Gay Stuff : Your BF Still Talk To His Ex….

Let’s say you have been dating someone for a while.  Things are going great.  Your boyfriend gets up to take his dog out for a walk and leaves his phone behind.

A text message comes through and without thinking you pick the phone up and see it’s from an ex-boyfriend. The message is simple, something like:  “hey, what’s up?”  You know the history these two have had and are kind of surprised they are chatting.

Your boyfriend comes back from walking the dogs and you tell him a message came through from the guy and you ask him about it.  He tells you they ran into each other at the gym and the guy apologized for being a jerk and asked him out.  He turned the guy down and thought that was the end of it.

Your first question is “Did you tell him you have a boyfriend?” 

He says no he didn’t feel the need to tell him that but if he accepted his friend request the guy could figure it out for himself.   

My question to you is:  at what point in the relationship do you stop talking to guys who want to sleep with you?  Friends are different but guys whose intention it is to get you in bed.  At what point in your relationship do you tell them you are dating someone and it’s not going to happen?

Thoughts?  Comments?

g skorich

There are 54 comments

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  1. AJ

    Why would you accept an ex’s friend request in the first place?
    Did they end on bad, good, or neurtal terms? If good or neutral then okay, adding the guys as a friend maybe isn’t a big deal but if they ended on bad terms. Why even keep in touch with him? And the biggest question of all is why does this guy or how did he get your number?

  2. Ray

    There are guys who date multiple guys to keep their options open and find “the one”. Once it’s agreed upon to be mutually exclusive, the other guys should be told “Sorry, I’m seeing someone, we can be friends, but that’s as far as it goes.”


    You’ll know once you reach that point, when to declare to strangers or potential mates that you have a boyfriend. If you have to ask your partner whether he declared it or not, you’re not at that point.

    To the topic title about still talking to your ex: they could die for all I care and it wouldn’t effect me one bit.

  4. dakotaDan

    First of all, A cellular phone is PERSONAL equipment and you have no business “browsing” your boyfriends phone. Period. I personally have ongoing friendships with almost every old boyfriend I ever had, God gave me friends not just sex buddies. If our relationship is done, so is the sex but not the friendship.

    GROW UP, quit being a nelly queen and let your boyfriend have some privacy, or you wont have a boyfriend

  5. WhiskersDaVinci

    I don’t really think there’s a problem with continuing to talk to with an ex as long as the boundaries of no sex are clear. The lines of friends and people who want to sleep with you can be incredibly blurred with gay guys. As most gay guys I know will only be friends with people that they’ve slept with, or meet their standards of bang-ability. So unless you’re friends with people you don’t want to sleep with when single, it’s hard to do that.

    I think getting rid of friends BECAUSE you’re in a relationship now is incredibly sad. You should still have a social life outside of your relationship, not only talk to your partner. People like that aren’t in relationships often, and then have to make new friends every time they break up, because they told all of their friends to take off.

  6. Randy

    well guys after you for sex right away but ex boyfriends i do not believe there should be an issue for that my ex and I are best of friends and i have had guys get upset that he and I are so close but he has been with me since we broke up through life changing injuries so he will always be in my life

  7. tiger

    I do have friends that i used to date so i want any it’s impossible. However, the boyfriend should at least have claimed you, but he is probably being honest because he admitted he didn’t say that he was taken. There probably isn’t anything.there on the boyfriends side initially, but he should at least respect you to say that he is with you. My advice is watch, listen, and be aware of any changes in his behavior. When a guy cheats, her always has a tel especially if he stated of faithful

  8. kingcock84

    I think that if he wants to get in your pants. RIGHT AWAY. Tell him I’m with someone now. Or just completely ignore the fact the he even is around.

  9. Dave

    You should always be honest if you want your relationship to work out and you’re not keeping a back-up plan for if it doesn’t. I don’t think ex’s should communicate for any reason. You are ex’s for a reason! If you’re in a relationship you should say so at all times if the party you are talking too appears to be interested in you in a sexual way.

