Speak Out : Dear Anonymous, You Are Racist!

Just when we thought all the damage done by the likes of Julian Assange and Eric Snowden had finally come to an end, “Anonymous” rears his ugly head. Well…mask. And No. I’m not referring to the group of loosely associated international activists with the cool mask that looks like the guy from the movie V for Vendetta. This “Anonymous” is more ignoble.

In his “secret” post, I’m Not Racist, I’m Just Not Attracted To Black MenAnonymous seeks comfort from other anonymous strangers on the internets to quell his conscience from the creeping suspicion that he may be a racist. You see Anonymous – who is white –  is only into white guys. Can you believe it? Me either. And what’s worse, those other white guys online are into him too! Rough I know. But these groundbreaking revelations aren’t what shocked the conscience of our faceless cipher. It was a conversation with his (black) friend.

You know exactly what conversation I’m talking about. The conversation gay men of color sometimes have with white gay men. The one where gay men of color complain that they have to work so hard to get any white cocktails while their white friends do nothing more than send the standard “sup” message (if it’s a virtual space) or look across the room (if it’s a club or bar). I’m sure this conversation has been going on since the time of ancient Egypt. As the conversation continues, the white friend admits he hasn’t been with many or any people of color, followed quickly by “but you know I’m not racist. It’s just a preference.” Anything said after this point by either party is almost guaranteed to be unintelligible. It’s a breach too far.

That point, I sigh and take the advice of poet Kate Rushin – not to be the bridge to other people’s humanness.

This isn’t one of those times.

Anonymous: I want to ease your anxiety about whether or not you’re a racist. Based on what you wrote, it’s pretty clear you are a racist for at least three reasons.

1. You benefit from a system of romantic advantage based on race.
Many people think racism is about intention (see Madonna’s apology on using the n-word). It’s not. It’s about function. Clinical psychologist Beverly Tatum (and many others) defines racism not as disliking a race but as a “system of advantage based on race.” Attractiveness is a socially-constructed ideal formed by the cultural messages one receives from  his or her environment. According to Polish psychologist Robert Zajonc (1923-2008), mere-exposure to a thing makes you more likely to like that thing. In other words, while beauty is in the eye of the beholder, the beholder’s eye is more likely to find something or someone pleasing if it has seen something like it before. So Anonymous, that thing you call “chemistry” is really a socially-conditioned psychological response to the fact that you’ve seen a whole lot of white people in your life.

2. You can exclude entire races from your romantic life and still have options.
Ask yourself what would happen if your black friend removed every other race from his romantic gaze except for white guys. Wait. You don’t have to imagine that. You already know. He’s miserable because he doesn’t have many options. Why is it that you have so many when he has so few? You both like white guys. Whatever could be the difference? The fact that you can do it and he can’t is an example of “the system” at play. Guess who’s winning?

3. You appeal to an unknown higher power to explain your relative advantage.

When reading your post, I couldn’t help but think of the judge who wrote the following:

“Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And, but for the interference with his arrangement, there would be no cause for such [interracial] marriage. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.”

This rationale was used to de-legitimize an interracial marriage half a century ago. And to be fair, you didn’t
say this. But what’s similar is since you had no rational way of explaining your preference you appealed to nature, to chemistry, to unknown bugaboos that take over when it hurts our heads too much to reexamine the assumptions of our lives in order to absolve you from responsibility and to distance yourself from the role you play in the oppression of others.

In the words of poet Andrea Gibson , privilege is not having to think about it.

Anonymous, if you really want to absolve yourself, stop defending systems that help you and hurt others. Research it. Expose it. Then, fight against it. It’s only by trying to change the system that you will truly come to understand it. If you take nothing else away from this post, understand that, when bigcockjohnny89 responds to you instantly on Grindr, it is because he’s accustomed to associating beauty with whiteness because our dominant culture is white. It takes more effort for your black friend to get attention because we aren’t used to seeing blackness as equally beautiful. This dynamic doesn’t make you racist. Defending it and allowing yourself to benefit from this system of romantic advantage without challenging it makes you a racist.



Gary James








There are 177 comments

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  1. Kyle

    There is a reason why you hear the phrase, “Once you go black, you’ll never go back.” It isn’t an exoticism or a size issue, there is a real passion within other races. If you stop denying yourself by living in a closed societal situation you may very well find a while new world out there that wants to accept you with open arms!

  2. Brian Simcoe

    I feel disappointed after reading this and I actually feel offended. As a white man who was raised loving all people, black, white, purple, etc., I read this post and can’t help but think of the times when I was rejected because of the color of my skin. I am attracted to black men and Latino men and there are plenty of them that say no whites. But where is the blog on that? Point is, black men and Latino men can be racist too and think that instead of highlighting how racist white men are, just remember there are good and bad in all races not just one.

  3. truckertravis73

    it’s not racists to NOT be sexually into another race. I’m white and have been with various races and I can honestly say, i do not like black dick,,,,,the skin of a black man’s cock does not taste good to me. I don’t know what it is they slather on their dicks but it’s not a pleasurable think to put in my mouth. Does this make me racist, NO…. it means that in my experience the black men i’ve been with do no have tasty dicks, PERIOD!…….

    i’ve been w/ a couple black men where this is not the case by on the whole, it has been my experience. I see PLENTY of profiles where white guys want ONLY black guys,,,, black guys want ONLY black guys,,, Asian for Asian,, latin for latin SO ON n SO ON…

    I just find if funny that only black men complain about this . The black card is played in business, politic and BORE ME TO DEATH gay chat rooms, hook sites OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

    Personally, if guys READ more profiles then they wouldn’t be so butt hurt when someone says NO,,, since it most likely says quite CLEARLY on their profile what guys they are INTO or NOT into so it would have saved you the trouble……..BUT

    guys are so thirsty for dick and ass, NO ONE takes the time to read profiles and if they do, they take it as a personal challenge to BREAK the person and see if they’ll go after them as well.

    Time after time, guys have come after me for sex and i continue to say no and eventually block them when I’ve clearly said i’m no wanting to hook up w/ them. Guys are so desperate for attention that the mere thought of rejection EVEN if the guy clearly says he’s not into guys like YOU, seems to confound their brains, they they will go on a txt’g rampage to tell the person off or play a RACE CARD to someone calm their own minds about being rejected.

    end point,,,,, READ profiles and if you don’t MATCH the description, DON’T WRITE SOMEONE… PERIOD!

    a guy who isn’t into black men sexually yet has black friends and isn’t rejecting black men in any other fashion, IS NOT RACIST, so get the HELL OVER IT!

  4. dragonwizzard

    First of all your ignorance is not bliss…if buy your own opinion that he is racist just because he is not attracted to men of all color, then any white men ( which there are many. yourself included that date only black men and men of other color by preference) is racist against the white race. Its not racist to not be attracted to anyone based on any reason. Prime example if you don’t like some art does that make you racist against that artist or art form. Its all a matter of personal tastes. Get off your high horse and stop judging others because of their preference. Your being a biggot while your calling someone racist. If they have friends of other color then they are not a racist just because they only are sexually attracted to one race. I’m so sick of hearing all this he’s racist she’s racist just because they are not physically attracted to a person of color.. Last I saw its 2014, and we are all trying to get equality not continue the hate in ignorance in this community. Which this article was.

  5. Alan

    Hang on a second, let me see if I’m getting this right. Your first argument is that Anonymous is racist because he gains an advantage in dating by being white, despite his lack of ill-intent or malice. Does this mean that you are arguing that white people are racist for being white? I would assume your argent is more nuanced, and simply not clear to this reader, because otherwise it comes across as, well, really racist.

    Also, I think your construction of “beauty” is overly simplistic. Yes, culture and conditioning play into it, but so does biology. Traits like big eyes, symmetrical features, and smooth, blemish-free skin seem to be hardwired to be attractive regardless of culture. Yes, Anonymous might be benefitting from his skin color in this culture, quite frankly there are a lot of factors besides his race that could account for his success at picking up guys.

  6. VaEfron12

    Think you are reaching a bit on this one. Attempting to be erudite and thoughtful and ending up a bit sophomoric. Racism does indeed exist and should be condemned. A general sexual preference for one race due to familiarity or another due to an attraction to the exotic or unfamiliar does not necessarily constitute “racism” which is the belief in the inherent inferiority or in the lesser human dignity of another simply by virtue of their ethnic or racial identity. If you are primarily attracted to Latino or African American, or Asian you simply are. If you prefer the company of “bears” rather than “twinks” you simply are. If you are attracted generally to older men than younger than so be it. Attraction may be based on sameness of type as well as difference. A little less self righteous “judgmentalism” and “pseudo-psychoanalysis” of strangers might make the world a happier place. Now if one were to say I prefer only to associate or be friends with a particular race, you would have a point.

  7. Nameless Person

    I’m sensitive to racism, but I think you might be wrong. Attraction really is attraction. In the same way I’m not attracted to women, some may not be attracted to some groups of men. I’ve been around women my whole life, but I don’t want to have sex with them. I’m white and actually prefer most non-white sexually, but was raised in a primarily white community. To me, hot is hot. For the most part, though, we’re attracted to what we’re most familiar with as human beings. It’s a basic instinct, not merely socially constructed. It’s in our DNA as a species survival instinct. I don’t fault someone for being incapable of moving beyond their genetic programming, but man.. They’re certainly missing out on plenty of gorgeousness.

  8. Quinn

    Ok I hate when people try to use religion as their out. God created two people who then went forth and reproduced and populated the earth. Race, as we define it, is based on skin color which is basically a reflection of A)genetics and B) what part of the world of which you descend but genetics are trickier than that but I digress… I am a black male who dates men of all races but, I’m told constantly ” You’d be cute if you weren’t black” I went out and had a great conversation with a guy for an hours afterwards he leans in and kisses me. He looks at me and says ” I feel like I’m crossing some boundaries I’ve set for myself.” He now avoids me because he’s not into blacks. That shit hurts and the longer assholes perpetuate and stand by these social constructs the more people are going to lash out.

  9. chris

    What if im only attracted to certain members of minority races? Dose that make me a “sort of racist”? I don’t have a lot of minority friends, but I certainly wouldn’t kick a hot one (by my standards) out of bed.

  10. JOEY

    Another rant and rave. Have you ever heard the saying, “TO EACH HIS OWN”? Well I believe this catagory falls into that space. We all have our hangups and most don’t even realise it, weather it’s a age difference, body type, sexual position, or color. If we all took care of whats going on in our own little world, I think people wouldn’t care so much about who is doing what to who and who isn’t. Think about it…

  11. James

    We should be allowed to want who we want in our bed. Preference shouldn’t be scrutinized. We are all not going to like one another. As long as anonymous isn’t trying to reverse the emancipation proclamation let him enjoy who he enjoys in his bed. As a Black man it’s hard for me to meet a White man who doesn’t mention sometime or another how big Black Dick is. Now there are men across the racial spectrum that are well endowed but in Boston Ma it’s hard to meet one who won’t mention even if he’s talking to a man with average endowment how big Black dick is. So let folks like who they like. We may never know why preference is why it is. For some men they like short, average or tall men, some muscular, overly muscular, others slim, slight or obese. What ever ignites your flame as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else let it burn .

  12. Vega

    This would, therefore, entail that his African-American friend is also racist. Also, terms of color as in referring to race – are racist? Do you feel right calling Asians and Asian- Amerians yellow? Or Native Americans red? I bet you don’t. The point of the matter is: We are all guilty of racism to a degree, whether we know it or not. What defines us is what we do about those moments. How we mold them into something different. Not being ‘attracted’ to ‘black men’ isn’t racism, it is preference. Are we going to start showing prejudice against people who prefer blondes over brunettes? This was a very moot post in my eyes. Sorry. Although, some of your psychiatric sources were interesting.

  13. Bo

    Mr. James
    while I agree with some of what you said, I think its unfair to say that because a white man is not attracted to a black sexually that they are racist. Are you saying that they should just to prove they aren’t? Please pardon the typos.

