Speak Out : Say Something…


Hey guys, I’d like to try this as a post, it was a suggestion one of you guys gave me last week:

Simply write whatever you want to talk about in the comment section below. Others can comment or simply write about something else. The idea is to share a thought you might have with other members. You can leave your A4A username at the end of your message so that other than connect with you if you want.

So what do you want to talk about? Love? War? Sex? Family relation? Animal cruelty? Fusion food? Fall 2014 fashion? You decide…

Ready? Set! Go!



There are 115 comments

Add yours
  1. Michael

    How about comments on blogs that aren’t posted, when they don’t jibe with your opinion or the general consensus?


    • blog

      Michael: all comments are posted except the ones that are aggressive towards me or another member. I welcome all opinions even if different than mine. Oh we also have a spam filter, so if there’s links, spam or email address, the comment won’t get posted

  2. YeahItsMe

    It’s disgusting how there is so much stigma surrounding smaller penises in the gay male society. It inherently ends up becoming a racial issue and Asian guys are at the brunt of it. It’s a physical feature that no one has control over, and it is sad that many times it becomes personal because the guy who has a smaller penis is considered less of a man, a loser of sorts. Why does a man’s worth have to be reduced to mere inches?

  3. darryl

    I have had some really good family issues resolve themselves lately, which makes me very happy. From health scares, new opportunities, to just having memorable moments is priceless. Reflecting back it was very hard to not want to step in and solve things once and for all. I know now that things have to work out on their on. I’am glad the tide has turned.

  4. DL

    How about gay men with low sex drives or just slow to have sex with men they’ve just met? We do exist. We’re kind of like unicorns, though. Or sasquatches.

  5. ca_artist

    Why are guys so rude on here. You message someone & they open your message, but never reply. They even look at your pics, even private ones if you unlock them, but never say a word to you. All they need to do, to be courteous, is to message back “not interested”. How hard is that to be courteous? Just sayin!

  6. Mike

    Was wondering if anyone has come across an ad of someone they knew. I was using one of the hook up apps on my phone and his ad was there.I recognized his pic but he wouldn’t be able to recognize me. So my question is what would you do? Let us say he is your type. Also would it matter if there is a 30 years age difference whether you have seen the person grow up to be a young adult or you have seen him while you growing up. I hope you can get the gist of what i am saying and sorry for the wordiness. heh if anything would make a good story

  7. Andrew

    I have seen several people talk about the difficulties of finding love while living with a disease like HIV, but what about when your sick with something that’s not sexy ally transmitted, but still as deadly? I struggle with this, and have for a long time now. four years ago, my world got turned upside down when I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. for several reasons, the tumor can not be removed. most of the time, I can pass as if there is nothing wrong, but sometimes I suffer from headaches that literally black out my vision, or synesthesia attacks. when having a synesthesia attack, I taste color and see sound. yes, really. though I am able to be “normal” most of the time, there is the chance that it could go downhill very quick. the prognosis is broad. anywhere from 5 years to a complete normal lifespan. my biggest question/fear is when to bring it up with someone I’m interested in. do I ad it to my profile? do I tell them on the 3rd date? the 10th? when is too soon, but still maintaining full disclosure? username: oregoncub

  8. David

    Hi I just wanna talk about dating.. i am going to be 50 in november i was see a nice guy about 5 or 6 years ago. and he was about 13 yrs younger then me he cheated on me and gave me Hiv and he never told me I had to find out the hard way I just dont understand why some guys cheat and when they get caught they run away, I think he was afraid to tell me and ashame cause i had too kids. now that i am starting over just wanna know why being Hiv so hard to date cause most guys i meet on here are rude and some guys i meet at bars are afraid they hear the word and then walk away I think I an a nice guy i am very healthy and I am undecetable even through i dont post my statues on my profile i yell the guys I am Hiv Positive and the block me and they leave a rude message some times I feel like just giving up on everything is there other guys out there going threw the same things just to try and find a nice guy.. Yes I know this is just a hook-up site no one real wants a relationship.. Yours truly 1bagoftrix

  9. wayne62

    Does anyone else get sick of endless emails,dudes playing stupid, being left in the middle of a conversation, answering a smile, then not getting a answer back. One liners like “nice cock” etc, and then my favorite those who post and act like they are a gift from God and being with them is a gift only the most privileged will ever experience. And how about cock size, what a joke. Anybody else like to comment. And oh by the way its real easy to back and see if you really had to go.

  10. Jeffrey87108

    Michael, I do agree with you. I have read this blog and have commented many times. I think this blog as more worth then chatting about who is fucking who or the latest hottest porn star. When I post my comments I make sure I am speaking about my opinion and I do not judge others for theirs. Your right Michael, if we don’t agree or try to get men to actually think with the bigger head it’s a waste of time.

    Jeffrey87108 is my username on here and I welcomed to discuss this with anyone in a respectful manner.

  11. creamy26

    Hi guys iv been facing some problems a while now my partner died a few months ago in a car accident and I still cant come to accept he’s gone every day is a battle not one day goes by without me contemplating joing him what can I do please help

  12. frank

    inter-generational husbands….i’m 60 and my boyfriend is 29 ….. we’ve been together for over a year now and are talking about getting married and buying a house together….our incomes are very well matched (we both make about the same amount per year)and we both like hanging around together…how about some others feelings on this topic?

  13. ricky

    Michael…Bingo! U said it… I am shocked Dave posted that..haha.. That is so classic and true. Aggressive towards you, Dave ? how on earth can anyone be aggressive towards you and you are so sweet…. eh ? (Bet this will NOT be posted). If it is, I would certainly be on the first plane to Montreal to meet up with Dave @ CAMPUS! LOL

  14. BBGUY1970

    Summer hookup season has been bountiful this year in North Jersey
    lots of hotties who actually materialize / thank you a4a
    keep up the good work !

