Speak Out : Is it Harder To Find Love After 40?


I have friends of all ages. Some in their early 20s, some in their late 50s,  for me age doesn’t matter, as long as I get along with you. My ex BF was 51 when we split and I was 28…

Recently I was having a conversation with some of my friends in their 40s and 50s and they told me that they were having a hard time finding love at their age. Some reasons they gave me were that many older guys are in a relation already, people judge them by their age, younger guys don’t like older ones etc…

I want to hear you on that. Are you a middle aged man and having a hard time finding love? Why?


There are 168 comments

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  1. Brian

    I am 32, I always said in the gay world it is hard to find a mater after 30… I can only imagine after 40…. After 3 years of an on and off again thing with the love of my life, we finally got engaged… Things were different for me, I had quit my very good job (great benefits and excellent pay), I was having trouble finding a new job and it created a strain in the relationship. I felt worthless. He seemed unhappy and I left. I can definitely see the difference between dating when I was 25 and now at 32, it is hard… I can only imagine at 40 and above. I have always dated guys older than myself, at one point I dated a 61 year old that was awesome. So, you guys who are 40 and over there are still us younger guys out there who like you!!! 🙂 Brian

  2. G90814

    Yes… unless you look like the guy in that picture! Even then, I wonder ‘whats wrong with that guy’ when I see a very handsome guy who’s single and wondering why.

    I’m a nice looking, a bit overweight, 50 y/o guy, and I’ve been basically single for the past 20 years. I’m OK with it, but wouldn’t mind having someone around. I think I’d be a great partner for someone, but no one has fit the bill for a long time.

    I don’t have too much trouble finding guys for sex, but it seems many are just looking for that ‘older guy’ for fun, but nothing serious.

  3. Ken Masse

    I just turned 59 and like others in my age group do have hard time finding love/romance. I don’t want a twink who thinks I’m daddy material, I believe 1 should be equal. Some friends are desperate to find a partner as not to grow old alone. My day of finding love/romance is over, so now I just look for hookups or sex parties. I am fighting Asbestos Cancer I got while in the Navy.

  4. tony

    I think this depends on a lot of things most importantly being appearance and hygiene.

    If you’ve sat in a bar eating pizza for the last 20 years shaking dice and doing shots you might be a little rough looking and that’s sudden death in the gay community.

    Confidence is the second big factor, if you are not comfortable in your own skin you can’t look good.

    Third is social networking, it unfortunately allows people to observe what you do and how you do it, so being a dedicated cocksucker at 3am tends to get around.

    Guys in their 40’s are in either chicken hawk mode or white house picket fence mode or panic mode. I think it’s a crap shoot after considering all of the above, but which odds would you rather have?

  5. JM

    I personally think that it’s more about whom they approach. There are a lot of guys out there who are younger (i.e. me at 29) that are attracted to older guys as well. I guess it comes down to is if they have an age cap on how old they want their partner to be. I don’t mind dating someone who is around 10 years older than me. I know everyone needs love and it isn’t easy to find. We just need to be patient enough, but never stop looking 🙂 Funny enough, I am having a hard time finding a guy myself. LOL!

  6. Ben

    Yes, it is harder finding love after 40, and it’s not because of other guys. It’s because of us! Passing 40, we’re “love weary” and more suspicious than when younger and we no longer take things at face value. Maybe we’d like to find love, but we’ve reached the age where we’ve been around the block mentally and emotionally more, not just physically, so our own sense of emotions and ability to feel that kind of emotional passion is somewhat diminished. That’s just a fact of maturity. It’s not to say we can’t find love, but it takes longer and may not be as strong as feelings from our youth. That’s not bad thing either.

  7. scott

    I am a newly single 41 year old. Recently saw the end of a fifteen year relationship. I haven’t been single since I was last in my twenties. I agree, that men over forty seem to be viewed as over the hill. Speaking as one of the “ancient ones”, I think I am in my prime. The fact that I have a career, a house, and a car…..should be a plus…lol

  8. kirt28202

    You got it right. Men 40 and over only want those young boys and the young boys don’t want the daddies. It’s a losing battle. I am a middle aged man that takes very good care of myself and prefer a man closer to my own age. Seems those like myself are looking for attention from a younger man in order to restore their youthful ego.

  9. Enzo AKA SoCalTuffGuy

    I don’t think it’s any harder to find love after 40, but here’s the thing: It is so easy in your 20’s and 30’s to think that you should be in a relationship with someone simply because you love them, and then we hit 40 (I’m 46) and look back, realizing we never really should have dated many of the people we had fallen in love with and that we simply settled on dating people who made us feel good.

    I suspect we gain a better understanding and appreciation of LOVE as we get older/wiser. We also come to understand that love is easy, but that loving someone does not necessarily mean you should date them. A relationship needs to be based on mutual trust, respect and true compatibility to be successful.

    I can’t tell you how many times I ask a friend why the hell they are in their current relationship and they respond with “I love them.” Young guys look baffled when I respond “so what? love is easy. you love your dog more than your boyfriend – should you date him? I love my ex-husband: should we get back together?” (of course not)

    Anyone who’s ever read some of my erotic stories on here knows that I can fall in love in the middle of a hook-up, so I am certainly not jadded, but rather than fooling myself into thinking “love is the answer” I just enjoy the emotion and roll with it.

    Enzo AKA SoCalTuffGuy

  10. Slihureno

    I am in my early 20s- and have dated couple guys in their 40sand I think I would agree with Tony, it really depends. I have seen guys that in their 40s that looks much younger and have that healthy body to match, but also someone who looks old, and a body that you can tell he hasn’t been taking care of it and just an old attitude….so yea, in that case,then you will have hard time…

  11. dennis

    you ‘young’ guys who think
    men are on A4A looking
    for ‘LOVE’ are a joke.
    I’m over 60 and have more
    fun now than ever.
    so if you think that what you call an old guy
    is wanting you for love,
    time to grow up.
    most guys my
    age have been there done that,
    and just want you to spread your cheeks
    take the cock and shut-up

  12. bedlampgh

    Im an attractive decently fit 41yo gay male who has been single since i was 29. Ive had a hard time in my 30’s finding anyone who wants more than dick and a good time. Ive dated from ages 18-60 and its always the same story. Good enough to ride but never good enough for something real. Now om in my 40’s and its gotten more difficult than ever. Guys my age seem to have given up on love guys older than me are either pervs with no social skills ( start conversations with i want to suck your cock ) and the younger men just want to use me for a quick thing and then vanish like ghosts. Im not interested in random hook ups but the men in this city have left with just that or random sex at the bath house ( rather drink a pitri dish of sti’s be faster )

  13. John...

    I was in a committed relationship for just over 30 years and and one for 10 years before that. I’m not sure I want to be in another one. I prefer to just be really good friends with guys and share a sexual experience whenever we want to.

    My problem is I’m 58 and for some reason a lot of guys I meet and become friends with, my own age and a lot younger end up wanting to fall in love and have a long term relationship with me. I don’t enjoy hurting their feelings when I have to remind them I’m not interested in that, but I don’t know any other way to deal with it. Some do remain good friends and others just get really nasty about it.

    Maybe it’s because even though they already know my feelings up front they see it as some kind of challenge, like they think they are the special one who is going to be able to change my mind??? I don’t really know.

    I can’t say I will never want that kind of relationship again, just that I don’t miss it and I’m not interested right now, maybe never.

  14. coloradostud4u

    hell yes the age is the # 1 factor in the this issue,,,,i,m 49 and sex life went down hill after i turned 40,,,i been around a lot of gay guys,,bisexual guys if your not under 40,,gorgeous,,hotter then a mother fuck,,porn star,,6pk 8pk,,mussels to die for,,8,9,10 in cocks,,bubble butts forget it you have no fucking chance with a hook up or meeting a guy to date,,,or if there high,drunk then you might have a chance at 49,50,what ever age it maybe,,cause then they don,t give a shit then all there looking for is to bust a nut cause there horny,,,i have a very good friend and he,s going through it now,,,me i don,t care if the guy is 18-100 or cute or ugly hairy or smooth or built now if you come back saying your 280 290 lbs or over well sorry to say your chance with me are very slim

  15. Rick

    I am approaching that 50 year mark and it has been hard finding someone for the last 5 years. A lot of it has to do with my hiv status (ask me in a message and i will tell). I am not the daddy type nor do i date anyone younger than 30.
    The age is only a number but the maturity has to be there as well. You can be any age but maturity. I keep kidding myself and telling myself my husband will come along someday. I think there is still hope for yet.

  16. Paul Barnhart

    I am a guy in my 50s it’s very hard to find love ,i find lot of guys have hang ups if your older they see a number and not the person .I see the person and if you click then what is the problem ?

  17. Drew

    I’m not sure if I’d say it’s hard to find love over 40, but the older I get I find it extremely hard to settle. There’s a lot of bullsh*t out there, and as I age, I’m just glad I see it coming now.

  18. Rudolfo

    I have two personal reasons to share… One: I do think our gay world has become very shallow. If you do not look a certain way, ( tall, young, great physique, and hung like a horse), you’re not looked at as boyfriend material. At 48 years old, I’ve been single for almost 10 years. I do enjoy my life quite a bit, but I do miss the togetherness a relationship can offer. I have found that it is more difficult meeting men when it comes to dating, (even for a one night stand, for that matter). Physicality has become the priority. I was a professional dancer for over 20 years. Back then, I had no problem meeting men, but it seemed most guys wanted to fulfill a fantasy of sleeping with a dancer than to create a relationship. Injury caused me to leave that profession. Dancing had kept me in great shape. Now… I’m not in horrible shape, just not what I use to be. After countless attempts with no success, I decided to create my 2nd reason…

    As I’ve gotten older, my wants and needs change. Being single for such a long time has allowed me to create “The Boyfriend Within.” I learned this by reading the book “The Boyfriend Within” by Brad Gooch. By doing so, this allowed me to set my ways accordingly. I took care of myself as how I would have liked a relationship to do. Learned to love and make love to myself, no low self esteem here. Yet when it came to meeting men I became inflexible to change, to allow them in. However, one thing I do know, I know there is someone out there for me. The dating pool may not be a large as it use to be, but, if I don’t dive in, I won’t know just how deep the pool will be. The longer I stay out of the pool, the more difficult it is to dive in. The way I see it, swimming through rejection is better than taking home drama.

  19. Lloyd

    I turned 60 and it is nearly impossible. The young guys who might be interested generally have a boatload of issues and the older guys generally have let themselves go to hell. I just started putting my age at 90, so people will at least look at my pictures and see if they like them.

