Gay Stuff : ” I’m Not Interested! “

When did saying “not interested” or “not my type” become a hate crime? Some guys assume just because they tag someone, that person should automatically fall to their knees in love.

Let’s say you are on A4A looking around for Mr. Right Now. You get a message from someone. You look at his profile and for whatever reason you decide he isn’t a match. You respond with a “Thank You, but not a match”. That should be the end of it right? 

You get a message from the guy asking you why you aren’t a match. You decide not to answer but the emails keep coming.  He tells you what you have written in your profile and he is into the same stuff. He tells you your age requirement and that he fits it. He goes on to tell you what a nice guy he is and that you are making a mistake.

You are about to answer him and tell him you just aren’t into him when the hate mail starts. He tells you that you aren’t all that and your pics are probably fake, etc…..

What it boils down to is this:  it’s your choice who you hook up with. No one else’s. If you don’t want to hook up with someone for whatever reason, you don’t have to. There are ways of saying no that aren’t hateful. If you don’t like white guys, you don’t have to hook up with one.  That’s your preference. The guys that are being turned down need to relax and learn to take no for an answer. No one hates you, they just aren’t into you.


Thoughts? Comments?

g skorich AKA eastvalleyoral

There are 218 comments

Add yours
  1. navyperson

    AMeN! I also like how they will bitch you out and then block you so you cannot respond. A lot of douche bags on A4A

  2. JOEY


  3. mydick69

    Its amazing that it happen or if u don’t have a pic or ur pics r locked an u say hi they automatically block u without saying not my types

  4. Jeffrey87108

    It is this kind of hate that keeps us fighting amongst our self’s. The straight love it has it keeps us focused on each other and not real issues.

    While your profile and what you are looking for match doesnt mean that sex is in the future. Its just sex. Sometimes your into it and others times, well your hand does the trick.

    Move on there is other guys out there.

  5. novacane470

    I definitely must agree I couldn’t have said it better 75% of the guys who message me on here are dl and I’m just not into the closetvfreak thing or I get hit up by a open person who is just not my physical attraction so I try to be nice and say let’s just be friends and these mofos. think I mean sex. …….I can be a friend and not want you sexually but guys don’t get that smdh

  6. Summus

    Another issue is that when you have different people looking for different things that can cause conflict and miscommunication. Although this site might be meant for hookups there are people looking for friends, dates, even a relationship.

  7. yap, u right

    Just block the person and keep moving on with your life…Blocks on A4A work two ways (you can block them and they can block you).

  8. J

    I’ve never had an experience like that.

    What I find here in Florida is that people will read your email and never respond. Instead of giving you an answer, they leave you wondering. It takes about 30 seconds to say, “I’m not interested” or “Tell me more about yourself.”

  9. Kevin

    I would be happy of if i got a respond saying that they are not interested . Instead i get blocked right away. I don’t say anything offending, i just say hello and that is it. I get blocked because of that?

  10. vafratboy


    WAY too many guys one here like to act like your not wanting to sleep with them is some big moral failure on your part. Then they come on the blog and whine, “What’s so wrong with just saying ‘I’m not interested'” but if you say that, it’s some big todo where you get bitched out for not wanting to sleep with everything that moves.

    I recognize that it’s not fun to be rejected (no matter how politely), but put on your big boy pants and move on.

  11. EdgeMyCock

    This behavior is why i often just don’t reply to messages from guys who won’t be a match. I don’t want to get drawn into that whole mess. Its one thing if we chat a bit and i decide i’m not into it; then i’ll own up to not feeling like it will work.

    I love the people who get it backwards.. they look at my profile, love my cock pics, say how much they want to service me.. go so far to ask for my address and then 15 minutes later ask me to unlock my pictures…. and then just stop talking to me. Whats up with that? I’m no brad pitt and am not butt-hurt by someone deciding they don’t want to.. but WTF? if facial appearance is so damn important ask people to unlock first! I HATE game players.

    I had one loser decide after he looked at my face pic that i must be lying about my cock size… huh? weird. If anything i under report it 🙂

  12. Jake

    How about opening your responses every time, even though they might be only one word sometimes, and then not responding? Or never being able to even take a joke because it’s so in-sult-ing? :/

  13. CHRIS

    In my opinion, it mostly comes down to insecurity. The self worth of these “men” that respond poorly to rejection is damaged a little when you tell them you’re not interested. Even if it’s done in a completely decent way.

    I almost always say thanks for the interest/compliment/whatever but I’m not interested. About half say thanks for the response and the other half act like little girls.

  14. Viceroy219

    I usually get this reaction from younger guys. Teens and young men in their 20’s still believe the entire world revolves around their heads and can’t envision a middle aged man (like me) not wanting to be with them. I actually prefer men closer to my own age.

  15. Brad

    There is this one guy who ALWAYS hits me up with the same “Wanna come come over and FK me?” He never wants to just chat. He has been hitting me up for years… exactly like you say, when I say “No” he ALWAYS attacks me, then blocks me. Over the years, he has used about 10 different profiles.

    Is it my fault that he is hitting me up at 11PM, when I am about to go to bed, or 7am when I am just waking up/ getting ready for work? Or even if I am just not in the mood right now… Get over it

  16. Tancredo

    I have tried to be polite in those cases since it’s in my nature. However, if the conversation turns hostile then expect I will respond and might block or report. I always say that there’s too much drama in me to carry over somebody else’s.

  17. Rick

    There should be no problem with thing like not my type or not a match. Much better to say then some rude stuff some guys have been known to pop off. After all guys you are on a gay sex dating site if someone language is to forward for you not my type seems to fit. Try to remember be kind for we each have or own battles we fight!

  18. Lovinglife99

    Agreed, I get turned down by people and I turn others down, I’m not into everyone and everyone is not into me. My issue cones when people send a message, then you respond and then they block you…I don’t understand why YOU contacted me if you didn’t want an answer…

  19. Bravory_1981

    It’s not the guys who say “not interested” that bother me. I’d much prefer someone to tell me if they aren’t interested, doesn’t even matter the reason. We both agree to disagree and we both move on to our next person. It’s the guys that bullshit around and aren’t interested , and know they aren’t , yet love the thrill of being chased so they keep guys strung along enough to have them following behind them asking “when when” and they keep making excuses and bullshit meeting times and dates, just to come up with excuses, date, after date. THAT’S what bothers me.

