Gay Stuff : Safe Sex?

This is a conversation I had the other day…

A friend of mine called to tell me he had been dating this new guy he met.  I said great for him and we talked about how great the guy was and how great the sex was.  He went on to tell me they didn’t use condoms because they both assumed they were positive.

I asked what that meant, assumed they were positive.  To me this means when you pick up a guy and have sex with him you assume he is positive and you take precautions.  To him it meant that they could have unsafe sex because they both assumed they were positive so it wouldn’t matter.

I asked him why it was so difficult to find out if he was positive or not?  He said no, that he could go down and get a test at the local AIDS project.  I had recently seen the ad for the orasure so I mentioned that to him.  I told him to go to the drug store and pick one up.

He called me back about a half hour later and said he got the test and he told the new BF to go get one too.  I told him to let me know how it turned out. 

He text back later and the test said he was negative.  He was relieved.  I asked about the new BF.  He was waiting to hear from him.   I went online and read about the test and it doesn’t guarantee that you are either positive or negative.  If you come up positive further testing is needed but if you come up negative and continue with unsafe behaviors then testing on a regular basis is recommended.

I am assuming he was having unsafe encounters and that why he assumed he was positive.  I don’t understand why people need to assume anything.  Get the test and know your status. 

Imagine this:  you are online and you meet Mr. Rightnow. He says come on over and while you are at it pick up a couple orasures on your way.  What you do after that is totally up to you. 


Thoughts?  Comments?

g skorich

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  1. Mike Picardi

    I am always amazed that guys put up the last date they were tested negative. If they/you are bare backing, you will become, if you are not already, poz. You become infected and then sero-convert sometimes months/years later..I you BB you will become poz. plain and simple.

  2. Doug

    At $40 a pop for the test, it’s not within everyone’s reach. I use them every few months. The reason they say they can’t guarantee you are negative…is that there can be as long as 3 months if you are exposed before you test positive. Generally not, but it can be. If you’re doing unsafe behavior with many people, and you are negative, it only means you are…at the time of the test.

  3. Doug

    I think I can I understand assuming everyone is HIV positive and not caring. Heck, I care, but I’m so burned out on it. Part of me thinks that if I was positive then I can engage in all kinds of activities I wouldn’t seriously consider currently. And with the improvements in care and treatment over the years, it’s not perceived as a death sentence anymore and doesn’t seem so scary. So, I think I can maybe understand where people are coming from.

    However, I know enough to know I don’t want to be HIV+

    I also want to mention that testing before sex isn’t a guarantee about anything. Even if the test is done properly in the proper environment it still is testing for antibodies. Someone may actually be HIV positive and still be able to transmit it and the test negative. This is because it takes a few weeks to several months for there to be significant numbers of antibodies to test for and each person can be different. Hence the variance in timing. So, yes, the home test is helpful, but only if its understood. Many assume it means they are the result as of that moment and it’s not. It’s just a test for an antibody and it can’t detect what you did yesterday or last week.

    Just be careful guys. HIV is kind of like cancer, no one should want it, but it can be managed if you have it. We typically don’t shun cancer patients so why do we shun our HIV+ friends?

    That’s all I wanted to say. I’ll step off my soapbox now. Thanks.

  4. Dre_in_the_City

    This is reckless behavior- pure and simple. Ask yourself this: What’s easier? Having an incurable disease or NOT having an incurable disease? As far as I’m concerned, ANYONE who is that reckless/careless about their own health and well-being won’t give a shit about yours. Love be damned!
    Love yourself first- get tested- know your status. I get tested for all STDs AND HIV at least once a year and I barely have sex, as it is. We honestly need to start taking care of each other better, fellas- all of our forerunners who went through the nightmare of the AIDS crisis in the 80’s would be not only ashamed, but outraged by how willfully ignorant and careless so many of us have been in the years since.
    And by the way- calling yourself STRAIGHT or BI doesn’t mean you’re immune…just sayin’.

  5. michael

    This guy could still be in the window period. The orasure is a test called a flow antibody test. It’s the same idea as a pregnancy test. It will only test positive 3-6 months after someone is infected with HIV. It’s good to regularly test yourself if you are having unsafe sex, but getting negative results don’t garuntee

  6. Bufguy

    Taking an orasure test before sex is useless. If a person has been infected it can take weeks for the antibodies from infection to be detected. A person recently infected will test negative and have a highly infectious viral load. You are safer fucking bareback with a poz guy on meds with an undectable viral load. Virtually impossible to be infected

  7. Josh

    You should assume everyone is positive, or had VD…..and use a CONDOM to protect yourself! Five minutes (10-15 if you’re lucky) isn’t worth a lifetime of regret.

