Speak Out : We Found Love On A4A!


Many members used to say to me : “Why are you even on here?”

I would say I’m not on A4A to hook up, I’m just here for friends. To me A4A is what you make it.

So one day I was just searching for guys in my area that would be down to kick it sometimes and I saw this guy who seemed to be looking for the same thing. I won’t lie and say it wasn’t his looks that caught my eye, because it was. He was very cute. We started talking back and forth and one day I invited him to go to Club 21 in Downtown Sacramento.

When we met, we hit it off really well!! We started hanging out pretty regularly and eventually we realized we both liked each other more than just as friends and decided we should try being in a more intimate relationship.

To make a long story short, this guy literally had his mouse pointer on the button to remove his account. When I sent my message to him, his curiosity got the best of him and he responded to me instead of deleting his account.

That was almost 4 years ago. We have been together since December 18, 2009. We made Adam4Adam what we wanted to make it. We made a friendship and then we made….love (puns intended )

-Chris and Francisco

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  1. John...

    Hooray! for these 2 Sacramento Marys 🙂 Now what will the other 3 gay guys who live in that town do besides throw themselves off of tower bridge lol!

  2. BreakMyKnees

    What a quaint tale. I’ve only ever been in one relationship (not sure if that’s the right name. Nevertheless, it was great while it lasted; whatever ‘it’ was) and that was with a man I’d met on here.

    Recently, I altered my approach; after going through the typical motions of “sex only” “wrong medium for serious connection”, I decided to give online dating another try. I’m not doing much dating in the real world as my time has been occupied by important things and I’ve not been able to socialize much.

    I’d much rather have sex (and its many variations) or other with someone whom I’m comfortable and content with over random sex where chemistry is typically lacking, leaving me underwhelmed.

    Your story is a shining beacon that flowers can grow from shit; this site, as you said, is what one makes it; I choose to make it my gay eHarmony. 😉

  3. matt

    So very happy for you! You think there’s any way you could transform more people on here into similar personality versions of you and get rid of the skanks, fakes, and male cougars?

  4. Bryan

    When I first started using a4a, I thought of it only as a hook-up site. But this guy messaged me, and it turned out we had a good bit in common. After a few online conversations he convinced me to invite him over, and we totally hit it off. In that instance – our first “date” – he ended up staying at my place for 19 hours. That was also almost 4 years ago – December 5, 2009, and we’ve been together ever since.

  5. DudesInDe

    We have been together for 5 years, since meeting on A4A. Loving every minute of it, and it is what you make of it. Wishing everyone has the same luck.

  6. Steve

    Wish both of you the best of luck. Guys around my area in NC are to ignorant or stupid to answer simple questions much less wanting to meet. Just once if I asked How are you? they would respond.

  7. Antonio79

    Thought it was going to be just a hook up but we been going for a couple months now. Sex is even better when you are with someone you care about.

  8. Mitch

    I use A4A for hook ups. There is a guy on that meet on here cute hot sexy and nice. We started hooking up for about 3 months then he got a BF and was unavailable for a year. That didn’t work so now we hook up on occasion. When we first started he was implicit that had was not looking for love I agreed and said he had no worry about that from me. Well we been hooking up and have some conversation on occasion and I find myself thinking I would love for him to be mine but worry if I profess my desire he may break off contact. So I guess I have found love on A4A but it my never be returned.

  9. Tim

    My dear departed Aunt Roxie — who was divorced for years and buried two “gentlemen friends” — once told me that people who are looking for love need to examine what makes them so needy because no one wants a desperate love…

    So it is with a4a, or Facebook. Meet up, have a coffee, fuck like rabbits, get married, who knows? Going in saying you have expectations is a losing game.

    First step is to have a friendly profile, attractive pics, and a positive attitude in emails. I’ve met, banged and dated guys decades younger off here. I’ve also met guys at Starbucks and a bath house, so maybe I’m just open to possibilities… Oh, and I’m 52 and only about a 7 out of 10

  10. goldenloverinmym

    mitch I think i’m in the same boat as u,and antonio79 u r so rite the sex is the best its ever been 4 me and I think he’s feeling the same but i’m not gonna push 4 a commitment don’t want 2 drive him away just goin 2 enjoy my e-ticket ride and hope that it last like the cpl that have been together for 5 yrs now congrats 2 them.DDDD

  11. aries_358

    Very nice love story made in a4a… I met my bf in here too, we’ve been together for more than 2 years. We started just hooking up then one night he told me he love me while we were both naked in bed, we didnt have sex at that time just cuddling coz i like body contact, I told him I wasn’t sure at the time but after hanging out and sort of dating we hit it up. I couldn’t believe it myself but it happened. He deleted his account in here because he told me he has me now, but I didn’t delete mine coz its in here where I met him, and to me it’s important to keep my account.

