Speak Out : Fem Guys And Love


Feminine gay men are beautiful, they are smart, they are bold, they are thoughtful, they are creative, they are funny, they are all of these things.  The innate femininity that is in a lot of gay men is what makes us great, and better than straight men (just kidding, not really). Besides, we’ve come this far in this gay fight. Why try to pretend to be “normal” straight folks now? Yawn.

So, you’re a rather masculine gay man, and what would complement and stroke your ego more than a feeble, submissive feminine gay man, right? Wrong. Your need to be an alpha or Adonis should not be a factor in how you decide to treat a feminine man. Sometimes the “masculine man” think they already know that the feminine man will be crushed by their perceived manliness and large beard. They are just so sure that they will be ready to be their on-call maid, sexual deviant, and yes-man. On the contrary, mannerisms and clothing choices hardly signal what kind of man you are going to deal with. Feminine men come just as strong-willed and dominant as their masculine counterparts. Your best bet is to actually get to know the individual, and create a unique relationship based on who the both of you are, not by what society says you are.

More than likely, a feminine man is beyond comfortable with who he is, and the last thing he needs is someone who isn’t just as comfortable with it. Even better, he needs someone that loves and prefers it. If you can’t handle a martini or a shopping day once in a while, then you might want to back down. The feminine man has spent entirely too much of his life fighting to be exactly who he is just to hide it because his love interest isn’t as comfortable with who he is as he is.

These are six key points in how to start and maintain a healthy gay relationship with a feminine man. The central thing to remember is, as always, that people deserve love just how they are without compromise because usually that’s what makes them brilliant. If you take away the fire from the sun, you just have another moon. If you take away the water from a waterfall, you just have a ditch. If you take away brown skin from Olivia Pope, you just have Monica Lewinsky. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that it’s those small quirks and nuances that make them beautiful and brilliant, and love shouldn’t inspire someone to take that away, but enhance and celebrate it.

Have you ever dated a feminine guy?


There are 88 comments

Add yours

    Thank you, but no. If I wanted a fem, I’d date women. I prefer men around my age, hairy, and relaxed. I’ve had far too much drama in my life to need a kid who’s going to be a drama queen every time I turn around.

  2. Mike

    I think that everyone cheats themselves by having to fulfill these tired labels. Feminine and masculine are terms that should be solely used for language conjugation and not human psychology. Just be you, resist the temptation to put on some fake materialistic skin.

    ur gay. Ron Paul 2012!

  3. Jay in Chicago

    You actually made some good points in this blog sir. One point that needs to be made is that it was in large part our fem compatriots who helped get the gay rights started and set the path for themselves and guys like myself who aren’t fem to enjoy the freedom to live our lives as we choose.

  4. Wayne

    I can’t speak for other but feminine men are the BOMB!!!!! That’s all I’ve ever dated, me being masculine can’t see myself with someone as masculine as me. It’s a mind thing for me too the thought of kissing or sexing someone masculine turns me off. With someone fem it tends to be more than sex, the emotions are involved and the sex is very intense. The roles are much more defined as well. They got the extra miles with the grooming too… no hairy man for me.

  5. Christophe le Amoureux

    I loved the blog as it expresses what should be a reality in the gay community but is far from it. The cliche image of male beauty in the community is the macho, straight acting, “masculine man.” Although, “feminine men” are stigmatized less than in previous year within the general public. The “feminine man” is still subject to the butt end of jokes and stereotyping within the lgbtq community. As stated above shouldn’t lgbtq people be the first to set the example for the rest to follow. While the idea sound great and I’m all for treating people as individual and not like some cliche stereotype; there is still a long ways to go.

  6. Jay

    Any time I get a message and in the person’s profile, see the phrase by that joker in the first comment (if I wanted someone feminine I’d date a woman)1 they’ve just lost any chance they would have had permanently. And I’m not even that fem. Seriously, how lame and insecure can a person be? Fem guys rock!

  7. darryl

    Along time ago i met a man who you would consider fem. at first glance he was handsome, but I wasn’t prepared to talk to him since he wasn’t my ideal Man. He approached me then we stared talking, and I found him to be very charming, and that wasn’t the end of it. He had something about him that everyone around him saw as well. We began seeing each other, then fell in love. Our relationship had good, and bad times but overall the love we shared remained even after we broke up. Each year we would call the other on our Birthdays, to,catch up and reminisce about what we had. But what he didn’t tell me was that he was dying from HIV AIDS. To this day i still tear up thinking that if I had know i could have spent more time with him, and to tell him that I will love you forever. And i do! Rest in peace my first love..