  8. Hot Kane

    Considering there is anywhere between approximately 30-90 days that a person can be positive but test negative, how about if we assume everyone is positive and protect ourselves by practicing safe-sex? Unless you are in a monogamous, committed relationship with someone, you really don’t know.
    Another thing, who cares if you tested negative since X date?
    Are these guys really saying “but since then I’ve been taking loads like a dump truck” or “I haven’t had unprotected sex since then”, or what?
    It’s like saying I won the lottery since X date but I’m still buying tickets.
    HIV prevention is as simple avoiding an unwanted pregnancy; use a fucking condom or get your doctor to prescribe Tenofovir as a pre-exposure prophylactic.


    @ Mike Picardi

    You don’t become HIV Positive “POZ” by barebacking. You become HIV Positive by barebacking with a person infected with HIV. Two HIV Negative men can bareback everyday if they wanted and not become HIV Positive (assuming they have no sexual interaction with anyone else but eachother). Correct your grammar (or “flow”). And in addition, some men put their HIV last-tested date on their profile as a means to show responsibility and most of all AWARENESS.

  10. Chuckles Manson

    Is this post an ad for OraQuick? Other than that, I can’t figure out why this was written.
    OraQuick is overpriced and doesn’t detect recent infections. I also can’t figure out the non-logic of “I guess everybody’s infected so I’ll be irresponsible.” This is truly the thinking of somebody who’s pathologically given up.

  11. Joe

    I just think this is just plan out stupid! You go and have unsafe sex with someone just because you both think you are positive. Don’t you know their is more than one type of virus and some meds can’t work with it. What about all the other things out there. Your friend must not care about himself or his family. These test are just stupid and not worth the money. Go to your local health dept and its free. Yes, it takes a few days to get the result, but its a true result

  12. David

    This article is stupid! First off HIV transmission is not something you feel and you don’t really develop symptoms until it is really in your system. Secondly this article is titled safe sex… More like ease of mind while I go and be irresponsible. Prevention is key, testing after does nothing… Besides HIV is only one of many stds… So you can still wake up with a sore on your junk even if you’re already positive. Take care of yourselves so you can fuck till the day you die!

  13. Chip

    I’m all for testing (although the $40 ea. price tag is a little high, in my mind, for “bringing a couple along” on a “mr. right now” date). But – knowledge is power!

    To me, BB sex is something you graduate to once you’ve been dating (and exclusive?) for a significant period of time. But that’s just me! I don’t assume ANYTHING about the sexual practices of other men! (Not even when posted in their profiles – gryn).

    As far as posting my most recent testing date, it is a mistake to read into that any intention of mine to engage in BB sex. My profile says I’m neg, and I post the test date as a way to highlight that I get tested every 3-mos even though I practice safe sex! (As I note in my profile: it is also a mistake to assume that my sending a smile, unlocking my pics, or replying to your note is an invitation to sex! If I want to have sex with you, the invitation will not be that subtle… lol)

    Finally: I prefer not to meet guys who post “anything goes” along with NO STATUS in their profiles… but I often DO meet guys who show their status is HIV+! I’m not afraid of the virus — I know how to protect myself — but I have respect for those who are HIV+ and admit it to their prospective partners… and quite honestly, many of them are far better looking than I am! LOL

    FWIW: I assume ANYONE I meet for sex is HIV+! To assume otherwise is simply stupid and naive… well, that’s MY opinion!

  14. darryl

    This is very confusing and scary to me to hear that in 2014 Men are being so cavalier about HIV AIDS. Even with the latest medications the foundation is still the same, knowing your status and your partner is one of the ways to keep you both negative. At least have some kind of conversation before you jump in the sack with Mr. Right Now. Life itself is risky, so let’s not make it that much harder down the road. You can enjoy the thrill of meeting some hot guy, have great sex, rinse and repeat.

  15. matt

    Im poz and there are guys who just dont care. But for us poz dudes. Most guys dont talk to u so its a double edge sword.

