Gay Stuff : Dating?

Dating is hard, we all know that but one thing that can make it easy is honesty.  I’m not talking about being honest with the other person but being honest with yourself.  Ask yourself what it is you want from a potential partner.  Think about what it is you expect, will overlook and what you will tolerate. 

Wanting to date someone just because they are cute, have a great ass or a hot cock is great for a while and might even be great for a lasting relationship but is this all you want from another person?  Let’s say you like working out and you meet someone who hates to work out but has a great ass.  Now like most men you might say hey, this is cool I can deal, I’ll give it a couple weeks.  If you are looking to fuck someone then it’s probably ok but if you are looking to date someone then eventually you will probably want your partner to like some of the things you like.

Find someone who shares your interests and has some of the same goals as you, be honest with yourself on what you expect from someone.  Most people settle and hope the other person will change or worse that they can become the person the other person wants.  That’s another story.

Thoughts? Comments

g skorich AKA eastvalley

There are 52 comments

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  1. BenLiteral

    My problem with dating in the past usually stemmed from the fact that I had incredibly low self esteem and would attach myself to anyone who would give me the time of day. These days, I’m a little more selective. There absolutely has to be something we can share, and not just the fact that I’m a top and he’s a bottom. There’s just got to be common ground.

  2. Kiejah Dionne

    You’re absolutely right.

    Ultimately, I find that the person that you pick may not have the same interest as you (I.E. rock-climbing, or anime-watchiing), but at there core, they want the same things from a guy that they are perusing. Whether it be a hook-up or a relationship, as long as you are both on the same page and honest….truly honest with yourself, then you can build a long lasting friendship and/or possible relationship.

    The big mistake is that (because we are men, and we are very visual), we couple up with a guy that is physically attractive, but you both may want different things, such as career, where to live, marriage, and kids.

    It’s important that you are honest with what you want from a connection, so that you aren’t wasting the other person’s time, or yours.

  3. Jeb

    I thought I was an anomaly. People I meet only want to date so they can get into the sack. I wish I could find a nice guy to date…

  4. Oliver

    This article lost me with that first statement. Dating is NOT hard — gay men make dating hard.

    The article typifies what is wrong with gay dating: viewing a man only as a pile of parts, “a great ass or a hot cock.” If all a man wants are those qualities, there is no basis for any dating. There is always a cock or ass that’s just a tad hotter or bigger right around the next corner. What such men want is a hookup. They want to do the deed and then move on.

    Dating, real dating, involves getting to know the whole man. Men are visual but to date well or any length of time, we must train ourselves to look beyond the visual and see what is hidden to the eye. Is he a good conversationalist? Can he talk about more than his last trick or how his lats are sore from his new workout routine? Is he vicious tempered? Is he a bore? Is he loving and giving?

    The big problem with dating, too, is most gay men seem to think they must speed up the getting acquainted process, and make a snap decision so as not to waste time. Time that otherwise would be spent doing what, I wonder? Dating is an art. So much can be gleaned from spending time with a man, much more than the canned digested version we have been trained to offer to each other.

  5. Mitch

    I agree.
    Sometimes the sexual interests become so overwhelming that common interest and values are less important. I find it almost impossible tp date someone on a normal level. Dudes come at you wanting a phat azz or big dick and character be damn. I will keep the faith that one day i will connect with a masculine guy who falls in love with the whole me….there are a lot of good guys out there, we just have to engage more and raise the standards of old fashion dating and getting to know someone…..because random fucking may be kool for a second, but making love to the guy you love is amazing.

  6. seth

    Open relationship
    Drag queens
    Bi men
    Those who can’t control their alcohol

    All of these listed above are deal breakers 150%. I don’t care how cute you are, how big your dick is, or how nice your ass looks, if you do any of the above, I’ll kick you to the curb!

    Has a career (not career not job)
    Speaks his mind
    Ht/wt prop (i’m 5’3 tall & 110 lbs, thats why i say this)
    Somewhat active
    Be able to converse
    Have book smarts(nothing more sexier) as well as street smarts.
    Good or great cook..