  10. John

    I think once it’s done, its done depending on how the break up went. I broke up with a guy I was dating 12 yrs ago and we are still friends. But if the guy was an asshole and a cheater, see ya later. I have friend who broke up with his bf over a year ago and is dating a really nice guy but he still talking to his ex, who was an asshole and a cheater, but he says he still loves him and would go back to him. I think he’s crazy to go back into a bad relationship.

  11. Chip

    Just because you’re dating doesn’t mean you have to become a social exile (nor social Siamese-twins!)

    I’ve remained friends (in the pre-facebook sense) with many ex-s, and never once thought to “stray” with them — though, when drunk, I have been hit on by a couple of my ex-s, but my answer is simply “No, I don’t live my life backwards”.

    I’ve been called some nasty things by my ex-s (including being a “cold bitch”) for turning them down so flatly — but I’ve never had a current boyfriend complain about it.

    Finally, and more to the point, there are 150 million men in the USA – that’s approximately 15 million GAY men, and about 100 million men who have had, or will have gay sex in their lifetime. If you’re worried about your boyfriend acting on being attracted to ANY of them, you either have trust issues, or a shitty boyfriend.

    Don’t get me wrong — I am well aware (from personal experience) that MOST boyfriends are shitty boyfriends… but if they’re gonna cheat, get it over with so I don’t waste any more time on you! I trust my boyfriend… until he proves himself to be unworthy of that trust. Then he’s my ex, and I don’t look back.

    If you want a healthy lifestyle, and a clean mental state, start by learning the difference between love, friendship, and sex.

  12. dragonwizzard

    First of all, if the phone doesnt belong to you then you dont read anything that is sent to it and on it. If you feel that you need to do that then you arent mature enough to be in a relationship period. Second of all to ask him about it is unexpectable because it wasnt your message or phone. I ssee nothing wrong with talking with an ex, I speak with my ex’s including my ex wife, as long as its conversation then whats the problem. If you think that just because they are speaking to them that you are or may have sex with then you have some major self confidence issues ad aren’t ready to be in a relationship. As far as the example you gave as to his answer if he told him of him telling him that he had a bf, does it really matter and the friend request will tell him that the guy is dating someone, as I see it the ex apologizing for being a jerk during the relationship than he is showing he has grown and more mature tthan the current who is snooping in his phone because grabbing his phone and reading the text and asking him about it is snooping. If the bf hadnt given him any reason to distrusr him then there was no call for it. As far as when in a relationship you stop talking to people who want to sleep with you, whats the point? They can want to all they want…that doesnt mean that you are going to jump into bed with them. If you didnt talk to people that wanted to sleep with you then at some point you wont have any friends to chat with. I have been in my relationship for 16yrs now and this isnt and has never been an issue, but then again we love each other and are together, we trust each other and are mature enough not to assume that just because we are talking to someone that we are going to hop into bed with them even our ex’s.

  13. it is what it is :

    Everyone has the right to live their life the way they want. You can share a life but at the same time you have that personal space. # 2, a person’s cell phone is their property if you pay for that service and phone then u have every right however , at one point u need to realize something, if you are going through his phone you do not trust him, without trust you have nothing. If you just picked up his phone with out no right just cause ur his b/f … Big mistake… cause Now he doesn’t trust you and you open your doors to set him free. The factor of talking with an ex, its here or there, if you saw … just cause it was on the screen you did not open the phone to see the message but just on the screen and it was something sexual then … you have every right to be upset, but then again somethings going on so .. might as well look at what you have or don’t have.

    Main thing is this, Always have an open channel of communication and be able to talk to the person you love or care about openly. However when you do so, stay calm and collective. When thigns go nuts or haywire, so does everything else. but main thing is Respect him Respect his privacy and trust You and Yourself and most of all Him. Cause to me … something isn’t there –

  14. Erik

    No it is not ok. Men are sluts. If you are with someone both should be an open book. The bf will end up cheating. Dump him. It is not about just cheating. You can get a disease.