  15. Michael

    How much information is enough information to give on this site to hook up with a guy? I like a face pic and to chat with the guy on the phone a bit at least. Some guys don’t want to do that. No pictures at all, no contact outside this site. Endless messages back and forth!!!!!!!

    Some guys act as if their lives would be ruined if word got out they like having sex with men. I want to be safe, but I want to get some cock too.

    Any suggestions guys?

  16. Matthew889

    At YeahItsMe – I totally understand where you are coming from regarding penis size. For me its the opposite. I am from South America and the moment I mention it to some guys they automatically jump to my penis size saying things like -its got to be big etc which is a turn off. I agree that men are very sexual beings but they can be so shallow as well. I just started dating a guy and its going great. We haven’t had sex as yet but our feelings for each other is growing stronger and stronger which I am sure will intensify when we consummate our relationship. So its not always about sex right away, just explore other things together if you are seeking something of substance.

  17. Jule

    So who wants to give me tips on what I should do about this guy at work who I like, but I pretty sure he’s straight and is with someone. I’ve been avoiding his department and need help getting over him. Other co-workers say I should tell him how I feel, but I need something a little better than cliche bullshit that we only know works in movies and fairytales.

  18. J.D.

    In regards to YeahItsMe’s comments. I have never felt like I was any less of a man because I don’t have a large penis. I’m not Asian…it’s more involve though. I used to be bigger and get hard, but cannot any longer due to medications I take (I suppose my age/body, etc. has something to do with it as well)
    If anyone looked at me as less of a man, I wouldn’t want to be with them to start with! I accept a guy for who he is…not how long his schlong is! 🙂

  19. LaQuan

    How about the black vs. White stigma? I’m a young black guy who is predominantly interested in white guys. I still consider dating anyone with the characteristics I enjoy but often find myself most attracted to white men. Yet the guys I’m interested in who are within my age group aren’t attracted to black men like myself. What gives, can’t figure out if it’s a Midwestern thing (I live in Oklahoma) or if it’s just perception.

  20. VacaDave

    Ca-Artist: I hear you man. I’ve had the same thing happen several times – the other member reading messages and never responding. I find that very rude. I guess because the guys are anonymous they figure they can act like a-holes and no one will be able to stop them. That’s what happening to our society through all of these social media devices – people forget how to use common courtesy.

  21. maccron12

    YeahItsMe: how do you think i feel when everyone assumes that must have a 10 inch dick just because i am black,,that the first question i get when i meet someone out in the gay world…they don’t want to talk to my mind. they don’t want to know how my day was or what going in the world today,,,first question how big is you dick…is it true what they say about black men,,,you all have large dicks…those guys are porn star and models,,,and maybe even photoshoped at little to make it look long and hard.,.and just like all men there some white guys out there with some big dicks to,, for me when i get that question I’m done,,time to move on…there nothing there worth staying for.,..just saying

  22. Jackson

    Why does cock size,cut or uncut,race,race and age matter so much with being a gay man? All cocks works the same and they all shoot white cum not red,purple,pink cum.

  23. JC

    Commenting on yeahitsme’s post above…

    Having a large, average, or small cock shouldn’t be viewed as a personal accomplishment. It’s the way we’re born. There’s not much we can safely do about it. Best bet is to accept yourself in your own (fore)skin and don’t worry about those other people talking about how big or small you are.

    There is a documentary out on DVD and Netflix titled “Unhung Hero.” It’s not really a gay flick, but it puts all of this in proper perspective by the end of the film.

  24. Stephen

    After reading different things online about it in discussions, I’ll bring up the “preferences” issue. We all are different as far as our likes/dislikes-life experiences-how open-minded we are or not, but why does everything or everyone have to be labeled?

    If a black person isn’t into other black guys and only wants to date or hookup with whites is he a racist or does he hate other black people? The same goes for Asians and other categories, average body builds vs. stocky/obese, hairy vs. smooth and so on. Can we not have a preference or are we not allowed to enjoy what we enjoy without a label or being called anti whatever?

    If you don’t want seafood because you ate it and disliked it or maybe you never tried it, but just don’t want to make you hate the fish family? Some of why we like things or get turned on is obviously out of our control via our brains, but I personally think it’s fine to like what you like without someone wanting to call you a bad name.

  25. Tyler

    Can we have a post about guys that wear makeup to enhance the look of their appearance and how popular it is?
    I mean, I dont have that great of skin, even though people say its not bad..which shows that I am my greatest critic.
    I feel wearing makeup makes me look better and have a beautiful appearance.
    Not to say I dont appreciate natural beauty, because I applaud those that do and arent afraid to wear their own skin proudly.

    I just think it would be a nice topic to discuss 😀

  26. NoItsMe

    Dear YeahItsMe,
    I am an Asian guy, native San Franciscan. I am a bit shy of 6 inches and a bit bigger when I lose weight. 5 1/2 to 6 is the average. But I digress; I have had some, actually several several mind blowing screamer orgasms out of this penis. Shot someone in the eye once (he’s ok) and also hit the back wall a few times. I left the splatter mark dripping down the wall as my ‘badge of courage.’ Also a 4 foot trajectory across the floor. That, I left too. So as far as size, I haven’t any problem with it. 😀

    I’m actually pretty cocky about my cock as it is very pretty with a pronounced helmet head, although I would be in hog heaven if I had another inch.

    As far as sex, it is juuuuust the right size for oral bottoms as they can take it all the way down. If they gag, they just can’t suck cock. On the other hand, when I top and a guy moans I secretly think he should shut the fuck up because its only 6 inches. Power bottoms are too loose (sorry power bottoms).

    So take heart YeahItsMe. Prejudice in the gay male community is often tacit. Diversity is a crock as far as gay (sorry, white) males are concerned. Gay on gay prejudice is not limited to Asians.