    This is my list of stuff i like to find in a man… I ask for nothing that i can not give myself.

    Things i tolerated:

  7. rick

    Here’s a thought…how about just hanging? Anything wrong with enjoying time without all the expectations? My b/f and I met on a4a. I call it a trick that went bad!
    We’ve been together since ’09 and living together since ’10.

  8. goldenloverinmym

    my friend n I have been together 4 nearly 9 months now,except while he was on vaca.when he returned home I think he was wanting somebody else.i gave him his space.n I thought he was gone and had faced the facts that I should move on.well 2 my surprise a few weeks later he called me and we been steady since.he’s hot i’m avg hes younger i’m older,we r both hung bout the same.i’m cut he’ not we r different but i’m enjoying life more now than I have in a long I suggest if you r happy n things going good enjoy it cuz it could end now or not.we see each other 4 what we r n no secrets between us.oh yea we met on A4A…….DDDD

  9. Jeff

    Well dating for me right now is just the way into the bedroom but I know that I should find something more besides hi ass/cock/body. but I am a man who likes sex. After my last relationship went south I have decided to just worry about just getting a friend with benefits and go from that point. If that grows into more than that so be it. At this time not looking to get anything more.

  10. John

    Dating is great but can be hard given certain circumstances. I am HIV pos and honestly I think that has made dating a bit more difficult. Reason being telling someone about your life not a problem goals no big deal but how do you break the ice when you have to tell someone your status. We have a lot of individuals who can be a bit ignorant meaning uneducated when it comes to that aspect of life. I’m undetectable which is a great thing knowing we have come this far in medical science. Most of the time as soon as its mentioned some assume ewww gross your a whore or what were you doing to get that but that is not always the case. Some of us were lied to by our partners about what they were doing behind our backs. Am I the only pos man who feels like this or are there others? How did you break the ice to your date or did you? Can we agree on this or not and can this complicate dating for us? I believe it can and would like some comments if it’s ok on how is dating when your a HIV pos man.

  11. Brad

    “Dating” (depending on what one or two people intend that to mean) is as different as are people. This 3 paragraph article on “dating” is the perspective of one person. Sorry to say this, but I seriously doubt I’d consider anyone on A4A a relationship expert. A long term devotion is measured after the fact, and what binds two people goes much, much further than “wanting to fuck” or because one has a nice ass, or….whatever else this stupid, superficial self proclaimed author is spouting about. In the real world, in real society where real and legitimate people live and thrive….good things come from work. Relationships, even “dating” takes work on both ends. Sex really has little to do with it in the grand scheme of things. I think I’d rather hear from someone who has been successful in true relationships, not someone (or people) who pretend to be experts because they’ve had a great lot of failed attempts.

  12. Alex

    I’m 22. I’ve been out for 8 years and never dated once. I’ve had a few guys offer but I just wasn’t interested.

    People try to encourage me, but I think it’s unrealistic to take on a positive perspective when the reality is that I am a balanced gay man in a conservative southern society where you can only be a butch straight man who fucks men or a sassy outrageous fem boy drag queen who’s basically a vulgar and raunchy straight woman. I just need to move somewhere else like Denver or Portland where I can meet intellectual and creative guys my age.

    It’s just too hard to date in Houston. The men act like it’s a chore, like it’s just a means to sex that they have evolved beyond since Grindr and Scruff.

  13. Osei

    My partner and I do not always enjoy the same things and that in itself makes for a great relationship in that we are able to spend time away from each other enjoying what we like individually. He enjoys ballet, opera, movies and Broadway shows, I go along because I get the chance to dress in fashionable clothing. I like tennis and soccer, and he comes along because he gets to travel. He likes to cook and decorate, I love to eat and absolutely enjoy all the change in the décor that he puts together at home. Hell I could never do any of the stuff he is good at.