  20. Warm Dawn

    If someone asks why you’re not interested, I don’t think giving them an answer is too hard, especially if you’re advocating the honesty approach. An quick “I am not attracted to blank guys” probably would have ended the drama instead of just ignoring

  21. Matt

    Ugh…yes! I don’t generally put my favorite qualities in a guy on my profile anymore as it seems to do more harm than good. They won’t even read it in the first place, and if they do they want to know why I’m not interested in other types. Hell, I’ll even tell you why, but the point is it’s my business and if someone hits me up who I’m not interested in I’ll just block you if I get more than one message. No time for hate.

  22. Musclelive

    OMG, this is so spot on!

    Additionally for some guys you can even go so far to be polite to them and add the comment of “Have a good day” or “Hope you find what your lookin for” And they still don’t get it. These are the ones that have issues with rejection and need to seek professional help!

  23. lkdkdu

    A4A does not have a monopoly. I don’t know how many times I have taken a motel room or traveled 50 miles for a no-show and I never blasted or went off on those people… Nor blocked em. But the HIV+ dick I sucked blocked me! Oh well… And yes, bi-married is a choice…

  24. Thomas

    Yes, that senerio is poor at best. However, there is one worse, in my opinion. Here it is: after sending the initial contact message, the receiver does not reply at all. How rude! I’d much rather have: “Thanks but no thanks.” “We’re not a match.” “You’re not my type.” “Sorry, I’m not looking right now.” Something other than just nothing. Whatever happened to “netiquette?”

  25. oralgiver

    I have no problem with “Not interested” but often find myself incredibly annoyed when I have go to the trouble of writing a couple of paragraphs which generally start with a compliment and continue with question of the things he likes which correspond to my likes and do not receive any acknowledgement.

    I understand that the way I feel about courtesy is my own and I really expect no one else to respond to my standards – yet it still irks me to not even receive a thx for the compliment.

    It is getting

  26. einathens

    when i see an online guy i’m interested in, i send a note telling them i’d like to play and asking if they want to chat.
    finding something in their profile to compliment is nice.

    some respond. some don’t. sometimes no answer is your answer.
    life goes on. no need for drama.

    if i get hit up by a guy i’m not interested in, i just say “thanks, but i don’t think we’re compatible.”
    if they try again, my response is “i’m really not interested. happy hunting.”
    if they try a thrid time, i block them.

    i’ve had guys hit me up then block me before i can reply. i don’t understand that at all.

  27. k8aa17

    Its funny but some people just cant take NO for an answer
    And gay guys really play this a lot…. from the profile, pics, etc,
    I can tell if im into the person.

  28. Domtopcock

    On the money. We hook up fuck n maybe luv who we like. Its is what it is. My profile states as much for them n for me. My tastes in men is my brain wired gay assed business. Those that I don’t like get over it. I have as well. If u don’t like or want me its kewl. Lets move on. Enjoy the fact we are able to access a site like this…for FREE…n keep it all gay civil. Lol

  29. Miss Yass

    lol was just thinking about this last night. I don’t understand why people try to convince you about being a sex match like they’re trying to sell you a car or something like that, you’re dealing with a more two-way street type of situation. I mean suppose you convince the person; you’re both gonna have a half-assed time! Maybe that’s better than nothing for some but it ought not to be, at least not after a while.

  30. Jeff

    I have to laugh. I started thinking about the times straight friends wanted to play match maker for me. Although their intentions were good the criteria for a match was absurd. Or there’s sometimes the notion, be careful around him – he’s gay, as if to say we’re all cock crazy and will do it with anyone!

    It’s a matter of TASTE for Pete’s sake, plain and simple!

    I can appreciate all kinds of men for their various qualities, both inside and out, but that doesn’t mean I want to get naked with them…. unless they catch my eye and scratch my libido.

  31. slimman

    That is so very true. Guys, don’t take any negativity of rejection personally. The other guy knows you not! So relax and move on!

  32. Matthew

    Its a good point but I have to counter with this: how many guys have the courtesy to say “not interested”? I think its just as bad when you say “hey” to a guy and try to start a conversation and……nothing. do guys not realize that you can see if they’ve read the message? How do you know if they read the message and aren’t interested or they simply are away? No easy answers :-/

  33. Jace

    I second that frustration. It’s a good thing I don’t put a lot of stock in what others tell me about myself. Else I’d be racist, homophobic, sick up, a real bastard, a piece of poo, ugly, and hateful. Those are just the responses to “not interested.” You should see what they say when I get a chance to get riled up.

  34. Mitch

    I hear that I had this guy contact me and first thing out was “lets fuck”. Now I’m don’t need a lot of conversation and I will admit that on a very rare occasion I will respond to that if it has been a while and horny as a billy goat. Now I was already put off by his message and also he was older then my dad. I have no issue with older guys in fact some of my best fuck buddies are 10-12years older then me but it just something about fucking a guy that is my dads age that turns me off. I politely said “no thx I’m not interested”. About 5 min later I get a paragraph telling me how in a horrible person and telling me in a hatful way good luck in finding anything and I was blocked. Now I’m not god’s gift or anything I’m 280 mid 30’s and a hair mofo. I’m not ugly just body time that limits my options to those that like that type. This guy was basically telling me that he was the best I was gonna get and to fuck off cause he thought I was a queenie bitch. How he got that from 5 little word I’ll never know.

  35. Bob

    You assume that guys on this and other sites actually have the courtesy to tell you they’re not interested. Too many can’t be bothered to even do that. I understand that no reply is a pretty clear indication there is no interest on their part, but just don’t get the superior attitude that makes spending a few seconds to reply beneath them. When a guy does tell me he’s not interested, I always thank him for the reply and wish him luck in finding what he’s looking for.

  36. fallenfromwithin

    Saying im not into white guys is racism not a preference people.. Not liking someone because of their skin tone is racism, regardless of the group. #peopleshouldreadmorebooks

  37. Rob

    Yeah, I love when they insult you and block to prevent you from responding. I have a 2nd profile just for situations like that 😉

  38. JackPasadena

    If I’ve contacted a dude and he says he’s not interested in him, I’ll mark him as a “FRIEND”and under the comment area I’ll put: NOT A MATCH – DON’T BUG HIM
    That way, I avoid being one of those dudes that won’t go away.

