Gay Stuff : Top/Bottom?


Hi guys,  I received an email from Love102, he was asking me to post about the top (more dominant) / bottom (more submissive) relationship. He was wondering if he was alone thinking that a top has to be more manly than him and wearing the pants in a relation?! He said he personally finds it sexy when a man can do things he cannot do himself, like fixing the flat tire of a car for example.

So he wants to know do bottoms like tops to “take control” in the relationship?  What about tops, are they turned on when they are looked up to?

I’m like Love102, I am 100% bottom and like my man to be more “masculine” or “manly” than me. I like a man that is taking the lead in life and in bed as well. I’m not saying I would let him control my life, not at all. I have a strong personality, career driven, ambitious…but I like to be the younger, the boy in the relationship, more on the sub side in bed.

Let me know your thoughts on this. I guess for versatiles it is different, let me know what you think about this and what’s your role in the relationship?



There are 146 comments

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  1. factual

    I guess I am more of a top than I realized. I can definitely change my own tire. The main thing I would want a top for is for fucking. I really don’t see how that relates to personality. In a relationship, I want an equal, not someone who thinks they need to dominate me. I am not sure the sexual position translates to anything more than that. When I am on top, it doesn’t mean I want to dominate the other guy. It’s just a matter of who puts their cock where. That’s my 2 cents, spend it wisely.

  2. Akuma

    I’m a top I like my guy to be both masc and fem, if my guy know more about fixing a car then me even better that mean we will work very well together in and out of the bed. I like a dominate bottom I don’t like when a person is weak

  3. Enzo (SoCalTuffGuy)

    In the SM World, the terms top and bottom have nothing to do with who is penetrating whom – it is a term defining dominant and submissive. Yes, I think the top should be the more “manly” of the two, yet I know everyone’s idea of “manly” differs which is why there is such a great diversity in coupling. I prefer to be a top, meaning I am attracted to submissive men. That doesn’t mean they can’t be “manly,” though.

    I’ll also point out a top/bottom, dom/sub relationship is unusual: Most people just connect without such rules and guidelines.


  4. joey

    Another catagory of what a man is suppose to be like in a relationship. Nobody likes to be controlled all the time, or wants to control all the time. My thoughts on such labels are, live out your fantasy with hookups, cause you won’t find half of what turns you on in a real relationship.

  5. 505chevyboi

    This has to be the most stereotypical load of crap I read…. What your basically saying is because I bottom I need to be submissive?!?! Ugh…. I don’t believe because you like to bottom you gotta Be girly dancing queen stay at home house husband… I bottom… But I’m in charge of relationship… I’m the breadwinner…I manage finances… I take care of house repairs vehicle repairs and maintenance…. I’m the outdoors guy hunting and camping… Not cuz I’m proving a point… Its cuz that’s what I like…. But Hey cuz I like it from behind I shouldn’t be like that??? 21st century y’all I thought we were trying to suppress stereotypes… Not enforce them for everyone else to use against us! By comments like this we allow the rest of the world to mock us… Saying we do it so can you!!! When can we start just being humans like everyone else!

  6. Luca

    Interesting that most “top” I meet are typically very femy and small in stature while big beefy hairy dudes seem to be more on the bottom end of the ladder???? Haha but ideally yes I prefer the top in relationship to be masculine confident and more of a leader than a follower. That doesn’t mean that a bottom has to be a flamer or girly but should compliment the top in the relationship big brother/little brother. Father./son kind of dynamic. Most dudes especially on here think just because you stick your dick in a hole or not into anal you’re automatically a top.. Lol. But I believe it’s most than that.

  7. Holden

    That’s not always the case. I’m a top. And it is not about flexing my dominance, it is simply a preference of position. If a bottom is more masculine, it is no more and no less attractive than if they were more feminine. I personally prefer a more masculine outdoorsy guy, but that is just me personally. I know guys who are the exact opposite. It is all personal preference. As far as dominance goes, I prefer a tug of war. I am not the kind to wanna be outright dominant. I want an equal who is gonna put up a fight, someone who can rough me up a bit. Doesn’t make me any less a top, nor him any less a bottom. Just preference.

  8. FiggleFaggleFuggleFoggle

    I’m a top, and I totally get off on being “the one who wears the pants” both in the bedroom and within the relationship. I like to be the one to help open a jar, or change a tire. But I would prefer for the guy not to expect it and just adjust to it lol
    It would be nice to be on the opposite end though, and have a bottom who is more masculine than me, just to see what it’s like, or if it’s even possible. Bottoms around here tend to be very feminine and expect to be treated like girls.

  9. Klevercub

    Coming from a total Bottom, I Like my Dominate Tops. Take charge in And out of bed. I’m a 23yr old guy that likes his man Older. 40ish. But when it comes to My Life I take charge, I work and do what I have to do. Just great to have someone take charge of you in a diff way.

  10. Danny

    Hey I totally agree with this post me and my Best friend / fuck buddy are like this he’s more butch and he like to be dominate even in public and I kind of love it like when where at a club and I’ve gotten lost he finds me and graves me by the arm and is lets go smoke a cig I’m a overprotective way it’s sweet but such a turn on …. And his dad is very handy and he is too he knows about cars and fixing things and wires and that shit is like French to me but I know all pop ,political and anything important but he knows all that simple man shit and I love that I think were the perfect balance of top & bottom and were both from Brooklyn so we both have a hard exterior but we put that aside for each other and when I call him he knows he better call me back ASAP or the bitch in me comes out and he does anything to not let the bitch out 😉

  11. Chris

    I 100% disagree with this. This perpetuates stereotypes that we’ve tried so hard to eliminate across the spectrum of genders and races. Nothing about being a bottoms suggests you have to be the submissive one in a relationship nor does being a top suggest dominance. They’re merely labels the gay community is obsessed with. Be a bottom and change a flat tire. Stuff like that is unrelated to what you do in bed.

    The gay community needs to quit defining themselves based on how much they like stuff in their butt and rather – define themselves based on their passions, goals, achievements, and so on. The bottom can get on one knee and propose just as much as a girl can to her boyfriend. This isn’t the gay-1950’s. We are more than just tops and bottoms.

  12. Bel

    In the bedroom especially, yes. However, I will admit to also secretly wanting to be a housewife, circa 1950, so I’m probably not the best to ask. Lol

  13. Ben Literal

    I think it’s about time we abolish the stereotypes when it comes to tops and bottoms (top = dominant and bottom = recessive). Sure, that’s what they mean in the bedroom. But they don’t have to carry into further parts of life. I’m a top. I’m not that masculine (I’m not that feminine either…you’d have to know me…) and I’m usually not the dominant one in a relationship. I’m no pushover by any means, but I usually don’t take the lead. No matter what I tell people, they assume I’m a bottom by default based on my personality and based on the fact that I don’t have that “take charge” attitude. That way of thinking may have worked in the 80s, but it’s 20-freakin’-14 now and we need to drop these outdated concepts of what a top acts like and what a bottom acts like.

  14. Bigandfly

    I’m 100% bottom. And my top most be just as masculine or more than me. If he is same as me. I will be the submissive one in the relationship.