  8. sjohnson

    ‘butch’ men can ‘fem’ as well…ultra fem is what i can’t ‘date’. from my experience most ‘fem’ guys are TOPS!! go figure

  9. Alfonzo

    Dave I agree with you 100%. I’ve dated two fem guys in my life and the last one and I were together for 26 years. I was brought up to respect people for who they are, not what they are. And I thank all my fem guys for being out here on the front line to help make life better for us all. Thanks again Dave for another wonderful blog.

  10. Boomer

    gay brothers who are so overly caught up with this masculinity & femininity differences are such a turn off to me. It’s 2014- for gay guys that still using these terms are just so beyond me. Feminine shaming i think has something to do with internalized homophobia. Yeap. Even gay guys can also be homophobes. It’s all about embracing oneself and being comfortable with your own skin. That proud gay rainbow flag have 7 colours for a reason because the lgbt comes in different forms. So why shame?

    For that guy that claimed “if I wanna be with a fem guy I’d be with a woman”.. That in itself is such an ignorant statement. Sorry but not sorry. Feminine gay guys are not trying to be women. It’s almost creating another hierarchy within the gays.

  11. colby htown

    It bothers me that people say if i wanted femininity then i would just dat a female. No you wouldn’t. It is insulting to feminine men who enjoy being feminine but are still comfortable being men. It implies that feminine men are inferior. This is the same dicriminating undertone that subtly opresses the overall gay community by homophobes. Discriminatiom against each other should be dealt with as if it was coming from a hetero. If thats not what you are into then fine but dont dont look down on others. I wouldnt consider myself fem or overly masculine im just me. Ive dated fem inbetweens and masculine and i just enjoyed people when they were comfortsble enough to just be themselves. #stopthejudgement

  12. Mermaid

    IM a super fem woman/mermaid Ive dealt with a lot from all sides of the fence when it comes to gay men, to all my fems out their u will find someone who loves and cares about u. Jus as i have but in a day in age where gay is the new black. I think we should help each other and not condemn or stereotype each other, i hear if i wanted a woman id date a woman. Well fucking news flash half or more have dated and fucked women most of u masc men have kids are divorced and scared lil boys who probably couldnt handle a fem even if u tried so the question becomes if u have dated and been inside a woman then u shouldnt talk shit about fems seeing how seeing how its jus a level up than a woman. I think that being gay gives men a chance to be racist, judgmental, and stuck up and what for in the name of homosexuality smh discus-ting.

  13. Kevin

    all the fem guys I’ve met so far are rather loud and go defensive when asked to calm down (oh, they did NOT just play the ‘gay card’), I understand being proud of how they are and the sensation of being free to express who/how they are, that’s part of being gay afterall….but is it REALLY necessary to shove it into everyone’s face? no need at all to be an attention whore, specially cuz they’re THE REASON most discrete guys are afraid of coming out of the closet, no one wants to be labeled as a loud, obnoxious, flashy drama queen…..and I agree with Pierce here, if I wanted to date someone who acts, looks and thinks like a woman….I’d rather date a real woman

  14. Angus

    Just don’t find a feminine acting guy sexually attractive. Personal choice. Its been said here before , but if I wanted a woman and all the drama I would have stayed married. My experience has been that feminine guys don’t just act feminine,(mannerisms, voice, choice of words, etc.) they also have a feminine attitude, (demanding, at times hysterical, and kind of bitchy).

  15. Mark

    Whether or not many of the “masculine” gays are sexually interested in more “feminine” gay guys they owe them their deepest respect and support. It is the “fem” guys that always took the brunt of the hate and homophobia, the name calling, the beatings, and even worse while the masculine guys could hide in the closet and go unnoticed. I hope that the disrespect that fem guys get from many “masculine” gays also disappears within the next generation and we accept each other as we are.

  16. ajbbincubus

    Man-oh-man.. what a subject to talk about. I’ve been in the closet for 31 years of my life and learned how to play the straight man very-very well. I tend to attract females quite often, but don’t attract men at all, especially gay men. However.. ever since I’ve joined A4A, man.. I’ve had mostly fem guys hit me up and in all honesty.. I FUCKING LOVE FEM GUYS!! I LOVE the fact that they don’t give a fuck, they do what they want and are so bold and so strong. I know they’re mostly pioneers in today’s society and get stared at by everyone, but I melt every time I see a fem guy. I just think they’re really-really-really cute. When out on a date, most people look at them and just stare, but when they see who they’re with, me.. they look away. I’ve been told that I have mean/angry looking face.. LOL!! But I’m not, guess it’s look I have. Don’t know whats up, go figure. Just something I would point out in my experience. Power to the fems!!

  17. Mark B

    I admit: I, too am a feminine homosexual, plus I use my hands a lot. I mean A LOT! (I use my hands to “talk”. 🙂 )

    Now with that said, I attract a lot of masculine guys that appreciate what I can bring into the relationship and I appreciate masculine guys. After all, it’s nice when a masculine guy comes to the rescue when one’s car breaks down on the side of the road.