  39. marcopo

    Good lord..The guys who do that drive me nuts. I am always polite if I am not interested. “No thank you, not my type” is my general response. Some freak out..”How could you POSSIBLY say no to me???” I notice the worst offenders of this are the really young guys who are stunned anyone over 35 says no to them or the over 40 crowd who thinks by saying “Bro” that qualifies them for college boys automatically.

  40. Phillip

    Perhaps if you had enough nerve to answer their email as to why you weren’t interested instead of CHOOSING to ignore them (expecially when they can clearly see that you’ve opened the emails) then maybe the emails wouldn’t have progressed. This really doesn’t take a rocket scientist.

  41. ajbbincubus

    I don’t think it should be a big deal. I’ve been rejected and have rejected too, whats the big deal? Just move on.

  42. G90814

    I use the term ‘mutual attraction’… if it’s not mutual, there’s not a lot you can do about it… gotta work both ways, no matter if they match your profile to a T.

    Another term I hate is ‘type’… sort of the same thing, a guy could fit your type(s), but have no appeal to you.

    Move on, there’s no point in trying to convince the other person that you’re their match, it just doesn’t work that way.

  43. arizona

    Truth! I learned to just block right after the second message.
    I seem like the dick, but it keeps me from reading the continuous crazy messages that are sure to follow the initial “Sorry, just not my type.”

  44. mike

    these things SHOULD be a given but all too often are not.
    of course the types of reactions underscore all the more that the guy isnt a match but a whackjob…but why are there so many gay whackjobs? i dont think for a minute this type of childishness exists to anywhere near this extent in other communitites.
    one other thing that i can never get over its prevalence:
    IE: “no old farts, fat slobs etc”
    Why the hell cant they just state it in a positive way…”im only turned on by trim to muscular and under age 30″?
    Sadly i know why
    Theres a maddening amount of immature and unkind gay people out there.

  45. Keith

    you made one wrong assumption. When you tag someone and let them know of interest, you are lucky if you get a reply. I always give an initial reply. Afterall, someone made an effort towards me. But rarely do most guys reply.

  46. FOBB

    Maybe its just because gay guys are more closed-minded and hate more intensely than str8! I’m a mature guy 40’s, and you should see some of the nastiest comments I get from younger! There’s no excuse for mean bitchyness. Gay guys are supposed to be
    “better than” right?Makes me ashamed of being associated with such a hateful “community”!

  47. Godzilla

    Well, this is why a lot of guys choose not to reply at all. I tried to be polite with a “No thanks, not a match,” but I have learned the hard way. It’s just easier not to reply at all.

  48. Tee

    I understand how some guys don’t deal with rejection well or at all, I read a lot of profiles on A4A and they are just rude and disrespectful so when, I feel guys are on A4A have the highest defences on and ready for attitude and not something simple like a conversation or meeting up, but I can only speak from the area and city i’m in and I know it can’t be like that everywhere! Have a little more respect for eachother, and no is not that bad

  49. qsfmgr

    I posted in my profile that I am NOT looking for a hookup. Still, guys continue to hit me up with graphic details of what they want to do sexually. What ever happened to respect and morality?

  50. wht_4_me

    I hate it when they ask me “why” im not interested…..I mean, do you really want me to tell you that I think you are ugly? because that’s why..

  51. Joe

    Let us be honest. Most people do not say not interested. They ignore you or block you. That is the real disease here. The outright rudeness of people by doing that.

    Do the right thing, respond , say not interested then if they go nuts, it is on them.

    I have found in my experience, most people do not have the courtesy to say not interested, they just block, bitch then block you like navy person said or ignore you. That is what this blog should really be about.

    We as a community I think is PATHETIC. We are so rude to each other and we do bareback on here like it is a choice. I thought we would be better then that

  52. Joe

    I agree but there are tons of guys that have no manners and will say some pretty nasty things in response to a simple “hi”. No reason to be an asshole.

  53. Alex

    While I don’t disagree that the first response is probably enough, if the person writes back and asks you why you are not a match, is there really any harm in taking it one step further and saying something along the lines of, “I’m just not attracted to you”? it may eliminate the subsequent hate-mail messages, while showing additional, unexpected consideration and courtesy. For me, if I extend a compliment and the other person responds with a mere Thank You, I’ve already gotten the message he is not interested in me, and therefore I pursue no additional contact. But then, I am not as thick headed as most people are.

  54. CHD

    I hate it when they ask me “why” im not interested…..I mean, do you really want me to tell you that I think you are ugly? because that’s why..

  55. Eric

    well this article is extremely true. It seems now a days the one that’s sends the hate mail are the ones that think they’re all that, that tell you you’re not the type to begin with. I Am Not The Hottest Guy But Every Now And ThenThere Is A Guy Who Will Say “Not My type” Or “not Interested” These Guys Are The Ones That GetRude Too Sometimes. if You Are Not Interested Be Nice About Saying No. I have found that being told no thank you or your not my type has been a lot easier to accept when they say something the lines of “thank you for asking however” or “happy Hunting” if you’re going to deny somebody at least be polite about it because normally they will be nice in return. generally

  56. BooBoo

    We’ve all been through that one. Had this one young guy that was hitting me up. Was calling me Daddy and want all sorts of things. When I turned him down, in a nice manner, he started with the bs. Told me “all you old guys should go out to pastor.” I replied with “I like pastors…there great to fuck in”. That was the end of that conversation.

  57. James

    Tell me about it a couple time I was away my computer or phone and I’d get an message from someone and like 10-15 min later if I didnt responsed I’d get like 4 more cussing me out calling me all kinds of names and then they block me. Not everyone I glued to their computer or phone 24/7 and have a life away at least you could wait untip they even open up the message before you bombard them with hate…

  58. bucknaked13

    The bottom line is most people despise rejection, though most can accept it. There are some however, that cannot accept rejection. They tend to take rejection personally. Some will view a pic/profile and think you are their dream catch and can’t accept you don’t feel the same, especially if they feel they meet the requirments. Personally, I take rejection with a grain of salt. It’s not personal as they don’t know me. In addition, it’s their loss.