  14. unihikid

    great read,ppl down in Texas are very race divided esp if your looking for friends(not cocktails),i grew up in a mixed area in mid Los Angeles and its a great change of weather out here in Dallas…One reason why i dislike(almost hate) it here.

  15. Sam

    I don’t believe preferences make one a racist. For instance, I’m 100% Italian but I’m not attracted to other Italian guys. Does that make me a reverse-racist? Different races have distinctive body tastes and scents and I’m not turned on by those of other Italian guys. That’s all there is to it. The rest seems just silly conjecture.

  16. Creepyperb

    Incredibly well written and beautiful. The problem is that it was probably wasted on an obvious sack of shit who understood none of it.

  17. Thom

    By this rationale, gays are sexist because they wont sleep with or date women. If your in your 20s and you spurn the advances of 50, 60, 70 year olds, then your an age-ist. What about all the white guys who only date black guys or black guys who only date black guys? Attraction is somewhat influenced by beauty standards from society, but alot of it comes from baser instincts. We are still animals, and as animals we primarily mate with those similar charateristics we possess.

  18. realist1988

    it’s quite funny if you think about it I didn’t know that the klan and other ignorant species started carrying rainbow flags and attending pride parades it’s really stupid and crazy when you think about it you hate a race because of they’re color but there are people that hate you for what you do because they think it’s wrong and also boils down into who has what”HIV” does not have a color or race but that is another topic for another time.

  19. Randy

    LOL. Here we have a sexist calling another a racist!! The author of this article has excluded women from his love life (about 52 per cent of the population) and is still ignorant enough to call some one else a racist because they have excluded a group of people from their love life. Amazing!! LOL

  20. Chip

    While I completely understand likes/dislikes — including types of skin (I’m way more attracted to smooth than hairy) — its a copout to exclude all “non-white” men because of a “preference”. That, to me, is most likely “racist”.

    Personally, I like men of all colors — which is good, because nearly ALL asian men, and the VAST majority if black and latin men, are SMOOTH (oh yeah, baby!)… But as strong as my FETISH for smooth bodies may be, I’m often attracted to dudes with more hair than I’m “normally” attracted to! And if they’re attracted to me too, then we’re up for some fun!

    But if you’re one of those “whites only” dudes, riddle me this: what if you found out your latest hottie pickup at the bar was actually half black (apparently his skin color was too light for you to notice after all those drinks)… would that affect his hottiness to you? (made up word – deal with it!). If it would, then you’re DEFINITELY a racist! (And if you are racist, OWN IT — either fix it within yourself, or take ownership of it! Don’t hide behind misleading or obfuscating labels… that’s CRAP!)

    Be proud of who you ARE, or change to who you WANT TO BE!

    Personally, as the father of 4 sons, I have taught them all a very serious lesson: do not pre-judge people.
    Sexually, God gave you a very easy-to-use tool to tell whether you’re attracted to someone… it is called a penis. When it gets hard, there is something there that you’re attracted to! Adjust! Unless you’re already playing with yourself, there is something there that you’re programmed to react to… call it God’s will, or just your teen-ages hormones, there’s something there… its real, and its you. Adjust your self-image of what you SHOULD be attracted to so that it matches what your biology says you ACTUALLY ARE attracted to!

    That being said, just because your penis gets hard doesn’t mean you can, or should, act on it! If you’re attracted to your teacher you shouldn’t just go up and proposition them (real life is NOT a porn movie!). Or if they’re married… or if they’re a pop-star on the stage… or tons of other potential times your “indicator” will go off when its otherwise inappropriate to act upon it.

    But when it DOES go off, and the opportunity is REAL (for both parties), don’t let some pre-conceived notions about age/race/religion/GENDER or whatever stop you from exploring that attraction. It may lead to happiness, or sorrow. But if you don’t follow your gut (including your penis), you’ll never know TRUE happiness!

    In my own life, I have very recently been attracted to someone that I would NEVER have thought would be right for me. He is younger (I’m 50, he’s just 25 — and while I don’t fixate on age, this is a wide gap!), he dresses and acts flamboyantly gay (my past loves have all been as masculine or more so than I am), he smokes (I absolutely HATE the smells of smoking), and he is actually pretty bad “in the sack”… but every time I see him, my indicator instantly goes to full alert.

    We’ve been dating for about 4 months now, and I’m not at all sure I can get past all the “obstacles” — but that’s not the point! The point is that I’m TRYING! If things don’t work out, it won’t be because I didn’t explore exactly what it is that is lighting my fire! And what I learn (about myself) in this little enterprise may lead me to finding Mr. Right (or realizing that this really is Mr. Right for me!)

    Finally, I find most racist people are simply ignorant of the race (or races) to which they are rejecting. Usually, their derision is based on stereotypes and misconceptions. I find racist people to generally be dim-witted and closed-minded. I invite any admittedly racist blokes who disagree to prove themselves the exception. (FWIW: I am white).

  21. Sean

    Honestly I’m tired of people attacking other people’s rights and right to their views. You have a right to your opinion also but, as they say “opinions are like assholes, everyone has them and they usually stink”. I am “white” and I am not attracted to “white” men. Does that make me racist? People have preferences. Just because I don’t eat Chicken doesn’t mean I hate them or wish any ill being upon or think I better than them. This “anonymous” has the right to choose who he has relationships with. That is part of the freedom we have in this country. He also has as much right as you do to speak his mind. Your entire rant is just as racist as his post and the last paragraph is the most ignorant part. If anything black culture is way more glorified in media, in the United States at least. By having a preference does not refer to your thinking one race is superior or inferior to the other. Which is the definition of racist. Maybe he’s being prejudice but not racist and everyone is prejudice to some extent.

  22. Andrew

    Gary, thank you for the thoughtful and well presented article. As a white, 20 something gay man, it is important for me to recognize the privilege, which makes my complexion the normative standard for both physical attractiveness in general, and male “gayness” in particular. I am sure you are going to get a lot of “haters” responding to this post, but you’re 100% right.

    I’m sure you’ll get a lot of people saying “well, everyone does it. Lots of black guys say ‘no whites.'” But I think (and hope you would agree) that those two situations are different in terms of advantage. Also, too often when other races are seen as beautiful, they are merely fetishes. There was an article on here a few weeks ago (that I responded to, but was not posted by the moderator) that was about “Loving Black Guys.” Like racially based pornos the conversation rested on tropes of the sexually aggressive, uncontrollable black man.

    Anyways, thanks for the great article.

  23. bystander

    By the logic in this article, if you aren’t attracted to heavy people you’re fatist, if you arent attracted to people who are un or underemployed your classist, basically if you arent attracted to anyone who might be protrayed a victim you’re a bad person. Thats fucking ridiculous. Im always dissapointed with the hipocrosy of gay people who benifit from the advances weve made to live our lives the way we feel fit, then turn around and judge everyone themselves. Youre allowed to be attracted (or not) to people for whatever reason. What matters is how you treat others.

  24. Jule

    I see this all over A4A lol white guys saying they’re not into black guys and vice versa. Right next to it stating “It’s just a preference” lol. Thanks for the good read.

  25. Cmat21

    Good point. Racism isnt necessarily about violent action against a different race, its about already forming an assumption about the race that prevents you from moving forward with them. Each color spectrum has hundreds of millions of male options to chose from and I promise attraction is not a problem. There is someone whos single out there who has every trait youre looking for minus perhaps the skin aspect. And that my friend would make you racist.

    “Free your mind and the rest will follow. Be color blind, dont be so shallow.”

  26. Marlon

    I know exactly where you are coming from. As an African-American gay male who is heavily into white men, I am currently battling self esteem issues because of the way we are viewed and treated by them. I even considered bleaching at one point because I hated myself so much. Folks don’t understand how hard it is to be us. We always get the short end of the stick.

  27. dan

    Preference is not racist. Grow the up and learn to deal with rejection. Not all people are whores so not all people want you in their bed , love life or friendship for that matter. Online, it’s ok to indicate your type or the type you are not attracted to when it comes to hooking up (although I don’t agree with hooking up). It eliminates the trouble.
    In person you would be an ASSHOLE to shrug people off for friendship.So at least in public, be respectful and courteous.

  28. Eternal dawn

    It’s so unsettling to see so many people try and talk about race politics when it’s obvious they know nothing about it.

    Actually what’s more unsettling is the fact that these talks are now happening more online when they should be occurring in actual meetings between actual bodies..

  29. Tremain

    This subject really touched home, and I really would like to comment on it, even though I have not, in my three years of being a gay man felt or been rejected by any race. I am a African American male,born and raised in Germany. I have been propositioned by all Italian, German, Spanish, Russian etc. men. Sure there have been a few that have said that they have a preference for European men, but that does not make them racist. Everyone should be allowed to like what they like. I don’t care for hairy men or people for that matter, but If every other thing about him was perfect I would invite him again to my bed, and it goes without saying that we could be friends. There is no perfect gay man, even the most sexy has a flaw somewhere. Yes, it would be nice to see more interracial dating but that is not the case. Anyone who feels rejected should just move on… there is a man out there for you; don not waste your effort and time on somebody who does not want you

  30. sjohnson

    this is the most ridiculous blog i have read in a long time….so in other words–just fuck anyone, otherwise your racist/discriminatory. just because someone prefers one race over another is stupid—just STUPID. and for those that “feel” racism because of this so-called issue—GET OVER IT!! MY PREFERENCE is what i WANT–not what YOU think i should want!! i don’t care—call me racist….. if you say SHORT FAT men need not apply—-that’s another story–wait that’s discriminatory!!!!!!!!!!

  31. VEternal dawn

    Also, I am confused by something. And maybe one of you color prejudiced daters can help

    How can you be legitimate friends with someone of a race that you are not attracted to? I mean this skin color that repulses you is still there.. Is it really a switch you can turn on or off?

  32. JD

    I think the guy who wrote this has a huge chip on his shoulder and the only want to deal with it is to blame white people. Absolutely absurd.

  33. Jason

    I am so sick of the race card!!!!! Preference is NOT racism!!!! I am white and will only date white men exclusively, no exceptions. That is MY preference. I don’t have a problem with colored people, but I don’t want to date them.

  34. Wayne

    Well I’m black and you can call me a racist if you want I don’t care. I refuse to date anyone who don’t want me besides if you say anything goes or groups you’re out anyway. Too many of you guys especially only want to sex me with NSA… forget that. Blacks and other races too are just as bad with the same bull. If any or all of you are racist good for you because I’m too old for the bull.

  35. JaysSN

    The dick wants what the dick wants. That said, on the other hand, I’m a huge fan of black men. But I find I’m willing to fuck very few of them, since so many are in the closet.

  36. Lovien

    I think the writer is simply trying to say don’t knock it before you try it (and several forms of it) and some places like where I’m from (Wilmington, NC) the kind of cases that he describes happen more often than not here. Literally 7/10 profiles I pass dismiss remotely entertaining the ideal of a “black” even emailing them; bluntly stating (you will be ignored)

    I wouldn’t go as far as marking the action described as racist, just closed minded- if you will. I myself being of African decent doesn’t truly know when to ignore the “no-blacks” warning label- considering that I’m mixed w/ German and French Canadian (Creole essentially). Most black men in my family are far more pale than most white people w/ freckles, red hair, and green eyes; so is it a skin issue and/or a cultural behavior stigma?

    -If you have an opinion on the matter and want to address me directly- you can find my profile under my listed name and city.

  37. Monarchy

    Honestly, I don’t think it’s racist to not be attracted to other races ( as one poster said, and ill go further to say that different races smell tase and feel different(depending on the act) and ones ghat not be attracted. What I find amusing about this is the fact that most men who scream “racist” are black snow queens who chase white men who don’t want them, when all the while, their self-loathing behinds don’t even like other black men. Lol. If other cultures stopped denouncing their own race for a chance in bed with this ideal white man, we wouldn’t even be having this discussion. And btw, I’m black and have no problem with a white man not liking black men, as that’s his prerogative.