    Ok, last thing and I’ll shut up. We, the ones with average dicks would better off being straight because it is just the right size for most vaginas unless she is a mega whore. Any more and it hits the cervix and it hurts.

    Any fellas anxious to meet me? I’m really a nice guy. Really I am.


  27. Aaron

    I sometimes wonder about the hypocrisy of gay men. From my standpoint I’ve lived through society being hatefully Christian toward gay people, some of my friends being thrown out of their homes for being gay, losing a job because I’m gay etc. And then I’ve seen states approve gay marriage, people do the most extraordinary acts of kindness toward gay people and so on – so the USA is slowly getting it. But we as gay men stand up on our soapbox and chastise people for not accepting us the way we are or for who we are…yet in all the apps and websites there are floods of profiles with “No blacks, no fats, no fems” or “looking for fit, masculine ONLY” or “no one over 25” and so on. We try to make it polite by adding the catchphrase “sorry, just my preference” when in reality we exhibit all the bigotries, prejudices and hatred (self and outward) of the very people we point our fingers at for “not accepting us the way we are”.

    I wish we weren’t so evil sometimes, I guess.

  28. Aaron

    oh yea, I guess you can message me by looking up my a4a profile:


    a nod toward one of my favourite lines in Forest Gump. “God make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away”

  29. 1mightymouse

    Why do some guys are offended when a person choose to unlock their pics. If a guy is not interested or refuse to unlock…. move on to another guy. Oh, what’s up with posted fake pics? Be confident within with your on pics! SMH.

  30. Psychophant

    I’d have to agree with Michael. Do you send even a canned message to the poster as to why ? Is there any room for discussion ?

  31. Rick

    Well guys I am going to let this go after I speak to you and give you my thoughts.There was a 2014 wellness report done this year for the first time. It talked about many things and various parts of our community. I did enjoy the reading until it dawed on me what was missing. Rhere were many toppics schooling,marrage, drug use etc. But they spoke not of molested youth or those molested at youth. This is important part of our community and making sure that funding is set aside is important. I do though understand gay marrage was just passed and it may not have been the right timming. Thanks for reading this.

  32. 22jake22

    I wish everyone was required to indicate their general age preference. It would make it so much easier for everyone on here. Also it would be nice if everyone responded in some way to a post or smile. It’s the courteous thing to do even if it’s just to say thanks but we aren’t a match.

  33. Ike

    I agree with DL, I’m not saying that I’m against sex, but why is it harder to make friendships within the gay community? most people I’ve met in and out of the internet would rather see my dick before knowing my name….it’s just so hard sometimes to find someone who’d rather start a friendly conversation….if we’re not compatible as mates why would that mean it’s impossible to start as friends? don’t you guys think that’s rather cold? socializing with other gay men for the sole purpose to find a fuck buddy we’d consider “boyfriend”?

  34. Child_of_the_Fullmoon

    @Mike: I’d say go for it. You never know if you don’t give it a shot. I’ve come across people that I grew up with on here and a few other apps. I usually block them. lol

  35. Jaygold53

    Can we discuss how in a interracial relationship blacks are always the dominant top and whites are the submissive bottoms. This is a stereo type in the gay community. If you look under interracial category on your favorite porn site, you will see that 90% of the video blacks are the dominant tops.
    For some reason this seems to be true. Where im from it seems so hard to find a white top. But I can find many white guys who are looking for a nice BBC. It seems like it’s so hard to find a white guy that’s a top, in my age group, and willing to play safe. Is that so hard or am I just being picky? Who’s with me on this one?

  36. Dennis

    Re: yeahitsme
    I too feel the same as you over the small penis issue. I don’t fit in the category but prefer men who are small. They seem to enjoy and appreciate togetherness as M2M. I have a saying it is not the size that counts it Is what’s in it! So to me size dose not matter. Some (not all)who are bigger are arrogant, forceful, rough and rude. It is all in a personal preference and i don’t understand the degrading that happens. They are jut like anyone else..out for a great time.

  37. Kinkymature

    I agree why is it so hard for guys to just answer even if to say there not interested then you would know to stop bugging them

  38. Al

    Ca_ARtist, I have to agree, or worse you start up an email conversation, start talking about meeting up and then they ignore any messages. Too bad there are so many players.


  39. Kirt28202

    I’ve learned over the years that if not interested in someone, to just not respond back. I use to respond back stating “not my type” or “not interested”, but in return they lashed out at me until I blocked them. Some people can’t take a polite “not interested” and get really pissed, so I stopped responding. I’ve also seen people on here that I know and want to keep my friendship as is, so I avoid contacting them on here and never respond. When I see them in person, I don’t even mention it and respect their privacy. That’s why I don’t post an open face picture on here. when I did, guys would approach me at work or at the gym and OUT me to everyone. That is disrespectful and not my style.

  40. Steve

    As an older gay male who is attracted to younger, I get emails from young guys on the site. They “pretend” to be interested and yet when I respond, it turns out they are looking for $$$. I guess they think that since I am older, I am desperate for cock. That’s not the case.

    Sometimes it’s been a challenge to be interested in younger than me, but as we all know, it’s very difficult to change preferences and what attracts our attention.

    I see older couples out, all the time, and am somewhat jealous of their attraction and commitment to each other. But I have tried to be with guys my age or older and it just doesn’t work for me.

    Oh, well . . .

  41. Mike69101

    Why is there such an age bias in the bi/gay community. I am 66 years old and once someone finds out my age the are no longer interested. If you are blindfolded you can’t tell if the guy sucking your cock or you are fucking up the ass is 19 or 69

  42. maccron12

    i guess what i had to say was not what you wanted to hear…but if i can’t say what i mean i can never mean what i say.