  20. soft & fluffy (sort of)

    Are ‘love’ and ‘action’ synonymous here ?

    Never was lucky in either all of my life . Maybe it’s because I’m a very shy home boy , but I’ll tell you what , on a4a if you’re over 40 and don’t have pics you’re fucked.

    The irony of the situation is that there seems to be many younger guys who don’t mind , and even like , an older guy . You know ,the whole stability , level mindedness thing. They just have problems coming out an admitting it though .

    And Ken , I wish you well in your battle with methoselioma . (Hope I got that right)

  21. Chris

    I know this may sound superficial, but yes the guys looks in the gay world makes a huge difference. For example, why did they pic a guy who looks like the one on the cover for this story? Because he looks amazing. He is actually my IDEAL boyfriend.

  22. Doug

    I m 64 yrs old,very few guys want anyone that old,and I have Ed,so I have to be a bottom,some guys want to suck me off,that doesn’t happen often.

  23. Matt

    A very good friend of mine is in his early 50s and says that finding a partner is virtually impossible. He’s attractive, sane, has great self-confidence, and a good career. In short he’s a catch.

    Let’s face it, though. If we can get past the heteronormative image being put forth by the LGBT community that gay people are “just like” straight people except that they are gay, we can get to the reality of how gay men are.

    We tend to “hyperfixate” on shallow parameters of the ideal man. A little overweight? Unworthy of sex! No six-pack abs? Unworthy of sex! Small penis (anything under 8 is small apparently)? Unworthy of sex! Over 40? Unworthy of sex!

    Believe it or not, there are many men past 40 that are NOT in the chicken hawk mode, the white house picket fence mode, or the panic mode, BUT that is the stereotype that gay men assign to ALL men over 40.

    When I first started having sex with men when I was a teenager, most of it was with men two or more times my age and while for some I was a tasty morsel of boichicken, what I learned immediately is that men past 40 know a lot about how to have sex.

    I also know from research out there that longevity in a gay relationship is highest when the partners are intergenerational and lowest when of similar age. People may have opposing “opinions” about that, but I’ll stick with research.

  24. god of chaos seth

    Finding love at any age is hard. The way I see it, theres a few reasons why its hard to find live.
    1. Get rid of that list of requirements that you want the “perfect” man to meet. If he’s perfect, your’ll love him and all his flaws. No man will ever meet everything on your list.
    2. Know the difference between what you want and what you need. They are never the same and what you want is not always what you need.
    3. Don’t date out of your league.. Basically if you 50 and trying to date someone who is half your age, it will most likely not happen. Yes i know sime youngs like the so call “daddy” type, but lets be realstic, those who like the daddy type are far and few in between.
    4. Act your age.. There should be no reason why you sleeping with some stuffed toy, if you older than 6 yrs old.
    5. Open relationships NEVER work out. Open relationships is just another way of saying you’re a cheater and can’t committ to one guy.
    6. Lastly, put some effort into knowing the guy and the relationship. Your man shouldn’t tell you everything about him. Example, my man knows my “spot” & knows how i like that spot to be tease. Not once did i tell him where it is, he figured it out himself. I did the same.
    Oh and one more thing, stop with these labels, pics from 5 yrs ago and when you was 50 lbs lighter. Basically be honest from the get go..

  25. vampirelycan

    I agree with you god of chaos seth, but i would also add 2 things.
    1. Leave the drama for your acting coach or your shrink.
    2. Also no one likes to date a man who does drugs (that includes poppers). If you guys only know how nasty your skin smells from doing weed and poppers. Oh! Getting drunk aka can’t handle your alcohol is not cute.

  26. Tim

    Gave up on finding love long ago.My exs all cheated on me and one cheated with my best friend.My issues are that all guys want to do is fuck and won,t meet unless they can fuck the first meeting.I have to get to know someone first before I will get into fucking and then not until at least four hook ups.I worked in health care and know that too much fucking will damage the guy on the bottom.All the guys my age won,t even give me a look,all they want is someone way younger and the only guys I hear from are under 25 years and at 61 that’s just too young for me.Also yes men are letting their selves go to pot.A little extra weight is cool but being way over weight does not work for me.I,m not in the best shape but I do work out each day.I would be happy to find a friend with benefits for right now but after 9 months of looking I,m about ready to call it quits

  27. Mark

    Imagine being over 40 and deaf!

    To this day–I still haven’t had a serious relationship. The unfortunate thing is that the gay culture emphasizes on age, beauty, blah, blah, blah.

    I go to the gym, have clean hygiene, and financially secure. My home is paid off, what more could a guy want? Right?

    Oh yeah—I just can’t hear. That seems to be the downfall.

    Oh well. I know my guy is out there–somewhere.

  28. Tom

    After my last boyfriend decided to disappear on me because he thought of me as a sugar daddy and I had lost my job and place to live, it has been 5 years trying to find someone, anyone who wants me for me, and not the fact that I have a bank account, regardless of the amount.

    I’ve had a lot of inquiries, but when they find out that I’m not a sugar daddy, they decide that I’m not for me.

    As for men my age, I’ve tried, and have had very little interest as well.

    If you’re over 50, unless your body is perfect, you might as well be dead. Considering that my circle of friends is pretty much gone due to HIV/AIDS way back when, it’s kinda lonely as well.

  29. Paul

    It’s really hard to find quality or quantity after 40. I’m 64 and most younger guys that say they like older men like them for one reason. What’s in it for them. They either want money, gifts or whatever. I may be older but I’m not dead….yet! Everything still works and sometimes more than once. It may take a little longer but think of it as extended foreplay!

  30. jose

    I believe men as they mature get set in there ways, and we get settled with who we are, so change is hard to do, no matter how hot or sexy the guy might be. And, let’s be honest, most of get jaded with lifes dissappointments along the way and it makes it hard to let a possible new someone in our lives. For good or bad, alot of older men are set in our ways and we must like it, otherwise we’d try and be more open minded when meeting a nice guy. But, it does take 2, and finding that guy who is open to a relationship isn’t easy to find neither, especially when easy sex is so easy to find for a moment of pleasure.

  31. Erew

    It is quite clear that the man pool is very shallow.

    The ageist, older men that wont date over 35 (look at the a4a profiles they’re everywhere) because they believe that is the cut off age for their mentality and the children who ignore them…

  32. trey denton

    This is a good topic..Im 50,and believe me,its been extremely hard to find love or even a date..When you get this age they see you only as a financial source.Ive been single now for 8yrs.And some guys wont even talk to me any more when they find out my age.They don’t mind sex,but dating or even relationship is out the question..I don’t even look 50,i can pass for 35 any day.Age has differently become a factor in this lifestyle.Its very sad that age is holding a person back from being happy.

  33. Mitch

    I think has to do with the way you are raised. I was brought up in strict conservative home. I was required to refer to my elders as Mr. Mrs. or Miss. (Insert last name). When I hit 20 I had hard time breaking that habit and here at 32 I still do it with my parents friends. I think it is just an up bringing. Giving more respect and being submissive to older makes it hard to have an equal relationship when there is a huge age gap. For me 10years older then me is the limit much older and I can’t bridge the gap.

  34. Dave

    I’m 56 and have been single over 4 years .Its really hard to get friends or bf at my age I don’t want a young guy but I don’t want someone over 60 either.True it’s easy in your younger days but I’m setteled dependable honest guy but no one as of yet

  35. Yovan

    Ill be fortunate to find love in any age,but as for now I have been single for a while!! For some reason I haven’t found the special one in my life!!! But ill be patient , so an older man who wants to settle down it would be ideal for me!!! Any volunteers??? ❤

  36. Glenn

    50 was NOT fatal nor was 60 for that matter. Was happily partnered for 20+ years and when he passed away thought that portion of my life died as well…….surprise; while there was an ending there was as well a new beginning 4 years later. Life is what WE make it and age is just a number. People are a lot more than a “birth-date”.

  37. happyramy

    I personally love older men and maybe its because they are looking for something that is not their, this perfect person. There are a lot of younger guys like myself out there that prefer older men because of their hotness and maturity. They just need to look the right way and look a little deeper

  38. Jon

    It’s no fun being single and 45. The guys in my area who are my age only want the youngins and the youngins only want Mr. Perfect. most guys around here don’t even know the meaning of the word date much less relationship or friendship.

  39. Jaes

    It’s hard to find love. PERIOD! No matter what age your at or what city your in. It’s very difficult to find love. Well, it’s hard to find the one guy that will accept you for who you are, what you do, and so on. A lot if us has established this TYPE on a guy we would like to date and we stick to it but we never really gave ourself a chance to see pass through it. And there are some guys out there that will do anything, make you fall in love with him and all, but all his agenda is just to get in your ass. And after he gets what he wants, he’ll be gone faster than when he came into your life.

  40. Jay

    The funny thing about this discussion is that guys in their 40s typically have trouble finding mates BECAUSE they want younger guys! How many of you have seen the ads where a gent in his 40s is looking for 18-30?? Sorry gents…18-30 guys typically aren’t interested in you unless trying to fulfill a short-term “daddy” sex scenario. And those are very rare.

  41. nickleel

    I am considerably past 40 (I am 65), and I live in a foreign country where we gringos are somewhat still considered desirable. For that reason, sex is very easy to find here. But love ? Definitely, love ( the real, true kind) is difficult to find now, but if I can correctly remember that far back, it was also difficult to find when I was young !

  42. todd

    Doesn’t seem to be a problem for my soon to be 59 year old ex who’s a drug addict. He and his 39 year old tweaked out dealer will tell u they are happy as hell. Both HIV pos, both in and out of doctors visits, both who shoot, meth, heroin, cocaine, live off the others social security disabiliy check, and the younger has to be on some kind of drug just to ” be happy.” In short, it happens! Lmfao

  43. ken

    I am 58. I haven taken care of myself all my life. I have no problem finding dating partners. I have dated from 18 to 47. I don’t act or think like my age group. I have not found anyone in my age group to date. They either look like and act like a grandpaw or just pervs. I have been in a relationship with a young man of 28 for over a year. He likes older I like younger. The gay community is our harshest critics. I sayings get over it so what there is thirty years age differenc it works. One additional point he is gorgeous and could have who he wants. He wants me. Smiling every day.