  16. Cmat21

    You have a really dumbass friend right there. For one, you gonna not even gonna know if you’re positive for sure or not, you’re just gonna ‘assume’ you are. WTF??? Really?! You care that little for yourself that you have unprotected sex and don’t even get tested, just continue to have unprotected encounters? Pieces of shit like this deserve to get hit by a tractor trailer and you can pass that along to your friend or let him know to contact me and I’ll tell him. This little shit basically is saying I don’t care if I have a uncurable, potentially fatal virus and I don’t care if I pass it to anyone.

    And now point two. How do you just assume that because someone is willing to have unsafe sex with you that they’re positive too? Ok, given I like to take the stance any person could potentially be positive, and if they want to have unsafe sex then I definitely assume they do, BUT the difference here is if I knew or thought I was positive I would tell them and ask them what their status is (thought I would still engage in safe sex with someone I haven’t known very long, and be very hesitant with someone otherwise). This is about showing love for yourself, yes, but also at the very least compassion for and caring for another person’s life. That’s why I said what I said earlier…it’s basically been explained to me like this: “Every time you engage in unsafe sex with anyone you don’t know and trust, you’re essentially pointing a gun and hoping the chamber is empty.” It’s comparable to straight men having sex and hoping that each time they raw fuck a woman she doesn’t get pregnant. It’s an unworthwhile risk unless you just don’t care.

  17. sjohnson

    safe sex? no such thing…should be stated ‘safer sex’. as slutty as men are, assume all are infected with something…crabs included.

  18. Jon

    All the people on here bashing “reckless” behavior, and all that other bullshit.

    1) Adults are exactly that. Responsible for their own decisions and actions. If they want to have sex and not wrap it, it’s 100% completely up to them.

    2) NOT EVERYONE LIKES OR CAN HANDLE condoms. Get off the preaching and bullshit. Just because your into that, KUDDO’S for you. You need a gold star firmly planted on your forehead.

    3) Having sex is a natural thing. It’s unfortunate that a disease such as HIV has taken as many lives as it has. BUT EVEN WITH A condom, it’s NOT 100% guarantee that you won’t become infected. Why live in fear. If that’s the case, crawl under a rock and be celibate.

    4) The connection is lost when you have a barrier between two people. Simple. None of this “i’m doing it to protect myself or someone else” shit. It’s not giving yourself 100% to the person your with and having that ultimate, intense experience. I DON’T CARE who you are. You will never have that with something wrapped around you — only the false sense of security.

    I love sex. Both sexes. And I’m lucky to have a lot of it. But the intensity and level of orgasm IS diminished when you have to wear something like a condom. I hear all the time from guys and girls how much better it is without a condom. So my final thought is that I am not going to live in fear and be held captive by disease that is controllable by all medical standards and will be curable or functional to be cured in the near future.

    You don’t let Terrorists stop you from going out shopping, boating, etc. HIV is that little microscopic Terrorist for the body. We all need to just get along on this planet.

  19. david

    Not only HIV, guys always play safe…I never used condom, always got tested and was always negative until a routine doctor visit for blood work to test diabetes level showed I contracted Hepatitis. Now I live with chronic hep and regret never using condom. Its not worth the mental stress and meds that don’t promise hep will go away. Today use protection and get vaccinated.

  20. PozQueer

    I’ve never used a condom and I’m poz, and it’s under control. I’ve just always loved to feel everything a man wants to give me.

  21. Med Student

    For the people who justify unsafe sex by saying HIV is a treatable and manageable condition…the average yearly cost of managing HIV is approximately $25,000. The side effects of most of these new drugs include liver/kidney/bone disease, nausea, diarrhea, headache, dizziness, rashes, acidema(life threatening) and plenty more.

    HIV is treatable and we fight every day to come up with better regimens, but most of all it is PREVENTABLE. Please play safe.

  22. Palm Springs Bro

    g skorich…It’s Palm Springs. Just the way it is. One of many reasons I do not date anyone from the Coachella Valley.