  43. lakefrontboi

    My comment is for “Yeahitsme”…I love the smaller penis guys because they are easier for me to perform oral on, I have a sensitive gag reflex that I cannot get over so I have to adapt when doing a bigger guy, but I LOVE the smaller guys cause I can deep throat them with ease and really service the hell out of them. lakefrontboi

  44. Undiscovered_


    Why the heck is it such a big deal. Here’s the thing, I like older guys. Not a whole lot older but I want a man that is mature, responsible, happy and confident. It is hard to find a young man with these attributes. I just started dating this guy (33) and we just started to get close. We had an awesome connection and got along great! All of a sudden he says he wants to date someone his age and apologized for being “irresponsible for dating a 21 year old”.

    See I’m a 21 year old student and have two jobs. I support myself for the most part, I don’t go out and party like every other 21 year old… I know what I’m doing. Shouldn’t a relationship be judged on the person, the connection and their compatibility and not their age?

    We decided last night after discussing the age issue and some other things that we should get to know each other and hang as friends with out involving sex. Which means he most likely will start dating other guys in the meantime.

    What should I do?? Am I wasting my time and emotions? Need advice!

    Thanks friends,

    Devin AKA

  45. Tony

    How about talking about kissing or not kissing? I am a bi guy married to a girl. ( yes you can judge me) I have meet couple of guys in my situation. I’m a top guy but couple of guys that I meet there are willing to do anything but kiss. I love kissing and that drives me nuts. Does anybody has the same issue?

  46. Kawazi

    Getting older and while my orgasms are still pleasurable, they aren’t what they used to be. Can have good sex for extended periods, but that ejaculation just doesn’t happen? For some guys, if you can’t give them a facial, they aren’t interested. Anybody else have this experience?

  47. AJ

    What do men want really? I have guys constantly checking my profile. If you say ‘HI” they don’t respond. Yet they keep checking you? Also, why will someone block? Even thou you never, left a trace or messaged them?

  48. Tris

    My boyfriend has a short, thin penis – he was quite shy about it at first (especially since mine is 7 and kinda thick) but as I have explained to him more than once (I guess it took time to sink in) it’s not all about the appendage, it’s about the guy attached to it. Why have sex with someone you wouldn’t otherwise give the time of day to, just because he’s well endowed? Maybe I’m a bit old fashioned. But my bf (and no, he is not Asian) and I can have all sorts of fun and pleasure … I’m glad I found him. He’s a great guy.

  49. David

    I’ve got a question: If you all had to choose one over the other, which would be more important or attractive to you? – A nice body OR a nice face??? Remember, you have to choose only ONE! Share your thoughts!

  50. 1Mightymouse

    Ca_artist also. How about replying “not interested”, “no thanks” or “just browsing”. Some guys on here will take it personal and reply with rude comments or block you because of this? Move on to the next possible guy. Way too many guys on here for that. Also, what’s up with the fake pics some guys are posting? If I comes to the point of meeting, fake pic guys you are busted, so why do some do it?
    We all have beauty within us that attracts ppl to us. Just my opinion. Play on guys and lets have some fun!, 😉


  51. confused

    I’d like to talk about the racial role stereotypes, i.e blacks being super masculine tops, or drag queens, asians being super submissive bottoms. Also is like to touch on skin shades, and how someone can claim to have a “type” or “preference” and they wont give anything else a chance, i.e a guy may have a type for blonds but he’ll give a red head a chance, but a black person is out of the question? And he says hes not racist he has a type? Last topic, why do gay guys always say they just want to be in a loving committed relationship, but only if the guy spends half of his life in the gym and has an giant ego, and thinks he can have anyone he wants, them cries when they are treated like shit?

  52. Randy

    To answer your question Mike, yes I have come across 3 men that I knew through work. In 2 of the cases I contacted them and in the other case, he contacted me. To be honest it is very liberating for share my sexuality with others that I know since I am not out. In fact the one fellow and I found a secret little spot where we would meet from time to time.

  53. James

    I have been a member on A4A for a number of years, and have met some nice guys from the site. That said I have recently found out a health issue I have took a turn for the bad, and got bad quick! I was injured as a child and my liver was damaged as a result, and the end of last year my liver started shutting down, and I was put on a transplant list and am waiting on a transplant. I’ve been contacted by guys on A4A and after chatting for awhile, I let them know about my health issues, and never hear from them again. While my illness isn’t communicable I feel if your getting to know some one it’s something they should know about before becoming to close, but it seems like letting people know about something that’s wrong with you just turns them away as well. Some times I think just keeping it to myself would be best, but then again I’m just not a dishonest person. What would you do in a case like this?

  54. Sinderella

    Dave, you don’t welcome all opinions really. You have deleted comments I’ve made because you disagree with them. My comments are not in any way aggressive towards you or another member, and would not be construed as aggressive by a reasonable person. But it’s your blog, and you have editorial control so there’s nothing anyone can do except to avoid posting comments.

  55. charles-njrealguy

    What about those guys who block you for no reason? You say hi, open your pics they don’t open theirs and then they just block you.

  56. Ernest

    I’m with those who believe men are sexual creatures, and as such, are available for sex with either gender. However, the existence of something does not make the pursuit of it right. Being gay gives us the responsibility of educating young men on sexual freedoms without making decisions for them. If we are ever going to be accepted for being what we are, we MUST accept others for what they are.

  57. Evan

    This is for guys with foreskin,cuz obviously cut guys cant do this, have you ever held ur foreskin closed when you pee and fill up like a water balloon me and my brother used to do it and who ever let go first lost lol so any one done that?

  58. Kinkymature

    Hi guys met a guy on here we got together on a Saturday morning had some what i thought was very hot sex kissed body contact oral I bottomed for him . He said we should meet agin but now can’t get him to hardly chat let alone set up a time to meet just wondering what to think I ask him if he was still interested says he is but I am not so sure he wants to

  59. big8boner


    Just remember that everyone has a right to their own opinion and their own taste in men. If you aren’t their choice, then get the feelings off your sleeves and the chip off your shoulder and move on.