  12. Joel

    I am from Washington (the state) and was visiting Chicago in March and contacted a guy on a4a with a picture showing his amazing butt to see if he wanted to come by my hotel room for some m2m fun. After chatting for a bit he agreed to come by. Had an amazing encounter. We met again the next night for drinks and dinner and more play time. He invited me to join him in Palm Springs in April, we met in Las Vegas in May, Minneapolis in June and I returned to Chicago in August. Long distance relationship isn’t ideal but we are making it work. When people ask how we met we say on “Christian” and get quite the puzzled looks. Thank you adam4adam for helping us connect. It made all the no-shows, jack-asses and just plain creepy encounters worth it in the end.

  13. Scott

    I have two sets of friends who in long term relationships as a result of meeting up on Adam. I, myself, dated my neighbor whom I met on this site, so anything is possible here. It’s completely what you make of it.

  14. nicko

    Congrats, on your new found love. Honestly, I agree that a4a is definitely what you make out of it.

    Me personally i would love to find, a bf on a4a, however my last couple of dates weren’t the best many guys want to mess around and have that freedom. Not I.

    Oh well, in the mean time Ill continue to set goals for myself, compete in shows, and meet other positive men.

  15. Oh, please....

    The only thing guys get off of this site is an STD or whacking off material.

    And you “involved” guys — why the fuck are you still here? Recruiting for threesomes? Your next husband when the current model cheats on you or you on him? (Oh, and Aries_358 – you’re not fooling anyone. You’re keeping your A4A account because it’s important? Bullshit. You’re keeping it as a failsafe for when one of you fucks it up and it’s over.)

  16. Howardangel

    Love is hard to find anywhere. Adam4adam is no exception but it is still a decent medium to find some connection or whatever guys are looking for. I’ve never been in love so I can’t just knock off the idea of ever finding it just yet. It’s reassured to know people do find their partners here. That restores my romantic side enough to be ready for love now.

  17. Alan

    One only has to look in the mirror to see the personality that needs transformation from a fake skank. Just remember that if you put yourself out there, a “male cougar” may say hello to you. A polite “no thanks” should suffice. If that doesn’t work for you, maybe you should stick with FB.

  18. Don

    Take my word that this is true in Ga. that finding someone and you are over 55-60 is very difficult. The younger age group don’t want anything to do with you including a simple chat and the older group (seemingly) in looking like me for a younger guy. Where do I go to look? Done the bar/club scene and didn’t work out. With gyms and health clubs one has to be very careful because so many ears are listening and will take a simple greeting and make something out of it. A4a lately has been no help. I am ready to delete my acct.

  19. Lamar

    You guys, it’s not the website, the website only reflects what the majority of people want/doing it’s “capitalism.” If, you the (majority) were to be more for good old fashion dating (not hookin’-up, just sexing each other) then, that is what would sell, make sense?


    Mostly, I think we’ve become stagnated in arrested development, but hey, that’s just me. I’m about growth; onward/upward I understand the younger people need some experiences. however, at some point, you must learn to set some higher standards, that my generation failed to do. Between my generation and the one before we did manage to bring homosexality out of the closet, declair masculinty; so we have that. You, are gonna have to teach yourselves
    that relationships are better for you in the long run and then work diligently towrds that. This, is just one of the way to fight HIV/AIDS and it’s not only that, but psychologically being healthier as “fringe-group.” I did not go to say all that but it needed to be said.

    I’m so happy for you, Chris and Fransisco, hang on to each other go beyond the gay community. I hate that it will unfortunitly be mostly poison to your relationship “misery loves company.” I say this because like the worst of women, gay men will hate what you have together and will try to tear you apart.

    You do need other gay people as friends, but, you need for them to be other couples, I think; maybe older guys and also other heteros will be good for you actually as well. A gay restuarant now and then, but stear clear of the gay night spots where too many gay single men frequent, they’re just meat markets, not good! Just anything that will nurture and strengthen you as a couple, you have something rare, so hang on!