  15. Spades

    I think the people saying he shouldn’t have snooped are missing the point. If I’m dating someone seriously they shouldn’t mind me casually looking at their phone and vice versa. I am friends with a couple of my exes, and we talk frequently. HOWEVER, I let someone who I’m getting serious with know beforehand that they’re in the picture and that at this point it is strictly friendly. I also make it clear to my exes when I’m dating someone, hell, they ask questions about the guys I’m dating out of curiosity… as friends do! Now, what’s unacceptable is meeting your ex at the gym after x-amount of time and hashing out old issues and becoming friends again THEN failing to mention you’re seriously dating someone or have a boyfriend. Also, shouldn’t that be something you tell your boyfriend anyway? Sounds like an interesting story. In my humble opinion, if you run into your ex after blah blah amount of time has passed and you resolved your issues then that’s cool, but no, numbers should not be exchanged. We can be acquaintances, which means we can be Facebook friends and that is ALL. If we haven’t been friends all this time then I’m not interesting in being friends again. By the way, if you’re friends with a bunch of people who want to sleep with you, you look shady as hell and have an extremely inflated ego. None of my friends (to my knowledge) want to sleep with me and if they did and I have a boyfriend then they’d be put on the back burner because it’s total disrespect to me and my current situation.

  16. FreeRangeRadikal

    I’ve seen very few cases – and possibly none – where exes won’t hookup given the opportunity. At least my husband and I are open and honest about it, with rules in place. Neither of us are located anywhere near our exes, anymore, but from time to time find ourselves in their cities. Hookups happen.

    It’s not just gay men, either. I know guys who hookup with their ex-girlfriends, girls who hookup with ex-boyfriends, all while with someone new. I think it’s somewhat natural to want to hookup with someone you’ve had great sex with and who knows what you like. The jealousy surrounding it for the other person is natural too, I guess, but that’s where honesty has to come into play; if someone will hookup with an ex and not tell, they’ll probably hookup with others and not tell, too.

    I realize mine is probably the minority view, but it has worked for me and my husband without a single fight for going on 8 years. And his ex is a girl – a very, very pretty one, at that.

    I’ve had open relationships before, but the ex-hookup was always taboo. It was also the first thing abused, most likely.

    I’ve been castigated for my views on this, so don’t bother. I’ve also seen those same people get dumped because they hooked-up with someone, as often as not their ex. Spare me the morality trip. 🙂

  17. Jeffrey

    I agree with Dakota Dan, Why go though is cell phone. Do you go with his wallet as well. Obviously some trust issues.

    I am happily married and still have contact with my ex. He is a good friend before as remains to this day.

  18. art

    I have the same problem.. my ex 47 years . One guy txt him to have sex or call him daddy i miss you i love you.. he ged mad because i take the phone number of that guy and ask about.
    Am 33 years and i know what i whant. My ex say He s old and he dont have time and pacience to date me.. and he s better alone is ok
    continue using poppers,enemas wathching porn all night and your search on all the gay apps to find your true love..
    thanks felix guzman from oxnard ca .
    only some one who really care for you drive 4 hrs to spend some time ,cook for you and give you massage and have good company.

  19. makel

    i personally go thru this i feel as tho u shouldnt talk to your ex why because its your ex for a reason u have nothing to talk about un less u have kids an i dont feel that most gay men do! but u have nothing to talk about obviously u broke up thats just how i feel an thats just not kool to do im just saying

  20. Brad

    I think that if you run into an ex and he ask u out after he apologizes you should probably see the red flag and just be up front with him and tell him that you are seeing someone else and you are not interested and then back and tell your boyfriend right away that you ran into him. I think this would show your boyfriend that you are really over the ex and you show your honesty as well.

  21. takenlonely

    I do not think you should ever be friends or have contact with your exes. And if by chance you run into your ex and are in a new relationship, you should tell them right away. I also believe that when you are in a new relationship I think you should tell all of your friends so that everyone knows that you are off limits.