    The best thing a gay man can own is a subjective mirror. Your perception of yourself is probably not spot on. Ask a true friend to be honest with you and give you some constructive criticism.

    Not everyone is going to like you or think you are HOT.

    Life is too short. There are plenty of men out there.

    Regardless of what anyone may think as well, is that these websites are for hook ups. Don’t fool yourself by thinking to the contrary.

    Stop over thinking and enjoy life!

  60. justme45

    Don’t most people prefer girth rather than length? I know I do.

    I find most people on these sites are voyeurs. I love to watch.

  61. Jeffrey

    Ca_artist, Wayne62, Brandon
    It seems that there are more and more gay men that just don’t have any manners anymore. I get tired of contacting guys that are always looking at my profile but will never respond to any conversation or smile, guys that disappear in the middle of a conversation,etc. I have even had guys delete their profile in the middle of a conversation??? I even have guys that start a conversation by saying “How are you?” so you respond in a reasonable time and then they don’t get back to me for two days, WTF? It seems that rudeness has become the norm for everyone these days.

    YeahItsMe Being “straight” most of my life and only recently being out I thought that worrying about your penis size was a straight guy problem. Until I recently encountered a few size queens in the gay community. But despite them I have learned to like my penis and its size. I am definitely a grower and not a shower and have found that the majority of guys are growers LOL. I have found that my 6 1/2″ (not too thick and not too slim) is a preference for most guys. Its the right size to deepthroat and not get gagged too much, and the perfect size for topping a guy and it feels great without feeling like they are being ripped in two. Learn to love what you have.

    Andrew and James I am n the same situation. I have been recently diagnosed with a muscle disease that is causing my body to destroy its own muscle tissue. I have slowly become weaker and am unable to do participate in many outdoor activities because of it. If I am just hooking up with a guy I tend to not disclose my situation and say its bad knees or an old injury acting up. But I have a hard time when it comes to guys I’m really interested in or have become friends with when they ask me what I do for a living. I have been put on permanent disability and its embarrassing to have to admit it because I don’t want them to feel sorry for me or no longer interested because I’m less of a person.

    Ok this is getting kind of long so feel free to contact me to discuss anything further. username: drkntwstd

  62. Scott

    AIDS almost killed me in the 80’s. I am mad that my friends suffered and died. I was one of the lucky ones-meds saved my life. Now i deal with other medical problems like type 2 diabetes. I am mad cause our scientific community can not find a cure for AIDS. Did i survive for nothing?

  63. Think about this

    , I understand a lot about love and rejection. I’ve been lucky in love, had to very successful relationships. Unfortunately both guys passed away. So here I am 60, still young, hiv+ (yep the kiss of death), small dick and you know what… I’m a great catch! A creative man makes a strong foundation from the bricks thrown at him ~ David Brinkley. Another brick please! Rosedalebttm

  64. ATR72

    Dave, on a previous occasion you asked for discussion topics and many good suggestions were given from several well thought men. Nevertheless, promiscuous and conceited topics such as “Cum Swallowing”, “Double Dicking”, and “How To Get The Perfect Body/Ass” seem to be your favorite. So, why ask for suggestions if your personal opinions and topic choices are what will guide the discussions posted in here?

  65. DMan

    I appreciate blog like this that can be an open discussion.
    I want to comment on LaQuan post about black vs white and being attracted to each. I definitely know what you going through because I feel like a lot of them seem to want to act like they are sometimes above everyone but not all. Just be more opened minded.

    And I want to say why does it seem that guys can’t be friends with other guys with out truly any intention?
    I am the most open minded person but guys can’t see that, they only want to undress me with their eyes.


  66. John

    creamy26 I too have lost my partner to an accident several years ago.. I considered the same thing your contemplating, Please let some time pass, your partner would want you to be happy and live a full life, I know at this point it is difficult to believe but there will come a day that he is not the first thing you think of when you wake up and will not be the last thing you think about when you go to sleep.
    If you feel you cannot cope there are many counseling services available to you. Ending you life would just hurt the loved ones you leave behind.
    You may contact me if you want A4A user name = lookinaround469

  67. Jeffrey


    I thought only straight guys worried about penis size until I came out and met a few size queens recently. This is the best I have ever felt about my body and my penis size in my entire life. I am 6 1/2″ (not thick but not thin) and I have been made to feel that this is a perfect size by many men. I’m also a grower and not a shower LOL as I have found that most men are. I think we get too caught up in what the perfect size is supposed to be that we forget everyone is unique.

    Ca_artist, Wayne62, and Brandon

    I am so tired of rude guys on here. They look at your profile and pics on a regular basis but when you contact them they ignore you or say a few things and then log off. I can’t count the number of times I have had a conversation with a guy and he just ends it by logging off or plain ignoring me. The other irritating guys are the ones that start a conversation, you respond, and then it takes them days to respond back to you. I would rather have a guy say he is not interested than to flat out ignore me. It seems that being rude is the new norm these days.


    I prefer a good looking face over what their body looks like.

    Andrew and James

    I would like to discuss this issue with you guys more because I am in the same situation.


    I love kissing and have found that there are guys out there that refuse to kiss at all. They will suck your dick and swallow your cum but won’t slip you the tongue. LOL

    Well this is getting long so anyone that would like to discuss any topic on here, age, race, top, bottom, friendship, etc feel free to message me. Username drkntwstd

  68. Dennis

    Does anyone know a remedy for retarded ejaculation? No problem with erections. Seems I have more of the ejaculations problem when someone else is doing me. I can do jack off with no issues.

  69. Hunter0500

    Have to agree with
    July 28, 2014 at 10:29
    How about talking about kissing or not kissing?”