  38. Monarchy

    Also, people need to stop looking for acceptance from others. Why the hell should I feel obligated to sleep with someone for the sake of political correctness? This isn’t about offering employment or college admissions, were talking about sex!!!!! You should be able to fuck or not fuck whomever you want, and not even have to explain the reason. You like what you like and don’t like what you don’t like and that’s it’s. and if some of these black men had more self esteem and self respect, they wouldn’t be crying home to mama because some random white guy doesn’t want him. That’s pathetic, and for any white guy who is called racist by a black guy who you rejected, tell him this: “well you’re black and you don’t even like your own kind, so why should I?”

    And btw, I’m black and proud to be black!!! 🙂



  40. Mark

    I might get what Gary James is saying. There are some white guys that do not find blacks or most other minorities attractive that are racist and hide behind some cloak of “I’m just not attracted to them.” Got it.

    However, there are some of us who WERE attracted and DATED a black man (as we as other minorities) like myself.

    I am a Caucasian man. I dated my best friend many years after high school. He is black. We drifted apart after 2 years of dating. In that time, I realized 1 thing about his mother, his family & the African-American community as a whole: they were NEVER, EVER going to accept his being gay and never accept me!

    I know there are exceptions in every group but I am focusing my angst toward blacks on this topic. The majority of blacks polled in this country have shown that they do not accept nor like gays and most likely would not support gays being committed, loving relationships. This data has been consistent even as the rest of the country’s attitude towards gays and gay marriage has evolved for the last 15, 20 years.
    With that being said, why would I possibly think that if I were to date a black man that his friends, family and community would like us as a couple. Blacks are so Neanderthalic and flat-out hating when it comes to us queers, they will most likely never evolve in my lifetime. I have seen it when my black co-workers and bosses have sneered at the THOUGHT of working next to a fag.

    SO, when I say I am not attracted to blacks, I don’t care about the pigment of their skin, its about an across-the-board mentality that a group possesses and that I can’t fix their hatred of my gayness. No thanks. Life is way too short to deal with forced of vitriol I cannot control. I’ll pass!!!

  41. goldenloverinmym

    my opinion is color does not matter 2 me.i met blacks,latino,asian,some I’ve loved others I didn’t.the person himself is what gets me hot,and from there we go to the bedroom or’s how we get along,i’m 59 so if I agree 2 meet i’ll b there on time as agreed upon.then its up to us how it goes.dean

  42. HW

    I am black and my best friend is white but Im not into white dudes or asian…I don’t see how that is racist. Its a preference….for example I don’t particularly like peas that doesn’t mean I hold anything against peas…I just don’t care for them. Simple.

  43. robert

    The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice. Once u go black u never go back? Hmmmm well for me its true so collourd guy’s here i am lol

  44. Hunter

    Well, I must be racist then. I don’t like black men sexually. At all. I don’t like Indian men either. Get over it, it’s a damn preference.

  45. BlackChris

    The biggest problem is white guys don’t understand that we don’t want you to be attracted to black guys, but a darker skinned black guy should be presented as a model of attractiveness and should be desired. I don’t find women to be my type but I know when one is and I will let her know. If you’ve never told your best friend who happens to be black that he’s a stud, good looking, gorgeous (or something) then you should. The self esteem issues some of us “colored” folks deal with are only here cause the white majority pushes their standards on the rest of us. Even Barbie had Malibu Ken. When will we get a gay one…

  46. BlackChris

    Sorry on my phone.
    *of attractiveness who should be desired similar to white men.
    *I know when one (a women) is attractive.

  47. Matt Ramsfield

    Get over yourself….this is Adam4Adam, not O’Reilly’s “The Factor.” Just because you PREFER one color as opposed to another does not make you racist. I am white and I prefer to be with white men ONLY….and I am not racist.

  48. Cristofur

    Honestly, if I come across a profile that excludes an entire race, I usually skip over that profile or just block them. Time is too short and I’m not wasting any time on someone old enough to know better. As a mixed person (black and white), I’ve encountered people who excluded either black or white guys but for some reason they message me. I don’t have time for those guys either.

    Alternatively, I’m only attracted to tall, older guys with body hair so perhaps someone could say that I have my own issues to work out as well. 😉

  49. Neal

    I personally like all men. If someone isnt into me sexually, I dont get butt hurt. Its no problem. I have some white friends I dont want to go to bed with,along with some black, latino, asian etc….Actually I want to try one of the “blue men” I hear there really hung thick…

  50. CM

    I think most on here are missing the point. It’s ok to have a sexual preference. It’s how you announce that preference, black on black, white on white, either/or, it doesn’t matter when you use that preference to say things that should not be said. We’ve all seen the profiles that says “I’m just looking for friends”, but then you have a photo of your a** spread out. God forbid if someone of another race actually thinks you are looking for a friend and says hello, but then…oh wait, you’re black, we can’t be friends, you’re a “insert N word”, what would my friends say? That’s when your “preference” becomes racist. Understand this is a hookup site, announce your intentions and move on. BUT, if you have “friends” listed, don’t be surprised when someone of a different color says hi, they may be looking to expand their circle of friends as well. Friends shouldn’t have an “attraction” preference. After all, you’re just looking for friends, not a date. That is, unless you ONLY want friends of the same color. Guess what, that may make you a racist.

  51. wes

    First off Im black and based on my experience i would say its racist only to a certain degree. Most guys ive been with have this preconceived ideal of race in g eneral negative or positive. But often times miss the fact that people are different even if you are of the same race. Ive had like really racist guys come to me and say “well in not attactive to black guys but your not really black” this is because the way i carry myself is not normal for what most minds would associate with black. So yes some of it does come from racism

  52. BearOKC69

    IMO, this blog post is a load of male bovine excrement

    I suppose as Gay men we are sexist since we are only attracted to males. Ageist if we are only attracted to someone in a certain age range. Fill in the blank for whatever ______ist you like (hmmm, is THAT be a preference or another _____ist?)

    Following the logic(?) “Attractiveness is a socially-constructed ideal formed by the cultural messages one receives from his or her environment.” Then we should all be flaming heterosexuals since that is the societal norm that most of us were exposed all of our lives. Yet we are gay. So we CAN be converted of our sexism by exposing ourselves to intimate encounters with women, viewing only “regular” porn (women only, no men included) etc etc etc.

  53. Matthew

    Oh Gary, Gary, poor sad Gary…Great so you call Anonymous a racist, but you are intolerant because he ABSOLUTELY has the right to decide who he gets naked with and it is no business of yours. His choice is NO DIFFERENT than a straight man only wanting blonds. Sounds like Gary is the bully.

  54. Jason

    What a bunch of BS. Whoever wrote this obviously has no idea who or what anonymous is. Do us a favor: If you don’t know what you are talking about, keep your mouth shut and your fingers off the keyboard.

  55. LD

    Some people date exclusively within their own race, and some date exclusively outside their own race, and date different races. It’s preference not racism.

    Some people change one or more times in their life on which race they are attracted to, or open up to other races during their lives. Most people would like other races too if they gave them a chance and met the right ones. But it is just a preference and everyone has a right to their own preferences.

    I changed and it’s a strange thing, as I didn’t expect or plan it, it just happened. I’m no longer attracted to my own race. I am white and when I was young I was only sexually attracted to other whites. I was like this for many years and didn’t think about it or question it. At some point in my 30s my preference changed to liking a different race than my own.

    It’s not something I talk about, because I would rather be color-blind to race and give everyone an equal chance, but I went from being sexually attracted only to other white people, to white people being a turn-off for me sexually. My theory, in my case is that I was let down and disappointed by to many white people, one after another and I got sick of white people to the point that I’m not sexually attracted to them anymore. I don’t know if that caused it or what, but I now prefer another race over my own for sex. I know this is not logical and there are good and bad in all races, but my experiences changed me nonetheless.

    For all races, I do not think it is racist to only be attracted to your own race. If both your parents were of the same race, it’s most common for individuals of all races is to be attracted only to their own race for sex, dating, love or marriage. That is what we are usually taught sub-consciously if not directly when young, and what we are conditioned to believe especially if all our childhood friends are of the same race as us too, which is usually the case.

  56. mikw

    Are you guys that sensitive? Do you not know the difference between racist and rudeness? It isn’t RACIST to post that you are not attracted or looking for a certain race, it’s called RUDENESS !! get it? get over it

  57. Charles

    Peoples’ reading comprehension levels are not too high, eh? Especially those deciding to disagree with the essay while simultaneously reinforcing the same paradigm the author describes. Ah well, serves me right for reading the comments after a post about race. The rush of people to disingenuously defend the status quo will always make your head spin…

  58. Trey

    I am astonished that we are having this conversation in 2014. Let me say as a African American (Black) male I feel someone is playing the race card. WHO GIVES A DAMN!!! when I see a white only in a profile I don’t give it a thought. Whites and other races hit me up all the time if I’m online, and when I go out.

    @Marlon, I know my worth and I am attractive, and sexy by anyone standards and I recieve compliments from Black, White, Latino, Asian, Middle Eastern etc. I don’t care if 1, 2 or 3 people are not interested. My preferene is Black all day long but if someone approaches respectfully regardless of race I am receptive to a conversation. If I find them physically attractive, then we can see where it goes. I live in the West Coast now originally from the Midwest, and I definetly see the difference in how black males out west concern themselves with this issue. STOP GIVING A DAMN WHAT PEOPLE THINK AND THEY WILL KISS YOUR A__ TRUST ME.

    @Andrew I found your comment to be of the highest level of stupidity especially for someone 20 yrs old, if you needed this blog to feel elevated please refer to Dr. Phil’s blog, sounds like some self esteem issues to me. The physical standards of beauty have evolved tremendously, pick up a fashion magazine, look at the entertainment business, or maybe your in a small town in West Virginia. Thats as far as I m going to go. I m not going to get rude as I could. Love all races and I m glad that I m open to friendships

  59. mikw

    how many times have you read ” be around my age” or NOBODY over 30!! Or “under 50 only” Once again its not “age discrimination” its Rudeness as well as a preference

  60. Lifegboi

    …are we finished yet children?

    It sounds to me like someone got their feelings hurt in this big bad thing we call life. Should we be surprised? No… It happens daily. Stop worrying about what other people do and just move on. The best thing you can do is not do it yourself if you’re so upset about it.

    It’s a “preference” or it’s “racism” or it’s “____”… Sounds to me like you all need to have labels on this so you can point fingers. Someone says they aren’t interested in you meaning you say thanks/ok and move on. It’s not hard and it’s painless. I’m a 24 year old, Latino, and a bigger guy and people say “no fats”… Is that the same thing?

    Grow up and learn to deal with rejection because apparently you never learned how to growing up.

  61. Jeffrey87108

    This world is full of craziness. This blog ads to it.
    A4A as well as many other sites men are looking for one or two things. Dick or ass. Love, compassion, friend, or even an LTR is not the reason we are here. If we are lucky and the chemistry is right those are bi products of what we joined this site for.
    If a man post not into blacks/whites/latinos or fems, Could it not be that it is showing respect by not wasting your time and efforts. It will never happen(sexually)? Why waste time calling someone a racist just because they are not into your color? Move on and respect love yourself.

  62. whitey

    I said it once and will say the t again…black people are the most genetically diverse people you’ll see. You’ll see all different flesh tones and facial features within the race. Not to mention all different grades of hair. This is all because black people have been f*cked so much by other races (both literally and figuratively speaking). So to exclude an account entire race of people who all look so different… Its gotta make you wonder a bit as to what’s going on in that persons head. Why are they generalizing an entire group? I’m white and don’t understand it. Never have. Maybe its just how I was raised. I mean saying you’re not interested in someone to or just saying no thanks is one thing…but going out of your way to throw in the race card?? I’m lost. Wish someone could help me understand

  63. Jadedone

    Few people talk about this but I think that when anyone says they have a preference for a specific “color”, regardless of whether it’s the same as theirs or not, they are reducing other humans to one characteristic and fetishizing it. Rather than take the person as a whole, they attach their own meanings to certain things (black men have big cocks and are rough thug tops etc) and dehumanize people through their own fetishes.

    As a black man I frequently have to deal with guys who are only into me because I’m black and for no other reason. My ivy degree is always a surprise and sometimes even a turn off if I’m not “thug enough” to match what they’ve imagined. Or I’m instantly asked “what I’m mixed with” since I can’t possibly be only black and so articulate.