  44. Jim

    Im way over 50 and do have some younger guys that like my age, and are good,,, but the most wont even talk to you if they find out your age. The younger ones, want preppys to play with with 6 packs, and huge cocks… and try to tell everyone they are tops,,, til they get in the bed and up goes the legs wanting fucked…. All I want is guys that like to be sucked, and not interested in a total relationship, to play with. I am still very passionate, loving, and love a mans body next to me to play with in whatever way he wants me to, but dont tell me your a top when you want your ass filled as soon as you hit the bed. I have been really talked to abusively by younger guys when they find out my age. Or they block you from here. Most times just a good conversation is all thats necessary to make my day..I do agree that most older men, act and look like older men, and even have an odor like older men do sometimes, thats why I like the younger ones… So you young studs,,, see what you might be missing, and at least talk.

  45. Bob M

    It may be because at a more mature age one has already been a couple of times around the track and have a clearer understanding of the responsibilities of starting and maintaining a relationship. If one can do an honest inventory of what one brings to all of their relationships, and from that determine what they would like to discover in a relationship the rest becomes easy. There are no limitations except the baggage we bring with us. If we are unable to accept, respect, and value ourselves, it will be impossible to find someone who is intended to “complete you”
    Also a relationship is best taken on soberly, and with full respect for the parties involved. The form and the illusion of being “in love” may be great, but is the package of each others expectations attainable or not, and here is where we start to mess it all up by trying to wing it.
    We ARE related the point of the angle is to be able to honestly answer just how much to we really want to be related-relating to the other person.

  46. John...

    These kind of blogs tend to confuse me sometimes.

    Here most of you are discussing and complaining about how hard it is to find someone to love after the age of 40 or whatever age makes you feel old.

    Many of you say that looks etc., do not matter much, you just want someone to love and share your life with and everyone else who doesn’t want you is just superficial in one way or another.

    Well here a bunch of you are, in a group making many of the same claims. Seems you all have a lot in common so why not get to knowing each other, pair up and quit complaining.

    Or are you not really being completely truthful in your posts here, but instead are just as superficial in your own way as those you accuse of that?

    Many of you sound great catches on the surface to me, but it’s pretty obvious that there is something else about you that’s not typed here on this page.

  47. jace

    hum these days its really hard to find a lover no mater what your age is to honest most gay reufes to grow up want want settle dowm andhave serious relationship im 35 that I have single now or about 12 years and stuff that im still looking

  48. Jin

    OMG I can’t believe how sad, pathetic and lonely this life is by reading your stories.
    I am 26 years old, moved from France to USA 5 years ago, It’s amazing how this young guys treat the older guys. Amazing because, it’s so sad that it is almost inhuman. I am not attracted to younger for a billion of reasons, but the thing is every time I approach an older guy they think i am after their money, which is understandable because young guys do that quite often.
    the grace, beauty, sometime wisdom, and elegance that come with age is incomparable, for me men are like wine, the older they get the better they become.
    anywayz i wish all of you luck and don’t give up, they are young guys out there who love older men, not for their money or assets but for their hearts, love, and company. XOXOXO

  49. DM

    It is possible to find love over 40 if you don’t have or follow the list of perfection. It simply doesn’t exist. I met a guy online 4 years ago and thought I was in love with him. He told me many times he loved me during our 9 month relationship. Come to find out he was just lying and I was his on call sex toy. Being humiliated, I put off looking for love for a while. Then 2 years ago I decided to put myself back out there. I had turned 40 the previous November and thought I will never find someone but gave it a go anyway. Then in April of 2011, I happen to send a guy a message. He told me he usually didn’t respond to guys without pics. Oh well, he chatted with me and we set up a date for the weekend. Tony was not perfect but he was handsome, good job and stable. Plus he was 5 years younger than I was. We have been dating ever since. It turned out that he is truly my soul mate and I just had to wait to find him. I can’t ever see myself with out him. So there is love over 40, you just have to be patient and leave the perfection list at home.

  50. craig

    Well my age is 57. I have lifted weights for 27 years. Now, I am beginning to really age, but even so the damage is minor if you like studly older men.

    I have been single for about 9 months. I had a series of bfs – 2 years with a 36 year old, two years with a 28 year old, 2 years with a 20 year old 3 1/2 years with a 40 year old, and so on. I have always had younger (5 years minimum) although i have never been opposed to dating guys my age or older.

    This was in NYC or in India; neither middle America at all. Different cultures look on older people differently; NYC has so many of every type of person odds are you can find what you want there.

    I honestly thinnk love is equally hard at any age. When you e young it is hard to find boundaries and deal with your sex driveand that of your partner. When you are older, if you maintain yourself to the best of your ability, and look the best you can, you will have the self assurance to look for love,

    What we look for, however, is different than it was. Companionship is more important, friendship is important.Un fortunately for tem, many men in middle age are still obsessed with sexual conquest. sites like this one with all the porn and the dicpics, do not help.

  51. Michael

    Just turned 59 and yes it is hard. Then add to it, being a single dad to a young child (we adopted before we split) and your troubles increase. Most guys near my age don’t want a ready-made family and the younger guys (thank God for 20-somethings) think it’s “awesome” – but they are not life-partner material. The novelty grabs their attention (and they seem to like the daddy-daddy they’ve found), but then a cute, younger guy catches their eye and it’s, “see ya’.” Let’s face it, the gay community is geared towards the young. We have a lot of growing up (and old) to do still.

  52. Nate Smith

    Hey I am a 56 yo guy and consider myself pretty solid and level headed but it is virtually impossible to find anyone who is interested and its hell being alone or for me it is I am not perfect by any means so dont know the answer btw thanks for the site atleast it alows meto alk with a few guys

  53. Delovly

    I am 30 but when i was 26 my ex was 46 @ the time and we we’re in sync as I didnt care about the age difference. I believed then and till this day I still believe that it is all about chemistry and the connection with that person is all that matters. He and I didn’t last for other reasons but the age difference wasn’t one of them. I can only speak for myself but men over 40 are sexy and they bring a lot to a relationship besides being quote on quote a “daddy” or “silverfox” When it comes to dating, age doesn’t matter; it’s about quality and chemistry that prevails.

  54. Sing2907

    I am 31 yo and been single for quite a while (about 8 years). I have wide variety of interests in age, race and shape except too out of shape. Asked myself for quite a while if there is something wrong with me (except the fact I’m shy and not into the scene) and there almost nothing wrong. Then I started to look outside, it is most men in my town that is very prejudiced: think my race are always feminine, or always bottom, or always looking for sugar daddies, or dirty, or don’t speak English well, and so on. So now on I focus on making a better life for self and friends and families around me and when the time comes I’ll find him, the right one 🙂

  55. Eddie

    Yes it is harder to find love. I am 43 and as a Bea, your considered past your prime but in my case it’s still going strong. I would love to have an LTR but younger guys would date you but have guys on the side.

  56. JD

    Why do so many men in their 50s and 60s pursue men in their 20s and 30s? Maybe if they would concentrate on men closer to their own age things might be different. Nothing makes me roll my eyes more then reading “older for younger” or cringe more then reading “looking for son” or some such nonsense.

  57. Stillgotahotbody

    Love…..yeah but sex…no, i have a better body now at 43 than I ever had. No 6 pack but flat, well toned and hairy.

  58. Rickio Anderson

    I’ve done my research on this issue. I am a 25 year old HIV Positive Mixed Cuban Black Male. It’s all about market value based with age. During the young years let’s say 18 until 30, those guys are the most desirable, because they are young, naive, attractive, very horny individuals, and usually have the best looking bodies. Also gay porn and other gay media glamorize men at that particular age. So when you have young up and coming gay men in their teens, all they see are these young attractive men so they go towards them. As one age, meaning, becoming older from 30 your market value starts to go down. You become less desirable based on your age. Also during those years the competition is fierce, because now only do you have older men competing for the older men, you also have the younger guys competing for the older men. Of course the other older guys will go towards the young guys because based on porn, that is what they glamorized as being the most attractive. Also, gay men can provide for themselves, so that is why the market value decreases as one age. In the straight community, the man’s value increases as he becomes older, because he’s more financially stable, and that is exactly what young women are looking for. That is why you see these older men with these very attractive young women. In the gay community, an older guy can find a young guy based on his resources, but eventually, the young guy will want to be independent and will leave the older guy to pursue his own opportunities.

  59. Frank

    I am 49 and have been looking to meet someone that I could build a life with for the past 12 years. It is quite simple: I worked too hard for what I have and simply won’t settle. I settled in prior relationships and ended up with heart ache. I have met many guys around my age who don’t work (or have limited means), live at home or with friends, don’t have a car, don’t drive (no job or DUI)…the list goes on and on. I really don’t know where to find decent men who have a good head on their shoulders and want to build a life together. I haven’t found it in the bars, online or at gatherings. Perhaps I am jaded…but finding a guy in his early 20’s to have fun with hasn’t been an issue….and no, I don’t pay for it…lol.

  60. Ben

    I think it’s hard at any age…but the older you get the opportunities become less and less. I’m 39 and notice that most profiles don’t want anyone over 35…including people in their 40’s! I’d prefer someone around my age plus or minus 5 years…at least we’d have more in common, but seems like all those guys are in “open relationships” or looking for younger…very frustrating.

  61. Jeff

    Interesting thoughts and theories…

    But we haven’t heard much from the younger set.

    My own opinion is that each decade has it’s own mindset, and they don’t always cross over into the next decade. Guys in their 20’s are young, inexperienced in life and idealistic. They are looking for the handsome night on a horse 9oe built like one.) Guys in their 30’s are the worst generally speaking when looking at older guys. Perhaps they know their clock is ticking and havn’t completely gotten over looking for the knight. Guys in their 40’s start having a mid life crisis – relax. Guy’s in their 50’s hopefully have their act together but many don’t take as good care of themselves as they should. Guys in their 60’s can have it all, but a retirement is not exciting to a 35 or 40 year old.

    I don’t want to sound like I’m down on people. Men at ANY age can be exciting but al for different reasons. I just think each decade has to be a little more expansive about the others while for heaven’s sake still being “age appropiate” in their behavior.

  62. pOL


  63. Patt

    I am currently 47 years young. You would not think that I am once you get to know me. The boys in there 20’s, guys in there 30’s will hit that forty years mark too.
    I always found men older than me when I was 10-15yrs younger to be more attractive being mature. Now I am that 40+ guy and the young guys find it being I am old. What most people do not know we are living longer lives now. My luck I will live to be 112,wishful thinking right.
    I think the guys that are younger need to give it more thought and not be so shallow of the idea. I am probably more fun and more active than more of there buddies. I have never been in this great of shape when I was in my 20 or 30’s. Just a thought young ones, you can be missing out.
    I am hoping to date men of all ages before I do finally try to settle down once again. PEACE!

  64. latinoguy

    I agree with god of chaos. I’m 47 take care of skin , body, and appearance. Yet it is very hard to date or find love.