  59. Qbanguy

    This happens to me all the time. I happen to be very attracted to black men of any nationality, it is my preference, i don’t hate anyone, but when it comes to getting sexually aroused I know what i like. For some reason this seems offensive to so many. Many guys call me N………R LOVER, and all sorts of nasty things, just because they are not my type. I have friends of all races and nationalities, i just have a very specific preference when it comes to sex.

    But anyway I really do not care, that’s their problem if they want to get pissed of. If people would read profiles first before contacting other guys they would not have to go through rejection. I read every profile before contacting someone.

  60. Nathaniel003

    This actually happened to me last year, been on a4a for 8 yrs now, and he is the first and only guy i ever had to utilize the block button on. Started off by say how he wants to fuck my gorgeous body and when i didnt respond, he started with the hate mails.

  61. Sam

    Well, When I was met a guy and some other guys….chat online on any gay sites. I have a great chatting on him and he was total interested to me. Then I was told him that I am deaf, use a sign languages and sudden he was stopped chat with me after that!!! That happened to other few guys too….. That got me really pissed off! It not right…. I am not a retard or dumber… Just can’t hear at all not a big deal!!! I can do amazing dates, kissing, cuddling and sex. What wrong with you and all who not into me after I told you that I am deaf! They are losers!!

  62. Andrew

    Completely agree. That was one of my biggest complaints the other week when reading the “Rude Behavior” blog post. So many guys on here feel that somehow other people have to respond to there unsolicited sexual advances. I know that guys will say “but this is a hookup site” (which it is), but that doesn’t mean everyone is looking for sex – especially from you.

    I think it is derived from the same social conditioning that fuels heterosexual ‘rape culture.’ A woman shouldn’t have to respond to some guy who whistles at her as she walks down the street. I’m don’t have to respond to you ‘smiles.’

  63. Ray

    If a guy asked me why we aren’t a match, I’d simply say “Because I said so”. It doesn’t matter why. After my response, simply block and move on. There is no sense in letting it get to the hate mail level.

  64. Stag99

    Well I’ve been on both sides of that! Its amazing how rude some dudes can be though when you say “no thanks” or when they’re not interested in you. I’m totally fine with someone saying “no thanks”. One dude the other day though just told me that I’m ugly. Wow, I know I’m not Liam Hemsworth, but ugly? c’mon – have some class.

  65. Steven

    and if you just aren’t into someone, when they start getting pushy, then you’re REALLY not into them. when they start getting nasty do they think THAT is going to change your mind about them? there are some pretty crazy people on adam4adam but I’ve met some great guys and made some great friends on this site. is someone starts to get pushy or nasty I just block them before they get a chance to block me!

  66. Tyson

    So true! personally i respect a guy very much if he is upfront and says he is not interested or i am not his type.

    Cause just not answering is rude in my opinion! i mean we are all adults here right? so just tell someone you are not interested there not going to shoot up your house.

    You can really see peoples true colors as well when you do this kind of thing…

    For example i am Asian and sometimes an old white guy will be hitting on me aggressively and i will nicely tell him i am not interested and he jumps right into ”Well you must have a small dick!” or ”you must just be afraid of what a big dick looks like”
    Psssh please.

  67. whenigetualone

    I am tired of being told I am racist because I don’t want to get with black guys. By that logic I must also be sexist since I don’t sleep with women?

    Just to throw it out there racist isn’t event he proper term if you are going to accuse someone of it in that instance. They would be prejudice, racism implies that one is in a position of power that is repressing a specific race.

  68. travelin

    What really gets me is the people who 1.) Read your message and then 2.) visit your profile to have a look. But then never reply at all. Not even “not interested” or “no thanks” or anything.

  69. AJ

    And this is EXACTLY why I limit the emails I respond to in the FIRST place. Guys complain when you don’t respond and then they complain about the response they get when you DO respond. It’s a lot easier to just ignore and delete the message and keep it moving. I think I’ll go back to just ignoring messages now.

  70. marc

    All people — on the Net, off the Net, gay males, straight females, teens, old people, everyone — need to chill out, relax and not take everything so personally. American society — at least part of it — is acting like a big baby that does not get its way. C’mon people, let’s put “civil” back in civilization. “No” means “no”; “not interested” means “not interested “; just move on.

  71. jace

    humm if osme not intresed then they typicly mena and a hookeveve a freind is kindhtta siples since msot guy are looking for sex on here i have had a few moreisne who cant hapne the truth and get pissy thenbloack mei really kind funny jsu how miaatue some guyes get tha what wahtwaht worse is wheen some donset not ge the hint that sed youa wink after you told them you not intrested i have hada few of those as well two

  72. Keith

    I agree totally! A simple’thank you but we don’t match’ is all that is needed. It would not make any since to contiue on the conversation. Although, if the person wants to talk then that is ok too.

  73. UniinJack

    The problem with that is most gays dont have the home training to politely say “thank you not interested/not a match” they look at your pics and dont respond. THATS rude. Or they blatantly discriminate. I.e. No whites no blacks no fems etc

  74. GrownAssMan

    Thank you! Guys like that need to grow up and act like men. Learn how to take rejection. It happens to everyone and not a big deal. You move on to the next one or just beat off and get over it. I wouldn’t consider myself a “HotBoi” but it’s happened to me and so annoying. I totally live sex but its only sex and some people just need to get with it

  75. DLG

    I get messages from guys that say “not interested”.. Yes, I am one of those that attempts to explain why we would be a great match while emphasizing the requirements listed in their profile. This results in me being blocked, ignored, or receiving a second “not interested” message.

    The sad part: They see me public (bar, club, mall, etc.) and think they have the right to come up and speak.

    The lesson: If you reject me online, make sure you reject me in person!

  76. jstbrsn

    I hate it when they keep nagging you to hook up even after saying you’re not interested. I block them, when they get nasty.

  77. Kevin

    I would be happy with a “I’m not interested.” However, I get blocked just because I sent a message saying “hello”. Seriously? That is all that is required for blocking a person. If I am not interested, I would let the individual know.