  15. sliminsv2

    Sorry I vers and I like a guy who is more manly and knows the stuff I don’t know about. I mean a relationship is suppose to be about complimenting each other. I am a tech guy but totally lack sport knowledge so like my guy to know about sports.

  16. Bryan

    I would have to disagree I am a bottom vers and I like a manly man but that’s because I am manly myself. The role that is played in the bedroom is just that a sexual role in the bedroom. Yes there are some that are more obvious than others. Maybe I am wrong in others eyes for the way I think but it is my opinion thank for reading this . Love and peace to all tops and bottoms

  17. Mark B

    I prefer my guys to be dominant as I’m the Lady of the Streets, a Bitch in the sheets.

    I tend to take care of the dominant top by making sure that his needs are meet before mine are. Plus taking care of the castle as well.

    However when it comes to finances of the relationship–it’s equal. No if’s, and’s or but’s. The reasoning is quite simple: one needs to know what the finances are if one partner passes.

  18. mecocklover

    Changing a flat tire isn’t a “top” thing to do. Nor is it hard…it’s a self-sufficiency thing that everyone should know how to do…or at least know how to call AAA to do it for you.

    That small gripe aside, if someone wants to take a traditionally “feminine” role in a relationship, there’s nothing wrong with that so long as everyone in the relationship is o.k. with it. The idea, though, leaves us “middles” (who are part top/part bottom) in a bit of a pickle.

  19. Mark

    I’m a submissive bottom that can easily pass under the gaydar. I do prefer my tops to be more aggressive sexually and not effeminate. My ideal man is probably stereotypically a handsome athletic guy that has a real take charge attitude. I want to pamper him and feel a little protected by him…lol, and serve his every need!

  20. elms24

    I think the relationship should be sexually equal; no one has to be 100% dom/sub. Ex: the top should be able to hold down and pound the bttm into “XTC”, just like the bttm should be able to force the top on his back, and ride him while the top has to hold on for dear life lol. as far as everyday activities go, a man should be a man in my eyes. Ex: everyone should at least know how to change a tire (or be able to lend a hand). but just my opinion.

  21. Dean

    What thing that really pisses me off about this site is the number of guys who post a pic of their ass and say they are total tops, and guys who post only a dick pic and say total bottom, seriously guys, is it THAT hard to just make it say the right position or to upload a pic of the right part?

  22. Anon

    Sexually, yes… I understand the whole idea of wanting someone who is masculine/dominant/etc. Outside of the bedroom, it sounds like you’re saying you enjoy being the “useless girl.” I apologize for the non-PC term there, it’s the most common phrase I could think of. But if that’s the case, I would feel a little sorry for you because it seems that you enjoy the fact that you can’t take care of yourself in certain situations and need someone to help you “fix your tires,” as a symbolic metaphor (redundant?). Anyways, I think you need to learn how to take care of yourself when it comes to these things.

    P.S., I’m a (semi-)submissive bottom, but I would never depend on anyone to do anything as silly as fix my tires.

  23. john

    Being versatile, the top/bottom question depends on who has the hard cock at the being said, most of my so-called “tops’, end up being a better bottom than top..go figure

  24. Alex

    Hahaha!!!! ANYBODY who thinks the bottom isn’t the person who is really in control in the relationship has never really had a relationship.

  25. moody

    I don’t get why people are always talking shit about the blogs… if you think you can do better then start your own!!

    Thanks for working hard Dave!!!

    • blog

      moody : thanks man! Yeah it’s kind of annoying but I’m used to it now after 4 years. Always the same haters….but it’s ok, it’s part of the job:)

  26. Paul

    I am versatile, I like to top and to bottom. But I like a man that is very butch and manly regardless of what position. I like ’em rugged and hairy, just like my husband. And I am the one that can fix a flat tire as easily as I can throw out a 4 tier wedding cake 🙂

  27. rj2097

    well lookie here. I have to crack a smirk. Comments are both pro stereotypical and con stereotypical. Congratulations on being YOU, weather your categorizable or not.

  28. Enzo AKA SoCalTuffGuy

    Damn, these haters are so boring. It’s one thing to have an opinion, but another to be a complete ass about it. The Blogmaster (Dave) can easily choose to not post their comments, so stop complaining that he isn’t open-minded.



    This is just sexual profiling. A Top enjoys penetrating. A Bottom enjoys being penetrated. Anything else is an assumption on your part. I’m a Top, and masculine rugged men that like to bottom, drive me wild. I’ve met more than my share of uber masculine bottoms (soldiers, mechanics, businessmen, athletes, etc). For the most part, sex is about Two people enjoying each other. And I’ve had a few bottoms get on top of me a ride my dick like there was no tomorrow. Got to love an aggressive bottom. Dominance is a personality trait, not a sexual trait.

  30. Dlmenlover

    Everyone is different, I’m a big masc guy in public, but with my man I’m the more submissive one, I cook clean and make sure my man is taken care of because taking care of a man turns me on(not financially though lol). So I expect my top to pay bills, pay for ALL meals and take the lead and make final decisions on things. Even though I’m masc and not fem at all this type of relationship works best and I don’t feel less manly at all. I’m. 100% bottom so when it’s time for sex it’s no debate as to who is too and who is bottom, it’s too stressful trying to play both roles in a relationship which is why a lot of gay relationships don’t last, mine is over 5 years and we are both happy as hell lol

  31. Mikey

    I look for a man/ men who are tops that know what they want. I don’t wanna play games just want and need someone to tell me what try want from me in the bedroom. I can handle the rest of the world by myself

  32. alex

    While I’m a total bottom, I’m a bear and people assume that I’m a top because I’m big boned, AND stocky, and hairy, and beardy. And also because I can be aggressive and dominant in my life. But in a relationship and in bed, I want someone who can dominate me. It’s not that I want to submit, it’s that I want an equal partner and I need to be with someone who I feel could at least be challenging in a physical fight. I don’t want to be able to win in a fight with you if you’re trying to top me. It’s just a way of showing that you’re strong enough to pull your weight in the relationship, in bed, and that you’re strong enough to care for me.

  33. James

    When I was younger I was versatile, and dated older men, but I’ve never really been the submissive type. I can, and would rather do for myself. I can change tires, and even carry my own canoe to the water and back. Now I am older and a total Bottom, I still like guys my own age and older, but I tend to get more turned on by guys that are more fem, yet still tops. Fem in the streets, but butch between the sheets, that’s what gets my motor running! I guess it’s partially because I am more than capable in doing things for myself.

  34. Del

    Top or bottom, I like guys with confidence, smart, multi-talented, genuinely good and like too get it on without all the BS.

  35. Gabe

    I don’t mind it at all. I’m a Bttm I’ve always been attracted to guys that take on the more manly role. Im a little gentle but can be rough and rugged at times. I’m still looking for my top. I’m only looking to date that will lead into something serious. Check me out on adam4adam my screen name is gabe4u

  36. Steven Underwood

    What a great discussion! It’s great that gay men are able to use this kind of venue to openly discuss these questions. Anal sex is such a complex activity with psycho/sexual as well as sociological ramifications. Bottoms are traditionally regarded as “feminine” and inferior – and as gay men, we’re all trying to fight against these stereotypes. What really matters is that anal fucking is awesome, and it feels great – and nobody should feel “inferior” or shamed about it. Getting fucked is amazing – as well as fucking a hot man. It’s all good. All these negotiations over who is what or who likes to perform which role are all part of the complexity, the mystery and the fun. More power men. Own it up.