    As for the comment by, be glad that we haven’t meet because I would likely to take you, bend you over, bare your ass and give you an ass spanking that you never had. Because I’ve done it to all of my masculine husbands when they’ve stepped out of line!

  18. E in Pullman

    colby htown: I was writing the exact same message on my phone but I had to change to my computer so you beat me to it. People consider me a fem guy (I think I am just a regular guy) but I have no desire to be or wear woman clothing. I just like fashion, dress well, and like to be well groomed. I have a lower voice than most guys but that doesn’t mean I want to be a female. I have emotions and I am not going to lock them away because society tells us what it means to be masculine. I am going to be myself. Love me for it or I will continue being single.

  19. just my thoughts

    I am a masculine guy looking for the same. Been married to a woman. Still date women. Fem guys draw the wrong kind of attention for me. To each his own but I like my women ladylike and my men manly. If u are fem…thats cool with me. we just wont sleep together.

  20. Chicago tim

    There’s a lot of room between fem and bitchy… I tuned in the Olympics last week and saw that retro queen Johnny Weir wearing a brooch that could have belonged to my grandmother. After vomiting in my mouth I wondered who was some damaged by his cross dressing, gays or male figure skaters? How pathetic.

  21. Hunter0500

    Fem guys deserve respect but so do guys who find them totally unattactive. People who don’t deserve respect are those who continue to drive wedges between gays and everyone else based upon labels and superficial attributes.

  22. bottomboy34

    Date and/or fuck who you like and like who you date and/or fuck, Masc of Fem. There are many great men who fall into to both of these categories. I personally am sexually attracted to masc men but respect all men.

  23. Godzilla

    Im sorry but I like the guy to be a guy. I had been with to guys that are fem and I hated the way they acted in the streets. Im from the hood and I’m DL and I can’t have the person I’m with atcing all Fem on me. I’m a thug that is gay but I like the guy I’m with to be all man. Now when we get home he knows that this blackman going to tapp that ass hard and long. He know that he going to get that ass put to sleep. Naw I can’t have a Fem and for those who don’t like what I wrote foo you I’m keeping it real.

  24. Daniel

    I’m fairly young, 18, so I probably don’t know much… But here’s my opinion. Wanting to or not wanting to date a feminine guy is like different skim color. It’s not racist, and it’s not rude, it’s your preference. I personally don’t usually date black or feminine guys. Heck, I’ve never dated a feminine guy to be honest. There are exceptions, and I’ve dated a black guy before…but again, it’s my preference. If I want a masculine guy, who are YOU to tell me that’s wrong? Really now.

  25. Jason Santoro

    The problem that a lot of guys have is that when they think fem they automatically think of a flaming queen that is loud says girl all the time. Not all of us are like that. Some of us are a bit fem but don’t do any of that stuff. Butch and Fem come in different colors.

  26. Alrighty_then81

    So we’ve come this far. Almost to the brink of equality, to self-destruct from within because we are stereo-typing one another.

  27. Matthew

    To all the people that say we fems are loud and attention whores and get mad easily well im here to tell all of you that str8 acting men do the same damn things, you boys talk about flashy what about the cars the shoes and clothes you buy to make ureself seen or notice is that not quote on quote attention whorish or what. How about the hard hardheadedness,lies and slick shit str8 gays want to say, trust ive been with only str8 acting men and i must say that u men act more like an female than i do. You want to talk about being defensive and geting mad how about when u str8 gays wanna know who im with what they do all this shit cuz u think im haveing sex with a friend lol. Its funny how i can find negative things to say about str8 gays but just like anything we allways look to the negative only cuz we are scared we jus might ending up liking what we hate or dislike and fyi if u dont like fems then dont watch rupauls drag race or live for the drag queens in the clubs cuz they jus as loud flashy and what not out of drag. Its 2014 str8 gays get it together and take that conservative cock out ure asses

  28. Dav.

    I agree with Kevin here!… I don’t like fem guys, sorry!… In fact I hate most of them!… It’s something about their attitude that is so OUTTHERE, in your face, aggressive, that I just CAN’T stand!!… Fem guys are usually very bold (maybe it comes from all the shyt they got when younger and having to deal with a macho homophobic society), but really, so many times they just happen to become very embarrassing to be around! They thing that I, and most other gay men, fear the most are the MESSY ones! We have ALL known AT LEAST one in our life!!… It’s like once they’re out (they have always been in fact, in spite of them)they feel the need to drag everybody else down with them, and that’s just NO! I don’t want to! Can I please stay quietly mild (not exuberant, not provoking)and not shove my sexual preference into someone else’s face? If fem guys were soft and nice and sweet and quiet, hell, it wouldn’t be such a problem! They would get hell growing up(and I’m truly sorry for that, of course)but they would also be more sensitive than most people, therefore, loving and attentive. But the snappy, loud, stupid, lying, mental cases ones? The vast majority?… Not for me, thank you very much!!!!