  78. matt

    I agree, but why when you email someone and THEY DONT RESPOND, and you might continue to email because they haven’t even read the email you sent do they then BLOCK YOU

  79. matt

    Blocking should be for people who are harassing you… not a way to deal with people whom are interested in you. To be frank, people like that should just get off this site and find a “perfect guy” site… although many on here have the perfect looks, seems like if you don’t you will be blocked@!
    Reminds me of friggin HS bull…

  80. Peanut720

    Excellent article! Seriously when did guys get all crazy when you simply say, Thanks, but weren’t not a match. Guys just need to learn to grow a back bone and take a no. It’s not the end of the world. Just move on to the next person you find interesting.

  81. Christopher (A4A supporter ;))

    Howdy, excellent post, as usual 😉 You pick the BEST and most relevant subjects!

    The only problem with “trying to delicately decline a proposal with dignity” can be a double edged sword:

    If the “guy that’s expressed in you and he’s bee rebuffed? Then the “friends get involved”. Hate mail comes flooding in from people who are their ‘buddies/cronies’.

    That can be a “profile delete” right there.

    You’re right, it should be the business of the two people involved, not for the entire fucking board to know around.

    But then again, gay men aren’t gossips, viscous or judgmental.

    Too many time “other factors” come into play: unhinged jaws.

  82. Nobody213

    I agree. Some people are just so full of themselves and think everybody wants them. Then when they come to someone that doesn’t, they get all offended as of you have insulted them.

    “Sorry not interested” or “no thanks, your not my type” to them is like “eww you’re gross. Get away from me”

    Not everyone is going to hook up with anyone and everyone. People have what they prefer and what they don’t.

  83. Jason

    I’ve been there….this guys kept sending me emails until I blocked him but the asshole had a second A4A account and kept sending hateful Messages…CRAZY!!!

    Worst thing is that I’ve seen that guy around HK’s scene…He is like always chasing blond guys, staring them and prob stalking them!! What a lunatic!!!

  84. Vince

    I see both sides of this. On one sides, lots of guys have ridiculous standards or requirements yet they complain about still being single. On the other side, once someone lets someone else know that they’re not interested in a polite and respectful way, the other person should leave it at that. I told a guy that messaged me first the other day that “I’m sorry but we’re not a match but good luck in your search,” and he replied with “Stupid old man!”.

  85. scoup

    Never experienced this, but I have been blocked for no unknown reason when I respond back or has been flaked on. Some guys always try to hookup but they aren’t rude they just keep trying with an occasional break…I’m flattered, but not interested.

  86. anubis1

    Has anyone ever had someone rip them a new for just looking at their profile? I saw a profile and hit on it too read the content and man you would have thought I set fire to his cat! Called me an old ugly troll and has I do not have a picture posted I was wondering where that came from. I just thanked him for his time and then I blocked him.

  87. mark

    Everyone is entitled to their types,likes, or preferences. Some people need to accept rejection, grow up and move on.There’s plenty of fish out there, so find someone that likes YOU! If someone has his or her preference on his profile and it isn’t you, then move on and mind your own business. This is like forcing heterosexual people to date homosexuals and vice versa. Another way to avoid rejection would be polishing up on your relationship skills. Keep a long lasting relationship and then you wont have to deal with what other people are looking for. Plenty of solutions guys.No means NO.

  88. eyesofblue1972

    All of us are guilty of this, we want every guy in the world to want us. And when someone turns us down for whatever reason its a blow to our self-esteem. Ok yeah I know I’m not the guy for everyone and sometimes when a really hot guy that turns me on makes it clear he isn’t interested I don’t get angry about it I just delete the message and move on. I don’t understand why guys don’t understand that. For some reason certain types of guys are drawn to me, specifically older heavier guys. Most of them are ok if I tell them they aren’t my type but I had one guy get really nasty with me about it and I had to block him.

    And yes there are a lot of douche bags on A4A but every now and then you find a gem just have to keep looking.

  89. Tristan H

    #Yes I get this all the time. I don’t have a type but if I can’t find you sexually attractive then it just want happen. I use to ignore the fact just so I could get … What would turn out to be “useless” dick.

  90. P.Zam

    There’s something else you’re not telling… I didn’t read anything about hate crime unless your profile description has the traditional “NO (fill the race here)” or you went Paula Deen on him. Are you both the same race? is he NOT fit? the majority of times gays are rejected by someone who’s not at the same level of fitness as they are or they are from another race.

    Compatibility reasons play no role in Gay relationships/hook ups. They aren’t looking for that, unless it comes in a pretty face, Abs & muscles all-in-one package which is what most look/want first hand.

    In the majority of cases, the rejected individual is a minority himself and not necessarily meaning he’s from another race group but also socially (Not one of the cool mean queens with a hundred shirtless pics.)

    You gotta understand that is not as easy as to “relax” and/or learn how to accept a “No” when they are rejected. They want to fit in, be part of a community that’s divided itself and what they’re getting is the same bull shit from people like you all the time and they had enough, that’s why he’d call you out.

    A dear lady friend of mine once told me how difficult it was to be Black in this society. My reply was “it’s even more difficult to be gay or Bi in the gay community.”

  91. Daedalus

    Being told “not interested” always stings, at least for me. But then again I’m the kind of guy who gets blocked or ignored when I unlock my face pics because apparently being cute is a bad thing. A lot of guys on A4A are only into the “white jock” type that is perpetutuared in mainstream porn, media, etc.

    I even had one guy tell me he was very vanilla when it came to sex, as though my being half black somehow made me “exotic” or some kind of kink or fetish. THAT is just dumb. However the most important thing to remember when you are the minority of the gay community (I.e. anyone not white or latin with a perfeft body) is that it’s your moral obligation to be the better man.

    I kindly thank people who tell me they are not interested, and wish them well. Not out of spite, but because taking the time to say “no thank you” is very respectful. They acknowledged my existence and were direct and straightforward, a highly desirable, and masculine,
    Trait. Even if you get flat out ignorex or blocked because you are not someones “type” the smart thing to do is just get over it and move on. It may suck that you can’t sleep with that hot guy, but there are a million hot guys that will actually want YOU.

    These are the things I remind myself of whenever I get brushed off by thoee who only want a specific, narrow, type of lay. Then after I have a great hook up with a great guy all is well. The disappointment is just our cock being upset it can’t get what it wants.

