a top really wants is a bottom to fling around like a rag doll. But that’s only fun for the top if that’s what the bottom wants. Believe it or not, the best way to please a top is to tell him how to best please you. If your top knows that those moans and groans are genuine, and that he caused it, it’s an ego boost that’ll have him coming back for more.

Get to grooming.

This goes hand in hand with our first two tips. We don’t mean getting rid of all your hair down there — unless of course that’s what you’re both into. That’s the main thing. Find out what you guys are both into, and groom yourself accordingly. Bushy or bare, trimmed or totally overgrown, it’s all good as long as you both agree on it.

It doesn’t have to hurt.

One thing that does put off some guys from bottoming is the perception that it hurts, and there is some truth to that. But it doesn’t have to be a painful experience, especially if you talk about it beforehand with your partner. If your tighter than most guys, or if you find that curved dicks really hit your walls in an uncomfortable way, tell this to your partner so they can adjust.

For your part, you need to know how to eliminate pain if it does happen, and more often than not it involves relaxation. Do some breathing exercises and learn how to work your muscles down there. That way it won’t be so much him forcing himself in but you letting him in you.

Pick a position.

Part of the process towards being a better bottom is picking a position that works best for you. If you’re a little more sensitive down there than most folks, cowboy may be the best as you’re generally in control of how much dick you’re taking. Like it rough? Doing it doggy style or missionary gives him a lot of control, and is great if you like being dominated or demeaned.

These are just some of the tips we can give, because for sure the more worldly Adam4Adam have tips and tricks of their own. Have you been told you’re a great bottom? Share what you know in the comments section below!

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  1. Sexyprbooty

    I see myself as a very accommodating bottom. I like being sub so whatever my top wants he gets. It’s always different with different tops though so communication is very important. But bottom line (no pun intended) it depends on the person. My only preference is that I need a hung top lol

  2. Kevin

    There is a misconception by most bottoms that a top wants to be served or wants a bottom to submit. Even if a guy is a total top (mostly a lie), he may enjoy sucking, rimming, stroking, nibbling etc., but much of porn has perpetuated the belief that the top wants nothing more than to be a dominant stud (or more pervasive the dominant black top stud). The reason it is so hard for bottoms to find a top for repeat connections is because a bottom that seeks only to serve becomes a bore after some time and most tops are off to find a new thrill or secretly exploring their vers or more well rounded side because all too many bottoms want their tops to stay in role as the aggressor. Most of the attached guys I have topped over the years were so called tops at home looking to have the tables turned and believed if their lovers knew hey were vers they would lose interest in them as a top! Sex should be about comfort and connection rather than top and bottom! Young guys-if you want to have dating options-become somewhat vers as too many total bottoms around placing total tops in high demand and ultimate control!

    • Jessie

      Kevin everything that you said is true and I will be glad when all of these guys realize that there shouldn’t be a role of top of bottom when your in a relationship….With that being said, I’ve always been told that the best tops are always wanting to be a bottom….

  3. John

    If I know I’m going to bottom, when I’m prepping I like to play with my hole a little bit in advance of the top’s arrival. Some bottoms like to dildo – up so to speak to be ready, but I prefer I am still a little tight for his entrance and enjoyment. I find have become a very versatile guy now that I have learned how to be a great bottom for some of my friends. Some of the best sex I have involves guys who like to flip fuck because they understand both roles so well. OH YEAH – don’t forget some quality lube too!!

  4. hugh jorgan

    Good article and all true. I learned a long time ago in Asia that to work on your as muscles and squeeze hard and release to increase the tops enjoyment. If I really work on a top he will cum in no timer at all. I have many friends that I play with and we always have a good time. I do enjy topping as well so a tip of the hat to Kevin I think.

  5. Keith

    I’m a total top although I’d love to bottom. Unfortunately, the pain is just too much and I’ve never had a guy successfully penetrate me. I have a few regular bottoms who I fuck frequently. One guy is able to control his ass muscles so well that I can enter him really easily. He just opens right up for me. Once fully in, he contracts and relaxes his muscles randomly and I’m in Total top heaven! I always ask a new guy I’m about to fuck how he likes to get it. I want my bottom guy to be well taken care of and fucked properly.

  6. NotNelly

    A couple of the responses hit upon something important: muscle tone and tightness of the anus are very important. Bottoms who do not pay attention to muscle tone are *no* fun in bed. Once the sphincter and surrounding tissues are accustomed to regular abuse, ordinary sex loses its appeal, and it can take a long time for that muscle tone to return.