  23. Duh

    People need to grow the fuck up and stop being so selfish. Everyone should practice safer sex. Stop making excuses about other people having to be responsible for themselves. We all need to be responsible for ourselves AND each other. If you have an STD, think you might have an STD, engage in risky behavior, have multiple partners, have sex without condoms…then you do need to get tested and be truthful about your status.
    I can get in my car,buckle up, follow every law on the road, but that ASSHOLE that is driving drunk,drugged up,showing off, or recklessly is responsible for his actions when he causes harm to the other people.
    If you pass an STD to someone else, you are an asshole especially if you have not been tested.Don’t give excuses for not being tested.
    Society sets rules and society says it is wrong, and yes illegal to pass on an STD. So yeah, sex may be natural and we may all enjoy it, but we need to be mature-responsible ADULTS and again… GROW THE FUCK UP !

  24. Fairprince


    Being a bottom is hard at times as guys want you raw and I have had guys do various things such as put on the condom turn you over then slip it off to enter
    Some down right beg to enter raw

  25. Dre_in_the_City

    All the “guys” here whining about not wanting to use a condom (whaaaaa!!!) YOU’RE A FUCKING PESTILENCE! Those of you who actually care about your lives, and more importantly, the lives of other people, please get tested. If you’re infected with ANYTHING, please tell your partners…I’m done “preaching” (assholes).

  26. Sebastian

    Isn’t HIV treatment really really expensive? So expensive some people can’t afford proper care. Way more than the Oraquick test that’s for sure.
    Whenever I have unprotected sex – which is about 10% of the time, I always regret it. I have tested myself for everything with a considerable window of time after the incidents and am clear of all, but by no means do I feel “invincible” and have no intention of barebacking with anyone, unfortunately, sometimes it just happens. It is not at all worth it. If you’re allergic to latex, there are ones with alternative materials.
    It’s not about living in fear, it’s about protecting yourself and the other person.

  27. A

    A lot of guys dpn’t seem to realize that even when ypu are both positive and not managing the virus, you can be reinfected with a DIFFERENT STTRAIN of HIV, thus making it that much harder to get treatment later on (or for whoever else gets infected by hypothetical you). We’re all adults and responsible for our actions, but that doesn’t mean we as individuals are the only ones who deal with the consequences.

    Tl;dr: even if you’re both positive you can give each other a super-HIV strain, making treatment a real bitch.

  28. Seaguy

    Haters and bashers get off your high horse! Not everyone can be as perfect as you claim to be in your posts bashing others for engaging in unsafe sex. I’d bet that some of you judgmental haters are really just as guilty of the very thing your calling others reckless for doing. You just don’t want to be honest, instead hiding behind a facade of being a perfect person when it comes to using condoms.

  29. A different Doug than the other Dougs

    I’ll be frank, I’m reading a lot of judgmental douchebaggery. Thus ends my confrontationalism but I figured that would serve as a redirected punch to the face.

    First, HIV is not a disease itself, it’s a causative pathogen that can result in disease. I make the distinction because calling HIV a disease has the linked effect of calling the infected people diseased themselves and thus dirty and unclean when they may be simply unwise, unknowing, or indifferent. AIDS is a disease caused by HIV and many men have their HIV infection under control, with proper information, it’s possible to have a relationship with them without thinking they are pariahs.

    Second, if people are making informed choices, even if it’s one that you happen to disagree with, who are you to snap to judgment or are you going to be like Christian conservatives that condemn all homosexuals for their choices? It’s a similar situation and I think some people can stand to step away from their bully pulpit just a bit. Inform and educate and respect is key, calling people reckless, irresponsible, ridiculous, idiotic (just a few examples listed in this posting alone) won’t change their mind, it will only harden it.

    Third, people make all sorts of choices for different reasons (WHICH CAN BE VALID FOR THAT PERSON), as long as they have made one with what information they have (even if it’s wrong or incomplete) stop slapping them in the face with it.

    Fourth, the only reprehensible behavior is one of the parties lies or forces themselves upon another, verbally or physically effectively removing the ability to make informed choices. However, I even get it when men lie, just look at the assholery expressed in the comments here. And while I agree that a person should take precautions anyway (because of the seroconversion window and deceivers out there), don’t mock people, it’s just as rude as when Christians say “Hate the sinner, not the sin. It’s OK that you have these homosexual feelings but you must not ever act upon them.”

    Finally, I thought about listing reasons why a person might decide to forgo using protection but really, what’s the point, some of them are valid others are less so, some of them are excuses to give them mental reasons to do an activity we all love but try not to feel guilt or anxiety about it. But you are all more likely to help them find better ways than shaming them into doing it. Just like merely being gay was shameful, a whole lot of you are trying to shame barebackers out of their sinful behavior, making judgments, casting aspersions… do you really think that helps?