    We are all better than that.

  92. Coco

    Thanks for this article man… I think one of the most answers that we have recived on our whole life is No. So we sould be ready to get a no for answer, especially when is about sex with somebody you did not even seen before… I have gotten a lot of times a No for answer, and I’m still asking. Peace

  93. Dave

    Nice topic. I agree — if not into someone, just say so, hopefully politely. More importantly, if someone messages you and you don’t care for a profile, just say thank you. That should communicate the message as you are not trying to keep going. Let’s all be polite. 🙂

    By the way, eastvalleyoral, I enjoy your Questions to us. You think them through and are very open about your feelings. Thank you for this. Dave

  94. T-blow

    Yeah, there is kind of a rapey mentality online where guys think just because they see you, they deserve to have you.

    I’m not a supermodel but I can get compliments in messages. I was raised to say “thank you” if someone gives you a compliment but I’m not sure when that turned into an invitation for “you looking?” and a cock pic from every troll. Usually along with some attitude like I led them on just by responding. Sheesh.

  95. BryBry

    Wow! That is a loaded subject. Mine was a latino guy that was potentially interested in me (in spite of my profile stating my preference for anglo guys, gingers, etc,). He was witty, which i enjoy, so I responded politely and we chatted on an intelligent level, which I enjoy, and we increased our intellectual banter, and I let him know that how much I appreciated the banter.

    He then hit on me more forwardly, to which I made reference to my preferences. What did I do that for?

    He shifted modes and informed me of my ignorance in that area. I agreed somewhat, but also informed him that He had placed his ethnicity in the box he chose to be identified as, and it did not match what I stated I was interested in.

    Then, the real torrent came with him telling me that my people were from the jungle, bred in trees, and all sorts of fried chicken, watermelon references, and were little more than animals, and he would never want to meet someone like me in a million years.

    I reminded him that he hit on someone that he was now calling an animal, and his real issue was that he must be on the wrong site if he was into beastialty, because anyone of his intellect should know the truth. African Americans are no more animals than any other race of humans, and if so, why did he hit on an animal if he really thought that? This was just another case of a guy seeubg someone he wanted, but not being able to have it. I told him he should get help, AND THEN HE BLOCKED ME!

    Question: Should I have not responded at all in the beginning, even though I was trying to do the polite thing are respond in a polite fashion? Or should I have ignored him (which I consider rude, to not respond at all)?

  96. lonestar

    I agree with navy person if you’re not a match let it go maybe you’ll be friends. But don’t cuss someone out then block them when they can’t defend themselves. That shows a lack of maturity ,professionalism and a lack of character. Good blog subject.

  97. Nice Guy

    I agree with this as I have a type too. However, my issue with guys who are not up front. No one likes their time wasted so just say so if you are not interested. I have never responded negatively to the truth. And if you hit someone up, then you should have read their profile to know they are not your interest. Alot of men on this site don’t read at all. My site states my race on so many places and you wouldn’t believe how many guys not into black guys hit me up. Issue goes both ways.

  98. Jaysen

    I get turned down all the time. Even though I have a nice dick, I’m not exactly thin or super hot. But when a guy says no to me, I am fine with it. I just hate when you get they ignore you. At least if they block you it counts as a rejection. I can handle rejection, I can’t stand indifference.

    I turn down quite a few guys myself. Sometimes I’m just not interested, sometimes I’m just not horny. Sometimes I want to bottom not top. For whatever the reason, guys get way too defensive about rejection. It doesn’t always mean you’re ugly, or whatever. Sometimes people just have preferences.

  99. nashcruzer

    This is why I’ve found the block feature works both ways! I’ve blocked dudes, some have blocked me,but it shouldnt even get that far. You’re interested or you aren’t, explanations wind up just huriting someone’s feelings! Unless you’re proposing marriage, the it’s just sex, so move along lol

  100. Hunter0500

    No one should entitlted to an response when they send a message after reading a profile. A non-response is a clear message in itself. “No harm; no foul.” There’s no reason to assume their profile and yours is a match; that only happens if they agree there’s a match based up what they read in yours.

    This post is precisely why I don’t respond to guys who very clearly have not read my profile, guys who aren’t even close in when it comes to what you’re both looking for. Even the “thanks, but I’m not interested” all too often results in whining. They take it that since you responded, they have a chance with you.

    On another site, a guy sent me four requests for contact … to which I never responded. When a fifth message finally said “Oh, I’m sorry you’re upset with me contacting you,” I responded “I’m not in the least upset. I’m just totally flat out 100% not at all interested in meeting you. My not responding was an indication of that and nothing more. Good luck with finding someone who is a match.” He did not respond further.

    If you hit someone up and they don’t respond, give it few months and try one (and only one) time more if you think there’s a match. In either case, don’t get all “entitled” if they don’t respond; no one owes you a response, even “Thanks, but no thanks.” If they don’t respond, you got an answer. Move on.

  101. Hardworkin-69man

    I totally agree. We all know what we like and it is not a crime. What about those guys that spout all the negative stuff in their profiles, “ugly people don’t reply, if u r old enough to be my father, or my favorite, no fatties!” THEN they hit me up and I am one of the father ages but they say something stupid like, THEY will make an exception or u don’t look your age. I don’t do stupid! So I just say “sorry I am too old”, then the hate mail starts lol. I say to them, “Grow up and get over yourself”!

  102. rick wall

    Unfortunately the queens in Dallas don’t even take the time to say that, usually automatic block, lol, most gays here want globes of themselves. Guess I’m the age where even if not interested, I still thank them and say no thanks, is that so hard??????

  103. FreeRangeRadical

    A lot of DLs and closet cases assume that you’re just like they are, that if you’re a guy, you must want to have sex with every other guy: “This site exists for only one reason and if you’re on here you’re looking to hookup. So stop saying I’m not your type – I’m a guy!”

    Well, sorry, but the short answer is still no, and the long answer is: I’m sorry that your cowardly desire to remain in the closet prevents you from understanding that in the real world where I and other out gay men live, people are attracted to others for a myriad of reasons, not simply because they have matching junk.