  20. Aaron

    So basically what you’re saying is i have to move to Sacramento now? Cuz the (i’d say men, but they may be in their 30’s and 40’s but they act like they JUST graduated high school) guys around here leave MUCH to be desired in every single aspect of their lives.

  21. SAMOS1

    Aww that was touching! I live in New York City (Hey NYers). I once met up with a guy on here and it was the WORST date EVER! He took me to see a movie where his ex worked, then tried to kiss me in the lobby IN FRONT Of his ex. Smh, I left midway through the “date”. It was horrible and I distanced myself from this site for a while. I even found a guy I thought was SUPER cute on my school campus on here- but he’s on the DL-as it states in his profile- and I’m clearly not his type.
    I have chatted with some cool guys but not really something I would pursue by meeting them offline yet-until I get a good vibe. I live in the Bronx so all the guys here just want to hookup and not really pursue much than that. I myself am down for whatever AS LONG AS THEIR IS CHEMISTRY!
    I draw the line when it comes to open relationships- I don;t like to share.
    Well, I do hope I find something on here like that soon, or meaningful. Until then I’ll stay here and on OKcupid lol-sad I know.

  22. Matt

    Alan, that’s hilarious coming from someone who doesn’t even remotely know me. Did what I say apply too much to you and make you upset because last time I checked I would prefer relations that encompass everything not just the physical. And personally I feel people who like to date or fuck of their age range need to correct their approach and gauge if that person is into them. I’m 23, and don’t need someone 33 or older just like when I’m 33 I won’t need someone who’s 23.

  23. John...

    A gay LTR is like furniture. You find and buy a sofa that looks good and feels comfortable. Then when it goes out of style or begins to wear out you begin looking for another one.

    If you are meant to have genuine love it will find you, not you it.

  24. smartartist

    OY! i am a pretty (ok, we can stop, forward thinking guy. since i’ve only been on here about a 1 1/2 years, i have run the gamut of emotions. when my husband (joe) was killed 5 years ago, my life was in chaos! his kids got everything .. (you know the story). i was literally hours from being homeless. after getting my life back on track, someone told me about ‘A4A’ .. i was like a hard on in a candy store!! wow! i only got a laptop about 2 years ago, never needed one, (and teaching myself). i got the hang of it SUPER QUICK! in that amount of time, i’ve met .. friends, foes, fuckables and have been fucked over. sometimes emotionally, once,(and only once), financially. i’m a “club member” since 1977 .. and .. this blows my mind (this kind of site), and don’t get me wrong, i’m still on here, aren’t I? unfortunately, 1 out 0f 4.6 men, are the guys who give ‘us’ a bad name. “block” ’em and move on. i have, many times .. many,many times. the best part .. i’ve always walked away learning something to make me more of the man i (need/want) to be 😉 i may be a little lonelier (pickier), but, i’m ALOT smarter! lookin’ for love? sure i am. whether it be (on here), or, .. . .. . .. btw, all of you Aholes .. watch out .. that’ll come back and bite you in the ass at some point. and that, my friends, is the truth! btw/btw speaking of ‘truth’ .. don’t lie .. then there’s two bites out of your ass, and not the good kind 😉 do somethin’ that ‘scares’ the shit out of you everyday! .. try peace sometime 🙂

  25. clevesam

    I’m very happy to say I met my boyfriend on A4A.. We started chatting, eventually met, and 2.5years later, we’re together and happy <3

  26. ajbbincubus

    I’ve met a few boyfriends on here. Some I thought were gonna be the ones and others were fake. Have had my heard walked on and kicked, but I’m not giving up on LOVE. Hope everyone meets someone that changes their lives for the better.

  27. propertyvirgin

    The guys in Oregon are window shoppers, They hide behind their computer screens and jack while checking out a4a. 99% don’t follow through, what is with them. I glade they found each other, I gave up, now I’m window shopping and jacking.

  28. Furrygeek

    My partner and I met thru a4a August of last year, and been together since… now yes, we have an open relationship, but we are happy with it. Good luck, guys and please don’t lose hope. 🙂

  29. BrandErick

    wow this is so my story.
    i started talkin to this kind who was bout to leave for college(he has just turned 18). we were just having casual meetings for coffee and whtnot for like 3 months after his graduation, til i asked him if he wanted to get serious even tho iknew he was gonna leave the state. surprisingly, he was waiting for me to ask that, cause he wanted the same thing. that was 2 years ago. even tho i drive over 150 miles every wknd, i could not be any more happy and glad i decided to talk to him.