  22. Shit

    I agree with @spades. If this relationship is serious then looking at your other half’s phone is not off-limits. There shouldn’t be anything I need to hide from my boyfriend. I think too many gay guys are quick to say they have a boyfriend when it’s really just casual dating. If you’re together and committed then browse my phone whenever you want. This would have never happened to me because if an ex was to approach me and wanting to be friends, the first person told is the one who I am currently with.

    It feels like betrayal no matter which way you spin it if out of the blue you and and the ex are now speaking again. Granted there are plenty of exes who stay in contact. That’s pretty normal but the new man in my life will always know before they take the dive to be committed. It’s shitty to take someone’s choice of what they will and won’t accept from them.

  23. Damien Davis

    That’s bs and I will tell you why if you are in a serious relationship with someone then there should be no reason you can’t go through or look at your man’s phone and vice versa. Reason # there shouldn’t be anything there that would jeopardize your relationship,#2 if he had no intention on doing anything with the ex then he should not have given him the number # he should have told the ex that he got a man and have no desire to be with or talk to the ex. Whether the relationship ended good bad neutral or however. Yes it’s okay to have friends but not your ex that opens doors and can very easily rehash old flames or feelings, the fact that a man still talking to his ex while in a relationship is in itself DISRESPECTFULL to your current man .to me it’s not about insecurity it’s a respect issue cause if you with someone new and you love them then your ex and no one else should have room to come in or come back in the fact that he didn’t tell the guy he was with someone is a dead give away that he had more intentions cause that should have been the first thing to bring up when the ex approached and being Facebook friends need to be a no go too cause just cause you talk to them on Facebook doesn’t mean there’s nothing going on Facebook can and have been used as a hookup site to. As far as I’m concerned that’s some olé sneaky shi** and I’veddumped guys behind that Facebook bs and for talking to exes.. that’s some stupid sh** and I for one anit putting up with it you gone either be wit me or the ex or some other guy I’ve broken up with guys on good terms and when I’m with my new guy I still have no communication with my ex period if I see them in public I speakand keep it moving . I’m not insecure nor jealous to me I’m very beautiful , caring, kind, honest. And worthy of having my man to myself without worrying about second or third parties being involved. .

  24. Hunter0500

    1) Be an adult and understand your current guy has ex’s. You cannot change history. Deal with them as a gracious gentleman.
    2) Be an adult and have discussed with your current if you are … and have agreed upon … whether you are monogamous or not. And, if or if not, what does that mean exactly?
    3) Be an adult and understand that your current’s electronic devices are his private property. If you cannot trust him, then you’re a fool for having him as your current. If, therefore, you’re going to look/snoop/could not avoid seeing, don’t get all nuts about what you may see that may be sent to him by an ex.
    4) Be an adult.

    (god, why do they look for ways to attract drama? why do they look for ways to blame everyone else for their happiness or unhappiness?)

  25. Scarpien

    Chip: I agree with most of what you said. Like you, I still talk with a few exes of mine. I’ve never experienced the drama-filled breakups I’m so accustomed to hearing about from other guys and their boyfriends, so my exes and I pretty much are on good speaking terms.

    I’m the type of person who doesn’t dwell on negativity so if we’re no longer together, if our time together was mostly bad, I don’t look back. So the thought of hooking up or getting back together is pretty much nonexistent. Like I tell people: “I don’t want to have to rediscover why we broke up in the first place.” However, while we are together I’ll trust you until I can’t. Therefore, the snooping, mistrust, etc. I won’t even tolerate. If we’re at that point, I no longer see the point of even being together. And before I put myself through that madness, I’ll just leave. And that’ll be the end of that. Life is too short.

  26. Kuruption

    Interesting the responses.

    I guess having been there that, I’ll chime in a bit. My thoughts:

    1) If me and the current bf are living together, chances are we both have the same cell phone plan since family plans are cheaper than individual ones. As such, since both are paying for it I feel neither phone is off limits. I see a lotta dudes saying it’s about personal property, blah blah blah. While I understand and respect that, your bath towel is personal property and I don’t think you’d go into conniptions if your bf used it. So what’s the big deal? Besides, if there’s nothing to hide then there is nothing to hide. Yes no?