  29. taytay2015

    hey, really like this subject. I am fem i guess.people try to tell me i am but i dont see it that way.I just see myself as a groom man.I am a MAN.people make a big deal out of the way i look. i dont have a dress on. I love me and will always be myself. will never hide who i am for someone to like me.I respect all people no matter open or not. and yes I am a top.have not meet that guy yet to be a vers with. im real and I rock this fem thing all day.

  30. bottom2be1

    I have read the blog and the comments. I am a total bottom. I am masculine in public but when I am in bed with a man I am very feminine. The way I look at it when I’m a man having sex with another man with his cock in my mouth and then I lay on my back and he fucks me, how masculine can I be? Any man that tells me he only wants butch masculine men that is the question I ask and then I turn them away.

  31. Ed

    I’ve dated fem and masc men. I’m masc but the best ass pounding I ever got was from a 6’3″ black man that was about as butch as a pink chiffon and pumps drag queen.

  32. FreeRangeRadikal

    It’s hard to believe that in the second decade of the Twenty-First Century, some gay men still discriminate against or disparage other gay men for their perceived differences. But I’ll say this for the ones who feel that femme guys are weak: It’s probably the other way around.

    When these “masculine” or “guy’s guys” were still hiding in the closet, little femme boys with a purse and makeup were carrying the banner for gay rights. Drag queens in full regalia – think Stonewall – were in-your-face militant about equality, and didn’t back down. Where were all the “masculine” guys then? They were secretly sucking cock at the local park after dark, often married, and pretending to everyone around them – including themselves – to be straight.

    I spent 14 years in the US Army. I was surrounded by the most masculine of men, other special operations warfighters. I knew more of them who accepted me for being gay – and face it, special ops is full of gay men – than the “masculine” queers I met after I got out of the Army.

    I often hear straight people say to me, “I’d never have guessed you were gay”. I say, “Really? Tell me what a gay man looks like!”

    And it’s just that attitude that these “masculine” (in their own minds, mainly) guys give femme guys. It’s disgusting, especially in light of the fact that femme men usually self-acknowledge LONG before “masculine” guys do. They don’t try to hide who they are or what they are, they’re just happy to be themselves.

    Personally, I get along with everyone, but if it came down to having to pick sides, I’d much rather be with the crowd who’s having the most fun and can be honest with, and about, themselves rather than the holier-than-thou “masculine” group.

  33. Jesus

    I dont have anything against fems but I wouldnt date one not my thing. If someone says masc for masc then we should respect their preferences. Theres nothing wrong with that. We as a gay community need to accept each other how we are. If fem is not their thing then so be it. If fem is their thing then so be it who cares!! Tolerance 🙂

  34. Isaiah246

    I classify myself as neither fem nor masc, I enjoy keeping myself clean (threading my eyebrows, mani/pedi’s, trimming “down there”, etc etc) but i also enjoy working out. I’m not shaven, nor am i naturally smooth, I’m genetically predisposed to have some hair but very little at that (though my pubic hair is just a wild storm). I don’t have a lisp, i don’t “sashay”, nor do i wear make-up (ok maybe on occasion but only like guy-liner or halloween make-up). All in all i’m me, no labels are taped to me, except being gay of course. Yet others are quick to label me as fem, why you may ask? because of how i dress (I wear a scarf in one picture and smile in the other). Gay men, as is any man, are allowed to have preferences and choices of who and what they like and dislike in another person but not right off the bat.

  35. Charles (Charlotte)

    I am considered femme since I am thin, smooth, and a little colorful. Beware guys, effeminate some guys (cest moi) can fuck like champs. Like porn baby. If a masculine guy throws his legs up in the air, what’s a girl to do?

    Gay men are among the most prejudiced beings on this planet.

  36. Mark

    Keeping it real I hate this whole masculine/feminine thing. I have been told that I have characteristics of both so therefore I define myself as neither. Being a black gay male because I keep a toned body and dont use the “mannerisms” im masculine. Then to some becauese I dont sag my pants or because of wearing A&F clothing and I wear tighter fitting jeans then im feminine, crazy huh. Bottom line is all this classification and hate needs to stop in the lgbt community. We already receive a lot of discrimination from others so why do it to our own. As for dating yes I have dated someone who is quote feminine and he turned out to be sexually a better top than those that define themselves as masculine.