    At the end of the day no one wants to be forced into a specific category and assumed alike. Everyone doesn’t look alike, act alike or anything. We’re all individuals and we need to treat each other as such.

  64. Will

    An interesting exchange. Dan raises a good point, but if you wouldn’t say it in person, why say “No Blacks” or “No Whites” online. Additionally, why single out black guys but say you’re open to every other race? On my profile, I don’t mention race, even though I’m a black man who’s mostly attracted to white men & I get hit on a lot by black guys. It takes 2 seconds to block someone, which I have yet to do & God forbid that we lose a minute or two of cruising time because we didn’t say NO BLACKS or NO WHITES!

    And I fully agree that we all have the right to love or lust for whomever we choose. I think this issue comes up because one wouldn’t think that gay & racist would go together but sadly they sometimes do.

  65. Trey

    its apparent that my comment was deleted because somebody didnt want to hear me say who gives a d__mn about a white guys preferences. For every one person that is not into you, 3more are. So what are we really talking about. It may be racist for some and for others it may be a preference. I looooove black men, and i prefer them. But alot of white guys hit on me, and as long as i am approached with respect we can talk. But i am attracted to black. I do have white friends. Oh i m black…lol

  66. Kevin

    In my opinion, its a matter of semantics. “No Blacks” or “No Asians” is downright offensive and hurtful. To prefer one’s own race or other races is okay. If ones rules out certain races, he might be missing out on something. I thing “Caucasion likes other white guys” or “Azn for Azn” is an okay thing to say. Its not what you say, but how to say it.

    There is a difference between prejudice, racism, and bigotry.

    May I digress? I myself am not “sticky” (ask your friends if you don’t understand this term). Feels incestious. 😀

  67. Edward

    First off, I’d l’ll like to comment on the most outrageous statement made in the opening piece, that being, “Just when we thought all the damage done by the likes of Julian Assange and Eric Snowden had finally come to an end..” Who the fuck is “we”? What gives you the fucking gall to make a statement that assumes that the rest of us agree with your totally moronic opinion about the merits of people who have exposed the complicity of the US government in violating the law by gathering information about ordinary American citizens who use the telephone and the internet to communicate. The “damage” was not done by Eric Snowden, you idiot, it was done to your civil rights by your own government.

    Beyond that, I’m a racist by your standards. I’m a white guy who has, since a very early age, been attracted to black men. Not, as you may assume, because of dick size but because they are the most handsome of men without a doubt. I’m not attracted to white guys at all. Some, yes, but as I tell most guys I know, I wouldn’t be attracted to me. Of course, many black guys agree with you and think that there’s no way a white guy could actually be attracted to a black guy. That’s not true, as many of my closest and most intimate friends will attest. So the bottom line for me is that I have no problem at all telling anyone that my ass gets horny when i see a good looking black man. That’s what’s up with me.

  68. michael

    I am sorry but if you can reject a whole race of people in one blanket statement you are racist. There are so many different shades,sizes,ages and types of black men you don’t find not one,not one sexually attractive. You sir are a sexual racist. The same applys to all and any race that can say that about another. Look deep guys. Where your hangup is coming from may surprise you!!!

  69. SHAUN

    Let me make this simple: PREFERENCE IS SOMETHING YOU PREFER! It is not exclusion. So all of you saying that it’s not racist to say you’re not attracted to black men, asian men, etc… Ok fine. You aren’t a racist…
    You’re a BIGOT.

    What amazes me most is that here we are asking for marriage equality and we have this crap going on within. What hypocrites.

  70. E

    Being attracted to one race or another is not racist…it is a preference. You can like and accept different cultures and not ant to have sex with them. I do not relate to black or Latino culture I do not like the thug mentality, or being “down low” I am also not interested, as a bottom to have more than 7 inches in me…I am not a racist because I don’t find them attractive…I would be racist if I disrespected them altogether.

  71. Scorpio7

    Is this post legit? It’s completely ridiculous. Not wanting to be FRIENDS with a black person I dare say may make you a racist. Not wanting to have SEX with a black person does not. You can accept someone only being attracted to one gender, and that’s ok, but if you’re attracted to a specific race, that makes you a racist? What kind of logic is that?

    It’s written clear as day on my profile that I’m looking for white guys only. I like the white, mid-western, country boy look. Despite what my profile says, do non-white guys message me? All the time. I mostly turn them down, but there are exceptions to every rule and the guy I’m involved with now is black and Puerto Rican. I was the one who sought him out to

    While I prefer white guys, with girls, any race is ok in my book, they are all equally pretty to me. Who you’re attracted to is largely based on conditioning, but that doesn’t make you a bad person to go for who you are attracted to. If you want to lecture people on breaking free of the system and carving a new path, how about you switch over to girls and see how well your penis likes that.

  72. Shakerrump

    Looooved the article and loved the post from the guy in Dallas. I must say i Do.READ ALOT OF PROFILES and i OFTEN see NOT Into Black men just a preference. Im Black from Louisiana i’ve never been with a white man and it’s no big deal to me at all. I’m attracted to alot of men an women of sll colors but i go after the ones interested in me. When i see the profiles of No Blacks i move right along. Do i think they are racist some of them HELL TO THE YES. I clicked on a white guys profile i seen he wasnt interested before i could delete my trace he called me the word and blocked me. This has happened a few tikes. Its funny the guy above mentioned Texas and Dallas because tbats where all my rejections came from. Do i care??Heck no i just move rigjt along. A mixed friend of mine (i think mixed folks have the most problems with this) u really cant tell his race well let me tell you he has had it where a person he was fucking found out he was “black” and it got ugly. So to sum it up yes it could be about preference but an angel would have to come down feom the heaven’s to tell me Most of the time its not abot the race. –Born raised Louisiana man here, it always seems to be aboit race it seems. Majority of folks just don’t want to admit it. The End

  73. Melting Pot 101

    I can see for the most part a lot of valid and invalid points being posted. I am a German / Jewish / black / Japanese guy born to a military father who met my mom in Tokyo yet I am mainly attracted to white guys and I honestly never had a problem meeting them but hell, I do see the majority of profiles on here that say “sorry not into black guys” followed up with the all so common “no offense”
    I’ve felt kind of odd like am I getting away with it better than my fellow black men because the other races on my dad’s side that I’m mixed with has toned down what my black grandmother passed along to me? I’ve got blonde haired blue eyed cousins who descended from a the same black grandmother as me who look as white as Ralphy from ‘Christmas Story’ and cousins as dark as Wesley Snipes.
    I’ve been rejected by white guys that only liked white guys no biggie, but for every one that I’ve been turned down by, there were plenty that find a guy like me ‘exotic’ or ‘different’ and I roll with it. I turned out a fairly nice looking dude I guess. At least I’ve been told.
    There’s nothing wrong with personal preference, it’s all personal taste and attraction. I’m just open and ‘never say never.
    People need to be happy and appreciate that someone is showing them some interest even if it’s coming from a race that they are not really attracted to. I’ve read some profiles where the person seemed clearly offended if a person of a race that he wasn’t interested in contacts them, they say “I’m not into ______ so don’t even ask or I will block” – jeez. That’s just being rude.
    There’s no remedy to this truthfully. It’s just the way we are as human beings to choose what we are happy with. There is a way to carry yourself with out acting like a complete ass hole about it.

  74. Open Minded

    Okay, first off, who you are attracted to shouldn’t be defined as racist.

    That’s like saying Gay men are degrading women. That all straight people are homophobes.

    Attraction is a must. Some people just aren’t attracted to races. There could be a billion reasons, but in the end, you sleep with who you sleep with.

    I had someone pull the race card on me. I don’t date black men myself. Am I racist because of it? NO. I myself have a valid reason. ALL black men in my small town are chicken shit closet cases. I am openly bi. The black men hitting on me, are the same ones that will make homophobic remarks in public, and claim to be straight. Also anatomy can vary between races. I’m not a fan of a black man’s pubes. I don’t know why, but it’s just something that turns me off.

    So before you criticize others, open your own mind first.

  75. jean luc

    First we in this gay society so I will speak for this world. Guys do have preference and I think half of it is preference. Racis exists and its iin the hearts of everyone ..deny it or not… buts its preference comment that’s stupid and ignorant is the guy that sayd black dick tastes awful. I am 4 and ive lots of ignorance but that takes the cake of stupidity. Black guys LATHER IN SOAP LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. Otherwise good topic.

  76. einathens

    So are we supposed to have sex with men we’re not attracted to just to prove an idiotic point?

    What a load of bullshit.

    There is no legally sanctioned reward or penalty for not having sex with someone based on their skin color, or for declinibg to have sex with them.

    If you’re attracted to a guy based only on his race, that’s a fetish.

    I refer you to laurence olivier’s ‘snails vs oysters’ speech from ‘spartacus.’

    I also urge you to remember the story of miss perkie sugarbaker standing on the courthouse steps in 1963, proclaiming, “if the races must mingle, let it begin with me and harry belafonte.”

  77. JBoro4Fun

    Preferences are preferences, but it is a little bit unnecessary to state that on a profile. If a guy contacts you and you aren’t into him for whatever reason, you don’t have to reply. Personally, I tend to be attracted to black and latin men, so all you white guys that aren’t into them, give them my number, ok?


    I’m really, really am sick about hearing this all the time. I am a black man and I’m really starting to shift from being gay to just being straight because the whole gay community is not a whole, only when someone disrespects a gay man/woman. My thing is this black and white men you have so many qualifications for one person that you too blind to see the person on the inside. I bet I ask what do you want in a man, you would give me a 4 page essay. Ask about what you don’t like it will take you a year to respond. Don’t we all have penises and asses. What the hell else do you want 2 penises? I do believe that some do look at color of your skin and make assumptions about that one person without getting to know them. I’m tired of the “whites only” “blacks only” crap. Some likes white men, but they have to have nice bodies. Some like black men, but they have to have big penises. It’s not being racist, it’s being ignorant and plain stupid. But I can see what both races have in common and that is loving Hispanics. NEWS FLASH: Read up on your history because; White men: Hispanics don’t like you and they’re black. Black men: Hispnaics look down on us. 1800’s to 1960’s are over. It’s 2014 people. Stop acting like your asses don’t stink. Now I can see why women say they can’t find a good man because we all are so picky it’s ashamed. Sorry if I’m being too blunt, but I’m just sick of this. At the end of the day, we all have a penis and an ass. I just have questions to ask for both races: Why you don’t like whites/blacks sexually? Why you don’t like to talk to whites/blacks? Why can’t we be friends with whites/blacks? If you can’t answer those questions without using anything about races, appearances, or background, then you’re ignorant. And using “I don’t like them/into them/my preference” is not an answer. It’s just you being stupid along with “truckertravis73” statement about blacks not having tasty dicks….WHAT??? You sound very stupid for saying that and should be kicked in the ass for that. Have you tasted your dick before and smelled it? Yea we all sweat down there. What makes yours so better that it taste like candy cane? Again, sorry for being blunt. Just tired of hearing about this when the gay community is suppose to be all about equality…not for just certain race.

  79. JoeIrishGuy

    Well. You can really tell this post was written by a privileged upper-middle-class guy, can’t you?

    I find race confusing myself. I’m not attracted to most American blacks, but that rule has exceptions that don’t seem to make sense. Two blacks might look nearly identical, yet I’ll be attracted to one but not the other.

    My own theory is that, like myself, many blacks struggle with hypersexuality. I seem to be attracted to the ones who are healthy about this, along with those who are “normal”, but not ones who have sex addiction issues.

  80. JoeIrishGuy

    Frankly Adam, I think America’s problem is class more than race. It’s interesting that fifty years of civil rights politics hasn’t improved the lives of poor blacks; in fact, things have gotten measurably worse (much worse, actually).

    Elites emphasize race because it lets them blame ignorant poor whites for America’s class problems. It’s disgusting. You are not privileged because you are white, you are privileged because you are privileged. Stop blaming others for it and recognize the responsibility you owe to society.