    If you want to live a double life, that’s your business. But you should learn that when someone says no, they’re not necessarily saying that it’s because you don’t have matching desires, it might just be that they don’t like hooking up with closeted gays or DL drama queens. It might be that they don’t like the color of your hair. It might be that they’ve analyzed their own desires so granularly – as opposed to “Male? You’ll do!” – that they know precisely the guy they’re looking for, even if it’s just for a trick. And that guy happens not to be YOU!

    Deal with it.

  104. seth

    The problem is that its the type of people you don’t like keeps hitting you up. For instance, my profile states, no druggies, fats, no one who could be my dad, non smokers only, no dl/bi/married men.. Heres my reason(s) why i have that in my profile:
    1) i don’t do no type of drugs at all.
    2) i’m 110 lbs @ 5’3 tall, so a fat guy would basically kill me.
    3) i’m attracted to guys around my age. No one who can be my son or dad.
    4) i don’t smoke (health reason and i hate the smell of it, plus i don’tike kissing an ashtray).
    5) dl & bi men are just drama. I have too much respect for myself to mess around with married men.

    Now its those same people who hit me up, acting desperate, who don’t read the profile & understand the words “no thank you”, “not interested/looking” or think they have a shoot with me cuz they cute as hell. Then they get mad and upset when you reply back to the multiple messages that they sent with a rude comment.
    I mean come on, get a clue, not everyone on a4a gets into the “typical” gay stuff. Some of us actually have morals, dignity and respect for ourselves & others.. Geesh..

  105. Jason

    Very well said. I usually respond with “No thank you, but good luck to you”. People need to stop taking things so personal. In my opinion, if someone hate mails you back after a polite response it’s like rape because they want you to do them against your will.

  106. ed

    I’ve had that happen several times. It is usually from someone who won’t open their pics or doesn’t have a face pic. The age of the blind date is over. I can’t envision driving somewhere to meet someone for sex and not know what they look like. It’s bad enough many of the pictures are out of date or of someone else. To expect someone to come to your house without knowing what you look like is absurd. The bottom line of course it that we have the final word. I’m not about to debate with someone about a face pic so when they pissy about it, I just block them. When someone tells me that they are not interested I thank them for the reply and wish them well! What would be nice from some folks though would be a little honesty on occasion. Tricked with a guy who said he was a vers top, and of course he was a bottom, and missing 3.5 inches of the 7 he listed in his profile. Do these liars and bozo’s really think the power and charm of their personality is going to gloss over the facts that they are older, fatter, less equipped, and not at all into what they said they were but are into some stuff they said they were not. Hate it when that happens!!! Some hookups have more intrigue than a John Grisham novel.

  107. SEABEE

    I’ve noticed the same thing although I will say things have really changed since I was younger. Then it was difficult to find someone. You either had a feeling or you knew the hangouts. I liked the older guys, they knew how to do things and you learned from them. Older then was anyone in his 20s and above.

  108. BBGUY1970

    i live in northern New Jersey . Been on a4a
    for about a year . I’ve probably met up with
    30-40 guys since then . Everyone has been
    very nice to me .

  109. Matt

    I’ve politely said “No thank you. Not my type.” When I get “Why not baby?” I say “Observe the boundary.” If that doesn’t end it then I block.

  110. WickedClub9

    The best are the racial slurs. On a few occasions I’ve been called the N-word by guys I’ve turned down. Yeah, that’s REALLY gonna make me want to get in your pants.

  111. Brian

    Just block people if it’s such a problem. It’s an online hook up site.. if it’s causing you this much stress that you need to rant about it, i’d rethink logging in. Not a hate crime, just my opinion.

  112. hatedon

    A4A should create a way to report these douchebags that send hate mail. Not only do they send hate mail, but they post rumors on their profile about you or your profile and the vicious cycle continues again.

  113. gearjammer73

    I tell everyone..not lookinh..that way they don t get offended BUT on occasion I get tbe WHY NO IT S A SEX SITE….WHY NOT IS IT ME????…..My response is the same…NO MEANS NO REGARDLESS OF Y N whether it s me or u…I m not looking……..THE HATE MAIL StartS THEN somehow my pix are ugly…I m old…I m this or that….u can tell who is desperate or not JUST HOW THEY WRITE THE FIRST QUESTION OR RESPONSE…….I think from now on once I say no…further emails will be ignored/deleted unless tbey change the subject

  114. S-Oteric

    No lie man! That’s why on my profile it reads, “If I’m not attracted to you a polite “No thanks.” will be my reply. LOTS of guys aren’t attracted to me, which is fine. We ALL like what we all like, and we all DON’T like what we all don’t like.” I think it sort of softens the blow before hand, and I haven’t gotten any hate email messages since I changed my profile to read this way.

    I think that most of the guys that can’t take a “No” for an answer feel that they are so hot or something that they can’t fathom why someone WOULDN’T be attracted to them. I was in a bath house in another city a couple years back and when I told this guy I wasn’t interested, he told me to “Lose the attitude!” I felt like saying, “If you’re so hot, why don’t you hit on someone who looks like you and is as out of shape as you are, because I look NOTHING like you.” but decided to just walk away.

    I wasn’t kidding. a LOT of guys aren’t attracted to me. I’ve learned to live with it. Everyone should.

    Think about it this way. If everyone was attracted to everyone, then everyone would be hooking up with the very first profile they ran across.

    This isn’t Roulette people!

    As shallow as it may sound, when it comes to hooking up for sex, it IS all about the physical. That’s why we have pictures (most people anyway). I have never ran across a profile and felt, WOW that guy’s profile is so HOT. The font he used really made my dick hard!

  115. mike

    I absolutely love it when I am told “not interested” or “not a match” That way I can move on to the next profile. What I hate is being ignored, I make it a point to answer everybody who contacts me, unfortunately its mostly to say “no thanks” but at least they know.

  116. Licketysplit1010

    The way I look at it being a mature man like I am – its their loss. I have so much to teach that would take them years to acquire. And after all – they definitely are not the only asses on the site.

  117. Rebjorn Entity

    Preference is NOT liking or disliking a whole race/ethnicity.

    A preference is men in ups uniforms, bald men, hairy men, twinks, She-males. To Deem a whole entire race- now and in the future to be romantically or sexually unattractive is RACIST. For whatever reason someone does not like a certain race whether it be upbringing or stereo typing it is stating that a whole entire ethnicity is not attractive. Thats why we as a planet are doomed ….because we need to evolve and stop living in a fantasy that has been perpetuated by our family or cultural traditions ..