    2) My ex and I ended our relationship about 5 years ago. It was a bad breakup but even then, we swore to each other we’d continue being friends. To this day we are. We help each other when needed (emotionally, financially, etc.) and yes, have even hooked up once or twice. However, when he or I are dating, there are no hookups. We have met each other’s dude we’re interested in and all. What is amazing is they have more of an issue with our friendship than we do.

    3) I think too often we get into this thing where we feel if we’re in a relationship we’re not supposed to do this and are supposed to do that. I personally liken relationships to a Venn diagram (for those who do not know what it is, think of two of the Olympic rings joined together). One part is my life, the other part is his life and the part where they meet is our life together. That said, if his ex is a part of his life, it’s not my place to interfere with that. So long as you treat me honestly, honorably and fairly then there is no issue. If he wants his ex that badly to go back, then I gladly will move on.

    Life is way to short to obsess over petty things. In the above example, if dude says “I ran into him at the gym…told him no…thought nothing about it…why worry? Isn’t this the part where the “trust” we all clamor to desire so much comes into play?

  27. Akuma

    I personally would let him know I’m in a relationship and that we can be friends but I need to let my current boyfriend know what’s going on.. But if I ended the relationship and we are on bad terms then I would just tell him to leave me alone and keep away from me.. Plus your ex shouldn’t have your number unless your current bf know about it and is okay with it respect the relationship

  28. Fleece Of Many Colors

    An ex is exactly what they should be – an ‘X’. I have never understood the concept of how you can remain friends or keep a correspondence with someone with whom you once had a relationship with – especially when you are dating someone else. Each person in the relationship should move only forward and cut ties. Neither can develop new and healthy relationships with a constant correspondence. Not only is it damaging to the current romantic relationship with their new significant other, it is simply tactless and wrong. In addition, there is nothing to tie a gay man to his ex-boyfriend.

    Take a straight divorced man and woman with children – they have to be in correspondence and see one another because they share children together. No matter if they are divorced they must still see and correspond with each other at some point due to sharing children. However, gay couples rarely have children, they rarely have collateral in both of their names, they seldom have joint accounts and hardly ever have a mortgage or consumer loan jointly. What is to tie them to one another? The answer is simple: NOTHING!

    The best advice is simple: Once you have broken up with your ex, move forward and do not keep a correspondence with them. Many think they can remain friends but it is still awkward. In addition, it is also awkward and disrespectful to your new partner. Remaining friends with an ex can put a strain on new romantic interests and bring about the feelings of jealousy, anger, and distrust. Leave the past on the past to allow you to form a new and healthy relationship with someone without dragging old baggage into your new life.

    Rather, let the ex-boyfriend be the best of an acquaintance. If you do see them in public be civil and be courteous and keep the conversation respectful but brief. Do not exchange numbers or exchange Facebook friend requests, or emails. Just allow the past to be the past and continue building on the foundation of your new relationship. If you exchange numbers, emails, friend requests, then perhaps you need to do some soul searching. Perhaps you are not the relationship type or perhaps you have trouble letting go. Nonetheless, your new romantic interest should not have to go through the hurt, anxiety and disappointment.

    Just a word to the wise – let your ex be an ‘X’. Do not continue to discuss them, call them, email them or Facebook them. One thing is certain – you will never for a healthy and trusting relationship as long as you hold on to ex-boyfriends as friends. It doesn’t work and you will only make your life complicated and sabatoge the hopes of a new romance with someone.

  29. gs999

    Tell your BF he needs to put a screen lock on his phone… you shouldn’t be snooping.

    Otherwise grow a pair and grow up, if he’s really your “Boyfriend” then you’ve had that discussion, and he would have told the EX about you at the get-go.

    Why do you keep bringing up all the teenage angst problems? Most of us got past this stuff a looooong time ago.