    We first met at Thanksgiving with friends and I thought he was just over the top and ready to paint the town in all the colors of the rainbow, however he would always ensure that I was enjoying myself even though met for the first time. We went out on a few dates and I realized that he would always make me feel special, so I would always return the favor. Well six years later, two dogs and a house…. I am absolutely enjoying all the crap, especially when his crazy friends come over and the house is a riot.

  14. John...

    As a community a large number of gays have been too self poisoned with superficiality and a false sense of entitled instant gratification. Too many gays don’t even know what dating is. They treat it like shopping for something to wear.

    Dating is about meeting and getting to know others for the sake of maybe finding one of them who you (and they) may want to date exclusively for the mutual purpose of courting and reaching the goal of a committed long term relationship or marriage.

    I date a lot of guys on a regular basis with there being no pressure toward committing to any relationship. We go out and do enjoyable things together, sometimes there’s sex and sometimes not, but we still have a good time and get to know each other a little bit more on each date.

    The most interesting and fun guys I know and date most regularly are those who have some big different interests than I do. I learn a lot more from these guys and even if I don’t share an interest of theirs; supporting them in their interest is very rewarding for both of us too and it’s a great skill to have in a truly committed relationship. If you can’t support someone you say you love in something you don’t care for yourself then you are too selfish to be in a relationship to begin with.

    Point is: If I want a clone of myself I’ll buy a big mirror and date that 🙂

  15. HW

    I dont ask for what I dont give.

    1. Career…I dont care what it is as long as it is a job.
    2. Education…It can be a high school diploma as long as the person is open to new things.
    3. High Sex Drive…It is a must! It takes alot to keep up with me.
    4. Spiritual…I am not an atheist ..I think thats silliness…so I def want someone that believes in GOD
    5. Tall and handsome and near my age.
    6. Out but masculine… Everyday guy that happens to be gay.
    7. Adventurous…I get bored easily…its nothing for me to buy a ticket and be in a foreign country in 72 hrs.

  16. Bill

    This is the best article that I have read here so far. Seeing this topic addressed is really important and the comments too are excellent. I think we are all really seeking the same-which begs the question “Why is it so damn difficult then?”

    Points to Seth-he nailed it.

  17. BluColla

    You said “Find someone who shares your interests and has some of the same goals as you, be honest with yourself on what you expect from someone.”
    I agree and in addition I want the person I date to have the same values I have too. Values and principles are VERY important in a relationship. Example, suppose both our goal is to make a comfortable living, but I value hard work and he values crime? We can’t have the same interests without shared values. We both might like to eat out. I’m courtesy to our waiter but he likes to be the customer from hell and be a bitch in the restaurant. LOL It ain’t gonna work.

  18. Jeff

    Well for me right now, all I am looking for is sex. After my last relationship went south I am not worrying about love, At this time will take a friends with benefits over love.

  19. HolePunchSD

    These days, the last thing on my mind is dating.
    I was married (to a woman) for 12 years then I came out. All of my relationships after that were all fairly long term. I’m finally at that point in my life where I truly enjoy being single. Sex & hookups are easy so I’m not going without. The feeling of being truly independent is what I love. I come and go when I please and I’m not accountable to anyone.
    I feel lucky in that I’m responsible for myself and only to myself.
    So you guys can have dating and all of that–me, I love variety and being able to do what I want, who I want and never having to apologize of justify my actions to anyone. Ever!

  20. Darryl

    Dating , well it’s been a long time since i really went on a live date. Work has be pretty much by the balls, so getting the chance to meet someone is something i want to do real soon.

  21. Asus7

    Find someone who has similar interests as you? Well, it’s really hard to hold these conversations (via the internet) with people who allege to have the same interests, hobbies and goals that you do, when after kindly introducing yourself and stating that you want to simply want to get to know them and maybe grab a coffee, the first and last thing they say back to you is “Sorry, not into black guys /auto-block”.

    Oliver hit it right on the head: gay men are too busy looking at a man via his parts rather than as the whole, and unfortunately for people like me, my ethnicity is used either to deter men or be just another item on their hookup checklist.