    I’ve found that if a guy doesn’t kiss, or isn’t interested in doing even a decent yoeman’s job of it, the rest of the meeting doesn’t go well. Not sure if it’s just a preference of mine or if it’s an indication that the guy is only interested in onetime hookups. Those aren’t my thing. I value getting to know partners well, their lives as well as what they like to do on the workbench. And I look forward to having them in my life for a long time. Not solo, but as good buds.

    Kissing is personal. Much more so than a blowjob as far as I’m concerned. You’re eye to eye when you do it. That’s about as personal as it gets.

    So, yeh, a “kiss/no kiss” field in profiles would be a bonus.

  70. Okcmanhunt

    To the gentleman (Creamy 26) that recently lost a lover… First, my sympathies. I lost the very first lover (to a brain tumor) I ever had in college in my late teens. I know your pain. Although it seems like it won’t, things do get better with time, and you will begin to move on and eventually find someone else. I’ve been with my current partner for over 20 years, and we are now beginning to plan our marriage in OKLAHOMA of all places. A4A is an agreed outlet for me, as long as I don’t bring anyone or anything to our house. You will find someone again who will match you and your needs in many ways. Stay strong – if you ever feel desperate, contact your local LGBT center or if you live somewhere more remote, google your state’s suicide or crisis intervention lines. We are each to valuable to each other in a pursuit for equality that we cannot afford to lose ANYONE!

  71. homer simms

    Well lets see what anyone else thinks! Just wondering how many guys are dating bi guys? Do you mind the fact that he’s fucking a woman? And brings himself to you after?

  72. playtime54

    Being an older guy (54) a lot of guys are not interested, I send them a smile or a short email and they never open it or never respond. I’m O.K. with that. A4A is a hook-up site, not a place that I expect to find my true love. On the other hand, I have met some truly wonderful men on here, both friend and sex partner so thank you A4A! And FYI… I respond to everyone! It’s just who I am

  73. rc

    Lol agree with Glenn, we should just flip flop and be happy with each other. I love to flip flops but so hard to find a guy who love the same. They are either total bottom or top is crazy. My un is chill4fun

  74. James

    Another thing that happens a lot on A4A is younger guys that contact older men for sex, then string them along, give them bogus directions, and then contact them again to try and get them to run after them again. Myself as well as two of my close friends have all had one of the younger men contact us and play these games, and after wasting our gas, contact us again and say things like you must have written the directions down wrong! When he contacted me I let him know I was into guys my own age, and he talked me into meeting him at a local motel to split the cost of the room, then he locked himself in the bathroom, and wouldn’t come out. When I left and went home he contacted me and asked why I didn’t leave the money for the cost of half the room? When I stopped laughing, I ask him if he was joking? He wasn’t! Then a few days later he contacted me and asked if I wanted to meet up with him again, and that the reason he didn’t come out of the bathroom was because the shower was broke! Another guy wanted me to come to his house. He lived in a town 30+ miles from where I live, and when I got there he stood behind a locked storm door, and said he made a mistake and couldn’t go through with it! Then other guys get upset if you aren’t willing to travel. It just seems like there are far too many game players on sites like A4A, and other sites like it.

  75. jay11969

    @David: If I had to pick just one(Nice body or nice face)I would opt for nice body hands down. I have had the experience of opting for the pretty face only to discover the body was a huge turnoff(Fatter nude then in attire, flat butt, etc). But a nice body will do it for me over a nice face with a terrible body.

  76. Stephen

    Times have changed for sure since the AIDS crisis back in the day, but why are people now acting like it’s no big issue or not much to worry about? Yes, back then people were dropping dead like crazy and didn’t live very long, luckily with medication advances people now can live a long life or much prolonged lifespan…BUT because people now want to think/treat it as a “chronic” disease, suddenly people want to bareback like crazy and it’s very popular with porn movies?

    If you want to risk your own life/health by having unprotected sex with every cock out there it’s your business obviously, but I really hate the nonchalant attitudes about HIV or somehow it’s fine for “anything goes.” I only wish the tons of friends I knew that are dead now from HIV (who many died before 30 or in their early 30’s) could have the benefits of the scientific advances now-but sadly for them it is too late.

  77. fifthelement2090

    To add to the dating bi guys comment from HomerSimms:
    IMO, I dont like to date bi guys. They’re fun and all, but who knows what they’re doing on the other end. I dated one for two years and I was smitten, only to find out suddenly there was someone else and they were baby on the way and engaged. WTF, really dude didnt have the common courtesy to let me know, I would have totally respected that decison. I wasnt happy with the, “im not like that now”. Cmon! We’re all adults and I thought it was two way street,but what do I know. Rant over 🙂

  78. Child_of_the_Fullmoon

    @Steve & James and anyone else that’s interested in younger guys: I’m sorry that you guys have had bad experiences with younger guys. I’ve had trouble with guys around my age before too (young guys). Though I’ve had my fair share of older guys that were like that as well. I tend to prefer sex with older guys cause the sex tends to be more pleasurable rather than a quickie. I don’t like older guys for money. I’m in it for the fun. Though I always hear “you’re too young”, or “sorry but you’re younger than my youngest kid.” It tends to get very irritating. I’m mainly a bottom, but vers when asked to be.
    Side note: I’m not into kissing. I save that for those I plan to give my heart to.

  79. Scott

    Stephen- heteros bareback all the time and they are the biggest carriers of AIDS. they started the epidemic. why attack gay men for barebacking? its not fair.