  30. Tjohny

    My ex of 11 years and I are best friends and all the guys I date more then once know it. I will never have sex with him again but we will always be friends.

  31. Greg

    “A text message comes through and WITHOUT THINKING you pick the phone up and see it’s from an ex-boyfriend.”

    Really? You’re dating him, you don’t own him. He’s still his own person.

  32. JR

    I have one better than this. I was dating a guy for about 6 months and he did a lot of traveling and he took is former BF on a 3 night trip and they slept in the same room. Was I a dummy for letting that happen? He said nothing happen. I am not sure. Then my BF invited this same guy to a sex party and thought we would get along and even have sex and it was a big fat no. I stopped seeing other guys about 2 months into our relationship. We broke up because he kept having that guy around and I knew they were having sex behind my back. I got my revenge by having sex with his hot neighbor that would not give him the time of day let alone sex and we fucked right in my BF bed.

  33. Chris

    I recognize that cell phones are personal space and everyone has a right to privacy. But I also believe if a text or a conversation with an ex or a chance meeting is innocent then it would be brought up in conversation and out in the open. Watch enough talk shows or listen to enough talk radio and you will learn that you have to trust your instincts. If you suspect something isnt right, usually thats an indication that something isn’t right… I’ve been with my partner for almost 13 years, we’ve had issues with his infidelity early on in our relationship. I pretty much thought all that had passed. My father got sick a few months ago and I had to spend a couple a week without seeing by bf. I found out that within a few days of not being together he created a profile on another gay website, claiming to be looking for friends, but in the relationship status he ignored the status’s that would have suggested the he was off the market and put plainly “just dateing”… wow, 13 years of “just dateing” what a waste of a good chunk of life.

  34. Frankie

    Its not okay?
    Guys let’s face it we’re animals.
    If the guy is talking to his ex. He still has feelings for him. If you feel the need to go through his phone. Then you know what you got yourself into. He should be more sneaky with it. And put a damn lock on his phone. Just saying.

  35. Donald Shackleford

    I was in a relationship for 11 years. Although we did end it we are still friends he has met someone and has been in a relationship for years.
    Me and my ex still communicate I have met his other half and i like him as a person.
    So I have always wished them all the best.

  36. Simon

    Its not a big deal … I am still friends with my ex and his current fiance …. I think as the relationship between me and my ex fell apart .. we became best friends and his current fiance and us hang out together on weekends. There is no sex involved just pure friendship and its worked out great. As long as there is nothing hidden and there is truth in that friendship with your ex and to ensure that you’re keeping your so called distance — all is well ..

  37. BeenThroughIt

    To everyone saying he shouldn’t have snooped, refusing to let someone see your phone is basically an admission of guilt. What is on your phone that your bf can’t see? Once someone feels the absolute need to snoop there’s probably some breach of trust that is founded in some aspect of the relationship. It hurts more to find out well after the fact all the while you were giving them the benefit of the doubt.

  38. einathens

    Looking at an item in plain view isn’t snooping.

    How do you handle an ex’s request for renewed contact? With one text:

    “It was good running into you at the gym. Now I know for sure that there is nothing left between us. Glad you were finally able to recognize the damage you did, and ‘I’m sorry’ will be the last thing you say to me.
    I accept your apology. I’m seeing someone, and out of respect to him I’m denying your friend request and blocking your number. Goodbye.”

  39. truckertravis

    Guys in committed relationships should not be talking w anyone who is interested in them sexually. This means get off ur damn hook up sites n tell ur ex bf s to leave u alobe…….we all know gay guys have few boundaries n most can not seem to set boundaries for those sane said “friends.” Everyone is so desperate for attention n mental “likes” that they keep these thirsty guys in tbeir lives to boost their egos…guess who they run to when ur relationship slips an INCH….gay relationships are doomed to fell faster than str ones for this very reason……sex sex SEX…..