  65. John...

    I forgot to mention in my first post that if I ever did decide to want to be in an LTR it would have to be with a guy closer to my age. Most guys I see who are 10 + years older than I tend to look and act a lot like my grandfather, which is a definite turn off for obvious reasons, no offense meant by that fact.

    Younger guys 10 – years younger than me are cool to hang out with and many are very mature in a lot of ways, but they still lack the kind of life experience maturity and compatibility they could only possess by living in the same eras I have. It’s very enjoyable, relative and comfortable to be able to talk about one’s history and truly relate to others who have lived it too.

    Learning that information from books etc., only gives one a very narrow and sometimes distorted view, especially since only the famous stuff is covered in books etc. It can never replace actually being there and living it yourself. So to all you young guys who know you are mature people; this is one of the reasons you might not make a great partner for an older guy.

  66. Tommy

    I was in a relationship for 29 yrs. he passed away 4yrs ago . since then I have found that the gay guys don’t want a relationship they just want a quick lay ; and a big penis,I have had guys to tell me that I’m too old when they are in their middle 30’s They need to stop and realize that one day they will be my age one day if they live long enough and I’m only 59 yrs.old and I can still do what I could when I was in my 20’s . The way I see it is older men know what responsibility is ; just saying ; before you put an older guy down and out to pasture , get to know that person you may be surprized ; So guys know this one day you will see what it like to be old ;

  67. tomzuk

    My expectations are too high. breathing. non smoking. employed. not young enough to be my kid or old enough to be my dad. and local. I don’t think it is any harder to find love over 40 than it is at any age.

  68. Wayne

    You guys think it’s hard? Try my life out, I’m a masculine guy whose only into fems, transgenders and transsexuals who are passable… try this on for size when you worry about dating.

  69. David in Chicago

    Yes, I agree it is hard to find quality guy to date who are even remotely near my age of 52. I am certainly open to guy younger as long as they can keep up with my active lifestyle.
    My of the younger generation are simply looking for a quick time in the sack so they are not geared to think beyond that couple of hours! if they were awake and paying attention they might realize the quality that exist with older guys and very nice quality lifestyle that older men can provide to them with travel etc.

  70. David

    Genuine love, at any age, is difficult to find. Getting older doesn’t help anyone. Add being gay, and the situation just gets exponentially more difficult. There are a number of factors for men over 40 that are not just cosmetic, or emotional. Men’s health also changes, and gay male culture really doesn’t have a constructive, or inclusive place for men in the 35+ range.

    If AIDS had not decimated the previous generation (I’m currently 40) then we might all have a much better idea of what over 40 means, as well as a roadmap and model. But it didn’t, and those currently in the range are having to invent everything from scratch, and from a uniquely disadvantaged position where negative associations, and insecurities limit the ability of men 40+ to have a positive place in gay society –let alone find romantic love. Had gay Boomers lived, the situation would be very different now. By sheer weight of their numbers, and cultural significance there would be an alternate reality that just doesn’t currently exist. I believe gay Boomers would have redefined what being older is in a much better way than we do now, the same way straight Boomers have made-over their world.

    Ironically, because the remarkable times we live in present astoundingly different opportunities, and realities to each successive gay generation, there is less to bind us all together. Couple that with the negative associations gay culture has regarding age, illness and maturity, and the whole thing just collapses like a house of cards. That said, some do get lucky, but not all –not by a long shot.

    I agree with the earlier commenter who said that it helps if you look like the guy in the article picture. What is more interesting, is how even that doesn’t do it. Internalized homophobia by gay men is sadly, alive and well. Arbitrary heterosexual standards are put in place by gay men that even straight women don’t live by anymore, so I think a great reform needs to happen. Judgements about class and money, status and power all need to be reassessed in a far more reasonable way that relies less on materialism and surface looks, and better appreciates the personal achievements, and developments of age. To die young is a tragedy, to die old is an achievement. To live a full-life, and manage to to be happy is a miracle –especially when you’re gay. But by gay cultural standards life-long happiness isn’t even visualized much less made into a realistic destination.

    A lot of emphasis is put on older men looking for younger. When I was younger I always liked guys who were older than me. The only difference now is how I accept my own age category. I still don’t want a younger guy, but so many older men do it further limits my ability to connect with them on a meaningful level. I think it’s sad how many older gay men are exclusively fixated on very young men. They seem never to appreciate the beauty within their own age, and the enormous rewards there are loving on that level. It reeks of internalized homophobia, and a number of other deep insecurities that revolve around very shallow ideas, all of which are impossible to maintain no matter how well one ages.

    Gay men have a unique opportunity to completely redefine their own culture. I think the time has come to do a much better job, and lead the way to a more enlightened future, leaving the old ways behind for good. I’m sure the new generation will not accept living this way when it’s their turn in fifteen years. So why should we?

  71. Nic

    I’m 21 but I prefer guys around 40 if in good shape. The only reason I don’t date but only hook up with them is because of my peers. I mean if I find THE one I won’t give a crap but if its just a hook up I like them older

  72. rob

    I think 40 is a great age..forEverything.
    but now over 50..ive been love..but experience is So worth it.

  73. rubirosa

    Some of my hottest times have been in my 40’s and 50’s and hopefully my 60’s. Although most guys are set in their ways, once you put all the cards on the table, everything falls in place and you have an awesome time – or you don’t.
    I will never regret plugging along, being me and being more active during these years and further.
    There is age, there is experience and there is wisdom. They do not happen separately, they always happen together! That is the beauty of life!!

  74. Tom M. aka SDChefTom

    When I finally came out at the tender age of 26, I was still in the military and fresh from Desert Storm. Then, meeting someone was relatively easy. Now at 45, I have found my tastes and desires have changed. (as well as my physical location)It seems that those in my age group have either contracted the “Peter Pan” syndrome or are in recovery of some sort. Five years ago, I had my midlife crisis and went back into the kitchen where I have always wanted to be. It feeds my creativity as well as keeping my mind active. (Try to keep track of multiple plates and orders in your head as well as a running tally and you will know what I mean) I have met a few very good looking guys younger than me as well as a couple my age and older and enjoyed the company of all of them. One of my favorite sayings is “Hope springs eternal” Believe me when I have met some of the worst that the gay community has to offer.(message me on a4a and I will tell you the horror stories)But, I refuse to believe that i will end up alone and unloved. Yes! I want that special someone in my life. Yes! I want to grow old with someone by my side. And finally, YES! I know he is out there. He’s just not ready for the huge (heart) that is waiting to pour out and into his life.

  75. Peacefullovr

    Well I dont think the stigma is so much younger guys not liking older its older not really like younger. You have to differentiate the difference between lust and love. I am a young man (22) who only finds men 40+ attractive. Grey hair is a turn on as well. But from tge me that I have encountered they all want just lust not love. Plus older guys are starting to play way more games tban a younger one. Lol. Lets cut the shit guys and be upfront lol ;-).

    And honesyly tjere is nothing hotter than a older man with a hairy chest or some hair along with some grey on the sides or even a full head of grey and salt and pepper facial hair.mmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!! Talk about your beed cake 🙂

  76. Steve

    I agree with Paul completely…..I also find that when you do possibly find someone who is interested the conversation often turns to how generous you can be.

    Wish they realized we may be a little lonely but most of us are not desperate.

  77. Nolan

    I turn 40 in a matter weeks. I’ve been single for almost all of my adult life, and I have no problem with that. I don’t feel the need to find “my true love” either now or when I was in my early 20s. I don’t see why it’s something that I should want, to be perfectly honest, since I’m content with myself as I am. To quote myself whenever someone tries to set me up with someone….”I’ve got porn. I’ve got a fleshlight. What do I need a man for?”

  78. Ian

    I’m 26, and I’m in a committed, long term relationship with someone who is 47. I finally realized that many guys my age (and younger) are beyond shallow and superficial, they only want to party, and otherwise do things that will make them look 65 when they’re 35. My boyfriend and I do everything together. Beach, hiking, road trips, concerts, biking, and lots and lots of sex. He tells me that he’s lucky to have me, but I know that I’m the lucky one and I’ll never forget that.

  79. Scott

    First off, it is a big world out there and there is someone for everyone. Whether or not you have a mate depends entirely on you. At 40, I’ve been single for almost 2 years and am loving my freedom – freedom to stay at the office or gym as long as I want. If I want to work 50 hours a week I can! If I wanted a bf, I could easily have one, but the older I get, I seem to be less ruled by my penis and more focused on career. It’s a good thing!

  80. Tom

    at that age or higher more than likely you have already experienced real love and want it again-so it really depends on the match-dead–oh hell no-but very well aware

  81. Danny

    Am 53 plain looking and over weight. I’m done fron the start most people want young skinny model types with great body’s huge endowments and no brains. I like the younger men so thats one more strike against me. Most men my age are too set in thier ways and won’t change. God forbid you don’t have a pic to send why you just might as well be dirt.
    So have been alone for 6 years after my 28 year old lover of 5 years started using drugs. I have a job and house and car and am a nice guy. I don’t judge and am not hung up on looks or any of that. But 6 years later still alone.

  82. Dave

    First, I’m 42 years old and have been single since my partner of 13 years and I split up. He and I are best friends but I’ve seen him jump in and out of 3 relationships in the past 11 years while I have mostly remained single. I honestly don’t think I want another relationship. Not really looking for anything. I’m not closed off to the possibility, but am really focused on my career more than anything. I love my job, love the freedom my job allows me to have in traveling, etc.

  83. Alik

    Guys, I am 51, I am in great shape, have more than many can dream about and yet, I am still single… I think it all amounts to what you are looking for vs. what is out there. If we create some ideal image in our minds, we’ll never find it in real life. However, it is not necessarily about the age difference, it’s about a partnership. If I find someone my age, who looks good and have his s*** together, I will give it a shot. I would agree with some guys there who mentioned 50 extra pounds, excessive drinking and so forth… Where I live (Oklahoma) 40 yo’s look like they are in their 60’s already… Sorry, but I don’t find it attractive, so my chances are null LOL

  84. junno

    As I became older it got more difficult to find true love. Older are looking for younger. And youngers are looking for sugar daddy. I’m 5’7″, 150, slim and very clean . Very active sexually but hard to find love . Hookups yeah but I’m 56 and I csn go all night without the blue pill don’t need it , but these younger bottoms are weak .

  85. Hunter0500

    “Is it harder to find love…”

    For gays who insist on living a carefree lifestyle where they hookup with random guys at random locations at ranndom times … yes. “Love” of any type is going to be hard if not impossible to find. Yet, they’ll moan “oh gee why can’t I find love?”