  81. Jon

    “…the skin of a black man’s cock does not taste good to me. I don’t know what it is they slather on their dicks but it’s not a pleasurable think to put in my mouth.” Wow, that sentence above was truly one of the most racist things I have ever read on the internet. I think the brilliance of this post is that it’s really bringing out the racist thoughts in the commenters’ irate, defensive rebuttals. Guys, Gary James is honestly more intelligent than you give him credit for. I wonder how these commenters would respond if the article weren’t critical to the point of inviting the reader to reassess their own level of racial privilege.

  82. Matt

    WTF was with the swipe at Snowden and Assange? You’re not even talking about hackivism.

    You compromise your article by attempting to somehow lump them as somehow related to this anonymous poster’s display of racism.

  83. effingchrist

    I love how all you privlaged white people care not only unable to try and see things grom a poc’s perspective, but are doing the online equivalent of covering your ears and shouting that this problem doesn’t exist or isn’t hurtful…

  84. bttmblackmen

    I’m not into white guys and I don’t consider myself racist. To me its simple, if I say says im not into whites and its just a preference, than all cool. If I say I’m not into whites coz they tend to smell like cheese now we must all agree their is a degree of racism. To each their preference I say.

  85. Any

    Does anyone else find it ironic that this site is calling someone else a racist but has a feature that allows you to filter out races in searches?

  86. Anon

    How is this racist if someone is not sexually into another race? So I guess everyone is racist because some are not into heavy, skinny, tall, short, sluts, prudes, etc. I also assume gays are racist because they aren’t into women and vice versa.

  87. jeeves

    Firstly let me say Im not racist I never drive fast
    But on a serious note. I have a few black friends but I prefer white guys when it comes to sex. I don’t think that makes me racist its just a matter of personal taste. Some guys like younger guys others like older I suppose you will now say they are ageist.

  88. John Doe

    This is stupid. I am black. I live in an area heavy populated by white people. I have heard this in every form. Who cares? Stop giving these morons a platform.

  89. aaron

    Saying no blacks, no whites, no Asians, etc.. IS RACIST.. Saying “oooh its just a preference”.. sounds like a sorry ass excuse to cover your distaste for a certain color. And gay men want straighpeople’s respect??? Pssh yeah try respecting each other first

  90. Randy

    Excluding entire races of persons, for no other reason than race is racist. It has nothing to do with rejection.
    Racist are constantly defending their right to be racist.

  91. Randy

    Also why are you pursuing assholes that are treating you poorly? It doesn’t matter what race someone is if they are treating you badly get them out of your life. You may have codependent tendencies…

  92. whitey

    I said it before and I’ll say it again. Blacks are the most physically diverse people you’ll see being that they have been screwed by so many other races (literally and figuratively speaking). They have different flesh tones, different facial features, and different grades of hair. They all look different to me so I can’t see how anyone could generalize and say they are not into black people. It makes you say hmmm. There is obviously something else going on. Some underlying hate. Can’t understand it and no one can (intelligently) explain it to me

  93. quentin

    I am sorry. But this constant redefining of what “racist” is has got to stop. It isn’t going to get us any further in the struggle. I’m black by the way.

    So a white only likes white guys and we need to virtually lynch him. Should we do the same for the brother who is only into other brothers?

    Should we treat the Asian who only likes other Asians with the same disrespect and disdain?

    Or what about the black man who only dates whites? Is he self-hating while the Latino who “only dates blacks” is enlightened and tolerant?

    Ya know, our history in America is one of many injustices, degradation and violence against our people. That’s why it shames me as a black man to hear other black people being so quick on the draw to point out perceived racism around every corner. And as an LBGT black man…wel I just find the whole LGBT community to be deplorable, really. We are just as divided and bigoted as the “horrible” society we are trying to change.

    I guess that is my problem. It seems we African Americans are hell-bent on revenge. Not equality. Since we know a violence rebellion won’t end too well for us, it seems our collective alternative is to simply paralyze our white brothers economically, behaviorally; with what they say and, now, apparently, who they fuck.

    I have a white friend who is very hairy and kinda out of shape. I wonder if the author of this article would fuck him. I would take a bullet for this friend. But not his cock. Why? Because of sexual chemistry. I can’t get attracted to fat and hairy. I can take hairy. But not with fat. Now, I guess that makes me a bigot of some sort. A fatist?

    Anyway, what I am trying to say is that we African-Americans need to take a moment and recognize that if we can get offended over a white guy preferring white guys (gasp) then that means we have it so good here. It’s what they call first world problems. 60 years ago we would be quietly talking with our friends in someone’s living room about how horrible it is that we have to drink at different fountains, use separate entrances and that our young men are being lynched for looking at a white woman. Now we get offended over sexual preferences?

    And let’s be honest. White is no longer a commodity. Look at advertising. Look at entertainment in general. It is black men that are the epitome of sexual beauty now.

    I think what this reaction to “Anonymous” shows is that we brothers and sisters have some growing up to do.


  94. goodfuck1

    Im a black man and have encountered white men that thought i was white because my skin is lighter which is hard to believe u can tell im black i don’t think im that light on my post my nipples are dark (guess they think im tan) i don’t get it q post reads black male but anyway i have met with these guys and i have had some reject me when they see me i was ok before what’s different,and others that don’t want to be rude and go with the flow (they come back for more ) i have also tried to talk to the people that says white only but also says I’ll talk to anyone or looking for friends but when i try to hold a normal convention with them they the response is white only i think that if people would talk to others with the same moral backgrounds no matter the color of the skin u will come to see its not that serious

  95. tyrrell

    Marlon wrote: “Folks don’t understand how hard it is to be us. We always get the short end of the stick.”

    There comes a point when we as a people have to stop blaming everybody else and start looking at ourselves and ask if maybe we shoulder some of the blame for how other races see us. Seriously now. In our personal lives, if different people keep treating us the same way, don’t we stop and wonder “hmmm….could I be doing something to provoke this response?” Or are we trying to say that all us black folk are dumb and reactionary and just use “racism” as a crutch and excuse to explain our failures.

    We had a bad go of it in this country. No doubt. But so has every other race/ethnic group in this country and every other one. Look at the Irish. They are a great example because they came over here in droves right around the time we were freed. They were treated like shit. They hated us because we were competing for the same jobs and thought we were inferior to them. Meanwhile, the non-Irish whites hated them because they saw them as inferior. But 100 years later, America elected an Irish Catholic president while we were being sprayed with hoses.

    I know, I know. “But the irish are white.”

    Stop that. You just show your own ignorance when you say that. The hard truth is: the irish proved to the rest of America that the rest of America was wrong about them. Just like everyone else did. Why are we so resistant to prove the racists wrong about us?

    Believe me. I have experienced overt racism in my 27 years. Ironically, it was within my own community. I prefer hanging around white people because they are so afraid of being thought of as racists that they practically kiss my ass. I joke. Kinda. I’m a lawyer so I am surrounded by white people.

  96. Shakerrump

    Wow, i guess my post on this subject wasn’t “good” enough thst it got removed. Oh well, i don’t sugarcost anything i say whst’s on mg mind. Walk’s like a duck, quack’s like a duck, IS A DUCK!!

  97. greggo

    Dude!! Try being fat in the gay culture! I accepted decades ago that my body – which is what it is, despite many people’s mistaken judgements that I choose it – is just not attractive to most of society. I long ago learned that attraction to my body type is not just a function of “acquired tastes.” I, a chub, am not attracted to other chubs. Sexual attractions are complex, and simplistic judgements like yours ignore these complexities.

  98. DennyWDSM

    Ok blacks have BET , Miss black America , and black cutural awards among others, well if we have Miss White America or WET, we are racist because we are white. I have never been with a black , asain ect.. because I what white only , not a racist just a perferance.

  99. Tony

    I’m a black male, with a white patner of 14years. My whie patner is only attracted to black men and I am attracted mostly to white men. You cant fool the heart, you like what you like. Out side of the bedroom we have friends of all races ,shapes and colors.Having a sexual attraction does not make you a racist.

  100. Alan

    Attraction is not a choice. I would think gays would realize that more than anyone. Otherwise why not chose women and save yourself the trouble. The notion that someone is supposed to open their bed to someone in spite of their hormones not responding just because some guy on the internet says so is beyond ignorant. People who propagate this notion of racism have issues they need to work out. Is it really hard to understand that people are naturally attracted to their own race? Really? Maybe you didn’t pay attention in biology class. Go watch some national geographic and check back. This sort of bs is ignorant, toxic, and inflammatory.

  101. Messiah

    He’s not racist. He has a sexual preference. Is a guy ageist because he won’t talk to anyone over a certain age? Is a Latino guy to be considered racist because he’d rather have tacos than pizza? As a black male who has had experience with multiple races, I can honestly say I’m not really physically attracted to white guys. They have a different sexual flow, a different taste, a different smell… It’s not that I was raised around predominantly black people because I wasn’t (middle class white neighborhood, attended 2 private schools, mostly white friends, to this day I’m the only person in my circle that listens to “white music”). It’s simply the fact that I’m attracted to what I’m attracted to.

    Also, why are we even having a racism debate in 2014? EVERYBODY has their preferences for who they want to hang out and date and sleep with. That’s THEIR PREFERENCE. You have to respect that. Everyone has turned someone down for one reason or another. Race, age, position, social/economic situation,too big, too small, too dark, too light… Once people start to accept that they aren’t God’s gift to men and stop trying to find a some reason (that doesn’t make them the undesirable one) they were turned down people will definitely be a lot better off

  102. Matt

    I’m white and only attracted to black guys. I have friends from all races but if I’m going to get intimate with somebody, it has to be somebody that I am attracted to sexually. Saying that I’m sure some white guys reject black guys due to prejudices, but the majority, i feel, it’s just an attraction thing. I fell there is a more of a prejudice against overweight guys. I’m not fat butI am stocky and I have gotten “fat pig” and other such comments from all races on here. this whole article is uninformed and unnecessarily hateful. Shame!

  103. camouflage85

    Let the race wars begin….lol..I love how so many white guys try to justify their low key racist antics. Guys you are a product of your history as i am. As a black Scientist, I know that evolution (change over time)is a very, very slow progression. Guys, you probably were raised by christian families and yes, you “know” to love all races, but lets “keep it REAL”. What happened behind closed doors? What did your christian parents tell you about their “preference” outside of the eyes of the public? OH and don’t forget, what your white friend’s family or any other closely related counterparts said about the issue. We have to understand that the era of harsh white on black racism was not long ago. My parents went through this period growing up and i’m only in my 20’s. Do you honestly believe that racism has completely ended? It may not be as harsh as it was in the past but trust me it still exist only on a different level. Racism is frowned upon my the majority, so you justify by using the word “preference”….Do you understand the meaning of the word “preferences”. In other words you have a greater liking of white skin over black skin.(Merriam-Webster) Now, that sir is Racism at best.

  104. Jackson Lawless

    Sexual preference on race doesn’t equal racism. The comments above are pretty much along the lines of those who agree that sexual preference is not racism.. Perhaps whoever writes these whining, sniffling blogs that are riddled with errors, (both typographical and grammatical,) needs to be replaced with someone who can bring fresh, relevant and non-offensive blogs to this site. I am saddened to think that the ever increasing fees I pay for pro ads on this site are wasted on an uneducated and ignorant person who blindly JUDGES someone in OUR community on their sexual preferences. We have the world fighting “us” on a daily basis. Why do we need someone blogging and broadcasting their unwarranted and one-sided attacks upon someone for being strong to who they are and what they like? Get a life, and Adam4adam get someone who writes a decent blog worth reading. Because half the time the topic alone gets an eye roll and passed over by this man.

  105. Nozzelhead

    Just because we have preferences does not make us racist. It is articles like this that keep the shit stirred up. Relax and enjoy life if the person sends you a note or smile be honest and say thank you not interested. Stop all the political rhetoric and feeding the frenzy by publishing this crap. Go have fun enjoy life and be friendly. We can all get along if we have tolerance for others.

  106. Bill Hollingsworth

    And we’re on this ride again.