  30. Alex

    I haven’t been on the site very long but have already found my best friend. We met at a random threesome that was set up through A4A. The host turned out to be weird but the two of us felt a connection and decided to go to a park afterward to talk for a bit. We found out that we have much in common and really established a great connection. We are enjoying spending time together going to movies, dinner and other fun things. The sex is wonderful too. Right now I couldn’t be happier with our relationship. I’m so thankful that A4A brought us together!

  31. Southern_Co

    Great and interesting story. My experience with a4a has been different… It seems like all the encounters I’ve had through this site never last more than two or three hot meetings (with the exception of one, and the guy turned out to be a crazy, insecure mess).

    I’ve always written of a4a as primarily a hook-up site with no chance of making a real connection with any of the guys I’ve met through this medium, but you’re story makes me realize two things: that most of the gay or bi men in my town have a certain mentality when it comes to relationships, and that I’m way too young and green to be as cynical (I’m 23).

    It makes me want to reconsider how I feel about a4a. I mean change your perspective, change your outcome, right?

  32. Lamar

    Kenjamin and John, you nailed it! I lost a 30yr friendship to some alcoholic homeless guy (that btw, swears to everyone, he’s not gay) that my (once good friend)just had to have him living with him as they both are VERY

    Btw, how many straight guys do you guys know, that share a bed with a gay man, when there’s an big cushy empty sofa in the livingroom???

    My ex-friend got himself strung out on pain-pills and coke; staying away from work, concocting reasons(injuries) to stay home from work and do pain-pills and coke all day.

    All of his friends that are coworkers knew this guy was trouble from the time they met him (which he tried to hide from everyone) just like a “movie of the wk;” ongoing episodes. This guy just uses him as a meal-ticket to stay in off the streets here in So, Fl., so I left this friendship ’cause it really wasn’t worth being friends anymore; the quality was gone. I couldn’t stand to see this going on, all this manipulation of eah other, really.

    Maybe it was some sort of mid-life crisis or something, but he could have done so much better than to settle and get involed with such a loser. I also think there’s an element of control invovlved as well, since my ex-friend makes the money and the alcoholic has no other means, it’s really a mess, too ugly so I moved on.

  33. John...

    @ Lamar

    Sorry you lost your good friend.

    Yes, I see stuff like that going on all the time. It’s very common, yet too often ignored in the gay community where so many base their relationship choices on looks, sex and only the fairy tale idea of being in love, which blinds them of the character and or mental health of others they choose to get involved with.

    Codependentdysfunctionalneedy people are very manipulative of others, even themselves. It’s their high degree of desperation to be accepted and wanted that feeds their talents. Get two of them together and you really have a production lol!

    I’m sorry to say it, but they are not a rarity in the gay community. And some people wonder why so many gay guys are no longer interested in having a long term relationship.

  34. Delovly83

    I agree! A4A is truly how one makes of it! I meet a couple friends here in 2008 and we are still close friends and tighter than ever! For anyone who complains about those who are only looking for friends, they need to grow some, be happy, and respect guys who choose not to hookup. If friendships not your thing, then don’t message that guy. Move on, there something for everyone! 🙂 Finding love online is awesome…Congrats to the couple!

  35. Willie

    These guys on a4a is a trip they say they want this or that but when u try to have convo with them it’s all about hook ups I don’t want a hook up I want love I’ve deleted my account at least 3 times because they play to many games so if any of u guys out there looking for a good man hit me up

  36. Lamar

    @ John. Thanks, it’s seems when you are an honest, fully psychologically healthy/mature gay male, it advertantly shines a ‘negative’ on too many that you would encounter.

    At 52, I realize by (conversation online) just how few men really have their heads together (growing old, not growing up.) John, since childhood he’s had addictions problems food was the first one, then he started stealing his older brother’s drugs.

    Adulthood addictions: shopping (buy something then return it) food (grazing around the clock), drugs and yes, a bit of a klepto problem, too (I was with him when he did it) I went off on him about it. You know, I have a feeling, this all stems from his childhood, his father whom was drinker; overbaring/critical as all hell. He’s told me of some things about his father. “You’re only as sick as your secrets.” I think he’s been hiding quite a bit from everyone about who he really is in the first place. The drugs have just revealed these things; brought them more to the surface meaning he was no longer in control of his actions/urges.