    For gays who involve themselves in a lifestyle where they have a career, are involved in family, volunterr, sprots and any of a number of other social activities (those beyond … well beyond … nights in bars or entertainment venues) … no. In these areas they’ll find quality men, career men, active men seeking long term relationships.

    I’ve be fortunate over several years to get to know a solid handful (pun) of men that are a solid part of my life. FWBs? Sure. But our time together goes far beyond that. We took the time before play to get to know each other. We spend time after play talking about our families, our work, our social lives to really get to know each other. Is it love in the traditional monogamous sense? No, of course not. Is it love? We’re connected; we’re important to each other; we’d most likely take a bullet for each other if need be. Love? Yes. Was it hard for us to find each other? No. It just took patience.

  86. Carlos

    I’m 27 and I feel like it’s extremely hard to find love in the gay world, so I can only imagine how much harder it must be at 40.

  87. jack

    no not all i,am 55 and the boys r lined to find some one my age is a little hard…would love to fall in love with some one my age…

  88. David

    I can’t figure out what the problem is. I am 42, recently single. I have been looking for someone in the range of 38 to 50 and it is all a no go. The men my age want younger men and most of the younger men want their own age. I truly believe age is only a number but in my case, I just don’t feel comfortable dating someone that is under 35.

  89. fallsguy77

    Well, first off I think the kind of love you look for after 40 is different from when you are younger —I’ve been single half my adult life, and coupled the other half —- and have been pretty much content in both situations…. I don’t feel that biological need of nesting and being coupled that I had in my 20s… and interestingly enough, I think I’ve gotten more particular as I’ve aged — plus I get more excited by intellect, hehe mainly because it seems to be a rare commodity these days —- and and observation — before the internet, it seemed that intergenerational friendships and coupling were much more prevalent — you approached people because you found them appealing, not because they were within 5 years of your age or they had a large dick (lol although the last part is not entirely true – you just didn’t find out from a pic with a ruler next to it — it was either by word of mouth or by the fit of the pants..) Ive had boyfriends who were 20 years older and 20 years younger — and both worked pretty well… and now in my early 50s, I have great friends, great exes, a fun family, and my job keeps me on my toes — and I seem to find someone to scratch with when I get the itch ….. but If I do trip over some great guy, Id go china shopping again….

  90. fallsguy77

    oh and P.S. the guy above in the towel??? Tell him that I have a copy of my house key ready for him anytime he wants it.

  91. Supho

    I am not trying to be an asshole, but I am just speaking on my own personal experience. It is my experiene that only caucasian gay men have age hang ups. I have never found age to be a problem among Latinos or African Americans. I am 46yo and I turn down guys for being too young way more often than me being too old.
    A4A screen name: Supho

  92. straydawg3

    I’m 48 and I can’t find anyone who wants to be in a relationship they only want fucked sucked and I guess this is the norm, a4a is dead end 4 relationships.

  93. Scout92163

    Reading over these comments, especially the ones from younger guys about older guys, it strikes me that there’s some misunderstanding about what finding a LTR means. It also strikes me that young guys say they would be attracted to an older guy so long as that guy is good looking and physically fit.

    Here’s the thing: Look around you at the many happy couples you see. The first thing you will notice is that the guys in relationships have no bearing to the models on the covers of the rags. There are plenty of overweight and flabby guys in stable, happy long term relationships….more than couples made up of “buff” guys. So clearly % of body fat has little bearing on long-term happiness.

    Older men sometimes say they can’t find anyone who would date them. If reading the A4A ads gives any indication, it seems that those lonely older guys are more fixated on finding a younger man than on finding a real candidate for life partner.

    One thing is for sure: the health crisis of the 80s and 90s devastated the dating pool of the 45-65 crowd, and many in that age group no longer hang out at bars, and many probably aren’t too comfortable with online hookups or dating. So getting out of the house and joining an affinity group of some kind….any kind….is almost a requirement if you want to meet datable men.
    I hear a lot of complaining in the ranks of older men, and little effort made towards actually meeting people. Volunteering is a way to meet sincere real men of quality who have lots to give toward a meaningful and exciting LTR
    We also seem to suffer from some odd permanent sexual adolescence… hoping to have a wide range to choose from, instead of writing ads that let people both who we are and who we are looking for in a date. The Secret (The Power of Attraction) only works when you work it.

  94. ChrisJ

    To Rick;
    Hey Rick, can you tell me more about your HIV status and how it’s affecting your relationship efforts. Does it bother guys more than the age?
    I’ve had a younger guys contact me asking questions mostly but several of them (I think) are looking for sugar daddies, I let them know right off, that’s when they stop replying.

  95. sloppytoppy

    First of all, any guy that looks like the guy in the above picture would have no problem finding a partner at 40 but I digress.
    I am so pissed right now. As old as some of you are, you would think that more genuine opinions would be conveyed, but this is absolutely ridiculous. For the most of you, you know damn well why you’re single at the age that you are. I am 22 and naturally attracted to older men.. What I will NOT do is DATE a man that is in his 30s and up and has no stability. That makes me look stupid, I can broke on my own… Yes, most of us young guys want a financial supporter..DUH >>>>>>>WE ARE YOUNG.. Most of you older guys expect so much, but the favor is NEVER returned.. Why the fuck do you think you deserve a Zac Efron and you resemble a Silverback gorilla??? Excuse me? And you want me to sleep with you for free because some naive twink has put you on a pedestal.. Bitch please. And something else I don’t understand are guys in their 40s saying they wont date guys over 35? Are you kidding me?? And you wonder why you get worst end of the stick.. KARMA. Times up guys.. Sorry

  96. sloppytoppy

    OMG…As I keep reading I continue to see dumb comments.. How are you 61 and saying you are just testing the waters and not looking for anything serious? I just can’t deal with people like that.. You’re 40 years old and still participating in sex parties? I’m dead, and my ghost is typing, because this is unbelievable..


    Guy in the picture is like a supermodel so NO FAIR ,and BTW can I give him my number … I put it out there ,not a lot comes back ,I agree sex is not the issue ,but at a certain age I dont want to be the wrong relationship. Guys look if they have any taste ,BUT this generation of young guys is a far cry from the ones who paved the way before them . IM not say we were easier ,But it was a less VANITY for one and you know when your younger your supposed to be glowing .
    YEAH still Single HERE

  98. Rayray2x

    Instead of looking for love, guys should be making friends, going out to social functions, putting themselves out there and meeting people. You can’t force love(or even friendships)but you can certainly “help it along”.

    I’m 46 and NOT actively looking for love or a relationship. If it happens, great…but I know it’s not going to until I follow my own advice and start putting myself out there.

  99. Matt2

    Wow, Tony. I think you need a pillow to go with that incredible blanket statement of yours.

    Not all gay men over 40 are chicken hawks, nor are they desperate for a white picket fence. Some of us are actually looking for guys around our age, but we’re not pining away for a relationship. If it happens, it happens and if not, I at least have two of the three things that Armistead Maupin’s literary character Michael Tolliver always said a gay man should have — a great house and great friends. If the hot guy shows up later, there’s a bonus.

    I’m thinking you’re in your early 20s, freaked out that a guy over 30 hit on you and therefore cannot deal with the concept that you will one day be his age so you have to make these sweeping assumptions. Or maybe you just don’t think about things and shoot your mouth off like you did up there. Wonder if we’ll ever find out, hmm?

  100. einathens

    you people talk about 40 like it’s a wasteland. it isn’t.

    i like to joke “i’m in gay middle age– too old to get a daddy, too young to be one.”
    but there’s a point to it. why limit ourselves to those extremes and ignore the vast middle ground?

    it’s a well-kept secret that life (including gay life, if you refuse to indulge in stereotypes) is better at 40 than at 30, and 30 is better than 20.

    and the sex? no comparison. i thought i knew what i was doing when i was 20 (and i did), but it is so much more intense and satisfying now. for me and for them.
    and i get it as much now as i did then.
    i get hit on all the time by guys from 19 up. after we’re done playing and they’re an exhausted mass of gobsmacked flesh and overstimulated neurons, i thank them for the fun and tell them i wish they were 25 years older.

    is love harder to find after 40?
    depends on how you define it and where you’re looking for it. but that’s true at any age.

  101. joe

    Yes i think it much harder.. i only recently started to entertain the idea of a younger guy– after i met a guy who was great and 21 years my junior– he can’t committ to me but is fine having a boyfriend with anybody else he meets. Guys my age (40’s) don’t seem to want anything but sex or are already partnered and are looking for something on the side. Feel stuck as on this sight olders guys seem to want guys under 30 and younger guys say they may be interested in older guys but never want to meet. I guess i made the mistake when in my 20-30’s to focus on building a career interest and some stability now have some of that and am alone.

  102. Drew

    40…hell try being over 35 in a college town. Unless you have a fat wallet, washboard abs, or a face like Taylor Lautner, the chances of you getting a second look from someone younger and a lot of times older is by displaying what’s in your pants online. I have showed my “assets” in my profile and 20 and 30 something’s come flocking. Show the face and a genuine snapshot of your personality and it’s nothing but crickets. If there is one thing I would say to all these younger guys it is that someday you will be our age and remember how you treat “old” guys now, because someday soon you will getting treated the same way. Besides older guys have better skills. 😉 support your local middle agers because you will be one soon enough. Lol

  103. haulinass

    Guys like that pic NEVER have a hard time finding anything……the problem is sites lime A4A just increase sexusl addictions n guys don t date to find love anymore PERIOD….it s about sex these days for most…….sad but true so I gave up on love n I m not 40

  104. marty

    No its not hard I love older men but its the older men that cant keep there paints zip sleep with your friend neighbor anyone with a cock so know it not hard to find love if older men start treating there partners right.

  105. TrizzyTroy

    I’m a 30ish looking 40 and yes love is hard to find at any age. IF u know what love really is. To many dudes running around in lust, co-dependent, needy, low self esteem etc. LOVE starts within. At any age. I’ve been IN LOVE 3 times in my life. Was married for 5 yrs (yes to a man). Never once was I “looking” for love. I was busy loving me those in btwn yrs n I guess my exes took notice n decided to love me too. Its hard to find love or actually date in our gay microwave society. So many want n r willing to settle for a quick fix that love don’t stand a chance cause they don’t want to put in the work bcuz they r still working on themselves. As for the age stigma I’ve been known to check younger dudes with tighter bodies, letting them know there’s no prize in being half my age with twice my mileage. And I can goto any gym n have their bodies in 30 days (I’m only abt 20 pounds from a 32 inch waist) it wld take them a lifetime to gain my knowledge. And smart $money$ bets on wisdom n experience over youth n ignorance every time. Besides most of those gym bodies should work on their attitudes as much as their bodies to impress me. Not to say I wont play with a boy, I just know it takes a man to capture my heart. My last ex lost a 6 month battle w/ cancer (lymphoma) and he was 7 yrs older then me. Its been 3 yrs since I’ve come accross chemistry like ours n just like I wasn’t looking for him I’m not looking for the next 1. BUT I am leaving myself open n loving me in the mean time.