    I am a white guy and no I am not attracted to black men. I have black friends of both genders and they are great people.
    When it comes to being physically/sexually attracted, no.

    I constantly see posts from white guys saying “sorry no offense”. Well, I am not going to say that. There is such as thing as being sensitive and such a thing as playing the racist game. If I say “sorry no blacks guys”, then I am contributing to the other end of racism. Black guys mostly never say “sorry no whites” so why should I apologize for something that needs no apology?

    I also am not attracted to native Americans, or Asians. Is this racist? I think not. I have a friend from Taiwan who absolutely is not attracted to other Asians. He says they have a “flat face”.
    I have a black friend who married and divorced a black man and never wants to be involved with a black man again.

    I have seen only one Asian guy in my life who I thought was handsome and he is a Japanese film actor.

    NOW, I AM attracted to Middle Eastern and Indian men, so race does not enter into this argument.

    I am not attracted to all of them but there are A LOT of white guys that I’m attracted to either.

    IT IS WHO AND WHAT WE LIKE. It’s 2014 and absolutely ridiculous that this conversation still has to go on. Like who you like, love who you love and stop apologizing to anyone for it!

  107. Gary

    I will TOTALLY believe and support this definition if and when the author and all others claiming to be a victim of “PREJUDICE”, will substitute “Female”, or “FAT”, or “OLD”, or “SMOKER”, or “HIV Positive”, or “Short”, or “Large”or “Christian” or “Republican”, or “(position)”….or any number of other descriptors and categorizations that are not considered “desirable” or “positive”… place of “BLACK”…..When you are able and willing to honestly do this, then we can have a serious discussion about “racism” vs “preferences”…until then….you are being a fool to think your “victim mentality” will get you any more dating/friend or hookup options…..and just makes you look like a looser and a whiner that wants to have and use preferences, but doesn’t want to be subjected to others using those same preferences…sorry…life is not fair and it sure as hell doesn’t work like this….

  108. VarietySpiceOfLife

    To say you are not attracted to a whole race of people or only attracted to one race is racist pure and simple.

    To say white only or black only… is the definition of racism.

    Yes, white guys white guys who only date black guys are by definition racist. They are excluding other races based solely on race.

    For me hot is hot. I’m not going to turn down a hot piece of ass or dick just because it is not purple, blue or green.

  109. Yasu

    in a perfect world, everyone would realize their faults. everyobe would realized how connected we are and how doing other more good than others harms the rest and the one you think you are doing good to. not to mention how we destroy ourselves by doing it.
    it baffels me how history can completely make people unaware of their continuous old habits, and how people that were victims of crimes can ideolize their oppressors by emmulating them, genetically mixing with them, excluding other victimized groups. the cycles of oppression are many and vary, especially since there are so many typed of people or races. when it comes to racism, its clear to me negative racism is not only within or towards black and white. all races participate in racism from the idea of the superiority of white race being of looks or any other attribute towards their power over others.
    i think its better that we admit to our racist conditioning and how it really affects us because this song of racism wont end until we all fight it.

  110. Alex

    well I’m black and I don’t think white men who only want white men are racist. all races are different (none greater than the other, just different) and I like and dislike things about different races ex: I hate the way white men smell and the sounds they typically make during sex… it doesn’t make me racist that’s just my preference and white men are allowed to have a preference as well… & for the black men upset because white men don’t want you OH WELL get over it lmao

  111. Bryson Callison

    Dave, you didn’t post my commentary. Perhaps you really are a nigger-loving cunt…..just like your mama….lol. Thanks you ugly pussy loser.

  112. Benny

    Moral of the story is: do not try to have an elevated, intellectual discussion of a REAL issue involving race, hegemony (look it up *sips tea like Madonna*), standards of beauty, socialization, etc on a gay blog oriented towards more erotic topics. The majority of people responding negatively clearly didn’t read the definition of racism and/or did not understand it. The problem isn’t the preference, the problem is the societal conditions that CAUSE the preference. For those people truly interested in learning something about how standard of beauty affects people, I suggest watching the documentary “Good Hair” by Chris Rock, both funny and informative. There is also one called “Black Girls” that I think Oprah did that’s also good. There are reasons for what we like, and its a mix of social (how many times was a person of color named People’s Sexiest Man/Beautiful Woman) and biological factors (facial symmetry, apparent physical health etc). I understand my attraction for physically fit (not necessarily gym body however) men comes from, but I also understand my strong attraction to men from Latin, Caribbean, and mixed backgrounds comes from the fact I grew up mixed, from Trinidad, in a Caribbean neighborhood in Brooklyn. It’s a bit of both biology and sociology, and to completely disregard sociology is ignorant.

  113. Dean

    This whole thing is obsurd. I also don’t get the “preference” thing. I am not attracted to blacks or Asians, and it is not because I”prefer” whites. My not being attracted to certain races is not a preference than being gay is a preference for me. And, it most certainly does NOT mean I’m racist. I’ve attempted to have sex with several black men and Asian men. I’ve even had a black boyfriend and a Chinese girlfriend. All those relationships failed, however, because, try as I might, I could never develop a sexual attraction to any of them. The desire just isn’t there! If you want to argue that men that are excluding partners based on race are just being raciat and would “like it if they’d try it,” then you might as well be arguing that gay men are really bi or straight and they’d like it if they’d just try it. Everyone has their own likes and dislikes, skin tones included. Get over it! It does NOT make you a racist based on that fact alone.

  114. Joe

    I have to say that I have tasted every color in the rainbow. I have had black, Asian, Russian, Spanish, and so forth. I am now in a relationship with a black man that is not sexual into other black men. He just does not get turned on by them. I have to say that it is not a race thing its what you are into. Just like some of you are into different sexual things from leather to the boy next door. Just because you are not into a one race sexually does not mean you are racist at all. It just like saying you are racist toward woman because you don’t like to have sex with them either.

  115. Dillan

    To start I’d like to ask the question, Did anyone actually READ the article that he is referring to here? If you did you would see that he isn’t being called out for being racist because of his preference, but because of the reasons he chooses to think in the bubble he does. The fact that his profile says, “White for white only” yet he goes on to single out black men a majority of the article is proof of it’s own that the man is very closed-minded. I’m black and I took offense to some of the ignorant things I read toward the end. He was obviously guided if not purposely, brainwashed into thinking a certain way since he writes, “I feel my parents would freak out if I brought a BLACK or ASIAN guy home. (They are okay with the GAY THING)”. It shows that his parents have raised him to believe that it is not okay to do such a thing. Him not having any in-laws outside of his race should have been where that ended if he didn’t want to be labeled as brainwashed. So take time to read the post before getting offended.

  116. xlepiphanylxx

    This letter and this discussion is neither constructive nor informative. It further intensifies what makes gays seperatists on trivial levels. Like who you want, be attracted to who you want and do not let anyone try to intimidate you into feeling and seeing what you see and feel. Best of luck to you all…people are more than a skin color, the deeper you look, the more you see.

  117. Dillan

    Truckertravis73, your comment has to be one of the most stupid and ignorant comments I’ve read so far. To tell the truth I stopped reading after seeing yours for the simple fact that if you’re were that stupid, that of the 125 other comments there would be someone to match, or god help, someone be even more stupid. The fact that a “black dick” tastes different that a “white dick” or any other race’s dick alone proves that whatever thoughts you had about this article should have been left untyped.
    To go on, If you would have read what he was referring to in the first place, you would’ve known why he was being called racist and would have realized that 90 percent of your comment was misguided and was not needed.

  118. Mugrad28

    I guess I’m wondering if one can prefer a race without necessarily excluding other races. I’m black but at this time, white men seem most compatible with my life (e.g. Geographical location, social and educational strata). Most of the guys I’ve been with have been white so there’s my preference right. However, I’ve met Black, Asian, Latino, middle eastern etc men whom I’d boink in a heart beat and many I did. :0)

    I wanna get of the race vs. preference issue because I think our mode of thinking should be explored first. Why do we Americans think so rigidly? We are constantly putting ourselves in boxes, rendering our world black and white? Why?

    Second, is it really okay to exclude people? Honestly think about your reactions when you hear Republicans say, “my best friend is gay but I think marriage should be between a man and a woman. Nothing personal, it’s my preference. My religious beliefs.” We act like a bunch cissies labeling these republicans as ignorant, backwards, bible thumpers. But yet it’s okay for us to be dismissive of others based on their race and further expect them not to feel hurt by that? That’s unethical and spoiled.

    Third, instead of getting defensive and attacking the authors, listen to the heart of what he is saying. This is how he feels oppressed. Last I check, we’ve all experienced oppression. So how about we show a little empathy, self reflection, and more importantly depth. Be human


  119. White Daddy

    Since when is my preference considered to be racist? I prefer younger white men, being white myself. I’m open minded on age. I’m open minded on other ethnic groups. I can carry a convo with anybody who wants one. But when I choose to be with men of my own color, you have no fucking right to say that I’m racist.

    There are white men who prefer black men and that’s perfectly fine. There are black men who prefer white men. Perfectly fine too. But I know what I like and that’s what I’m going after.

    I had many intimate encounters with a black man, but he just lost his attractiveness and I felt as though he was stalking me. I ended it, and with no regrets.

    I had a mixed friend out of state and we conversed regularly. The sad part was that he got called all sorts of atrocious name by the black gays in his area. He liked white men and they couldn’t stand it. He finally had to tell them to fuck off, based on my recommendation. If the attitude they conveyed to him wasn’t racist, then I don’t know what was.

    Frankly, you’re stretching BIG TIME to have something to write. Quit playing the damn race card. If a man has his preferences, who are you to say otherwise? I’m not going to force myself into making anyone accept me. That’s unwanted, unwarranted, and makes me less of the gentleman than I know I am.

    But I’m trying to keep an open mind on those who are of a different skin color, and that does include blacks. I doubt I’ll go back because they just aren’t attractive to me sexually. Any black man who messages me needs to be INCREDIBLY hot, young and very open minded. If we sync, we’ll see about meeting. But in the final say, the decision to meet is completely up to me.

    You’re waaaaaay out of line to equate preferences with racism. And if you can’t do better than this trashy blog post, get the hell out of writing and find something else to do that won’t waste your time…or mine.

  120. Edward

    Pardon my second post to this discussion. I don’t follow these blogs at all and my earlier contribution was the first I’ve ever made to any blog here. I will add one observation, though, and it is that this discussion which is predominantly about racism is a very healthy thing. We gay guys come from all places and classes and backgrounds and, as expected, we reflect our origins and the values we were taught, and we all drag a heap of baggage into any relationship. I’m happy that a place like this exists where we can vent our frustrations, spew out some venom, be defensive or unapologetic as it suits us. In the end we all have to live together, like it or not, and it’s always enlightening to know what’s swirling around in other gay men’s minds. peace.

  121. Vegas Guy

    I am a disabled man, disabled from birth, and I constantly run into guys who are not comfortable either being in a relationship or intimate with a guy in a wheelchair. I’m not crying or wallowing because some dude isn’t into me. It’s a matter of preference, of choice. Sure the world is chalk full of ignorant people but it comes down to this, are you physically attracted to that other person? It has NOTHING to do with race, religion, disability or ability it is what we as individuals find attractive. In 2014 I’m tired of people throwing the race card. I choose to stay out of gay bars/establishments because for as much as the gay community cries for equality they are the most judgmental group of individuals I’ve encountered in my lifetime! Perhaps the lessons learned from a lifetime of being disabled causes me to look at the good in all or the positive aspects of life I am thankful that my disability is a physical one and I don’t possess the mental disability that so many face daily with their ignorance. The author of this blog is just trying to shield their own individual hatred not only for what he doesn’t like but what he doesn’t understand which is individual preference.

  122. JoeIrishGuy

    Tyrrell, that’s interesting about the Irish. By the way, there are still pockets of anti-Irish discrimination in the U.S. (though it’s mercifully rare). I recently lived in a community with my parents, and the cops would harass me and my dad.

  123. JoeIrishGuy

    VarietySpiceOfLife or female? As a bisexual, I could apply your logic to gay men. Or myself, for that matter (I tend to prefer guys).