    A point *not* mentioned… noises during sex. Everyone expresses himself differently, and everyone has his preferences. Nothing kills the mood faster than hearing that hot guy you’re having such fun topping open up his mouth and let Ethel Merman come flying out. That’s when I pull out, wipe off, get dressed, and walk away. Learn how to butch it up. If we wanted women, we’d be straight.

  7. Adam

    Every iteration of this “be a better bottom” post is gross, demeaning, and counter productive.

    1. No one wants to poop on you, the idea that bottoms don’t know how to clean out or purposefully don’t clean out is ludicrous. As they say sometimes the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry or s**t happens. It’s embarrassing as a bottom, but for the top it’s nothing that a little soap and water won’t wash away and the last thing a person needs after they’ve accepted you into their body is a freak out over it’s natural function.

    2. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable for both partners. This whole idea that it’s a bottoms job to “please his top” is disgusting. Respect the fact that someone has allowed you to penetrate them and be as in tune their wants and needs as your own.

    3. Communication is key. The colon is not a straight shot, there are bends and curves that have to be negotiated, the slow entry and accommodation time is something that most porn videos edit out, very few bottoms can handle the spit and shove without extreme pain, and it takes time to get relaxed enough for “pounding” and some people’s bodies just can’t accept hard frequent thrusts, talk before and during is important, you have to know what will get your bottom relaxed enough to take you and what moves are helpful and hurtful to continued enjoyment. If you’ve never bottomed you don’t know how difficult it can be when someone’s dick keeps banging at the wrong place and he just keeps pounding away instead of allowing you to readjust.

    It’s time for tops to stop bottom shaming and bottoms need to rise up and stop accepting these unrealistic standards.

  8. KylerStorm

    stop calling is “douching”… douching is for vaginas, enemas are for assholes; these are established terms. your asshole is not a vagina. i don’t want to think of your asshole as though it were a vagina and if you do, that’s a big turn-off.

  9. anonimatovato

    Call me old fashioned, but I think the art of meeting someone (maybe at a bar) and having good conversations can make a possible hook up have a happy ending 😉 It increases those feeling of how sexy your lover of the night is, rather than those quickie anon hook ups people seem to like nowadays.

  10. Darrell

    Two things are important to me as a total bottom.
    One; do I really and truly enjoy being fucked? The answear is a resounding YES! I love a hard driving cock in my ass more then anything.
    The second thing for me to know, which if I’m sincere about the first thing then the second thing will be a success, and that is douching or thorough enema cleansing. This is an absolute must if I am to relax and really enjoy being fucked. There are so many clever device’s for anal cleaning as well as a simple but effective dietary fiber tablets which aid bowel movements and are especially designed for gay men and anal sex play, that there is no excuse for any bottom to have a shitty hole when getting fucked.
    Being a good bottom means you enjoy being fucked more then any other sexual act. All the other stuff is wonderful, but being fucked is at the top…… If you can find a good top!

    • Hantz

      I have a question is diet also important. For example if you ate a nice sized meal wouldn’t that indicate no sex because you’re full or do you have other ways to clean yourself even if you eat I find myself constantly eating less just to avoid the sh*t I find that part difficult especially for me

  11. Jon

    I am a TOTAL top and have no interest whatsoever in anything going near my ass! So all this bullshit about all tops having a secret desire to bottom is not true. I love to fuck a hot smooth bottom and the more submissive the better. I agree with the clean part and I like for a bottom to tell me what turns him on the most. Me knowing the bottom is loving what I am doing to him is a major turn on! But no one likes a bossy bottom! I know what I am doing and do not need an instruction manual.
    But the single most thing that makes a bottom a good fuck is having a tight ass!!! Some bottoms I fuck relax their asses so quickly and so much – I can’t feel anything!!! And I have a 9 inch thick cock, so smaller guys must feel nothing! It’s the equivalent of sticking your dick in a jar of mayonnaise. So bottoms – keep that hole tight if you want a hung top to come back for more! And don’t just lie there – moan, yell, anything. But no one want’s to fuck a dead fish!

    • Elixirmixer

      Poppers are nitrates…they are used as a sexual enhancement. They cause vasodilation…relaxing the anus…and a kind of “rush”. Sold in paraphernalia stores n sex stores…brand name Rush n others

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