  40. JR

    My partner has the password to my phone. We have no secrets. He knows that my ex is still one of my best and closest friends, even though we broke up ten years ago. If you love a person, it is great to have them in your life. My partner has no reason to be jealous that I still have “sushi dates” with my ex. They will both always be a part of my life and everyone knows the boundaries.

  41. Howardangel

    It is not a good idea to be friend with an ex if either guys are quite sexual charged. As a weak guy when sex is involved I tend to regret after reconnecting with an ex. Guys are so easy at getting naked and accidental touching can create another dejavu. Therefore I keep them at arm length or just polite chitchat and greeting if we happen to be in the same locations. They’re friends alright but exes for a reason. I wouldn’t share too much of my personal information with them either.

  42. Dave

    Snooping….hahaha. Obviously loads of guys here do not want their bfs/partners to know what’s going on behind their backs. Sad and pathetic. My advice is if you want to cheat do it well and don’t get caught otherwise you deserve to be plainly DUMPED…

  43. Shit

    Exactly what I mean…no secrets. If you’re friends with an ex before you and I met then how is that not mentioned before we actually commit, especially if you’re at that point in a relationship?? If, after entering a relationship and your ex comes calling it still should be something talked about. If you’re cool with me talking with my exes then I have to be cool with you, vice-versa. If that is not the case, then you’re sneaky and if I stay I deserve what I get. Flags are always there, I have never believed that you can’t meet people and miss that initial reaction to them. If we are animals, then that very first meeting with someone is instinctual, automatic.
    At the end of the day friends are friends, exes or not. If you have integrity and you believe in treating the new people in your life with respect, then there are no secrets. People will meet you where you are or they won’t.

  44. Brent

    I’m friends with all of my ex’s except for one. He was so insecure about our relationship , that he resorted to looking through my email and everytime a text came through on my phone, he wanted to know who it was and what they wanted. I had to password my pc, my laptop, my personal phone and my work phone. Our relationship ended shortly after that. Yours will too….grow up and understand that just because he became your boyfriend, that you have no rights to his private personal possessions.

  45. FreeRangeRadikal

    @John505 Exactly! And we’ve had more than a few with mine. His are all girls, so…that’s not my thing, plus, now that he’s into guys, there’s only one of his exes who’s female – and she is gorgeous – that he still hooks up with.

    One of mine is a fairly-regular hookup for us since he lives convenient in a city where the husband and I both get to regularly for work. >:-)~

  46. TrizzyTroy

    1. Exes get XED!! Hi n bye only. Whatever made them an ex husband, ex bf, also makes them an EX FRIEND!!! Wtf u needy, non-closure bitches need to realize is the point of moving on!! Any REAL DUDE aint putting up with an ex sniffing around stirring up old shit!! None of my dudes was having that, if we exclusive then there’s no room for your past. Have your friends n family but no past love affairs, fb, exes etc. 2. Im not locking my phn, anything one finds will only hurt them not me. 3. Casually passing n an apology dnt mean u get my digits Mr Ex!! 3. You talk abt things like this while your dating in the first few wks or months so u know where each other stands. Then u know what bounderies such as phns, exes, family, sex, etc are allowed

  47. imimpressed

    It doesn’t matter if I talk to guys who want to sleep with me. The important question is if I want to sleep with them. If I am dating and making a go of the relationship anyone can say anything to me and it won’t make a blind bit of difference.

    As for the real question: keeping in touch with an ex while dating, I’m against it. I don’t know why gay men feel this need to recycle failed love affairs into friends. This need to be “friends” is taken as a sign of emotional health, but if anything it’s an inability to fully let go of the past. I think the temptation to compare a current lover to a former would be irresistible, especially if the ex were hovering in the background with familiarity on his side. I write from experience. I had a man who had his empty little head turned by an ex who became a supposed friend. What happened? He and the ex fucked. I was given the elbow for the ex. I was pissed but I didn’t argue because I knew the ex was using him. Sure enough, two months later empty head confirmed his ex used him only for a sure-fire roll in the sheets.

    Ex’s can’t be friends; it ain’t natural.

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