  37. JR

    I am a Fem gay male and I love it. I don’t wear womens clothes and I don’t prance around either. I work out side and own my own business. I have had Straight and Masc men work for me for many years. I like to top and can be very dom even with a Masc guy. I know quite a few Fem tops. I just believe in being yourself no matter what that is. I find that my being fem gets attention from the so called straight guys. Many of then have have said the reason they wanted to be with me in the first place was because I was Fem and Gay. I think they know who I am and they can talk to me and something will happen. No judgement get to know a guy and see what he is all about. You might get surprised.

  38. John

    I have no problem with feminine men. They have paved the way for the rest of us. They are the first to stand up for the discrimination that has befallen us of the LGBT community.

    I however do not prefer to date them. I like someone who can pass for straight as well as gay. I know the effeminate men here could pass for the “straight” guy, but I don’t want them to change who they are for me.

    Being proud means being who you are. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

    We should all embrace every aspect of who and what we are. Jesus taught us to be tolerant. If someone wants to strut around with macro mad jean shorts and sequins, GO FOR IT.

    I just prefer my men to be jeans and t-shirts guys is all.

    Wave your freak flag guys. Never be ashamed of who you are.

  39. Seadonna

    It really does boil down to preference and what turns two men on. That is and should absolutely be fine. We all are different and like different things.

    I really like the fact that in todays world Gay athletes are the biggest craze. The straight population is still very naïve and ignorant when it comes to the many sides of homosexuality that is out there. This is definitely opening the flood gates for different perceptions/attitudes toward gay men in the same way “femme men” did to help put gay rights on the map. We still have a lot of headway to make…but if we come together as a community and play it smart, we all will prevail.

    The future generations are counting on us. With that being said we all need to go back and brush up on our history so that we never forget the struggles, tragedies, and devastations of the past.

    Here’s to making future generations

  40. ThatsexyMexican

    I have a lot of respect for all dudes who are gay, feminine included. I can also be attracted to feminine dudes, so long as they got that athletic body like a dude should. Sex is lots of fun with them. They also make great and entertaining friends. As for dating them, I tried dating one, and we are just too different. It’s hard to understand a fem guy and I just don’t have the patience to take some of the things that are demanded or make them happy. More masculine dudes are easier to understand and communicate with, so that’s what I tend to date for that reason. Still, much love and respect for you fems out there 😉

  41. einathens

    Not finding someone’s behavior sexually attractive is not a form of discrimination. How many times must this point be made?

    Be who you are. If that’s a cultural stereotype, cool. Just don’t expect everyone to want to fall into bed with you.

    Paul lynde was a comedy icon, not a sex symbol. He was also a stone top with a big fat cock. Go figure.

    Are we supposed to have sex with men we’re not attracted to just to prove someone else’s idea of political correctness? I refuse.

  42. Matthew

    The majority of the comments were TL;DR. Personally, I have the utmost disdain and distaste for the term “straight-acting”. Not only is this phrase hetero-normative, it’s also highly misogynistic. I think it comes from a lack (whether intentional or unintentional varies on person to person) of understanding in the gay male community on the topic of women’s issues and women’s rights. More gay men I know, who are involved in the feminist movement are more accepting of “fem” men.

    On a side note, the second comment listed is spot on. Labels are tired and overused. People need to find something better to do than focus on others.

  43. Billy

    Back in the 80s I was in a bar with some friends and a guy in drag kissed me. My friends started shouting “drag queen lips, drag queen lips!” Not long after that I saw the guy out of drag and he was the cutest thing I had ever seen! I would have done a lot more than kiss him. But nothing ever came of it. I suppose he was offended by my friends and I got painted with the same brush, understandably. I def would have dated him though .

  44. uptownNYC

    I love fem guys!
    There is something sensual and sexual about being with a fem guy which I really enjoy. I find it weird that some many people are so opposed to someone’s preference.

    I wish A4A had a search option for fem guys to make it easier to find them on the site! Keep hating on them guys, more for me!

  45. Matthew

    I for one do not for a second buy the notion that fem guys are responsible for getting gay tolerance a equality moving forward. If anything, the opposite is true. “Femgay” is such a stereotype and caricature. Because the backlash to femgay is so strong and ingrained, “straight gays” i.e. conventional guys in every way who happen to prefer men–and who are the real vanguards of gay equality–are demeaned. They are thrown in with the rainbow spitting unicorns who prance at Pride parades. If I wanted a woman with a dick, I’d get a girlfriend and buy her a strap on. I want a guy in the bedroom and and I want a guy in daily life. A womanish man for me–and MANY gay men–is a total turn off.