  37. Gay Tony

    I’m a 100% bottom in the bedroom but I’m pretty much manlier than almost every guy I fuck with. My relationships consist of two masc guys, there’s no feminine role present.

  38. Been Both

    There are plenty of top/bottom couples that fit the stereotype (else the stereotype wouldn’t exists…it didn’t spring from the ether), but easily as many that don’t. It really depends on the chemistry between two people and their sexual tastes. I’m no more or less masculine than the average American male, but I top and bottom sexually depending on my mood. I’ve been a wildly aggressive and abusive (he loved it, don’t freak out) dominant for one fuck buddy, and a submissive human fleshlight for another, but while those involved sex, what was going on was psychological (and bizarrely satisfying: can’t explain it…just do it). I’ve been fucked almost to ruin by some queeny tops, and laid waste to some seriously butch guys’ asses. Chemistry and preference: it all just depends.

  39. gs999

    Some people like to confuse sexual preferences with personality traits… in the real world, you can be a big tough bottom, or a little femmy top, or the reverse of either, or somewhere inbetween. Personally I prefer well balanced versatile guys who don’t use labels.

  40. seth

    This sounds like a bunch of BS to me. What you saying is that because you bottom you submissive and a girly, queeny, kind of man. Thats not true at all and by the way, what is manly? Let me guess I gotta watch sports on espn, call myself bi, and cheat behind my wife’s back.. First of just cause I bottom (fully vers here) does not make me any less of a man than the top, matter of fact I think you more of a man if you bottom since you have to let him enter you. Second just cause you watch sports, claim to be bi, and doing stuff behind your wife’s back doesn’t make you a man either. A REAL man is a guy who is comfortable in his own skin, doesn’t go by any labels & stereotypes that are out there, and most important treats others with respect. Being a top does not make you a man or manly..This topic is just another topic that aims at stereotypes.. You want a real topic to talk about stereotypes, how about one in which we find ways to get rid of them or how about what we can do to get rid of the negative aspect of the gay comnunity, and most importantly, get rid of idea that gay pride events is only about sex, drugs, and bunch of getting drunk..

  41. Jess

    I’m a vers/btm, but I grew up on a farm in rural NC. Just from that type of upbringing, I have a lot knowledge that people consider “masculine”. It may be an extension of this or the fact that I used to wrestle competitively, but I really enjoy a constantly changing dynamic in the bedroom. There’s a lot of give and take, but it’s almost the struggle for dominance that I enjoy more than being being either dominant or submissive.

  42. Tig

    Why is masculine tied to physical strength? I am a top and consider myself masculine. But I am not hairy, or big physically. But I am definitely a man in the qualities I consider truly masculine. Such honesty, loyalty and quick to stand up for what I consider right.
    To me, those are qualities that make a man not physical types.

  43. JackOfAllTrades

    The relationship should be equal outside of the bedroom, and if the bottom is the more masculine one than so what! Sometimes that happens!

  44. Mike

    Top and bottom is a sexual position. Who wants to put their dick in ass vs who wants cock shoved in their hole. The other stuff — Dom, sub, masc, fem are personality traits and behaviors. For me– nothing beats fucking a masc manly hairy muscular bottom. You know you are fucking a man.

    It’s a nicer way of saying whether u want to fuck or be fucked. We are over thinking this. .

  45. Mark Lucas

    I am a total submissive bottom. I’m only 4-1/2″ cut. I’ve always felt I should’ve been a women if I wasn’t blessed with at least an average cock. I love being topped. I have loved every minute of it. But I am usually the one that dominates the relationship. I know what I like and what I need and want. Like the bumper sticker reads, “I’m the one with the pussy so I make the rules”. The end.

  46. WildNCrazyLeo

    I’m a bottom (mind you I don’t like anal all the time), mostly submissive in bed, handy or not, doesn’t really signify how masculine you are, but it is a turn on because I’m not a handy person. Day to day I am far from submissive. How I am bed is not how I am out of bed. Two different things.

  47. Christophe LeAmoureux

    Maybe it’s just me but I like being treated with respect in a relationship or if it’s just random sex; whether I’m playing the top or the bottom. Being treated like someone’s bitch is an automatic diss to me and a turn on for others. It actually annoys me when dudes flex so fucking hard, trying to prove that they’re macho. Give it a rest. We’re all gay and to the outsider whether you are a top,a bottom,or versatile: you’re gay.

  48. nicky1974

    I am a bottom. My top must take control only in bed. And only in bed. I’m too independant for anyone to change my tire, fix my car and even to put gas or anything else for that matter. If I had a foot long dick, I wouldn’t need a top lol.

    But to each his own, I guess. For me, its not about being masculine or fem. As long as we have fun. Just do not run my life. Just be in charge in bed but let me do things I like to do aswell. Bottoms have fetishes too.

  49. howardangel

    This Bottom is more like a totally sissy Bottom that takes on too many feminine traits that can’t even do everyday functional task a man or woman could have done or should be capable to do. Or he is just too lazy to do it himself, nothing inherent about you have to be masculine in order to change a flat tire. When that’s necessary for the Top to do all the manly stuff, why doesn’t this Bottom takes the next step and have a sex change to completely codepend or depend on the MAN in this so called relationship. No wonder the Tops only seek one thing from this kind of Bottom and then they will run into the next, definitely not looking for a relationship.

  50. KingLeo32

    I have to admit. As a bottom I don’ think it’s about masculine or fem. I think it’s about balance like sun and moon, yin and yang. I’ve been told I’m not too fem not too masculine. Just enough. Which I take as a compliment. Also I like to please my man in the bedroom but outside of it I’m pretty opinionated. So for me I prefer a partner that will pick up where I leave off. I rule all day in business the last thing when I get home is to rule my household. The one thing that certain not all tops need to realize is you can be tender and rugged at the same time. Just because you top doesn’t mean you need to be a dick and just because you bottom doesn’t give you an excuse to be a whiny diva.

  51. Ivan

    I’m a vers guy… And really my ideal partner would be vers themselves. In terms of personality, I think I’d like them to be balanced above all. Not dom or sub all the time, but equally both… That’s what I feel makes a relationship healthy. Balance in both the relationship and each of the parties as well.

  52. lacie

    being a bottom means pleasing a Top. Doing whatever the top wants you to do orally and anally. Talking dirty if the top wants you to , fucking in every position. wearing whatever the top wants you to wear.. Tops should always be in control of the show. I had 1 top that made me service 3 of his friends before he had his way with me infront of the 3 friends , then he filled every hole with every cock that was available and I was awarded with a satisfied ass.

  53. Brandon

    I am a total bottom, I like my top to take control in the bedroom. A masculine guy is sexy: fixing cars, house repairs and protecting his partner. This is just my opinion.

  54. hardtopftl

    I have been lucky enough to get guys I like to bottom for me, and some of the femm-iest turned out to be contractors, and the butchest, designers. so I gotta say, ya likes what ya likes.