  106. SICK RICH


  107. Chris

    At 66, finding a sex partner is almost impossible. Years ago, I realized that in the gay world, after about age 30, you are a has-been unless you have a gym body, and only the desperate are interested in you any more. Only a couple of others on here have mentioned that around age 50 or so, most guys start to experience some degree of ED, and it seems like everyone I meet or chat with is a bottom. I’ve always been a top, so when someone finds out I’m primarily interested in oral (I still get hard-just not like when I was younger), that is pretty much the end of the conversation right there. I still get hit on A4A, but it’s mostly guys who are 275-300# plus and hope that because I’m an old guy I’ll meet with them. The other end of the spectrum are the guys who “like older.” In reality, they are looking for $$$ in exchange for sex, which I won’t do. Bottom line: as an older gay man, it is a very lonely world out there.

  108. Brad

    One of the most ridiculous comments I read was something like “I always wonder what’s wrong when I see an attractive guy who is single.” Uhm….I respect many guys who choose to remain single much more than I do the many overly emotional guys who seem to think that their quality of life is determined by being attached at the hip to another. Especially the ones who use the term “husband” or “love of my life.” You sound like a book and a cheap one at that. Good looking single guys are generally much more grounded in their sense of self and confidence level. They have no void to fill in their lives, and as a result of having no void, they in turn have no space for YOU. We single guys bring you into our houses to show you many things, but most of all….to show you the door.

  109. Arrington James

    I personally enjoy being with guys 40+ my last partner was 45 when we met I was 25 we recently split but very amicable and I hope to be able to enter another relationship with someone in the over 40 age range there is nothing wrong with a little belly or grey hair as long as that person loves you and accepts you why wouldn’t you accept them.

  110. Chicago Tim

    I’m 51 and getting more interest and quality sex than ever. Is it hard to find “the one”? perhaps. I was in a LTR for 19 years and don’t much care if I have that again or not. I have a range of good friends and amazing fwb… Im happy. It probably helps that I have kept in shape, eat well, and generally have a healthy lifestyle. I get some amazing boi action… There are worse things :))

  111. Hu-MAN, greying

    I’m 44, and similar to many of you, I’m capable, fine, accomplished, discerning, physically balanced, happy, confident, and single, and open to More instead of less. Let’s face it, we tire quicker, have graduated to a progressive lens, offer attention to things differently all because we’ve matured, or should. it’s okay to gray inasmuch as it’s your choice to buy the dye to cover up why we’re post 40, but can you keep it up? The illusion when it’s really a mindset. Proverbially, (We) are each entitled to our opinions and perspectives; it makes it exclusively our own, said opining. Contrary to that point is the fact that (we) tend to psychologically function based on the opinion or perspective of others. Discovering love past 40 IS achievable! Compatibility is important, however, and (we) tend to lust/long for love in youth because we are defiant to evolution as a natural process. More often than not, the compatibility is not present because it was not there even when (we) secured the phone number of the lad or post the time in bed, so (we) become distinguished as Dad of the Day/Month and it’s step-and-repeat…on to the next “moment” when (we) really desire more…in understanding current and world events; in emotional and physical stability; in maturity; in wisdom; in things beyond trends in fashion or music; in being hu-MAN….authentically human enough to discern want from need and social belonging to “what’s real for me NOW? …not ‘then’ and ‘when’. Perhaps someone reading my perspective has matured beliefs that are in sync with mine. Post 40 is not a retired sentence to Loveless Land. I’m still here, capable and confident as a man who believes in compatibility where age is synonymous with a level of maturity. I’m available and I wouldn’t be disappointed if you are too.

  112. iwil694u

    Being older 50 I have found that dating isn’t out of the question but is more difficult than when I was in my teens to mid 30’s. I’m confident, good looking, have a career, humor, and am quit sane. I believe that all of us mistake love and lust. We fall into lust first and love second at any age. Being 50 reminds me that those of us in this age group and older are the ones that fought through the 70’s and 80’s for the younger generation to even be able to enjoy half of the freedom they have now. I wouldn’t personally want to date a much younger person as I wouldn’t want to have to raise another child, but hooking up with them is different. I tend to stick to my age group +/- 5 years for dates. We have more in common. But yes…. it is a bit more difficult to find love at this age. Just my opinion

  113. joe

    yes and we all know the reasons why. It is sad and pathetic that a group that has been targeted for so long would treat each other the way we do. It is hard to be complimentary on the gay community. Too many do not care if they spread hiv , busting a nut is more important and we demean each other in ways by age and physical traits that saddens me.
    I am SHOCKED we are so close to having equality in this country since we have done everything we can amongst ourselves to make it impossible for this to occur!

  114. Tristan Grendel

    Just about everything is harder after 40 – except my cock, of course … that seems to be heading in the, um, other direction LOL

  115. Tom

    Yes I think it is. Everyone on here is looking for someone with a six pack or as equal as they are. Then you have the same people who look at your profile daily but when you message them or send a smile they ignore you. Why you looking then ? Will I change from day to day ? So with that being said yes it’s hard to connect with people and Im over 40. I do prefer someone closer to my age give or take a few yrs either way anfd that is my preference.

  116. Rick

    Yeah, I’ve been single since my 18 year relationship ended over 14 years ago. Part of the reason is that I have so little tolerance for the bullshit and drama that seems to go with so many gay men of any age. Also, I think honesty can be a real issue since most men have lied all their lives about their sexual identity and therefore lying comes as second nature.

    I still have a lot to give another person, but the more months that tick by finding me alone leads me to believe I always will be.

  117. Angelo

    When you reach a certain age (I’m 65) but taken for at least 10 yrs younger, life becomes ironic. When I was in my 40’s I was attracted to young men in their early 20’s and tried to have a long term relationship with these pups. Sure they are perfection physically but not formed yet as men. What came to us was drama, and more drama. When I was in my 50’s I was still hot for the younguns…same drama. I suppose my ego needed to be fed that a 20yr old boy would find me hot. Now I have worked on adjusting my tastes to a more mature man and started dating men in their 40-50’s. I struggle with them physically they have many imperfections (so do I)- things I took for granted with young men. I’m still working on shifting my thoughts…I’m starting to appreciate older men but find them an emotional mess. I have almost given up. I have stopped dating the 20yrs olds and still looking for the perfect combination of maturity and physicality. But I have to decide if I want exciting hookups with a young man for something real and solid with an older man. I want the later but he is so hard to find.

  118. Railman

    I am 52 and heave been in two LTRs… one for 12 years and one for 4. I have been single for 13 years now and have all but given up on finding a relationship again. In the gay life over 27=dead! I agree with the guys who say we are in a good position….. home, job, security. I have no interest in someone 20-30 years my junior. there is no common ground with someone so young, however what I have experienced mostly is guys in my age bracket are always looking for YOUNGER. I tend to look for 5 years +/- of my age. I dont want someone whos frame of reference does not go past when I was 30! Also what happens in 10 years when you are both older and your “boy” decides you are too old now and looks for someone else? I find that gay men in the 40+ crowd are their own worst enemies. Bat in your own ballpark, look for someone in your age range. Too many times I think also is older guys are afraid to “settle” because the guy you have in the pic at the top of the page is going to show up any minute and sweep them off their feet. Also, there are a lot of us who do keep ourselves in great shape and do look for similar…. NOT a model, but not, as described earlier…. a pizza and beer disposal. As a 52 year old I would love to be partnered…. not to a 20 something or a 70 year old, but another 50 something that connects on the same level. Personally tho, I don’t see it happening.

  119. Bob in Eau Claire

    Yeah, it gets harder and harder to score th’ good one, after a certain age- but, the fun part is we ‘re all still primed, and ready for Love in whatever aspects we find it- hook-ups, group nooners, or the odd peer, who never looked at you when you were in yr twenties, but now finds you worthwhile. It s kind of cool…

  120. Disciplineman

    Love is not harder to find after 40. No harder than it is to find a decent restaurant or watchable film at the multiplex. It is what you make it. Relationships are a different story. If you couldn’t stand them at 20, what makes you think 40 is going to be any different?

  121. shawn1957

    I’m in shape fit trim and everybodies attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. I think it all comes down to timing and putting yourself out there. You never know where or when you might meet someone you can make a connection with. I’ve had 3 LTR in my 56 years 1 that lasted for 20. I’m really relationship oriented but I have to say that after 20 years with 1 guy and feeling like a kid in the candy store so to speak I’ve not met anyone from this site that is really interested in anything but my 8 1/2 inch thick dick.

  122. Viceroy219

    First, let me say that I am 47 and the last time I dated someone seriously was 16 yeas ago (the love of my life). Secondly, let me say that it is HARD to find love (period) at any age. In reading the posts, it seems that many thought they found love only to be disappointed in the end. As stated, age is only a number… but so is the measurement of your dick. Now, tell me that doesn’t matter? At 47 I have little to nothing in common with someone who is 23; certainly not enough for a committed relationship. If we are just talking about a hookup, then age is less of an issue. I agree that we are little more “war weary” and that after 40 it is harder to find love; but it is one factor among many that count in your favor or work against you. Personally, I live in an economically depressed area that tends (for lack of a better word) to have a lot of losers (i.e. drug users, alcoholics, uneducated/unemployed men living with their moms, etc.). Like at any age, men in the 40’s should take inventory of their strengths and weaknesses. Determine what it is they are looking for (i.e. fuck buddy, monogamous relationship, casual bf/dating) and then look for other gay men who fit the bill. It should also be stressed that there are no guarantees in life — none of us is guaranteed to find love while others seem to find it around every corner!

  123. del

    One word “Ageist.” I think that its utterly stupid that some older guys dont want guys their age and some younger guys dont want guys older than them. Numbers are what they are. It doesnt define who you are. Im 42, i workout, in great and if its GODs will i will continue to be healthy, vibrant, youthful, playful, and very active until my last breath. Yes, its hard to connect with someone especially a guy like me who’s single and BI and just wants chillout wiith one person who i can connect with. Its not all about sex. Its funny in public people think im btwn 30-35 until i tell them my actual age. I tell the young ones you have to get here eventually and i tell the old ones remember to take your heart attack medication messing with all these immature younger ones…lmao!