    One last note: Consider this scenario that isn’t far fetched and is already happening in some areas where infection rates are high. What will you do if the number of HIV positive people vastly outnumber the HIV negative, will only bareback because they feel that they don’t have to care (which isn’t true but let’s go with it)? You now have a choice of having sex with dwindling number of men who are hiv negative who are willing to use protection, have sex with a very large population of hiv positive who won’t, or go celibate. Food for thought.

  30. kevink

    I just think there are more diseases to worry about that are just as dangerous if not more dangerous like antibiotic resistant syphilous. Afriend of mind didnt know he had it until his liver started shutting down.

  31. g skorich

    @ALL – the point of the blog was for everyone to know your status. there is no reason to wonder about anything. how you practice sex is up to you. you all know the risks.

    simple thing to remember. if you are negative do all you can to stay that way. if you are positive do all you can not to pass it along.

  32. Hunter0500

    “Imagine this: you are online and you meet Mr. Rightnow.”

    That is the fundamental problem. That is why more gays are postiive than should be. They irresponsibly jump into sex with guys they don’t know.

    If you are searching for “Mr. Rightnow”, you are unable to intiate and sustane ongoing relationships. That, in reality, takes more work to accomplish that not accomplish.

    How self-centered, how egotisitcal, how disresepctful, how rude, how unhygenic, etc. does a guy have to be to not be able to over time create a pool of friends (friends who just happen to like man sex) over time? How hard is it to be a gentleman, friendly, polite, respectful and … responsbile enough to know when you need to not have sex, or ANY kind of relationship/contact with a certain guy?

    That is the root of the issue in this post. Solve that and posts such as this would not exist.

    “Imagine this: you are online and you meet Mr. Rightnow.”
    Sorry. Can’t. It’s not how I treat other guys; it’s not how I allow other guys to treat me.

  33. jon is an idiot

    jon u are reckless
    and young.
    shame shame shame on you
    get yourself together
    foolish child

  34. Sweet_Brown

    HIV is never going to go away because of the flippant attitude of many of the posters on this thread. Secondly, the cure isn’t going to happen, not in our life time. Too much money to be made “managing” the disease. Secondly, HIV meds are expensive(more than $40) Condoms are cheap. If 5 minutes of pleasure is worth a lifetime of meds, then I got nothing for you.

  35. Ben

    This is a major problem with HIV perception. People don’t understand that person A’s HIV is NOT the same as person B’s HIV. Every single strain of HIV has a series of genetic defects that make it resistant to a handful of medicines. There’s a lot more to HIV treatment than “take a pill daily and live like everyone else”. They genetically analyze your strains now and pick the antivirals that your strain is susceptible to. If person A’s HIV is immune to medicine A and B, an becomes reinfected with person B’s HIV that’s immune to medicine C an D, person A now has a supervirus immune to A, B, C, and D. This continues as person A “collects” resistant strains of the disease thinking it doesn’t matter since he’s already positive. Soon, he is going around spreading strains of HIV resistant to every medication out there–an epidemic of a deadly super strain that cannot be treated. I work in a clinic and see this a lot. The patients always die young.

  36. Jack

    If you have a number of partners, you owe it to everyone to get tested for STDs. I don’t care if you always wear a condom. Disease can travel quickly and quietly. Diseases such as syphilis can go unnoticed until it is too late. As easy as it is to be treated, it is unbelievable that you would not want to get tested yearly. In the year since your last test, think how many people that you have seen and that they have seen, and … You could be patient one of several hundreds of cases. Sure, you were not patient zero, but you could have helped more guys (and gals) than you have had sex with. Testing is only partially for you. It is also for everybody else.

    Also, like condoms, get vaccinated for things that you can. Vaccination is the number one way to avoid disease and to keep it from spreading. Polio should be totally eradicated, but parents refuse vaccinations for their kids. Hepatitis A and B (passed by feces) vaccines can be gotten when you are tested for a minimal cost. Also, consider the meningitis vaccine. While less likely (for guys beyond bathhouses and college), it is deadly and fast.

    Finally, all of the STDs can be passed orally. I have yet to cum with a guy orally in a condom. I bet most of you don’t do oral protection. So, for me and millions of other guys, get tested and don’t take off your rubber without talking to your partner.

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