  22. BreakMyKnees (formerly TDG)

    I don’t feel dating is difficult in the real world at all. I’ve met guys that were legitimately interested in getting to know me; unfortunately, this was the “I’m not gay” phase of my life and I’m still getting used to guys coming to me and appropriately complimenting me.

    Online? Absolutely not. I don’t think one should look for a real relationship from a virtual world. In fact, one guy on here insulted me for saying just that.

    Also, I do find it particularly bothersome when you clearly state in your profile what you want (i.e. sex and variations of sex) and men message you with everything you’re not desiring (i.e. the “I’m looking for a lover and i think you’re him” types).

    You don’t control the other person and vice versa. When dating, I see the other guy as a complete individual who is distinct from me (9/10 the differences are what attracted me) but I do agree that there must be an equilibrium somewhere. However, if you’re advertising your body and then confused as to why other men are only interested in intercourse with you or if you’re looking for love (in the virtual world, which is pretty situational i.e. deep south where it may be harder in real life) but keep contacting men who are not then you need to analyze your situation, presentation, and target audience.

  23. Derelle W Franklin

    When it comes to dating, I’m usually looking for the hot guys with a nice size dick and ass but don’t really have the same interest as I do. So to me it just ends up as a hookup.

  24. Mike

    Amen! I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 8 months now. To all the people who out there who says dating is not hard, I am going to have to say you are mistaken. Sure, it is easy to set up a short term relationship, but building a long term one does require a lot of work. My boyfriend and I met through a mutual friend. I don’t know if she did the whole “Hey, you are gay. Let me introduce you to the one other gay guy I know.” thing, but it turns out my boyfriend and I do actually have a lot in common. For the most part, we have the same interests and enjoy the same things.

  25. Dakota Rae

    That sounds nice, but its not realistic.
    Because our world in the gay community is just sex and no one wants to settle down until they feel fulfilled or their no longer in their prime. I’m sure a gay man thinks about sex more than a straight man as well.
    I’m only 19 and I’ve dated 25 guys and I’ve only slept with maybe 10. I’d rather just be with one, but it’s just not an easy thing for other men to settle down with one piece of ass and mine is pretty nice.

    Dating is Hard.

  26. bill

    Dating is really a joke in the gay world. I think most gay guys are screwed up in the head, relationally speaking, and it is a virtual impossibility to date the same way that straights do.

  27. Shiftintolife

    You mean people actually date still? I thought everybody only wante to hook up. I will use these tips if I ever find a guy interested in getting past the sexual experience.

  28. Mike

    Wow! I really love the comment Rick. I would love to meet a guy, even if it is online and have a relationship with that person. Why do guys make it so difficult? Why? I have met many guys who you meet and have a great time together with and they have the nerve to voluntarily say, “let’s meet again.” You try to contact them again and they are like a totally different person after that. What is the deal? Did they just put up with me for the night and couldn’t tell me to my face that they were not interested? If that was the case, why did they say with no comment from me that they wanted to meet again? It doesn’t make sense. I honestly thought guys only did this in the north, but being in the south now I see that it only got worse. I would really like some advice. If anyone is truly interested in dating. You can contact me. My Profile Name is TandH8. Just let me know you saw my comment. Thanks guys.

  29. Roman

    Dating seems almost impossible to me. I’m just recently into my 20s and dating is nonexistent for the most part, in my opinion. I’m truthly a picky person but realize I need to be more realistic when it comes to what I’m looking for and I have been.

    I want a guy who’s:
    active/likes working out
    genuninely nice
    Non smoker
    No drug use

    That doesn’t seem like much to ask.

    Look wise:
    cute(who wouldnt want someone they’re attracted to, I don’t expect them to look like a model by any means)
    takes good care of himself
    5’7″ or taller but thats not a big deal if shorter
    Nice smile
    Race wise I could care less cause I get judged by race all the time and I hate it.

    If I like you as person then I like you, period end of story.