  124. lou

    Hell I’m 37 and I can’t find it lol. ……….I don’t think its a MUST to have a partner. I do find my life fullfill with exellent parents and family and the best of friends in the wordl so I guess that has balanced my life as a whole =) then of course it’ll be nice to love a handsome man and have lots of sex but hey there’s better things in life than a man and sex. Good luck to everyone out there xoxo

  125. TwistedFate on a4a

    Im 27yrs old I like older men 35’s 40’s 50’s
    I don’t think its a must to have to have a partner
    why not have a good friend to spend time with.
    maybe I’m the guy of someones dream 🙂

  126. exmil67

    You know I am 45 and doing all I can to fight aging through exercise, hitting the gym almost daily, eating right non smoker….and if someone is looking at me and asking why am I in whats wrong with me..well the problem is obvious, im not the one with the problem. Im single by choice, (divorced twice from two different women and have kids with second ex). funny thing is that Im not one of those butt ugly guys either(yeah I know..purely subjective, until you see everyones blogs out here and then you know what I am talking about. See I dont have to lure my dogs with a steak hanging from my teeth to have them come to me. I think the biggest thing that person can do is have self respect first, self discipline second about what they eat and living a sensible life (nothing extreme there) and generally not fucking the entire community they live in. So no, the single guy over 40 is not necessarily “damaged goods” or the unlucky virgin. The problem is woefully unjustified opinions and prejudice towards our age and capabilities and personalities. Would I have a significant other guy? Sure, but I know better, I ask too much, to be like me.

  127. Keith Bailey

    The answer is yes. Bad as it may sound the gay culture is very youth oriented. Back when I ran a gay magazine we tested out dating sites to see what effect age would have on response. The only thing we change was age and the results were pretty sad. From 18-30 responses were very good and they dropped rapidly after that. For every year step older the numbers dropped drastically until from 45-50 there were no matches or responses at all. Surprisingly once 60 hit there began to be a few responses again, but very few. We did the same thing with weight. Sad to say the guys in the in between stages (not gym rats, and not big enough to be obese) did the worst there. The numbers don’t lie. Gay men want young and thin, and don’t really care about things like personality. The all say they do, but the numbers don’t support that claim.

  128. Tagger29

    Well now most you guys over 40 know what it’s like to be a black guy in the gay world. Now you know what it’s like to constantly read “No Blacks” on people’s profiles, be subjected to stereotypes and prejudgment, or be looked at as nothing else as a “Big Black Cock” by someone wishing to fill their porn fantasy. Sounds very similar to the “Daddy” fantasy doesn’t ?

    I find that most, not all guys in their 20s and 30s will not give a black guy the time of day out in public or over the net, that’s until they get past their 40s and too old to get play from younger guys and that’s when their finally open to giving a black guy a shot. That’s Karma at it’s finest.

    You guys are complaining about ageism, try reading profiles after profiles stating to the world how undesireable you are because of your skin color. Discrimination disguised as “preference” , sad things this done by men of all colors.

    If you research Law of Attraction, then you know that the thoughts, energy, actions, and words you put out to the world will only come back at you 2 folds. This is true whether it’s positive or negative.

  129. Mike in NYC

    Sorry to be blunt. But most guys 40+ are already established and tend to be set in their ways. They really do not need anyone to be complete. Many of the men commenting state they have been single for many years. They have a routine that works for them. For many breaking that routine is not easy. And for the other guy, not being able to influence and be a partner is not very attractive or fun. Ask yourself – why do you want love?? You have material goods, usually a career, good friends and variety of sex through hookups. Doesn’t sound too bad.

  130. Osei

    I was 42, he was 39 when we both decided to give it a try and become lovers. We have been in a committed monogamous relationship for the last 6 years. My partner is someone I met when I was 28. We hooked up and had sex back then for about two weeks and went out to a few dinners and movies with friends. Nothing serious. We would run into each other very rarely, but I had basic ideas where he was if I asked the right friends. So there I was at 42, single and already throw in the towel and I ran into him at the NY Gay Parade. We hang out the entire day together with my friends and I asked him if he would like to travel with me for a week to Napa. So we spent the time getting to know each other all over again…. and the rest is that we are together hoping one day soon to get married.

    Nothing wrong in finding that old flame or friend with benefit and taking it from there guys!!!!

  131. Vince

    Idk if this pertains to me but im 25 and im currently involved with someone whos turning 51 this year… Known each other for 3 years and been seeing each other exclusively for 1 and a half. I dont know what it is, but i just find older men sooo much more attractive than younger or men my age…

  132. Beef

    I just turned 51 in May. I have been single for about 10 yrs now. One of the main things for me is that I put the “PARTY” down. I decided to be sober. I am also considered a bear. I am just a regular ole Man who happens to prefer another MAN. I have the triple threat going on. Over 50, sober and a MAN. I do have my shit together! If having your shut together is such a bad thing. Then I am fine with it! I was partnered to the wrong guy for 14 yrs for all the wrong reasons. Being alone has made me aware that I choose my own happiness. Not the man beside me!

  133. Wayne

    Me again I see none of you are fem from your posting…most guy runaway or become angry when I say fems only for. One thing though I don’t want a younger man beside too many of you like fucking anything that moves(not my style) so I prefer foreplay only which you guys are not into. Quit asking how big my dick is or for a picture of it. You want to impress me touch my mind first…intellectuals turn me on.

  134. dave

    why are all you guys so hard on yourself? I am 51 , goodlooking and have ( If I say so myself, a stellar bod) … but I am single. I am a catch and a half and I know it. I also am someone who realizes all the blessings I have rather than feel down about what I don’t have. I don’t particularly buy into the idea that it is harder to find love after 30, 40 , 50 etc. I think there is love out there for everyone of every age…. the older ive gotten , honestly the hotter the guys have gotten that are interested in me … albeit younger , but we need to look at the person and not the age. the truth is , our culture is not a fertile ground for finding true love yet, we have come a long long way … and I see this trend continuing. however , when you see other gay couples … you can almost bet that it is an open relationship. don’t envy this!!! there are very few monogamous ( sp?) gay relationships out there and it points to how unhealthy we allow our community still to be. socially there is not a very good structure for gay relationships and you cant convince me otherwise . you cant find healthy happy fish on dry land !! we all need to take it easy on ourselves , we all deserve love for sure … but the fact is that with a relatively small portion of society being gay , and gay culture the way it is … it is not a place that offers a lot of nurturing to love and relationships. take it easy on yourself guys , keep yourself open to love and light , but its not your fault if youre not in a relationship or in love … its a numbers game …

  135. Don

    Gentlemen, I have had to pay for two funerals since I was over forty, and I will tell you I wish I was back at forty! I have been single for way too many years now, and I am fully convinced that if I was ONLY forty, my life would be so much more and my happiness so much greater. Loosen up, accept the idea that the one and only mister PERFECT will never be there, so accept a man that is not maybe 100%, but pretty damn close to it and be happy. You may be over forty, then you will be over fifty, then sixty and then seventy! And you think it is tough today????? Just wait a few more years. Just don’t be so picky!!

  136. Richard

    I’m a 51 year old and I think it’s just as heard at 50 as it was at 20. I’ve never had an easy time of dating. I am a relatively good looking man in decent shape and most consider me a catch yet I’ve been single my whole life.
    It doesn’t get any harder or easier.

  137. Rocco

    At 50, I’ve learned the most important thing in life is to be true to myself. That being said, I’ve been single for almost 12 years. I’ve kept myself together, physically and mentally, no drugs, social drinker and guys consider me handsome. I’m often complimented on the way I look. I’m told I look 37. When I tell them I’m 50, jaws drop. Now ask me how many of these guys want to date. ZERO.. Not sure what the problem is but I stopped trying to figure out what is wrong with me. If someday I meet Mr. Right, that would be awesome. If I don’t, life goes on.

  138. John...

    Me again.

    This has been an interesting and eye opening blog the more different guys post and the more I read.

    So many of the posts are nearly identical, as if they were contributed by the same person, just reworded a little or else you are all relying on some widely distributed handbook. It’s no wonder there are stereotypes and of course stereotypes don’t want stereotypes. They are looking for and expecting someone different than their stereotypical self.

    Lots of complaints and expectations for OTHERS to change for you, but very few if any suggestions on how YOU can change in order to help yourself. It most likely isn’t your age at all nor anyone else but YOU who is hampering your pursuits.

    Quit shopping for a partner like you shop for a refrigerator or a pair of shoes. People are not inanimate objects and they’re not always going to match your drapes or whatever superficial thing you are attempting to make them match. They are human beings with their own personalities and characteristics. I love is so damn important to you then you may just have to redecorate yourselves and your lives in order to e a better match for someone else instead of them having to match your stringent, delusional expectations.

    If you are over weight and can do something about it then lose the weight. If you live too far away then figure out how you can move. If you can’t find the one who makes you horny enough then concentrate on one who can love you enough. It’s all about priorities men, you either have them or you don’t and if you don’t then don’t complain about things you can fix, but are too lazy and or over laden with lame excuses to fix. Man up gentlemen. Love is like the lottery in that you have to play in order to have a chance at winning.

    Of course not everyone will win the lottery; not everyone will find love. It’s just a fact some have to face and accept, but in the meantime you will never find out if you’re doing nothing but complaining and expecting a fairy godmother to show up and do everything for you.

    For black guys; there is another blog on here called “Preference or Prejudice?” and if the majority of those guys aren’t just flat out lying then your notion of so many guys not wanting anything to do with you because of your skin color alone in in error on your part. Maybe it’s just because you can’t get the ones you want, but that’s your problem. There do seem to be many who you can get, so perhaps you should lower your picky level a bit and give those who you’ve been prejudiced against a try. It’s also not your skin color in all cases. Your race and racism brings a lot of baggage with it and you’ve had no choice but to deal with that miserable experience all of your life. Most people do not choose to be miserable on purpose and in turn a lot of white guys who are not committed racists do not know how and or just choose not to share your miserable experience with you the same way they avoid drama queens etc. It’s not your fault nor theirs, it’s just something that has never been dealt with correctly by anyone black or white and until someone smart enough comes along who knows how and can convince everyone else to give it a shot that problem isn’t going to just go away.

    Quit sabotaging yourselves guys. Use your own brain and quit living your life like it’s a fad and following others. Step outside of your stereotype and do something truly original for a change.