  55. rj

    I am a sexual top, a pretty masculine guy. I built my own house and irrigate and farm and even kill and eat snakes. I like bottom guys who can keep pace with my sexual appetite. My experience is that the bottom men in my life control how often sex happens for me. It is their decision whether or not I get my needs met. In terms of personality, I don’t want to parent anyone. I like men who want to, and are able to, be equal to me. One of my bottom fbs is more into cars than I will ever be, including mechanics and working under the hood. I can cook a pie as good as anyone’s grandmother. Skills are skills, personalities are personalities, good men are good men regardless of sexual preference; top or bottom. My interest is sensuality, sexuality, connection and athletic sweating. Dominance and submissiveness mean nothing to me.

  56. roadylou

    I was told a long time ago. ” that in order for you to be a good top. You must first be a bottom. Stands to be true considering that as men we do what we want as long as it makes your partner and yourself feel good.

  57. unlawfulreason

    Im somewhat of a betamale. Typically one considers that roll as submissive but its more indominant. my polarity is eqauly capable but i prefer to submit to the leadership i find at least comparable to mine. Im not efemminat, maybe emasculine is a better word. For exmp: i adore my bestfriend (who is straight, im bi), in our relationship he makes the planes and we both execute them. I dont challenge him because his abillity to ‘do what i would have done’ is flawless, why disturb order? So i am ON the bttm. Not to speak of topping from the bttm. Lol. Any way if i called my bf to help change my tire, cheak my oil, add any fluids etc, he would tell me to off myself.

  58. Doug

    I agree with SELRAHC 100%. I like to categorized myself as one of those aggressive, masculine bottoms. Sure, I like to get tied up and controlled but it has nothing to do with femininity. Submission is a mind fuck. And yea, in order to be a great bottom, you gotta know how to top and dominate too.


  59. unlawfulreason

    Im a bit of a tantrist, i will take the role most pleasurable to my partner and that includes out of bed. What about my needs? I teach them that our pleasure is codependant.

  60. InOverMyHead

    I tend to be submissive and let my playmate take the lead. I make suggestions, but never demands. At various times, I’ve played bottom and top, and even both for the same guy. Masculine -vs- feminine has not been a consideration.

  61. Bottom vers

    I call myself a bottom versatile, which, for me anyways, means that for anal I primarily bottom (say ca. 90% of the time), and am totally vers for oral.

    I like my tops to be traditionally “masculine” but I don’t think that has much to do with my self-described role as a bottom. I just like masculine guys. I am not into the self-proclaimed fem types. Nor do I consider myself fem at all…and while I call myself masc in my posts, I am really all over the place. I drive a pickup (stick shift at that), can change a tire, strip and revarnish furniture, etc. On the the other hand, I don’t really give a shit about pro sports. Or college sports. I am going into law enforcement and studied archaeology in college, both of which I think are pretty masculine but those studies in archaeology came with a lot of ancient languages, literature, and art history (much less so). I can grill some pretty amazing steaks or carne asada, but I also bake bread, can tomatos, and make jam. Regardless of what I study or cook I never do shit like cross dress, I want to see jock straps in the bedroom, not ladies’ panties.

    “Masculine” is a hard term to fix. It’s fluid, it changes with time and place. I think there are different types of masculinity…say compare a beer-chugging college frat boy to a US Marine on active duty to a California surfer to a tatooed motorcycle driver with a beard. All masculine and very different. Factor in time. Victorian ideas of masculine (and femininity) were different.

    Anyways, as far as dominating the sex…that varies with my mood. I always want a top who knows what they’re doing. I don’t like teaching someone how to stick it in. Some nights I want to be his bitch and get used etc. while other nights I fling them on their backs climb up on their cocks, and ram my ass down onto them…totally setting the pace and dominating the fucking. They may be fucking hole good, but on those nights the hole is dominating the cock rather vice versa.

  62. frank

    Really dude?
    A top is a person who likes to stick their cock inside an ass, and doesn’t want their ass penetrated.

    Being a top has nothing to do with having the “lead” in life. Being a top doesn’t even need to mean that you are dominant/need to be dominant!

    This article shouldn’t be about sexual roles if it is going to assume that the “top” needs to know shit about “fixing tires” or “manly” things. To post this article would be to support the stereotype that the top should conform to the norm of being the more “dominant” one and the bottom should be more submissive at all times. It’s bullshit. This is not how every gay relationship is, nor how we should address them. This article uses the power of your voice to continue promoting stereotypes, my friend. One that suggests that the dominant sexual role makes you the head of the household or the one that SHOULD be doing more “masculine” things.

  63. Sissy

    I can be agressive but i want my top to be dominant and have his way with me. Guys here have been all talk and have not had a guy yet that knew how to take full control and satisfy me. Anyone up for the challenge lol?

  64. Kirt28202

    Charlotteans are all bottoms, so how would we know. Even those that claim to be tops are bottoms. Even the married men are bottoms. Charlotte, the bottom city.

  65. Eros

    Its sensation not phycology…you can be a top bottom versatile only into oral…what ever “sensation” you like the most, with out it effecting any other aspect of your life. If you want to talk about BDSM, ( dom/sub master/slave, horse/trainer, puppy/owner) then we can talk about being “in control” of a relationship…but vanilla to ping and bottom its irrelevant.

  66. Sam

    Top/bottom is not the same as Dom/sub. Top/bottom is something you do, specifically, who’s dick is going in who’s ass. For me, that’s a situational thing. Depends on my mood and my partner. Can change with the same guy, can even switch in the same session.

    Dom/sub is more about personality and the relationship. Usually, the dom is directing the action, leading the dance. More often than not, in a dom/sub relationship, the dom does most of the topping, but not always. I’ve been with some power bottoms who know what they want and go for it while I just lie back and watch them fuck themselves with my cock.

    Masc/fem is different too. I’ve been with fem guys who are very dom in the bedroom and fuck me silly. They aren’t masc in the way they talk or act or dress, but they have the confidence and swag to pull it off.

    I guess I’m just saying guys should be open minded and realize that it doesn’t always have to be the stereotypical masc=Dom=top. It’s ok to mix it up. In fact, it’s better to mix it up than to pretend and fake it because you think you have to conform to a stereotype. Be who you are and do what you want. Be honest, and you’ll find a guy to do it with.

  67. Dan

    I like the top, but will bottom while wearing panties. Go figure, I have found many tops become bottoms over time.

  68. Sam

    Oh, and further on the top/bottom thing: a guy who takes it up the ass sometimes is usually a better top than a guys who keeps is asshole slammed shut. A guy who sometimes uses his dick is a better bottom. Understanding what your partner is feeling helps you know how to please him. If I wanted to be dom/top all the time and only fuck fems, I’d be straight.

  69. Hunter0500

    Supposed correlations between top/bottom and dominant/submissive and masculine/feminine are mythological stereotypes. Gay guys in 2014 are as varied as the rest of the human race. Except to the holders of the gay “brand”, that is, who wish to keep the stereotypes alive along with a desire to hold gays as somehow bigger, better and more special than other people.

  70. Chipper Adams

    I want my lover to be take charge dominant. I am definitely the girl in a relationship in bed and in life.