    I’m not the hottest guy in the world, I’m cute and I’m ok with that. I’m only 5’8″ so a little on the shorter side and I’m ok with that too, but most guys don’t want to date rather in there 20s or early 30s. I honestly don’t think i’m being super selective there. I’ve had nice conversation that turn into to so do you want to hook up very quickly. Guys just aren’t interested in dating unless it means hooking up. So dating isn’t just hard because some guy are superlective and want you to look like a model but because in all honesty most just want sex and aren’t really interested in a relationship, and it’s super hard to find the ones that even want that slighty

  30. Hunter0500

    I “date” several buds, guys I’ve gotten to know over the years. From the start … before we jumped on the workbench … we talked about what we wanted. All of us wanted guys we could get to know well, hang out with, shoot the breeze with, talk about work and family with and, yes, have great sex with. In talking with new guys, it’s a matter of weeding out those that don’t fit the bill. You can tell if you take the time to chat for a good amount of time (could be days, could be weeks) who wants a once and done hookup or who’s got a lanudry list of superficial likes/dislikes and who is quality. The mistake many guys make is jumping on guys who look or sound hot without getting to know them. Quickly they find out Mr. Oh So Hot. just wanted a hookup* or was a jerk. And then they whine “there’s just no good men”. It’s a matter of being an smart shopper instead of an impulse buyer.

    *Don’t get me wrong. Hookups are fine as long as we’re both on that page.

  31. Larry

    There are some really good comments on here, the cons. We do need to raise the bar and not be so complacent on hook-ups-based solely on the flesh, it’s just old when you’re mature-minded. Find some content of character.

  32. vafratboy

    My bf and I have very little in common. Sometimes opposites attract. I don’t wouldn’t want to date a carbon copy of myself. I want someone who will expand my horizons and me his. As for a lasting relationship we’re approaching 14 years…

  33. TrizzyTroy

    As a dude that prefers ltr to hit n runs. I hafta say knowing what u want when u make the 1st encounter helps a great deal n knowing n accepting the out come of that encounter. Fellas quit trying to turn a hoe into a husband n quit trying to have a husband when u know you’re a hoe!!! And if a ltr relationship is what u want then play your part, quit posting dick n ass pix talking abt you want sum1 to get to know you, HAAHA!! Hold yourself to a higher standard b4 u require or request shit from any1 else. Learn to get along with sum1 vertically B4 u get horizontal. B happy within yaself n accept that solo n happy beats attached n miserable any day. Trust me each 1 of my exes wanted to b in my life because they wanted 2b a part of the happiness I already had. 2 of the 3 of have passed but Im sure had cancer not taken my last we’d b on our 7th year. Look at yaself b4 u look at sum1. Else. Don’t be a dime looking for dollar!!

  34. dave

    I agree with one of the comments that dating is an art. I would add that you have to know when to close the deal so to speak or you risk falling into a frustrating “friend zone”. Dating really is about learning about the person and going beyond looks and first impression.

  35. Nunya

    I recently left a relationship of 7 years and now I believe that that I may never trust another man again. He changed. He turned violent when he was so gentle when I met him. Before this person were cheaters and liars. It doesn’t seem worth it to even consider a relationship with a man any more. I might as well pull out of the gay community and become a hermit. Looking for the occasional tryst is also a vain task.

  36. Danny

    Dating? What’s that? All I find are guys that say they want to “date” but their definition always just means FB or FWB, not real courtship or the chance at a relationship/marriage.

  37. Adam

    It’s due to the fact that most Gay Men.. Men, in general, are slaves to their dicks. Everyone knows Gay Men don’t date, they only hookup.

  38. Jay

    I’m actually finding a lot of guys who do want relationships lately. I wonder if it has something to do with our growing equality. Regardless, the whole “gay guys only hook up” whining has simply never been true. And anytime I hear someone say that, they generally are just some bitter queen that got dumped somewhere along the way. We tend to have open relationships more that our straight friends, but we still have relationships. Most of you really just need to chill out a bit and you’ll do a lot better finding one, at least based on the comments here.