  46. GianniJa.

    I’m a total semi-fem bottom living in homophobic, Jamaica. I think fem guys rock! Where I come from, being fem is the worst thing that could happen to a gay man. We are teased, abused, stigmatized and discriminated against. If you want to go to the extreme…. Fem guys here are often the victims of gay bashing. While I respect everyone’s opinion, I don’t subject myself to certain things. If you are a masc gay guy that don’t like the sight of a fem dude,(we have A LOT of those here) I’ll stay far from you. We experience enough discrimination from hetero people… Why should we be getting it from our own? I’m not masc, I’m not fem… I am right in the middle.. I appreciate, and embrace fem guys… Fem guys are strong!

  47. bedlampgh

    What many of you dont seem to get is that for many of us gay men. Effeminate men are an emotional turn off. It has little to do with internalized homophobia. To say so or to think so is purely judgemental without knowing crap about that individual besides the fact that he doesnt like fem guys. Sometimes its preference offtimes its a prejudice. And there are those who arent out that use “masc only” as a shield to hide thier sexuality from those around them. There are so many reasons why one does or doesnt find an effeminate man attractive.
    Ive personally dated fem guys just to challenge myself. To make sure it wasnt a prejudice or internalized homophobia. And i found out that im just not emotionally attracted to them. And many others feel the same. So before you judge a person for a few words written in a profile. Try talking to them instead of looking down your nose at them for a preference.

  48. UnDecided

    So I’m a masculine BI straight acting man who always told himself that if I wanted a fem guy id just get a female. I preferred fellow closeted masculine men like myself and for the most part thats all I messed around with when I was closeted. I came out to close friends and family not long ago and I decided I didn’t wanna limit myself any more. I met a guy who was more fem than I anticipated thru a4a and we began hooking up on a regular basis and the more time I spent with him I developed genuine feelings for him and we fell in love. Im not saying this is gonna be the case for most of you guys but my advice to you is that when you open up your mind and follow your heart and instincts you might be better off than sticking to your pre-conceived notions.

  49. localmetalhead

    As a masculine guy (out though) I happen to find femme guys rather cute provided that is who they actually are and it isn’t an act. It is rather a preference of mine to be honest.

  50. Lee

    There is a broad spectrum in regard to fem and flaming. I love drag queens with their show stopping attitude. But then u have “messy” and I think that’s the area of fem most see as negative, like “Hollywood” who tried to out the football player! Then u have men like me that I call Angrogenous! I play within the lines of masculine and feminine. I am physically pretty yet work out to stay buff and toned.Sometimes I say things that we might stereotype a fem to say and sometimes I don’t. To sum it up I’m the type of man who incites mystery. People stare to figure out if I’m gay or not! And I do it on purpose! I get hit on by straight men all the time and they flirt because I blurr the lines! Lol. There is room in the rainbow for us all and in the many shades and ranges of “fem” it is those ranges and differences that makes us all unique and special. Be you. Love the skin you’re in and everything else will fall into place!

  51. Lee

    The thing we have to remember is that there is a difference between fem and messy! I have seen masculine men who are messy but the fem boy takes the brunt of the backlash because of messy fems like Hollywood! But being messy is not a fem thing its an issue of class! Having class. Whether fem or masculine or… me, something inbetween the two. Always maintain a level of class.

  52. Lee

    Now what I love! And I mean love! Is when I’m out and there is a str8 guy and he can’t stop looking because you’re so pretty and he wants to say something but feels he can’t. For a moment u pull him! U command him! And u know that if he could get away with it and noone would find out, he would slam the hell out of you lol. THAT is the true power of the fem, and the Androgenous male! That a masculine male or most…not all….can’t do!!!!

  53. Lee

    The masculine man is at a disadvantage because no one can “tell”so they have to make the move, but most fem and androgenous men do not have to approach anyone! We are approached by all. Gay, bi and even hetero me. Get this….some women too who are attracted to fem and androgenous men! So u don’t have to want a fem, most aren’t bothered because they are attracting LITERALLY EVERYONE!

  54. Kyle and whatnot

    Colby Htown … anyone with respect for themselves and others will heed your very sensible and ez to gel with words.

    I’m glad this came up, because using A4A made me depressed. I’ve been feeling so much homophobia from scaredy cat dl, bisexual, and jughead homo scapegoat-ist over the whole fem thing that I just wanted to save these poor boys from being picked on in a freaking “gay” forum. Honestly, I still do get both sides of the debate. Some of that messy, overt shrieking through the city streets can be crazy annoying…but that’s just the fem guys who draw attention in public…not who all of them are. And how exactly are masc guys any better if their response is to be blatant and rudely prejudice, while berating fem guys with literal homophobic negativity?