  71. Sam

    In my opinion, the term top/bottom should be reserved only for sexual preference when you are trying to advertise in search of another man/partner. This will help us to to take care of one of the compatibility issues. I have dated few men that I am friends with because we realized our sexual preference was same. Though I have. Bottomed for men before in my young age later I came to the conclusion, I do not get pleasure or satisfaction when I am in the receiving end (only as fars as sex is concerned).. For a ltr, I think one needs more than just sexual compatibility. I met some one few years back, and had three years of wonderful relationship. Physical separation of 3000 miles ended it. In conclusion, one has to honest and talk about you own likes and dislikes rather than just the face. Compatibility is lot more than sexual poison one can assume. Take care.

  72. Antonio

    Being a top does not mean that you have to be domainent in bed or being a bottom doesn’t mean you have to be submissive. What this topic is about is not about top or bottom but more of the stereotypes in the gay community.. What is manly? I’m guessing that watching sports, grabbing your crotch, and wearing your pants below your ass makes you a top. Just cause you a top dors not make you a man, matter of fact in my eyes, the guy who bottoms is more of a man since he has to someone in him. A bttm guy can be just as domainent as a top and that still makes him a man.. Personally I don’t do domianent men(from my experience yall don’t know what you doing) and submissive men is like telling my dogs what to do.. I like men who are assertive/takes charge, not domainting (big difference), just cause i’m the same way.. If i want sex trust me i let the other person know.. Being manly has nothing to do with being a top, bttm, or domainting. Heck being manly doesn’t make you a man. I think you should had askrd what kind of man/men turn you on sexually since well all have a different taste in men..

  73. Paradoxical

    Bottoms who bottom top tops–in and out of the bedroom! One of the cool things about being a man in the 21st century is the freedom and encouragement to be your own fluid self. And hell, we love fluid, right? 😉

  74. OralSub321

    In My opinion the top and bottom thing is just the sexual aspect. During sex I am the masochist, submissive bottom. In our relationship I am the younger by almost 10 years. I am the main bread winner and more masculine of the two of us. I am the bread winner and more Aggressive in Business Household, and financial dealings. I don’t change tires I have road side assistance but could and have even replaced engines. I usually drive Trucks or sports cars and my partner has no mechanical aptitude and would Burn Water. We have Been married for more than 5 years and together longer. We compliment each other I am rough and outspoken he is the quieter and the one who smooth’s things out. SO here is the thing Most people take me as the top. I am told that I come across as the image of a top. But I am a bottom in Bed. So for me top is the label for sexual practice only.

  75. lee lee

    if ur dumb enough to think your mate isnt getting both from either u or supplementing somewhere else u r simply crazy. a man wants dick and ass no matter what anyone says if u dont get that KEEP LIVING IN FANTASY LAND be as blind to this as u want a man wants to fuck and get fucked and if u dont do both blame no one else but yourself. where one b**** wont there are thousands to take your place in this category. be real people we are talking about gay men not str8 men.

  76. vodkilieber05

    Yeah I can see where it becomes more of a personal preference than anything. Yes sometimes I like a guy to take charge of a situation but it’s probably because I’m probably the 3rd person view of a situation. I’m a bottom and instead of relying on someone to always do something for me I read DIY articles online and try things myself. I’ve done things such as change my radiator in my car, to learn how to grow herbs like Basil and Cilantro. Our society in general just wants to say you can only do a few things in your life but you have a brain and the internet is full of info good and bad so use it. I guess where I’m going is that you’re going to like who you like. Don’t worry in the end if you feel that it’s not normal, as long as you and your partner are happy it’s all that matters.

  77. Randy

    I am a total bottom and yes I am submissive for my man in the bedroom.What he wants is what he gets. Out of the bedroom, we share equally although we both know and like that he is one step above me. Labels are just that labels.


    I know in this lifestyle everyone likes to place everyone in a box or category. Off course, we are either top, verstile or bottom and that is not other way around that unless we fall into the oral only category.

    I am a 95% top, who on a 5% verst. this means for me to bottom the kat has to be equally as masculine as me and I have to be really feeling this kat. Otherwise noting is going happen.

    Personally, I do not like fem bottom, this is possibly in part to me joining this lifestyle at the age of 30 and prior to that all I ever did was be with a woman and when I see men who act helpless and diva like with the snapping the fingers and the diva drama acting like a woman its a major turn off. I like men who are men but are just into other men. If I want a queen, I can get a real one.

    Sometimes, men take on sexual roles and it can get in the way of a relationship. In closing, I like my men masculine and not playing damsel in distress.

  79. Steven

    i’m a bottom but sometimes i like to be the one “in charge” in the bedroom. he may be fucking me but i’m the one telling him how to do it!

  80. Will

    I’m a bottom and I like the top to take the lead. This does not translate to the relationship outside of the bedroom. I know I can meet his needs (before mine) and I have just as much control (if not more – bottoms rule :D) in creating the pleasure as he does. Personality does come into play. I would love to meet an aggressive bottom who would take control and ride me, but I don’t seem to attract those guys. As I say, tops like their bottoms to take care of them sexually, and when chemistry happens I do just that 🙂

  81. Vers and equal

    I’m not sure if it’s because I’m sexually vers or if it’s because of my strong sense of justice. I want to be considered equal with whomever I’m in a relationship with. If we define masculinity by our hobbies and abilities then I’m not sure where I fit…I love to go shopping as much as I love paintballing, I can change my tire and most of the fluids in my car (except the oil) and at the same time I love to just layout reading about the hottest celebrity gossip. My role in the relationship is to support or take charge when needed.

  82. quirky93

    Id have to disagree for the most part. I am a bottom and typically indecisive, I do like someone who is a bit more decisive and make some choices for me (dominate out of the bedroom). Id have to say as for personality traits, I know how to change a tire.. i got that covered. But if my man wants to go fishing or watch “the game” while I go get a massage, or go shopping, or see my friends, definitely ok with that. If he wants to strap on some heels, put on some makeup and go perform at a drag show, still ok with that. Basically if I click with someone, I click with them, very little judgement on my part. In the bedroom, i like your dick you like my ass, that is how it works. Im not submissive, your not dominate, you just put it in me.

  83. ChipperAdams

    I’m a total bottom and completely submissive. I love to do exactly what my lover wants me to. It’s all about satisfying him.

  84. Ethan

    I don’t see what being self reliant has to do with being masculine or feminine or being a top or a bottom. Being able to cook and clean in now way should feminize a person. The same goes with being able to fix a car or other things. I know extremely feminine bottom guys who can change a flat and I’m dumbfounded on how to (mainly because I rarely drive a car perks to big city living). This question/blog is embarrassing and somewhat offensive. These are not things that should define us.

  85. Gregg

    I’m a very masculine bottom guy who enjoys doing “manly” stuff like working on cars, working with power tools, mowing the lawn, etc. I don’t mind deferring to the top in the bedroom as I enjoy pleasing my partner by taking his dick inside me and if he’s the type that likes to initiate the action or direct the action that’s fine. If he’s shy or reticent, I don’t mind directing him how to fuck me…guess it just depends upon the person.

  86. Dwayne

    This topic is always controversial as there are so many labels society has, in general and now there are even more labels within the gay/lesbian community. I personally don’t believe that one’s sexual role has anything to do with masculinity or femininity. However, there are many that I have met over the years that do base one’s masculinity on whether they are a top or bottom. The sooner that we accept that people are people and not what sexual role they plan, the closer we will get to a more unified community.