    That said, I find the growing number of guys only going after wedding rings to be pretty frustrating. But only for me personally. I love being single and vastly prefer the “dating means fwb at most” lie that so many are lamenting. Indeed, I find I get more stigma from the gay community than anyone else about this choice – “but you can’t possibly be happy if you’re alone!!” scream the terminally codependent. It’s just weird, really.

  39. Michael

    Hey guys, never put off dating because sometimes it does work. Here is my story and sorry if it a little long (but it’s worth it). Trust me.

    About 27 years ago, my friend Jon called and asked if I wanted to go out for a beer. I said okay. A friend of his, Dave, stopped by our booth with a friend to say hi. His name is Scott. I could not believe my eyes!!! The best looking guy I had ever seen in my life. But, I was just a young pup of 23 then (ha-ha). I said to myself that he was way out of my league. How many people reading this can remember everyone you’ve said hi to and simply shake hands? I few weeks later, I had forgotten all about Scott. I started dating Doug/boyfriend/whatever for about 2 months when he decided to break up with me. All I knew was he started dating a guy named Scott, and there was just one that I knew of at the bars, but it wasn’t him. Doug’s best friend Russell called me one day to ask if I wanted to go to the beach, with him “and Scott”. At first I thought no, but quickly changed my mind because I needed to know who Doug left me for. To my surprise, it was him, my dream-guy. The most beautiful guy in the world, I mean model/cover boy cute! We went back to Russell’s house for a BBQ and drank some beers. Not wanting to drive, Russell put Scott and I in the guest room together. Anybody think that would be just a little awkward? I was in bed with Doug’s new boyfriend. We played around and I fell asleep during sex. That is the only that has happened. I’ve never told that part to anyone before. Now the world knows. Scott thought it was his fault, that he wasn’t good enough. “I said NO WAY! Ever since the first time I saw you, I knew that you were the one I wanted. I just thought that I would never have a chance with you!” We celebrated our 26th anniversary on June 24th.

    Everybody will be looking at appearance first. After all, getting to know them could change everything. I have known unattractive people who turn out to be the cutest because of what they have inside (no, not in their pants). Their personality. Sometimes the cutest can be ugly because they are ass-holes.

    The moral to my story is; When you are single, go get your X’s boyfriend 🙂

  40. Adam

    It’s not a lie. Dating is rare in the culture of Gay men. Most Gay men are only interested in being friends with benefits. It’s a sad truth that people can try to sugar coat but it is what it is. Why do you think there’s so many lonely and old gay men around? It’s due to their prosmiscuous nature when they were young and being slaves to their dicks. What’s even sadder is the fact that most of them are still stuck in that mindset and won’t even try to date or acknowledge one, another. Instead, they go hit on some late teen or young adult, offering ‘genero$ity’ for ‘friendship’. Sounds familiar? Some individuals who commented on here made themselves prime examples of what I’ve just stated.

    Some men can lie and say they’re not interested in sex. Those are most likely the same ones who says they don’t masturbate, as well.

  41. John...


    “Dating is great but can be hard given certain circumstances. I am HIV pos and honestly I think that has made dating a bit more difficult. Reason being telling someone about your life not a problem goals no big deal but how do you break the ice when you have to tell someone your status. We have a lot of individuals who can be a bit ignorant meaning uneducated when it comes to that aspect of life. I’m undetectable which is a great thing knowing we have come this far in medical science.”

    Call them ignorant or uneducated, but people are naturally going to learn how to avoid something dangerous before they get around to learning how to live with it safely and who can blame them.

    Big problem is: There is plenty of advise and information for the HIV+, but very little for the HIV- who might want to be with someone who is HIV+. What is out there is very contradictory to say the least and a lot of it not true at all.

    Luckily I have a couple HIV+ guys I date, who honestly do not try to minimalize their HIV status even though they too are “undetectable” according to their doctors. They tell me that “undetectable” is good news for their health, but it does not mean cured or that they can’t still spread the HIV virus. They also tell me that the same exact precautions need to be taken with any HIV+ person, “undetectable” or not.