    After a certain point, the word “racist” loses all meaning. Racists are people who go out in costumes and kill black people, pass laws to keep them hidden when they can’t, and teach their children that blacks only exist to serve whites.

  124. LD

    January 29, 2014 at 01:24

    First off, I’d l’ll like to comment on the most outrageous statement made in the opening piece, that being, “Just when we thought all the damage done by the likes of Julian Assange and Eric Snowden had finally come to an end..” Who the fuck is “we”? What gives you the fucking gall to make a statement that assumes that the rest of us agree with your totally moronic opinion about the merits of people who have exposed the complicity of the US government in violating the law by gathering information about ordinary American citizens who use the telephone and the internet to communicate. The “damage” was not done by Eric Snowden, you idiot, it was done to your civil rights by your own government.”

    Thank you Edward for mentioning this. I agree, and those comments made me angry too. I guess it just goes to show that gay people can be sheeple too! “What a brainwashed sheeple” is exactly what I thought when I read his comments on that.

  125. LD

    I’m not taking sides, but how about this for some debate?

    truckertravis73 said – quote:

    “I can honestly say, i do not like black dick,,,,,the skin of a black man’s cock does not taste good to me. I don’t know what it is they slather on their dicks but it’s not a pleasurable think to put in my mouth.”

    Then several people flip out over this comment calling him a racist, and are in disbelief that he said such a thing.

    Then a little later Messiah said – quoted:

    “I can honestly say I’m not really physically attracted to white guys. They have a different sexual flow, a different taste, a different smell”

    If truckertravis73 is a horrible racist for what he said, then that means that Messiah is also an equally horrible racist for saying white dick has a different taste, that he doesn’t like?

    So you think Messiah is a racist for saying this too? Just trying to get this straight, lol.

  126. LD

    I should have added: Because everyone knows it’s proven science that ALL white guys smell and taste exactly the same as ALL OTHER WHITE GUYS. Just ALL black guys smell and taste exactly the same as ALL OTHER BLACK GUYS. L.O. to the L!

  127. JC

    I’ve been with a few black guys (I’m white) and have to say the experiences were as varied as those with any other race including my own. Some good, some mediocre, some we won’t ever mention again.

    While I’m all for civil rights laws that seek to level the playing field in areas like employment/housing/education, I don’t think personal relationships–whether merely sexual or more long term– can or should be thought of like civil rights. Way too personal. Way too complicated.

    But the OP seems to be leaning in that direction. It will never work, and if it would ever be forced it would be a disaster just like Arranged Marriages are in some cultures.

    It would be a good exercise for each of us, privately, to dig deep into our souls to figure out why we exclude some groups and are drawn exclusively to others. Personally, I think we should start with age and not race while we’re at it. The conversation with ourselves might be revealing, no matter the group(s) we exclude. But it shouldn’t go further. We can’t define what desirability is for anyone but ourselves.

  128. Jon

    Committing to having specific races of physical attraction is not simply having a “sexual preference”, as we’re used to saying about people being attracted strictly to men or women. Racial categories are messy, as they seem to be delimited on a basis of political convenience. For example, in the 19th Century, people in the US did not consider immigrants from Mediterranean and Eastern Slavic countries to be “white”, while today US federal law classifies not only people of Mediterranean and Slavic descent to be “white” but also people of Middle Eastern or Arab decent. Race categories keep on changing and aren’t the same across the globe, although they are certainly psychologically present in the minds of people. However, race categorization is never based purely on physical observation. Sociologists, anthropologists, and psychologists will tell you that much what we understand about other human beings is acquired socially, not biologically, and this applies to our notions of race and even gender. At the same time, geneticists will tell you that the observed variation in genetic and phenotypical features within a so-called race is in fact wider than the variation observed between racial categories. On top of that, what we perceive a person’s race to be may not be congruous with the race with which people self-identify. Humanity has no surefire way of identifying the race of a face except by asking people who have been socialized so perceive specific racial categories, and when we assign individuals to races, we are evoking race-specific beliefs about what those individuals are like, what their intentions are, how they were raised, what kind of family they come from, etc. These realizations have led many scholars to question the very basis of human sexual attraction—whether it be by race or by gender. Sexual attraction isn’t simply “unpredictable”, “random”, or “unfair”; much of what we learn about people of races with whom we have very little interaction is based on abstract ideas about such people, not about real experiences, and these abstract ideas, whether you like it our not, are determined by how we’ve been taught to navigate the human social landscape. Think about all the beliefs about race X you’ve accumulated in your life from your parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, entertainment industries, news media outlets, and so forth. It’s difficult for an individual person to see the broader context when checking a gay mens’ social networking/hookup app momentarily horny at night. I wish to ask people who read the above post and have commented on it: What is your understanding of the physical attractiveness of races that you say you aren’t (or are) attracted to actually based on? What deep-seated stereotypes might you be evoking when you characterize men of specific ethnicities—who you have yet to actually meet!—as looking/behaving/thinking in specific ways that you find sexually unappealing? (Perhaps they just took a particularly bad photo of themselves.) Are these important enough to you to write off a potentially spot-on match for a relationship or sex? Expectations are merely guesses, and the accuracy of a person’s guesses vary (how many times have you had really hot guy who ended up being a rather lukewarm date?). Do we really have to alienate entire segments of the community we purport to “stand together with”…or can we just try to good-quality people that someone actual wants to extended periods of time with? Racist attitudes that manifest themselves as discriminatory public behaviors—such as messaging racist comments to a person directly, posting a title saying “No blacks/No Asians” (which is truly reminiscent of photos of store and restaurant signs in the US before the Civil Rights Movement), or using race as a selection criterion in dating—affect everyone living within a culture where there is systemic racial inequality. No one is exempt, although those who are negatively affected are forced to face the inequality directly on a regular basis and are used to putting up with it and picking their battles.

  129. Täíä

    My thing is, if you have any kind of racial hang up we won’t get along. I love all races. Caucasian, African American, Asians, Latinos I love em all. I don’t really get why it’s “just a preference” for just a certain race. I’m a South African, or in American standards black, and I have to say I run into quite a lot of guys who make sure to blatantly state their preference for only a certain race. It’s disgusting and moronic really. But that’s just my opinion.

  130. misplacedit

    It’s not racist to be attracted to only one segment of the population. It’s just as “racist” to be so dogmatic and opinionated, that you can’t at least appreciate a preference.

  131. white dude

    White guy here. Have no preference really. Not too keen on Asian ornlatinos as sexual partners. But no problem with them otherwise. I have had asians and Latinos though. Mostly I stick to white and black. The best sex ever has been with black men. The two I am thinking of don’t hold back. I like that. That’s not to say that all black men don’t hold back. Just these two who I became great friends with because of the great sex we had/have.

  132. white dude

    Oh I guess my point is people have preferences. It’s like preferring cookie dough ice cream to chocolate chip mint. Those flavors please the tongue in different ways. Different races please the eye in different way. In all of our efforts to abolish racism (which we can never do) we have gone a tad overboard with these “he’s a racist” witch hunts. And quite frankly, if i met a person who had no preference at all, I would move on. That doesn’t tell m he is “not racist”. It tells me he is not discerning and has a higher risk of giving me something that lasts more than your average good time.

  133. Yawn

    Time and time again I’ve been verbally attacked by black men because I am not sexually attracted to them. I don’t see what the problem is to be honest. I don’t want to put on a white sheet and hang anyone.

    I just don’t want to have sex with a black man. It’s my right. In fact most of you would be the first to discriminate against someone who was oh… on the heavier side, in a heart beat.

    But that’s “okay” to discount someone based on what they look like but only because it’s not about their skin colour??

    Grow up. We all have preferences. It doesn’t make us monsters.

    How we handle communicating those preferences on the other hand can be what makes us monsters.


  134. Khris

    Gentlemen, I as a BLACK man have read each and every one of the comments here as well as the post in great detail. From my understanding, the author of the post has a great deal to learn about the ‘Racist’ word, of that I agree with many of those who posted. However, from my understanding of Anonymous, he has never been with a black man in order to justify him saying he isn’t into black men. While he does have that right to state such, and this does not in-fact deem him racist, it does however, leave him being slightly biased towards a specific race. The same can go for black men who have never been with a white man before and state “Black men or Latino’s only” Since they have never been with a white man before, they are biased to what they have been with and lean more towards that particular race.

    To the gentleman that pointed out the characteristics of the ‘White Race’ as you put it, yes, white people, hold many of those characteristics, they also have blemishes upon their skin as any other race does, their eyes are not always symmetrical, nor are they always for lack of a better word ‘perfect’ physically. This is not a slam towards white people, for I am happily partnered to a great white man, this is just an observation to the comment listed above.

    As I am stating observations, I don’t believe the author is attempting to play a ‘race card’ as so many people here are trying to state, it would seem that just as everyone else is entitled to their opinion, so is he. The race card wasn’t played during this entire posting, he was stating that had Anonymous been with a black man before then his statement of ‘chemistry’ would have been founded, however, as he was never with a black man prior to the conversation occurring, it made him romantically biased in that regard.

    For those white men who seem to have been insulted by this post, and you have -actually- been with a black man, this post was not directed towards you, as you have ventured out and you actually -know- what you like, and the same goes for those -black- -asian- -latino- and so on and so forth men that have never ventured out to experience something new sexually, you limit yourself from actually knowing if you do or don’t like a race outside of your ‘preferred’ one. Perhaps you should at the very least attempt to breech your ‘preferences’ and try something new, you may be surprised, or if not, then your aspect of chemistry is founded.

    That’s all I have to say on the matter.


  135. 1versfucker

    oh really?

    Everybody is DIFFERENT.
    If you can’t grasp that, then you need to do some growing. Big time!

  136. cranky

    After reading the post that this article is based on (which it appears many of you did not), i wouldn’t call the guy an overt racist.
    He is, however, a staggeringly tactless and socially inept douchebag that certainly has some issues that range beyond that.

    If someone finds certain physical traits unappealing that are most common within certain races, that’s fine.

    However, his comment that his not liking Black men for the same reason he doesn’t like WOMEN shows what appears to be the need for a bit of self-examination in how he perceives non-White men; evidently more than just physical ethnic characteristics.

    There’s no greater way to seem like an asshole of the highest order than to advertise your race preferences in a profile. You will; without fail, be generally regarded as an offensive racist.

    As some of you have rightly mentioned, it’s best to simply ignore messages from men you aren’t attracted to. I’m guessing that’s what the original poster does when he gets hit on by White men he finds unattractive.

    Ignoring someone messaging you isn’t necessarily the most polite way to handle them; but for the empathy-impaired folks it’s a superior choice to broadcasting something as obnoxiously dismissive as “I wouldn’t even consider your kind; so don’t even think about it.”

    Some will undoubtedly use the weak defense of “I’m just being honest.”
    Yes, you are.
    And as a social being and adult, one should also know how to choose your words more gracefully or learn to keep their fucking idiot mouths shut.
    Because you WILL be eating those same words.

    As far as the original poster’s Black friend complaining about not being liked because of his race; the guy is apparently fishing in the wrong waters. Men of color aren’t regarded as desirable sexual objects? Bullshit.
    Hell, the a4a site is filled with dozens of “HUGE MONSTER BLACK DICK” porn links because of the physical stereotypes that go along with it.
    Apparently ones that quite a few men LOVE.
    The same goes for Asian, Latino, White, Twinks, Bears, etc, etc… and different combinations of everyone above and beyond.

    This is grindr were talking about; no one really cares about your bubbly personality or Master’s degree.
    If someone not of your own race can’t see you beyond that, go find someone that can.

    Exoticization, like bigotry, works both ways; no matter the other issue of who enjoys the greater advantage in society as a whole.

    Safe to say, when it comes to sex, we’ve all been dismissed because of our race. No matter what your race is. And done the same with others based on that and any number of other immutable physical characteristics.
    But most of us possess the emotional sensitivity and good judgement to be able to navigate the situation without being an ass.

    This guy needs a good think.