  80. David

    I have a major beef with everyone saying that adam4adam is a hookup site. Why do people think this way? Seriously, as gay people we have such few outlets to communicate and meet with other people, why relegate a great site to just hooking up? Look at the adam4adam banner at the top of the page, there are three scenes and one is with a beautiful picture of two males embracing each other apparently at the beach enjoying the view of the waves or something. That does NOT look like a mere hookup to me. Why limit the site to just hookups? I have met some people from adam4adam who will be my friends for life! They would do ANYTHING for me and I would do the same for them. Granted, I met them when I lived in another country. I am concerned as to why I have never met one friend in America from adam4adam? It sadly seems like Americans view this site only as a place to get fucked. Personally I think it is pathetic and not the intention of the designers.. after all it’s the site where you should find your “adam” not just your HOOKUP!!!

  81. Dylan

    Well Dave it looks like the “hey what’s on your mind is a hit” I think to really make it pop is a place under each thread to respond directly to the poster. Instead of scrolling a mile down the page. Keep up the great work. I’m sure it ain’t ez being you with this crowd.

  82. Kevin

    I am a 31 years old from an homophobic African country, coming to the US for school and now on my way to becoming an immigrant. I have a question. Why is there so much hate/disrespect for gay men who are foreigners?

  83. Kev

    Personally, I am somewhat over this lifestyle. I come also came from Africa and now living in the US after getting a job here. I am a relatively attractive guy who is professional and career oriented but I’ve been quite disappointed with interacting with gay people. I have some questions:

    1. Why is there so much hate/disrespect for foreigners?
    2. You’d think that gay people (being frequently the object of hate from others would be more accepting of others.)
    3. It frightens me that no one seems to want to have a relationship with anyone these days.. I’m personally sick of hooking up.
    4. No one cares about what I am doing with my career/studies all they care about is my dick and want me to fuck them without a condom!
    5. Friendships seem few if not impossible. When was the last time anyone ever made a true gay friend?

    I’m beginning to think that it perhaps is not worth the trouble. I have a bi-sexual streak (I can fuck a woman, even though I prefer men) and I am beginning to think that it may be better for me to just try women!!!

  84. David

    I’m gonna speak from the perspective of a black man and say that while it is not exempt from the racist comments and remarks made by ignorant gay (usually older) men, I find that in general adam4adam provides a more diverse and less hostile and prejudiced environment to communicate with other gay people than some other major websites. As a black man, there is one website where I would feel almost uncomfortable creating a profile on it as the images and all the other profiles are full of caucasians and the comments/innuendos about blacks are simply stereotyping and demeaning. I’m happy that a4a is just a bit different, but also curious as to why this is so? I know that a4a has been around for a while. Did it have more diversity from the get-go than some of the other websites or are minorities just more attracted to this site? Thoughts???

  85. Eric

    Older gay men, love ’em or LOVE ‘EM! We younger men get a lot of flak from them all the time! Quick story, a man online saw my profile, stated that he and friend will be coming in from the boondocks to have some fun in my city. He asked if I’d be interested in hanging out with them at the bars, I volunteered. We met, and yes they both really look like retired men in their late 50s. I chatted with them for almost 2 hours, we laughed and had a blast. At midnight, I told them I needed to leave and wished them a safe trip home. I thought that it was the end to a perfect night when on Sunday, the day after, while in mass, I received the nastiest texts from these men accusing me of “leading them on” when I knew quite well that I wasn’t gonna sleep with them! All I could say was…. REALLY??? I know this is only “my side of the story!” But what could have gone wrong with this situation? I had told them upfront that I am not looking for sex, I just wanna hang out at the bars and they seemed cool. The sad part about it is that in talking with them for almost 2 hours, I genuinely enjoyed our conversation, hearing about their lives and work! Why would I need to have sex with these men? Why can’t older gay men appreciate that younger men can be interested in them for other reasons outside of sex!!???

  86. Bp

    Can we discuss the segregation within our gay community? It’s ridiculous how we can call each other fags and frown our face up at the next gay guys outfit or simply just ignore one another but were the same community of society that gets upset and fights everyone with a different orientation because how they depict us in the media or how they voice their opinions about us
    We have the power to end this stop being content with labels they are all man made objects than can be destroyed but you can’t completely take away someone individuality we are all products of our environment race, income, & time have nothing to do with it

    Next time you see anyone smile and embrace them as your brother or sister it’s no need for the labeling we are 1

    YusefR : screename

  87. James

    Jeffery, I would be glad to discuss this issue more. My A4A username is: Kokomo53btm . I tried looking your A4A ID up and got 8 results.

    Child_of_the_Fullmoon, I am really not so much into younger guys. I dated guys older than myself when I was young, and seldom look for younger guys. My only live in lover was 4 years younger than me, and the first younger guy I dated. We was together 7 years when he left me for a guy younger than himself. I have been hit on by younger guys, and didn’t used to turn them down because they was younger, but after so many bad situations with younger men, I decided I should stay with guys closer to my own age. That’s not to say if I’m out and about and am approached by a younger guy I’d be rude, or not talk to them, but the chances of anything sexual happening is slim to none.

  88. DoggyDad

    My partner unexpectedly passed away a year ago. I had to get a job so I would not lose our apartment or have to give up our 3 dogs, who are the most important things to me right now. I have made some friends at my job and have been there almost a year. I do not tell anyone who i had to find a job or tell them my partner passed away, but they now I am gay. I also don’t talk about anything concerning my late partner to my family or his or to any of our friends because some of it is still hard to talk about. It is hard not ta have someone to talk to about things, but that is the choice I am making. I did not chose anything I am going through right now and just try to do the best I can right now.

  89. will

    Is their anyone out their really doesnt care for sex or umm no intercourse but likes everything else I feel like im the only one and could be a problem when it comes to dating

  90. Dylan

    Hey.. I was about to turn off my juicy boy adds until I saw the vid clip of that cum being pumped out of that amazing g hole! It’s awesome!!!! Perfect flooded ass.

  91. Hunter0500

    Would like to hear more about the thousands of “functionally straight” guys who “went straight” in their teen because they didn’t fit (and in many cases were totally repulsed by ) the standard femmy flamboyant model that was the only model of gay guys known at the time.