    I’ve never considered myself either masc or fem. But if I had to place a label on myself of that nature, I’d fall under masc … simply because of my fairly tall and lean appearance, my sexual preference as a rather rough top, and my acrid hatred for shopping. I’m almost 25yo, always knew I was gay, never really came out because I never thought it was anyone’s business but my own. I simply started dating at 17yo, I’ve been in two long term relationships since then, and my family just jumped on board when I told them I had a BF and not a GF. My first was a bi-top who was very accepting of all people no matter what…and dating him made me realize that no matter how nice and good someone is in bed, I’m just not a bottom. This made me think I would like all fem guys a lot, because I assumed the majority were bottoms. And though I support my fems, I’ve got to say, there is something about it that’s slightly a “sexual” turnoff when you make a sorta girly persona out of your whole life. Though, on the flip side, I dislike the same persona-based attitudes of super-macho asswipes who think they’re better than everyone, when, in fact, they’re usually worst once you peel back the surface to see the 15yo girl who’s been hiding inside their juiced-up muscles all along (I didn’t mean to throw chicks under the bus just then, but I am a guy who likes guys (gay), so…yeah). But those metrosexual-type fem men who know how to use their body sensually in bed, but leave the sexified, villain-boy attitude between the sheets are the kind of guys that I think compliment any sexy situation very well. With all that said, even the worst of us should be respected by all of us.

    PLEASE, be aware that this argument isn’t about who you want to fuck, guys. It’s about the respect we all deserve and need as individuals in order to comfortably exist as a community of human beings – gay, straight, or whatever the hell you may feel is inside of you.

  55. Nate

    So to each his own. You like fem boys that’s great. You like masc guys that’s cool too. But just be you. There is no need for labels we are all just a lil fabulous on the inside. So get over yourselves gentlemen we are all gay, we all suck dick, and at some point take it up the ass (physically or emotionally). So all in all just be who your comfortable being. And be with who you wanna be. No need to outcast any one genre of homosexuality.

  56. jace

    people need stop discimitesing against femine guys for real tis about as bad as calling some one the n word people and yess I have dated feemine guys that that they tend far more real then guys who are hipier masline found a a lot of them to asses to be be honest

  57. Purebalance

    I’m sorry, but the only one putting labels on themselves are the people who are purposely being over the top fem. Nobody is naturally like that it’s just what they think they’re supposed to act like as gay. Liking a color doesn’t make you fem. Saying “omg pink is sooooo cuuuuute” is. No part of a person tells them to do that, gay society does however. Being flamboyant is something the gay culture thrust on people just like acting all manly man was something straight society thrust on people. Do I harass flamboyant people? No. Do I think it’s an act? Yes.

  58. Micah

    As an out, proud, flaming homosexual, let me say this:

    yes, femme guys have it easier in some regards. Everybody has always known about me, I’ve never had the opportunity to hide. My coming out was pretty anti-climactic and pretty much just to my parents (who were in DEEP denial.) I’ve never gotten to feel protected by the illusion of heterosexual privilege. I don’t understand a lot about the closeted “DL” “str8 acting” scene because to me, authenticity comes easily.

    oh, there was a time I *tried* to ‘butch it up,” but that just made it more obvious.

    and yes, being out from day one has made it harder for me in many ways. I was the brunt of jokes and took the full force of bullying all through my youth. And you know something? Those “masculine” guys saw it happen to me. Hell, most of them were the ones that started it. Because if they were laughing at the obvious faggot, nobody would think that they were one too.

    and that’s still the case. These big butch boys still harbor the fear that if they are seen even giving the slightest bit of interested attention to a “flamer” like me, somehow their lives will fall to ruin via social ostracism. These guys tell their straight friends, “I’m nothing like those screaming queens.” because they don’t want to risk losing respect.

    but the truth is, you’re exactly like me. You get hard when a hot guy walks past, you picture cute guys naked and you suck and fuck other men. The only difference between us is that I don’t feel the need to lie about it.

    shame only has the power you give it. The more you try to avoid it, the scarier the monster becomes.

    and for the record…as a femme man (many times referred to as “Emmett” ala QAF) that occasionally does drag: I don’t have sex in skirts…but some of the hottest butch bottoms I’ve ever fucked couldn’t get enough of wearing a bra and heels while I wore their tight little masculine holes out.

    sometimes, the things we disapprove of in others are the things we can’t stand about ourselves.