  137. fiyapoker

    Well I think people like wha they like , yet I may not get upset when a white guy only gets into white guys ,I still think the reason is ridiculous, as a black man I see many black guys that are beautiful and sexy and Id go after them if they were gay or big, I only get the attention of straight white guys that want to try being sexually fluid or hetero flexible, that’s the guys I attract, I’m not attracted to the gay men in my area at all, they are all to fem for my personal taste so I don’t complain about being with non committing curious guys, we all remain fuck buds, but in a relationship I would love have a masculine gay man but that don’t exist to much here for my personal liking. Its because of my location and I’m aware f this. So am I a gay man that’s prejudice against gays ? Maybe I am idk . I’m a human mostly , mostly!!!!!

  138. Todd

    I’m very glad that this was posted. I have a lot feelings about this topic and some are contradicting. I don’t believe racial preferences are racist per se, but I think posting it on your profile in an attempt to make connections with only a certain race is very much a racist act (not calling a person that does this a racist). This goes for any race not just white guys.

    I think everyone is too concentrated on the fact that the poster is calling the guy a racist (which I don’t believe that he is, an opportunist who is socially inept and ignorant to his friend’s feelings is how I would describe him) and not the fact that the society that fosters this type of behavior is what is racist.

    Society makes same race relationships, in particular, white only relationships, “normal.” Anything outside of this thinking is a “fetish” or “weird.” There is nothing I hate more than “Huge Black Monster Cock” ads on the side of A4A. Gay society makes it seem as if black guys can only contribute a large penis and nothing more. There is very little mainstream porn that depicts two african americans in “normal” sex scenes like two white guys. I see profiles all the time where a white guy says “interested in dom hung blacks and latinos.” That sucks that being a dominant black guy is the only way that these two races can connect sexually. Personally, the moment a guy asks me if I have a huge black cock, I am immediately turned off. The times that I have hooked up with white guys, they have been great, and if I was their first black guy, they seem surprised at how normal it was and how it was no different than being with a white guy.

    One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone makes the argument that because I’m not attracted to women that makes me a sexist. No that makes you gay. This argument makes it seem as if there is some biological chromosomal difference between races, not a mere difference in skin pigment. Please stop using this argument!

    With saying all of that, I can very much relate to being turned down because of my race, and it does hurt somewhat. It is especially hurtful when a guy posts on his profile that he is looking for friends or chatting and then posts no blacks. That makes it seem as if he is above speaking to a black person as if I can’t relate to him on an intellectual level.

    If I can end my comment, I would just like to say that no I don’t think its racist to have sexual preference, but be a human about it. Empathize with others. Life sucks and no one makes it out alive so the least we can do is be nice to each other.

  139. CentralFLBtm

    As a white man who is attracted to men of all races I can’t fathom why Anonymous feels the way he does. I’m hesitant, however, to label him as a racist simply because he is not attracted to black men. Unless that lack of attraction has to do with some deep seated racist belief that black men are inferior in some way, simply not being attracted to someone based upon how they look is not something that I find unusual or objectionable. We all have our tastes and preferences, however with all the handsome black men out there I cannot believe that Anonymous can’t find one to his liking…but that’s his problem, not mine.

  140. latinhot

    that is not being rasist, It’s a matter of preference. I am latino, i am NOT attracted to black guys. I am sure, there are people that are NOT attracted to latinos.

  141. White Guy

    First and for most i am a white guy, and im not racist. Ido not and will not date or have sex with a black guy. I have plenty of friends, and i actually love black people so tell me gary, or anybody that i am a racist, i HATE Barrack Obama, so tell me i am a racist. And what will i say in response to that? I will tell you that i think that you yourself are some black gyy that got turned down and that you are out pissed off about it and trying to make an agenda to get back at him by publicly criticizing him online in a public place where anybody can read about it. thats not right. You need to grow up and get a life instead of crying and trying to create havoc. You need to understand that no matter what “everyone’s a little bit racist” look it up. its a song.

  142. some_guy

    it doesn’t matter. people are people and nothing can change that, especially when it comes to race. It is so ingrained in humanity to have ranking systems and to subjugate or marginalize each other. I say, as a black man myself, get over it and let it go. the more you focus on how unfair it is to have a guy look at you and just lump you into a category of undesirables and not think anything of it as to why he did it (ie, the color of your skin), the more you focus on that it will drive you insane. Trust me. Yes rejection hurts, but the more you think about it the worse things can become. I get rejected for being black all the time, i stop focusing on it because if i did, i’d probably go on a violent rampage while spouting some nihilistic shit.

  143. Guy

    I am disappointed at this post and this point in general. This is like saying gay guys shouldn’t be attracted to guys since they can be attracted to girls. “White guys should be attracted to black guys or other races. If they aren’t, they are racist.” Come on. We are trying to prove to everyone that attraction cannot be controlled, but yet we complain when a white guy doesn’t prefer black guys? Let’s grow up. This post is one of the road blocks to why homosexuals generally have trouble gaining equality.

  144. Nomad

    I am a black man..I am offended because this blog makes it seems as if black men are dying to get with white men lol. This is so far from the truth. Most black men are into other black men and we do not seek white men. I am far from racist. Just because I do not want to fuck you does not make me racist. I’m just attracted to brown skin and the physical build of other black men. There’s a name used in the black gay community for black guys who ONLY date white guys. This name is used because a lot of the black men who choose to only date non-black have certain self-conscious feelings about themselves. If you would dig deeper, a lot of those black dudes who are dying to date white guys have disdain for other black guys. Just open your ears and listen. While he may have a white friend who loves black men, he can’t stand the thought of being with another black man. Also, for those of you white guys who do not like black men sexually…most of us do not care lol. Only the “snow queens” are checking for you. Some people do not like the black man’s color, build, and taste….and most of us black guys are not into the Caucasian color, smell, and build. You like what you like and it’s natural for you to prefer your own race. It’s not racist as long as we are not discriminating against each other based on equal opportunities in life. There’s plenty of “swirling” to go around if that’s your interest. I just prefer other black guys or people of black heritage. Maybe the author can also write about black guys who are NOT into white guys and stop making it seem as if we are dying to be with white guys lol. It’s really not that deep. Most black guys love each other. This blog is really focusing on the small percentage of black guys who are ONLY into white guys and are being embarrassed when those white people hold the same thoughts about his race that he does.

  145. Tim

    If it’s considered racist to have a preference for playmates of a certain race, would it be sexist for a gay man to prefer men only? We don’t know what is in a person’s heart. So don’t rush to judgment of anyone.


    If a guy trips your trigger (or not) because:
    He has a bubble butt;
    He is a bear;
    He is a twink;
    He’s stocky;
    He has a beard;
    His head is shaved;
    He has an awesome, full head of hair;
    He has pecs;
    He’s tall;
    He’s stocky;
    He’s muscled;
    He’s thin;
    He’s hairy;
    He’s smooth;
    He’s young;
    He’s mature; or
    etc. etc. etc …

    None of that matters.

    But if you get all whizzed up over a guy because of his skin color (Black, Yellow, Red, White, etc.), you’re a r-a-c-i-s-t. (gasp!)

    In every case, you’re finding a guy “hot or not” solely because of one or darned few physical attributes.

    So the first question is:
    Why is skin color such a big deal?

    And the more important question is:
    Why the hell are you gauging an entire guy solely on one or darn few physical attributes?

    Until certain gays get over the “hot or not” and lunging after guys because of one or a darn few physical attributes, they will remain the lonely whining lots they are who “just can’t seem to find a decent guy.” Maybe it’s time grow to up, take a breath, and learn ALL about a guy before declaring him dateable or worthy of tossing up on the workbench … or not.

  147. ChicagoDoug

    Hey guys, what a hot button topic……. To say your not into some black and latinos is not racist but to say your not into No blacks or latinos is borderline racist only because it implies there all the same and that is NOT true!!!!! I know black guys who look Latino and Latinos who look half Black…….

  148. Nobody Nowhere

    I gotta say I couldn’t disagree anymore with your article. I am someone who is generally not attracted to black or asian men (there are exceptions to every rule, but that generally the case in my taste in men). I however have no problem being friends with anyone regardless of their race and I feel like I try to go out of my way to get to know anybody from any race before making a judgement of whether or not I’d like to be friends with them. I’ve always said “why would I hate you solely based on your skin color when there are so many better reasons to hate you.” What I mean by that is that there are good and bad people in every race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, or any other man made divider that we use to separate each other into labels. You saying that someone is racist because they’re not attracted to black men is like me saying that you’re a sexist because you wouldn’t have sex with a woman. And I’m sure you’d give me the argument that you love women and say “Hell, my mom’s a woman!” The laws of attraction are still very inexplicable, even now you can tell people what you like, but can you tell people why you like what you like? It’s not that easy and I’m a very articulate person with a pretty big vocabulary. As a gay man that is somewhat already looked down upon by a portion of society because of your homosexual attractions I would have thought that you would have been more open and accepting of other people’s attractions, instead of trying to shame them for it. That’s what Christians and other religious types have been doing to us for thousands of years and that makes you no better than them. I am disappointed.

  149. Wayne

    I’m not into that racist iss fuck who you want race is not a problem. Whatever you race if you into anything goes, groups and are no fem(non flaming) you’re not my cup of tea.

  150. blacknProud

    I have to agree with Nomad. I am a black man who LOVES black men. I could care less about white men and their preferences. I have np desire to sleep with, date or socialize with them. I find these self loathing snow queens with low self esteem as being beneath contempt. I don’t find white men physicall attractive…..and they are generally hateful, emotionally constipated and myopic on top of that. A white man doesn’t like black men……..who cares?

  151. Rex Ganymede, the 6th.

    i keep telling people.. need only ask “do you care to explain why do you feel that way?” if you want to get to the heart of the matter


  152. Super PeePee Man

    Its only racist when they want nothing to do with a specific race at all and by that i mean when they say friends and you say hi and also have same interests and hobbies and they block you from the get go and then ad to the profile not into someone and the description is exactly you
    thats shallow as fuck lol

  153. dean alan

    I have to disagree with the premise that a person who is only attracted to members of their same race is necessarily racist. A person should be attracted to the thing they, themselves are. Birds of a feather… The problem is all races get bombarded with infinite images of what/who is beautiful, sexy, desirable, etc. Up until very recently those images were overwhelmingly white, with an additional assertion of the most beautiful having blonde hair and blue eyes. There is NO TRUTH to any of this as beauty is entirely subjective. However, most people are unable to understand this due to being taught/brainwashed in such extreme ways. Although I understand why, I see the problem as being the black friend who is only attracted to white guys because he doesn’t find black men, and by extension himself, attractive. I have known black me like this and I feel sad for them. Any person who doesn’t find themselves and their own “tribe” attractive and desirable is a person who doesn’t know their own worth and value. I can’t think of a sadder way to go through life.

  154. AlphaMaleTruth

    Well, Well Well, I’ll be damned…

    This article dated in 2014 is just showing what has now happened in 2018 in the USA.

    The demonization of the White Man. People using the race card, the sexist card, the victim card.

    Time to wake up and stop falling for the phycological manipulation that is dividing people. It’s the US verses THEM.

    Do not give up your freedom to like what you want to like. Free Your Mind

  155. bjjj

    I know this post dates way back to 2014, so not sure if anyone will read it anymore. However, I will say I am white, older, and gay. My very best lover, friend, sex partner, companion, travel buddy, is also gay, and yes, he is black. Our difference in race doesn’t’ seem to matter to either of us. We have a great love and care about each other, and would do anything for each other. He’s not a twink, doesn’t have a bubble butt, he has an average cock, and average looking. Oh yes, he works, sleeps, snores, showers, eats, has his up’s and downs, uses the bathroom, and even farts just like all of us. I have never understood why such an issue is made of race. We all have differences, and things in common. Some more, some less. Skin color is just a difference, that’s all. It’s no big deal. Sometimes opposite’s attract, sometimes repel. Common interests, love, care, friendship, and of course sexual attraction is what’s it’s all about. Black lives matter, White lives matter, Everybody on this earth matters. Lets start treating everyone with dignity, love and care for each other. Were all related in some way or another.

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