    These guys married women, became fathers, set up careers … with everyone around them thinking they were straight for decades. Even with acceptance of gays growing, it’s very hard for these guys to “flick the switch” and come out. “Surprise! I’m gay” affects more than just them; they have wives and children that would be affected. They’ll not looking for pitty; the decision they made was theirs.

    Discussion points could include:
    – Did they lie? Or did they just do what an anti-gay society expected them to do?
    – In coming out (or in some cases being outed), what were their experiences? Positive? Negative?
    – After coming out, did they remain with their families? Or were they separated from them?
    – After coming out, what was the affect on their professional life and career?
    – If they haven’t come out, do they plan to? Plan not to?

  92. bboii

    I need help you guys so I’m very active when it comes to sex if it were for me I’d fuck everyday. The only thing that keeps me from doing it is not having a place of my own were no one disturbs and naughty things happen. My question is if I get a hotel room (first time wanting to get one) what do I do…. do they ask what you are going to use it for? Will they look at me weird? Idk what to expect!!!! I’m a first time doing this I’ve been to dudes pads but the mayority here can’t host that the PROB what do I do

    Help a horny boii out!!!!!

  93. Maturemascsngl

    I led a pretty promiscuous life in my later 20s until about 40. I am now 50, my life and lifestyle has really changed. I having a hard time meeting people now who want more than a hot romp in the hay. Can a guy outlive his past or am I stuck with the stigma of “party boi” from now on? . Any chance of dating, settling down, falling crazy in love, getting married at my age? or has the ship sailed?

  94. Jeffrey


    Growing up there was no question that I was straight. I wasn’t allowed to date in high school but I was attracted to girls. I was extremely shy and a loner and even in college never had a girlfriend. I was very sheltered growing up and so when I did go to college I lived at home and went to the local community college.
    The first girlfriend I had was when I was 23 and she was 16. We dated her last two years of high school and moved in together when she graduated. I was a typical straight guy. Never thought about guys sexually at all.
    We eventually got married and had two children and things were fine.
    By this time I was in my early 30’s and I became curious about guys. I started to think about them sexually and found them very attractive. These feelings would come and go and I really didn’t think a lot about it. But eventually it became the reason for a deep depression that lasted for years.
    At the age of 41 I had the chance to go back to college and finish my degree so I moved 2 1/2 hrs from home and would travel back on weekends. The first semester at school was good and we managed to make things work. The second semester I went back I had these tremendous urges to find out what it was like to have sex with a guy, so I did. It was great and I wanted it more and more.
    My wife started to suspect something but I assured here I was just trying to focus on school and that nothing was going on. One day I forgot to log out of my email and she found out what was going on. We discussed things and agreed to divorce.
    We continued to live together for the next six months while we worked out the divorce and to allow our kids to adjust to the situation. During this time she told me that most of her family and friends had asked her at one time during our relationship if I was gay. She had also had her suspicions for many years prior to this also.
    I was bullied and teased every day of my junior high and high school years about being gay because I wasn’t athletic, didn’t have a girlfriend, was a loner, etc. I guess it put me in the mindset to show my peers later on that they were all wrong about me and that I wasn’t what they said I was.
    The interesting thing is that most everyone I know now that knew me growing up always suspected I was gay. No one but my mom was shocked at the news.
    If any one has any more questions or comments feel free to contact me. drkntwstd

  95. Lavida

    I read most of the posts here, and I was delighted to see a couple people mention “labels”: shout out to Stephen and Bp. I’ve been training myself for years to recognize when I attempt to label someone or their behavior–I’m getting better all the time. When we label one another, we diminish them via objectification. I think it’s a natural process that helps us to quickly understand complex sensory input and temporal ideas, but the process doesn’t seem to have evolved enough yet to distinguish between what I like to think of as different shelf lives.

    For example, it’s an unbelievably handy process to assess danger possibilities, which need to happen almost instantly to allow escape or defense. On the other hand, it’s excruciatingly clumsy and inept at resolving non-threatening actions that occur in series, like the actions of two people meeting and becoming friends. So it’s great at accommodating instant occurrences and initializing emotive and physical response (fight or flee), and really lousy at accommodating complex streams of information collected over time (treating people as the incredibly complex creatures we all are). For the latter, it hangs on tenaciously to the initial labeling episode and emotive response memory, and seems to virtually ignore the subsequent stream of information. To make matters worse, we often label ourselves, so the self label becomes the path of least resistance in the act of understanding and the initial reactions are epoxied-in even quicker.

    If we all were more conscious of the idea that we need to at least study this apparent evolutionary pratfall, we would likely remove some of the fear that generates misunderstanding and unproductive emotive responses.

    What say ye?


  96. Shaun

    I really like this forum. It’s kind of an education to see what people are thinking of in the anonymity of their computers.

    To Tony: Yes, kissing is a must for me. Foreplay actually gets me going more than anything else. And there is no need to judge someone who likes dudes but is also married to a woman. If it works then it’s not an issue.

    To David: A nice face any day of the week. The face is the personality and the mirror of emotion. It does so much more than go hard and then soft again.

  97. Shaun

    One last thing… I like that people are writing down their screen name in case there are other like-minded people. Mine is 35WMDD. From SF.

  98. Brett

    This one goes out to our illustrious host, Dave. I am interested in sharing some pics with you that I thought you might enjoy. I look forward to your reply.

  99. Still the same

    How about men like myself that are masculine and are only oral. No anal at all. It’s very hard to meet others of like mind

    Screen name: goodguyoral

  100. Modcuzco

    Imagining if you all looked past the surface and got to know someone imagine if you you weren’t so worked up on a special type what amazing individuals you would meet ….we aren’t all human

    Yusefr: scree name
    IG: Modcuzco

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