    It’s been just over a year now, since we’ve spoken to each other, so it’s taken awhile to put two & two together, thinking about some of the clues I missed in the things that he said and done.

    A friend we had incommon says, “you could at least talk to him” I said, “I don’t even like him anymore” she said “you don’t need him anymore” I said “that’s only half of it, we don’t need each other anymore, he has his codependent (non-fuctioning, unemployable partner) I don’t need someone like that.” When this man needs a grink, he get’s violent, breaking things, putting holes in the wall.

    The niece of a lady friend said, “he looks like he’s strung out on drugs, like he does crack or something.” He’s an Irish guy, typically: good with his hands around the house, but the down side is the serious drinking problem, he could have his own business if it were’nt for the drinking.

    And you’re right John, how common this is. I’m thinking back to when I was very young 20’s (early 80’s) an older friend who met and had a relationship with an non-functioning (unemployable) alcoholic who was also physically abusive, another Irish guy! I dumped him too, seven years later, he died of aids, I’m amazed what people settle for.

  37. John...

    @ Lamar

    It sounds to me like you still do care for the guy and that’s okay as long as you don’t let it rule you. Some people, no matter how much you care about them are just way too toxic and it’s not good for your health to associate with them. You have every right to protect yourself without feeling any guilt about it.

    It appears as if most gays prefer fantasy over reality. So many may claim they want honesty, but in reality honesty is so obviously a big turn off to them.

    Ever notice that those who claim they don’t like drama seem to be those who are always most involved in it or causing it? I think what they mean to say is: they don’t want to be bothered with anyone else’s drama, but just want to be allowed to the star of their own.

    Also; on many profiles here you see guys who appear to be looking for a clone of themselves, which is also common in offline life. Of course if they don’t truly like and respect themselves; what good is getting into a relationship with someone else who is the same way :-)?

    Luckily not all gays are this way, but their numbers seem to be fewer in the mainstream of gay life and I suspecthope it’s because they choose not to take part in mainstream gay life, which makes them less visible.

    I believe it was Albert Einstein who sad: “Problems can not be solved with the same level of thinking that created them.” That pretty much describes a lot of what’s going on a lot in the gay community these days.

    Take care buddy, stay strong.

  38. Lamar

    @ John, dude you feel me, lol! Yeah I do love him, we were like brothers (to me anyway) I’m really very Aquarian, my really (tight-close)friends are my fellow warriors-family, just real tribal that way.

    So I was very hurt very angry, it melded away to feeling sorry for him; wishing well though, inspite of saying “I don’t even like him anymore” to our lady friend we once had incommon. In life, you say goodbye for many reasons and you move on, but never forget, for what would be learned by forgetting, nothing ever, has been learned that way. Yeah, man, I stay strong, thanks for that! I’m really into growth anyway, not just growing old!

  39. John...

    @ Lamar

    ” In life, you say goodbye for many reasons and you move on, but never forget,…”

    I agree; It may sound sappy, but instead of trying to forget you have to move it out of your head and store it in your heart. No sense wasting love when you can restock it lol!

  40. Lamar

    @ John,

    Agreed, all the people I’ve loved/love, are in my heart, you never run out of it. It actually just multiplies; the more people you’ve loved in your life. It’s the one thing you take with you, even after you’re done on this earth, that’s why I don’t hate, ’cause you take ‘that’ with you, too. I think I dig you, John!

  41. sjohnson

    and in just a few years (months more like it)…cough cough…you will see their ads change to “couple looking for 3rd”!!, discreet encounters, etc etc etc

  42. jk

    That’s a sweet story. I’m sure something like this can happen for me once I’m open to it and once I can move out of my one-horse hometown.

  43. Fairprince

    Well happy to see a speak out , I have only meet guys here for pick up a few we started to date but the high expectations is a driven by many , I am well spoken Latino looking actually Portuguese heritage full bottom guy in good shape , but where I live in the Caribbean men want me only for sex I have stopped hooking up , I had changed my profile in a4a now it’s all too erotic , but what do guys want ??
    I want a good friend lover if possible I would not mind long distance then meet email my profile it’s sweetbamc yes it’s erotic but tried the non erotic kind and it’s not worked
    I will answer to all who write by opening up my photos

  44. Fairprince

    I should say I have had scary experienced on a4a but I have also had a few great times here now it’s time for me to settle down I would love to make some guy a very happy man , but where is the guy is my heart felt question

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