    I AM FEM but not by choice. my voice has always been fem my bone structure and body developed this way on its own and I for one completely agree. I hate when guys say if I wanted a fem guy id be with a women, but women can be butch and dominant so it dosent make sense. im fem and proud of who I am. im strong and do not need a man but I am engaged. the ones who are hatting against people like me are just mad because they ugly or are unsure of who they are. its not my fault im naturally fem looking, its not my fault I have a really soft voice. now flamboyancy is different, im not so much that im more calm but if I wnna be flamboyant I will, if I wnna put on make up I can, if I wnna walk like ru paul then ima do it and ima do it fuckin fierce. and anyone who has something to say can suck it up because unless you have a cure for being fierce your gnna have to deal with it 🙂

  60. Savante Artemis-Adonis Robello

    I am INTERSEXED and do find it REPULSIVE how some take the initiative to respond to those they are not interested in with such ludicrous responses and on ADAM4ADAM specifically i find it extremely disgusting that there are those who say that they want others to let them love live but do not allow the same of those same people. please understand that what you like or don’t does not give you the right to bully others. furthermore why waste your energy in such negative ways when your not interested in someone regardless of the reason just don’t send any response at all and block the person if your that offended by their complimentary validation of your outer core or whatever it is that they liked about you. their vote of confidence should not be used as a weapon for you to become hateful about your ill perceived notions of their character in any sense of the word. so as to the manner in which a person lives or doesn’t i think that ALL THIS BANTER above is near fruitless unless it encourages things of a like minded matter to what i have said. the defamatory comments back and forth do not do anything else but make us like the religious world and divide us in every kind of way.

  61. Ivan

    I’m the end, our community has come short in giving these men a chance. In all reality, they are the ones who deserve “gay marriage” and the best that the queer life has to offer. They aren’t trapped like the others… Those we consider fem, are only hated simply because they are the ones who deserve the best of this life… They don’t hide that fact that they are queer EVER. We only hate them because we know that we’ll never be able to compete with their ability to fully and truly love themselves…

  62. FEM GUY

    I AM A FEM BOI AND MOST OF U IDIOTS ARE FUCKING IGNORANTS. First of all how dare some of you buffoons say IF I WANTED TO DATE A FEM I WOULD GET A GIRL. Sit the hell down. Are you gay or are you straight? ask yourself that before saying something so stupid. Us fem bois work hard at what we do and we bring qualities MORE qualities then any women can give to a man. That’s why some man who go after a fem and not rather waste so much time and effort on a a real girl (henceforth, trans chasers as well)they chose us. We understand man more then a women does, UM HELLO being part boy we have those qualities but of course what would you ignorants know? If you’re going to defend your stupid response don’t say something like “I would just date a girl” ? Who are you? str8? confused? idiots? I love that there’s guys who go after fems or trannies, and gay guys who love us, they see the qualities we can bring. If you have your own personal taste as a gay man THAT’S FINE but don’t defend your cause by saying something so fucking stupid. “I would just date a girl” UM NO. YOU WOULDN’T OR YOU WOULDN’T BE ATTRACTED TO MAN. idiots. And to the man who go after fem bois I thank you. You see the qualities we can bring.

  63. Gilberto

    For all of you that dislike and wish that fem guys would be more subdued I have to say that you had better grow a REAL pair. Those gays that are still in the closet better blame it on their own cowardice and not on some presumed overly expressive fem guy. Thank goodness for the fems! Thank them for being cannon fodder while you were in the closet waiting to be allowed to have a life with the butch man you have next to you.
    You don’t like fem guys, no problem. We all have our likes and dislikes. But do you really have to be such a jerk about it on your profile?
    Hate it when the most homophobic person is the gay “men” among us.

  64. Rex Ganymede, esq.

    we’re really gonna try to simply a discussion about sexuality, mannerism, and gender-identity, eh?

    all three of those are fluid, you know.

    my advice?

    be careful not to let your preconceived notions fuck shit up for you.
    judge the person for their established, unarguable deeds.


    life’s hard enough as it is…

  65. crankyd

    For once, i’m happy to see the majority of comments on this board.
    I’m part of the vast sea of gay guys that would probably be classified as “in the middle” when it come to mannerisms. My dating has been all over the map, fem, middle and butch.
    Since i was a little kid, i’ve known boys that were so outwardly “fem” that it was nothing but completely natural for them; not a learned or practiced behavior. They’re also the ones that caught the most shit from others… and survived.
    While i agree that no one needs to explain or defend their natural attraction for either traditionally masculine or feminine men, i DO have a a problem with guys that make comments like “if i wanted to dated a fem, i’d date a woman.”
    I’m wondering WHAT it is, exactly, that you think a woman and a fem guy have in common?
    Because i can tell you this, most heterosexual women would say, “if i wanted to date a masculine man, i’d wouldn’t date a guy that fucks or gets fucked by other men, fem OR butch.”
    Don’t kid yourselves, butchies; you ain’t all that you seem to think you are.
    If anything, too many of the “straight-acting” guys looked like they were the ones wearing a very uncomfortable costume that they were trying so hard to fit into.
    To each their own; but please do so without denigrating the other.

Post a new comment

Like us to stay in touch with latests posts!