  87. Steve

    I am mostly a bottom myself….but I’m no where near submissive. I agree with some of the comments hear i want a masculine man like me for a top…I am a masculine guy but I do enjoy being the bottom….I have topped some myself and still I’m not a dominant guy. I the guy i’m with ask me to top and I want to I will top him but won’t dominate him. And outside the bedroom i would like for him to be as outgoing and enjoy many of the same things i do.

  88. oAndy

    An earlier post stated that in the s&m world top and bottom correlated to dom and sub that is totally inaccurate top and bottom is exactly what it says,I personally am vers bottom and tend to prefer slightly less

  89. sparks

    This is always gonna get two sides of the coin. Top and bottom shouldn’t be dependant on masc/fem. People will say it should be on the other hand people will say it shouldn’t.
    I’m a bottom verse. I can change a tire, understand sports commentary, have my choice in ipas, do drag

  90. mike

    I was about 10 years when Stonewall happened so I was part of the ‘militant’ 70s and 80s. We have come a LONG way, but the bottom line has not changed sad to say. ‘Top or bottom ‘ what a offensive question. LABELS are still only good for clothes.

  91. S-Oteric

    Let’s see… You tell me. I can rebuild a carburetor,put in a transmission, tune up a car, put in a garbage disposal, ceiling fan, repair a toilet, put in a faucet; I can sew a pair of pants or a dress from a pattern, put in a zipper, sew curtains and hang them up, build a shelf and cabinets and pick out the plates to put in them; hang sheet rock and decorate a house, don’t like shopping, could care less about fashion; pay my own bills, love sucking dick and riding one like there’s no tomorrow, love burying my dick balls deep and fucking the hell out of a nice piece of ass and hearing the MAN moan while I’m doing it. I Like my men to be MEN whether they are fucking me or I’m fucking them. You can be as fem as you want, but you’re not going to fuck me and I’m not going to fuck you. I Don’t need to take control or like to be controlled.

    You seem to have Top and Bottom intertwined with the straight world’s idea of gender roles. When I read your article, I kept hearing, “So, how do you guys decide who’s the man and who’s the woman??”.

  92. Seriously

    I agree with Ethan about how offensive this post is. Liking getting fucked doesn’t make you any less of a man or any more gay. It simply makes you a bottom. As a top, I’m always amazed what a stigma there is with bottoming because of all of this bullshit that you guys are attributing to bottoming and that it means something more than liking getting fucked. Now I understand the versatility means equality concept after reading these ridiculous posts. They’re so crazy! It has to do with what I like to do in bed that I like to top it has nothing to do with controlling someone or being able to change a tire or being self-reliant. Get a life and learn how to fuck. Versatile guys tend to be horrible lays. Nothing is hotter than a bottom who cums hands free from getting fucked and is man enough to own it. Wow.

  93. thicknhusky

    There is fantasy and there is reality.
    If your fantasize about a take charge person you can yield to and submit to then that is what makes your happy and vice versa.
    The jobs a man has will never relate to his character. A job is something we do character and heart are who we are.
    If you want to yield to idea of being more docile and letting someone else who the physical labor or “manly” thing it doesn’t mean you cant survive without it’s the scenario that fits what you want.
    I am top. I fuck and make love to a man because I appreciate the man he is and respect and desire that part of him that wants to receive me inside his body. It takes a man who realize he likes to be penetrated, seek out and trust someone to penetrate him and then follow through nothing about the is weak of fem. We put to much on the act of penetration. You can’t be a top without a bottom and you can’t penetrate someone who doesn’t want you without it being rape.
    So it’s mentality no sexuality and respect that is the foundation nothing else really matters.

  94. Eric C

    As a bottom I’m more on the passive side and like my Top to be the aggressor when with me. It may be stereo typical but I do enjoy a man that takes control and isn’t afraid to be more dominating. That’s not to say that I don’t have an aggressive side when the top isn’t being as aggressive as I’d like. In few cases like that I’ll step up and take control until I’m at the point I feel the person I’m with is on the same level as I am.

  95. Philip

    To me and most younger gays it has mostly to do with sex and who is penetrating who. There’s no dominance or submission outside of the bedroom.

  96. BBGUY1970

    Please don’t teach the young guys these dysfunctional scenarios .
    Nobody dominates the relationship out of the bedroom .
    Thats for straight people headed for divorce at 60 miles an hour
    into a brick wall .

  97. DahChi

    I think that top or bottom has to do with what an individual likes sexually. I consider myself a very masculine guy. But I prefer to bottom because I like the way it feels. If you’d want to fight about it, I’d probably kick your ass, if you think just being a top makes you more masculine.

  98. BTM4U

    I have been a bottom my whole life, and never have had any desire to go top, I love it when a man takes control in bed and makes all the choices.
    however out of the bed room, I am very career driven, I manage many people and am making decisions all day. I guess that’s why I like letting go if that in bed. My last real relationship I was without a doubt the female in the relationship. I did all the cooking and cleaning. But I really enjoyed it.

  99. Allan

    Unfortunately, just as straights have stereotypes about gays, gays also succumb to stereotyping. Being ‘manly’ has nothing to do with sexual or positional preference. (How about a completely straight Caspar Milquetoast?)
    I’m more of a bottom, yet I prefer an equal relationship with a top. Also, I know how to (And DO, when necessary) change flat tires myself…..

  100. Bigshooter38

    I’m mostly a top, I’m tall and lean, an otter I guess!! Im about 8.5″with low hangers that are almost bulletproof lol!! I’m not super masc but I’m def not fem in any way!! I love topping young hung Latinos or sexy twinks (not attracted to fem guys at all) but I have to say that my biggest turn on is topping a big butch muscle stud!! And I love an aggressive bttm that can fuck my cock and doesn’t sound like a bitch getting pounded in str8 porn!! One more thing, why the hell do we try and place labels like Dom and Sub, masc and fem?? We’re not heteros, we’re men who fuck men, so who cares if one day I’m the more Dom one but completely sub the next?? It gives rise to spontaneous hotter sessions and keeps things fresh and exciting!! Peace

  101. FreeRangeRadikal

    I’ve dated little femme twink bottoms who could change a tire, oil, brakes, and even tune up a car (Ernie…), and I’ve dated big buff tops (Steven…) who couldn’t, so I don’t think that has anything to do with it.

    I think those are role stereotypes and while it may be that more tops can do manual labor while more bottoms push electrons, it seems that this is precisely the sort of labeling that we’ve spent the last 40 years – or more – trying to overcome.

  102. HR

    Am I the only one that finds this entire concept absurd, the idea of labeling and categorizing our selves like this? Why must one have certain personality traits in order to like a certain sexual position? It’s ridiculous. What about those who don’t like doing either one? What does it say about them. I personally find the entire practice repulsive so what personality traits must I possess?

  103. Masculine Manwife

    No, I’m not feminine and I don’t dress in women’s clothes. But in a relationship I see myself as the wife. I have a job and can totally take care of myself. I’m a bottom. I know that this is what I bring to the relationship in the same way I know I’m gay – it’s natural for me. I nurture and take care of the other man and defer to him in final decisions. The type man I would like to meet would be the husband in the relationship. It would be natural for him. He is the more dominant one, the leader, the hunter and gatherer. He makes the final decision taking into consideration my input and what he know about me.