  139. floboy106

    Well I’m 22 years old and prefer to date a man in his forties. A man has only been mature for a few years at this point and maturity is the most attractive trait a man can carry. Any man looking for love can look me up floboy106

  140. Gayutboi

    Wow, reading these comments makes me feel even worse about my future. I am 24, so yes, I know I’m young, don’t even go there. I was hoping to read some happy posts about guys having a “happily ever after” in this blog. Now, I’m starting to confirm my goals are insanely deeply dark and accurate. Even though I have plenty of time ahead of me, and even though I am highly satisfied with myself and where I’m going in my personal life; I have never been able to find a guy who wants to date… not even more than once.

    I literally am that one single gay friend in my community (including the gay community here), who has never been in a relationship and just wants to experience the dating life so I know what the bads and the goods are like.

    Now, after reading this, it looks like I might be expecting some doomed single life, when my life goals are simple: get a successful career, find a husband, raise kids. I’m well on my way to successful in my career, but I was hoping that by the time I’m 40 I would be married with kids.

    Without confusing many others, just understand that if I really do reach 40 without kids and a husband, I can only see my life as a failure (no matter how successful I am in my career) and will not have the will to continue…

    Could we please stop reinforcing the stereotypes that hetero homophobes (like my parents) are pushing on us making the statistics of the gay community only negative? Please?

  141. Maturelatinbttm

    It is true that aging makes everything difficult in gay life. I also at 42 have a hard time finding a love relationship, with people close to my age.

    For some reason, all i find are very young guys wanting relationships with older guys, something i am totally not into. Another reason i have a hard time finding love is because i do not like living with people, and most guys my age want a live-in partner. One of my biggest issues is education. I have tried dating guys with low educational levels and it usually ends quickly, so i guess i’ll stay single, i really enjoy it!

  142. danno50

    Some of us are not looking for love ie white picket fence but nsa sex with younger guys. The younger guys I have found in my area Los Angeles will not even respond to your advances which just may be “hi whats up” on Adam4Adam, or anyother hookup social media venue. The guys under 40 want someone who look like them, almost a clone. Age and physical appearance is sooooo important that even if they are not all that they will ignore you. They will see in 10-15years what its like being invisable.

  143. edgar_Truth

    i love me some older men. I’m 27 yrs old and i find older men generally are more mature and i can have an actual conversation with them about stuff unlike most men my age who are either extremely full of themselves or totally into the “scene.” older men generally have their shit together, know how to fuck and know what they want. maybe i haven’t been meeting the guys my age that have all those things going on, but i personally have nothing but love for older men, especially if they have furry chests.

  144. Rickio Anderson

    I hear a lot of comments on here that say that the men cannot find love, you guys can find love. Just by this blog there are lots of men on here that are in the same situation as you in terms of age, etc. Just talk to each other on the blog and try to exchange information and see where it goes. It does not hurt to try.

  145. Michael

    YES! Guys see that you are over a certain age and they totally ignore you. It doesn’t matter I have a slender body, blue eyes, blonde hair and a bubble butt. That’s not even mentioning that I am educated too, MBA. How am I suppose to find love when I can’t find a date?

  146. John...

    “They will see in 10-15years what its like being invisable.”

    Every generation of old gay guys like to recite this tired old line lol!

    I heard it many times when I was young. It never has and is never going to shame any young gay guy into changing his mind about what he likes or wants. We all get our place in the sun for awhile before it finally sets on us. Young guys know full well that they will one day get older, we all did 🙂

  147. Michael V

    My partner of 16 years left me for a closeted friend. He put himself in the closet for this guy and now they (47/52) prey on young guys on the internet. Something that devastated me.

    Like several of you, I have a great body with a 6 pack that I work on all the time, Don’t drink, don’t smoke. I Tke 3 showers a day. I’m a homebody and very monogamous and relationship oriented. I have a good job and am well educated. So…WTF.

    I want to date someone close to my age (49). I feel like ripping out my hair when I get emails from teenagers and twenty-somethings for hookups or date requests. Granted, i don’t look my age but I believe that partners should be somewhat close in their ages. I don’t want to be getting my AARP card in the mail while he’s in his 30’s.

  148. joey

    i had a recent experience that taught me how really difficult it is to be over 40 and single. once met a guy in his mid 30s, and immediately saw a spark in his eyes when he first looked at me. we smiled at each other, talked with each other, flirted with each other for well over five hours. i honestly thought well, maybe there is life at my age. somewhere in the middle of the conversation, though, i did tell him i am eight years older than he is. we exchanged phone numbers and then parted ways, promising to keep in touch with each other.

    that was the first and last time i saw him. it’s been four weeks since. i have extended several invites for us to get together again, only to be politely declined each time. heck, to this day, he hasn’t even gotten around to being the one who starts a conversation. all our texting have been initiated by me, all being abruptly ended after two exchanges.

    i have since given up on this guy. removed his number from my cell phone (although it is kept in a safe place for me to check back later, if he ever gets to try starting a conversation with me).

    sometimes i beat myself up, thinking i should have at least let him suck my dick that first (and only) time we were together. ah, the joyss of being in your 40s…

  149. Jason

    The only thing that I can think of is that if you are looking for true love A4A is probably not the best place for it. lol! I mean really I find it rather ironic that the blog is here. Maybe match or chemistry would be better. I mean it is not impossible but the odds are not in your favor. Plus, how many profiles have you seen where all you see is a cock shot and an open asshole and they say, looking for love? Seriously? Come on guys.

  150. John...

    “sometimes i beat myself up, thinking i should have at least let him suck my dick that first (and only) time we were together. ah, the joyss of being in your 40s…”

    That line only goes to show that you wouldn’t have made a very good lover anyway. He likely sensed this after having some time to think about it. I sensed it the first three lines into your post.

  151. Nubian

    I am in my late 20s and I have never been in a relationship and never been on a date before. I am a very attractive guy, good head on my shoulders, goal-oriented, gentle, open-minded, ect. On the flip side, I know a few guys over 40 who are always dating. I think that it’s alotta immaturity in our community but also I think to that it just depends how things are sometimes. Also, I’ve noticed that alotta good guys are the ones who struggle. I’ve seen many “bad guys” or guys who are selfish, immature, stuck on themselves, ect., have men in every pocket of their pants. So for you good ones out there, no matter the age, remain optimistic. The right one will come along. I know I probably sound naïve being that I am 28 but optimism with a bit of patience goes a long way. Some find love at 20, some 30, some 40 some after but it’ll happen. I firmly believe that you always find something when you’re not looking for it. 🙂

  152. Amir

    finding true love at any age can be hard,but with gay men
    being as shallow as they can be..if you don’t know who you are,you are fucked!! so if you get caught up in the nonsense you could miss out on a great guy..who does not fit into the gay stereo type(gym body/model face/horse dick/basket ball booty/fashion maven….so stop the bull..know thyself…and find you some real’s out
    there..maybe closer than you think..and no not me…i’m still

  153. Eric Swanson

    I’m having a lot more sex now that I’m in my 40s than I did in my 20s and 30s. That’s partly because I live close to a major city these days, and partly because my new hometown is much friendlier than my old one.

    It is, however, just as hard to find love now as it was when I was younger. I think that’s largely because I learned to settle for one-night stands in my 20s and 30s (it was either that or no sex at all) instead of holding out for true love. Unfortunately, it’s hard to shake that mentality once you’ve acquired it.

    I wouldn’t go so far as to say all men over 40 will have a hard time finding love; I can speak only for myself.

  154. Al

    I am a 62 year old retired man. Based on the gay standards, I am not attractive. Therefore, finding love doesn’t exist in my world. I am educated, a homeowner, a world traveler and settled. However, my features are too pronounced and my skin is dark. But I haven’t let these things define me. So at this time in my life, I seek a companion to grow old with. My advice to young men is to find love and fight to make it work.

  155. Eric

    Maybe if gay men weren’t so obsessed with youth, looks, status, and hooking up with the hot guy on GRINDr we wouldn’t even need to pose a question like this.

  156. hardtopftl

    It’s hard at any age, but after 40, there is a whole generation of us guys that are missing, lost to AIDS, and those that made it have survivor guilt or fear. By 40, most of us are pretty settled into who we are and know what we like and don’t like, and are less likely to reboot ourselves just to please a partner, if we can even find a single, LTR-minded guy in the first place.

    Call me looking but not finding…

  157. N.J.

    When I was 45, I found a hot guy that was 13 years older than I. Im now 58, he`s 71 and believe it or not, he can still bang my lights out with ease. Stop looking for the twinks, youre only missing out….Im not

  158. sjohnson

    well speaking medically, at age 50 (now i am 58)i had prostate cancer and had the prostate removed. needless to say there is no more “full erection” nor climax. at times i regretted having it removed since i should “live to my late 70’s….” but cancer is cancer and i wanted it out! anyway. who wants to “love” someone who can’t get it hard and top them the way most men want? my life now seems lopsided since i can only be a bottom and do oral. i want love but with the way men are….drop your pants for a quickie…is not my style of “love” rather do without. and having a great base of friends is better than “love” that is out there. so single for me it is. no regrets.

  159. moja

    Its hard for me because at 43 I require more emotion to be attached to my sex life. Most GAY men want to hook up for sex, often times there is not feelings for each-other. When your young its simply about getting that NUT or orgasm. there is treatment for this condition, it dating and getting to know and developing a desire to want to have sex with someone for you actually have sex/.

  160. Robert

    I’m 59 and have stopped looking. Being in a car accident, having 5 neck surgeries doesn’t help matters. It is what it is. One day they will be my age and alone. I’m still just as kind as I always was but not having a “perfect” body is more important than being real, good head on my shoulders, and a decent human being. It’s their loss. I watch my weight but lifting weights is out of the question. I’ll keep my dignity rather than settle.

  161. Robert

    I don’t really know why the guys have so much problems finding guys.
    I am 49 and yes i like younger but had never problems finding ones and was in several LTR mostly over 7 or 8 years…and i don’t have a perfect bod but i have a huge penis and all guys doesn’t matter which age 21 or 38 like that , and if you want a LTR BF just make it work of course many yng guys have some sorts or problems but when you like them you make it work…you don’t find the perfect guy but for a nice ass i always make it work 🙂 think about the problems you had when u was younger…if he makes u happy make him happy and that doesn’t mean to be a suggar daddy , all the little problems in live we can easily solve , they often can’t, and i happily pay for dinner doesn’t matter if i pay for me or for two, i don’t date in first place first i have sex and if that works out well several times i usually think maybe it can be more , this worked very well for me all the years. I can’t imagine talking on a “DATE” about all my live and then have sex mostly im not interested in the guy anymore:_) better the other way around…sex makes me happy and i am not easy to take lol its a big challenge for most :_) but when they try it can be more :_) Good luck!

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