    I sure hope that someone finally gets around to providing HIV- people with more reliable and sound information. Until then HIV+ people are going to have to accept the ignorant or uneducated aspects of attempting to date HIV- guys.

  42. Wayne

    Good luck finding one, I know I never find what I want so I’m giving up. Super hard to find a soft, smooth feminine person whose a bottom nonsmoker, nondrinker. I like to ride bicycles and have started back in the gym after knee replacement. Intellect is number one… no hairy men. I guess I’ll move to another planet…lol

  43. Jay

    So old men who grew up in an age where they couldn’t be out, couldn’t find husbands, etc are old and single because they were too slutty? I think my bitter old queen theory was just soundly proven. Wow. Thanks Adam and his latent homophobia! (Ps, all men think with our dicks, not just gay ones. Less self-loathing will also help you find someone.)

  44. John...

    @ Adam and the rest who blame others for them not being able to find dates etc. Perhaps it’s just you and your own arrested development attitude that keeps you from finding someone.

    Even many of those who have given up and sworn off a serious relationship sometimes discover Mr. Right when they least expect it. It’s looking for and pushing for a relationship rather than just letting one happen naturally that is the biggest problem so many gays have and why so many of those kind of relationships fail. Those relationships aren’t based on love, but instead just good looking codependency.

    Love happens to people, not people to love. Just because you want it doesn’t mean you are entitled to it.

  45. outDated

    John…, I love you, let’s skip the dating and jump in the hay — right now!

    A long time ago, someone told me that if I was bored, it was because I was boring. I took that to heart and haven’t been bored since. If you want to date, then just fucking do it. Everyone keeps saying that gays don’t even know what dating is, but then leave off the important part: what dating IS! It’s like these stupid profiles that are just a rant instead of a description. Why would I contact a ranter? So what is dating? It means that YOU GO ON DATES, duh!!! So what’s a date? Spending time together. It’s not a fucking marriage interview, it’s seeing a concert, taking a boat out on the lake, checking out the bulls at the fair, whatever. It can be shopping if that’s your thing. Just doing any old activity and seeing if you like one another. It’s about FRIENDSHIP, y’all. And maybe it ends in the sack. Maybe not. But hopefully you both had a fun time.

    I think you might be boring people, and sorry but that would indeed make dating difficult.

    One last thing: I date, I do not “hook up”. I have fun with the guys I take out. But if I sense I’m being measured, weighed, and judged (is this guy marriage material? for example) I interpret that as being needy and creepy, and I don’t ask for a second date.

  46. Bryce

    @ john and sometimes people are so blinded by their own hypocracy that they don’t realize that their philosophical bullshit is just that and no one feels entitled to love but maybe you led the guy on by making him guess what u meant instead of being straight up with him

  47. Bryce

    and john, it may even be possible that he felt you were trying to measure, weighe, and judge him and interpreted that as you being interested in him in a way u had not intended… thats why open communication between “friends” is important… truthfully u sound like a dick to the guy ur talking about & probably wouldda called him a fag like some homophobe huh?

  48. John...

    @ Bryce

    That could all be true on another planet, but in gay life on this planet it seems as if most gay guys tend to desperately make all kinds of imaginary assumptions about things they want really bad and it’s THEY who are most often leading themselves on and blaming someone else when their assumptions don’t work out in their favor.

    Because of dumping the blame on others and not considering that it’s their own fault they never learn from their mistakes and this is why so many gay men keep repeating these dramas over and over.

    Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. – Albert Einstein

    It’s not just a saying.

  49. dominique

    This is a very intense subject.
    I’ve never dated another man before until now, at 29 going on 30, I came out a bit late in life, mainly was ashamed, for being different, an athlete and joining the army.
    I’ve noticed in the “gay community” many guys don’t want a relationship, just a good time, NSA, etc. I’d love to get to know someone who share similar interests as me, not just a “hookup”. But to work towards something meaningful.
    “Ms Right” didnt work for me. I have to stay true and honest with myself and continue searching for my “MR Right” Albuquerque.

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