  104. Marteximill05

    I’m a top who is fairly middle of the road as for the traits you listed off. I would prefer to cook and stay at home while my man could do all the other shit. It seemes what you’re really asking isn’t who’s the top and the bottom, but who’s the man and who’s the woman in the relationship. You’d think that’s the exact kind of shit that a gay blog wouldn’t be asking, trying to break stereotypes and what not.

  105. Onmyknees

    I am 100% bottom as I luv getting it up the ass. It is my fave right up there with sucking cock/swallowing cum. THAT DOES NOT MAKE ME SUBMISSIVE IN ANY WAY!!!

  106. Dan

    OMG, I CAN’T even BELIEVE this article was POSTED!!!!! Honestly, the gay community is its OWN worst enemy. Body fascism, blatant and CRUEL discrimination to one another, it’s crap articles like THIS one that perpetuate this!! Gay people just like straight people run the gamut of personality types, it is RIDICULOUS to attempt to fit any ONE person into an all confining “label!” Top or Bottom as far as sex goes is a POSITION. The individual can CHOOSE how they behave, whether that is in a masculine or “feminine” (I HATE that description as well, like “feminine” is somehow naturally inferior or submissive!!) Some people laugh or are shocked when they see a physically masculine man being a bottom. Is this to say that you MUST be the Top just because you LOOK masculine??!! Same same with cock size, “OMG, that guy has a humongous cock WHY is he bottoming??!!” Why NOT?? Ageism, racial discrimination and body fascism are a DISGRACEFUL part of the gay community. The whole “You are too old, your abs aren’t defined enough, you have NATURAL hair where it is SUPPOSED TO BE, screening is BULLSHIT. Why not get to KNOW somebody based on their PERSONALITY rather than on completely superficial characteristics??? Yes, yes, I KNOW, you need to be physically attracted to a guy, I GET that BUT in the gay community it is taken to the ULTIMATE extreme. I am an HIV+, 48 year old bear who has an average cock. Many of you might relate to the blatant rejection, discrimination and downright HATRED I get just for having those characteristics when all I said was “I liked your profile and thought I’d say Hi!” I have been told I should go ahead a die and leave us “safe” people alone, crawl back to my nursing home or even been REFERRED to hair removal businesses!! People try to pigeon-hole me into some label but I resist labels. I am open to ALL men and think we should all have the CHANCE to show who we are INSIDE rather than what we look like on the outside. Straight women think they have issues getting by in the hetero world, if they only know HOW MUCH WORSE IT IS for a gay man who doesn’t fit the perfect “ideal” of what a gay man is supposed to be we’d have a new ally. In fact, in many cases we DO have straight women as our allies. In many ways what gay men face in “our world” mirrors what they have to go through in theirs. I certainly hope this article outraged others the way it did ME!!!!! How DARE Adam4Adam INTENTIONALLY perpetuate the hatred and discrimination?? My guess is that the people that run Adam4Adam are the same shallow, superficial people I am railing against. Let’s all GROW UP!

  107. Jockrightnow

    Personally, I am a masculine guy. I’m very self sufficient. I can do things for myself. I’m not really that attracted to feminine guys or find subordinate guys to be a turn on. But with all that being said, I’m a power bottom. I love being used and man handled. But here’s the thing… I’m pretty demanding as a bottom and it can come off as being a dominant bottom. I like the idea that there’s two dominant guys trying to take control of each other during sex. But that’s just my personal thought. However, the tops that have fucked me seem to enjoy how I am.

    • blog

      wow some of you guys are very dramatic. Im not a slave bottom slut….nor I think the member who wrote to me is. But we like a man that is more masculine than us. Not to change the flat tire….because I dont…I just call my dad or my brother lol, but simply because i like man that are “more” masculine than me. I’m not wearing dresses or heels and am not a “fem” boy because of that, even tho I like to dress up at Halloween:)

  108. bucky

    I have opted out of the Top/Bottom idea. I have discovered that the key to sexual compatibility is the general orientation of likes: So…are you orally oriented, phallically oriented, or anally oriented??? I like ass…mine, yours, and anybody elses.
    Its a baseline for sexuality that goes beyond the one sexual act that the top/bottom aspect applies to.

  109. pipefitterdom

    I’m an omnisexual who is 99% bottom in the sack with a man. I can go way farther than changing a car tire. I can rebuild an engine, transmission or brake system.

    My dream lover would be a uber masculine 100% top that I could restrain at will, or ride “cupcake” on the back of my Harley. My own gentle giant. It seems such a man doesn’t exist….

  110. bigdbttm

    im a masculine, nicely endowed latin guy. was raised to be s certain way cause im a guy. people are surprised when they find out im gay. even gay guys are surprised. that being said, i am and love being the bottom. the tops i meet are usually masculine , some dominating. i like my tops to be masculine, take charge kind of guys. most guys assume im a top and when they find out im not, they seem to get more turned on ( if they are tops)
    so i guess what my point is masc on masc is what works for me. just teo MEN having good sex. Nothing against fem guys, cause i know some studs that only like fem guys, but as everything else in life, its a preference, not a role.

  111. Trinidad James

    I am a top….and i am masculine….i play sports….and I’m very dominant in bed…however it doesn’t mean that i wont be submissive sometimes…i like my bottoms masculine just like me……just cause u take dick doesn’t doesn’t make you fem….or submissive…it just means that you like to take dick….thats all…that level of labeling to me shows pitiful thinking with simpleton minds….and i disagree with this level of steryotyping…everyone has their likes and dislikes…and i am not bashing anyone’s opinions…however i dislike wearing meaningless labels…and so does my partner…how do we expect to break away from the steriotyping of others when we ungraciously do the same with our own…

    Just my contribution and opinion…

  112. sodoman1

    Outside the bedroom everything is equal with all the fluctuations of influence and dominance which come with every relationship. But behind the closed bedroom door, I top and he loves it because it extends beyond his submission when I penetrate him but into things like which of us will go get the fresh drinks after we cum. He wouldn’t have it any other way… in the bedroom. And outside of that, I take care of him equally.

  113. Mike

    Why do we have to go on and on about this,, not only do we allow straight people splinter us into groups but we do it to ourselves??? I guess I am the only versatile person I know, I like to Top and I like to bottom. Why is that so bad????

  114. miami

    I am truly bi – I love to make love to girls and can use my cock very well thank you! But with guys, I am total bottom – I also love getting fucked by small, medium, and large cocks. I can’t get up for guys. The m2m relations are mutual – I don’t care about the fem/masculine aspect – we are both men. I just like a cock in my ass.

  115. Tyrus

    I’d say I like being the younger guy in a relationship bc alone I make all the decisions when it comes to life, career, and entertainment so I could be labeled as a top. Well that was a lifetime ago. I’ve been in a 5 yr relationship with my partner; he’s younger and is a top so in contrast, I’m the older man which was a whole new territory for me. So, In the bedroom, I don’t mind letting him take the lead. Hehe

  116. Sean

    I resent all of the remarks that make this posts sound ridiculous. I do like having a man in my life who is a husband type. That doesn’t mean I want to wear dresses or be stupid like that, I have a job and like making my own money. But there is something very sexy about a man who can put up bookshelves or change a tire. I think too many men are afraid of being taken advantage of and so they don’t want to let a man be weaker than them. But I seriously don’t need to be in charge of everything. What’s wrong with a husband who makes more than you do, or fixes things? I think it is sexy and I feel grateful.

  117. Twinkerz

    I think people that are angry at this article and are speaking of stereotypes are really unaware that they themselves are being highly judgmental and stereotypical. It’s just an opinion people. There’s no need for you masc bottoms to get your panties all up in a bunch. It seems that a lot of you people posting are trying to steer away from heterosexual norms yet you try to defend your masculinity and shame men who are fem. If that isn’t succumbing to Herero norms than I don’t know what is. Oh and Dave the blogger, I can totally relate to your article FYI.
    100% fem bottom and proud gay “MAN!!”

  118. big8boner

    The bottom has control of the top………..the top can’t do anything without the bottom…………..think about it………don’t read anything else into it…….just think about it………..everyone has his own preference and everyone has their own ability and what is comfortable for them…………..just think about it……….. 🙂

  119. Chip

    Labels and their definitions change over time.

    IMHO, the concept of the “top” having to be the “penetrating” partner derives from the straight world assuming the “masculine” gay man would “dominate and penetrate” the “feminine” (or “womanly”) partner.

    This is crap, and any gay man over 20 should recognize it as such.

    First off, as has already been mentioned, the definitions of top and bottom differ: top could be penetrator, top could mean dominant, top could just mean positioned above, and top could simply mean more masculine. Context matters, as does audience.

    While I have also been “confused” by some use of top/bottom labels with regards to oral sex, I think it is generally accepted that the penetrator in anal sex is the “top” — even if just for the moment.

    However, as anyone who has cruised or been cruised, can tell you, our sexual tastes can vary from day to day, hour to hour, even minute to minute. That guy you passed on 10 minutes ago can suddenly become the “boy du jour” now. Who knows why you changed your mind… you did!

    I pride myself on being an “active” and “assertive” sexual partner… whether I am penetrator or penetratee, on top or bottom (positionally), or being sexually aggressive or submissive. As my profile points out: I’m versatile and I get bored with the same old stuff. That’s not to say I get bored with the same old people — I just like to mix things up a bit when it comes to sex.

    I also like to dabble in bondage — where I am, about 90% of the time, the aggressor (top?). However, more than once I’ve had a “pure bottom” (anal penetratee uninterested in being the anal penetrator) bound and under my control — and more than once I’ve stuck their hard cock in MY ass and forced them to fuck me… that is no different than taking the ass of a bound and submissive “anal top” dude (been there, done that too!).

    My point is that top/bottom labels mean different things to different people — and can potentially change at different times. When I’m “riding” a “bottom boy” who has never fucked another man in his life and he’s bound and helpless under my control — am I still the bottom because his dick is inside me? I posit that different people will have different responses to that question…

  120. Jon Wilson

    Every person is entitled to his or her preferences but honestly I think when people have such rigid expectations of what they do and don’t want they end up missing out on some good experiences.

    It’s like this. I don’t care for seafood but sometimes when I’m at a party and a seafood appetizer is going around and it looks appealing, I’ll give it a try. Sometimes I find it “meh” at best, sometimes I really enjoy it and sometimes it’s just amazing.

  121. Rah A.

    I all for guy to take charge its a turn on for me but like you said life and the street are different topics but ive never found that one that can handle me yet lol <3

  122. derekxx

    Im vers and it really depends on the guy and the chemistry between us. I find myself to be more of a top with younger guys, but somewhat more inclined to bottom for guys a bit older…if a guy is a big dude, body wise, either thick or really tall, i also find it strange to top them.

    Another vers guy is what I would like in a relationship. Someone whose chemistry with myself is such that we both feel like we could top or bottom the other without it being weird or forced, but its hard to find such a match, I find.

  123. jay

    I agree with part of the original post. Yes i like to be the submissive one in the bedroom and i like a more manly aggressive top man. Outside of the bedroom it doesn’t matter as much. I mean i am not the handy type but i can change a tire and I know more things about agriculture due to growing up in the country. If my man is more dominant in all aspects i would be ok with it. I think i am more of a type B person instead type a and so in that way maybe opposites do work.

  124. Chris

    I’m a bottom and a submissive fem guy. Who cares what guys are and what they like? Do what makes you happy. To each their own. No one has the right to judge.

  125. byron

    I had a discussion about this with my mother the other day. My personal response is that most heretic couples have gone through a gender evolution where typical roles are not defined by the male or female stereotype. It’s interesting to see that a lot of homosexual culture keeps the stereotype alive by asking, ” who’s the guy and who’s the girl?” We are both men. I just like it in the butt. Lol

  126. Ethan

    I am 6′ 4”, solid lean muscle (fitness model), and have light dark facial hair. I love playing rugby and I am a bottom (mostly) for my twink BF. I am even more hung. Being a top or bottom doesnt define who you are. I love the feeling of getting screwed and jerked more than screwing and jerking anoyher guy..

  127. Ro

    I don’t know, I do love my man to be more manly and take control…I am a bottom. I love the idea of submitting and pleasing my guy. But I like to be strong and do for myself. Im not the manliest in the world but Im not the fem-ist. I can change my own tire and I can fix anything need fixing if I really need to. But I want some power in the relationship but yes I do like it when my guy is the take control guy. But I like it when a dominant guy and submit at times occasionally. Not in bed ever necessarily unless Im climbing on and riding him.

  128. Kyle

    The only problem with every post on this thread is that nobody wants to address the real reason why bottoming is tempting in the first place … even to men who prefer to call themselves “straight” though they enjoy sex with men – which is gay, but stars forbid you ell them that.

    If everybody’s a bottom, who the hell is ever going to top? Especially throughout an entire relationship. We all have needs. Selfishness is not one of them.

  129. brandonman39

    I prefer bottom because one im not very big and two i like to know the man im with got his.i used to top sometimes when i was 18-30 then i gained weight and guess i got lazy.i would top again with the right guy.

  130. Ernie

    Ok. My first question is how do you really link sexual position to masculinity? or the ability to change a tire???
    I am a total MAN. I do things the things the normal man does–Does that mean I have to be a top? I have a Man. He too does all the things a normal man does–Does that mean he too must be a top? We both work on our own trucks, we both stand up for ourselves (and each other of course), we both cook and clean up after our selves, and we both top and both bottom… Are we breaking the “norm” for the gay world? I think not. You are not defined by your sexual position. Just be yourself and enjoy you man (and let him enjoy you–ALL of you).

    That’s all I got to say about that…

  131. Len

    I just received started to bottom after an entire life as a top. I was always a very dominant person, not just with sex. I love being a bottom now. I found that I’m far less dominant, even submissive. Don’t know what it is but I made a complete change. I think it might be because I’ll do almost anything to get that cock in me. Maybe it’s a lifetime of habits but I’m now happily using my hole to its best advantage in getting my top where I want him. I want a strong, hot man & find I feel right at home being the seductive, submissive bottom & I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!!! Maybe it’s a relief from all the years calling all the shots & always in control. Now I’m very happy just melting in the arms of a strong man. Oh wow, maybe I’m gay?

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