  118. Mike

    It’s not just on A4A.Those types are everywhere.I just ignore them and eventually they go away.Most guys accept when you decline their offers.So it’s a small percentage that are douches about it.

  119. CM

    The ones that always get me are the ones who read your profile, send you an email and dont get why your not interested, because after reading their profile prior to responding they dont even come close to a match of what I have specifically listed in my profile, LOL

  120. Frank

    HOLD ALL THOSE THOUGHTS…….Its the bimbos that cannot speak that are the rudest!
    At my age, I can take and have known denial, poor social skills from all these “hot men” is another story.
    If your “not interested” say so….. did the message go thru? …are you blowing your BF,FB Delivery guy????…just have some manners and say so……we will all survive. The next bud is around the block… get real guys!

  121. Chasing_it

    Some guys just don’t get you might not be here for just sex, hey if that’s all your here for great but I like a little of everything. Hookups get boring so make me laugh.

  122. Eric

    God, this happens to me all the time. You try to be nice and mature with them, but they reply back with immature and bitchy comments, such as “You have a type? You should be happy someone wants to hookup with you” and so on. I have to tell them that I’m horny, not desperate and there has to be some level of attraction there for me to have sex with you.

  123. Eric Swanson

    I agree with Mike. The “douches” aren’t just on A4A, but on other sites as well. Personally, I’ve always found that people are fairly understanding if you tell them (politely, of course) that you’re not interested. Of course, there are exceptions for every rule.

    Myself, I would much rather be told that someone is not interested than be greeted with silence whenever I try to contact someone — especially if it’s for the first time. Courtesy works both ways, or at least it should.

  124. Stix

    Its not really no big deal, we all have a preference on something, A4A holds alot of BS anywho and alot of profiles say oh Im not on no game, but they on game when they logon, so your better off just blocking, you end up waisting alot less time and not hitting someone up for a 2nd round of bs. I dont think no one sits there with no note pad…..errr mayb some do .

  125. Charlottean

    In Charlotte NC, it is best not to say anything at all. Whatever you do respond with they are just going to send back a bitchy email and then block you. If you do respond with an interest in meeting up, they want you to beg. It’s all a game here in this city as most just want a positive response so they will feel hot when they go get in bed with their partner or wife at night. It’s all about having the advantage of being able to say “got more pics”.

  126. Penetr8

    I have my share of rejection online and I am never pressed. As the post says, everyone knows what they’re into. If I don’t respond I find that the most polite way to decline. No one owes you a hookup, and a lot of people need to RELAX. Just as you reject prospects, sometimes they’re gonna reject you. Get over it, it ain’t that serious.

  127. David D.M.

    The biggest conflict about this is that each person has a different idea of what is acceptable etiquette. If I’m not interested then I most likely will not reply, nor do I expect anyone else to do so if they are not interested. I think it is best to state what you’re looking for in your profile so there is no confusion. If someone I’m not into happens to strike up a random conversation about a mutual interest that isn’t sexual I will reply. But mostly I’m here for hook ups and if there isn’t any interest why waste time. I don’t see any sense in being rude and nasty to anybody, and I also don’t think it’s rude to not reply if you don’t wanna fuck that person. If I tell someone I’m not interested and they keep pushing I just won’t reply. There is nothing that I am going to tell that person that they will find satisfactory and really what difference does it make? Is it even explicable. No one should have to explain not wanting to be intimate with someone.

  128. KirtUptown

    This is how it goes: Those that you are attracted to, aren’t attracted to you. Those that are attracted to you, you are not attracted to them. Block, Block, sit and wait on the next mismatch.

  129. Dan

    My favorite is when send a “Hi, how are you?” message to a 22 year old the kid replies accusing you of being an old pervert who is married and can’t get any from the wife, etc. and then hits the block button. Laughed my ass off when that happened.

  130. olderNsmarter

    First hand experience ,I say that guys younger than me ,generally of this generation are way more up tight than I was at their age. And so vain . The Internet cant suck you dick ,The art of the cruise is over .Really most guys get blocked from me for no other reason than I read the email and their profile is so offensive I dont want to like see anything the asshole has to offer .

  131. maurice

    hey i think its fine that they say “sorry not interested”…& i just block them there so i dont messgae them again…i like to have sex with people who enjoy me…go on to the next no?

  132. Hotniqqa

    Wow I love this! I was told I was “Rude” for telling a guy. Sorry I’m not interested. He said I could have blocked him or not said anything at all to him. That just shows how some people can’t take rejection when it billions of other people on this planet. I shouldn’t have to explain to them why I’m not interested. IT’S THE END.

  133. neverthegroom (A4A username)

    I usually just ignore the person after writing it’s not gonna happen. If they continue I just block them and that’s that.

    I really don’t believe anyone is out anyone’s league. It’s all about what rocks one’s boat.

  134. R T

    Yes its best to say “im sure you a great person but was looking for such —–type of guy or im not into -guys. ” HOWEVER, some guys sell themselves short by TOO QUICKLY saying “not interested.” Been a few times when the persons on the other end were not that attractive,or were more attractive when we met,but yet I went out on a limb since it was just sex and who knows it might be good. Guess what??? Some of the guys I thought I would never check out or invite was the BEST sex I have ever had. You never know. It pays to be OPEN MINDED.Remember, there is a big difference between finding Mr. Rigth versus a quick one night hook up!! Some guys forget that. Of course Im sport enough to accept not intersted graciously. Of course thats the way it works a lot of times, the ones we like are the ones that don’t appeal to us and vice versa. Now if you are on the fence then just say ” I probably will hookup with you but I want to see you or know you first if thats ok.?

  135. chuy

    Exactly.. I’m nice about telling guys I’m not interested. I get annoyed personally when guys don’t read my profile. I’m not looking or into hooking up. They don’t read my profile.. Than I get the rude whiney response.. Than why are u on a4a???its a hookup site.. I reply no its not.. Its a dating site n a site to meet new ppl as friends n what not. Just ignorant to not read anything at all. They blast and hate mail u than block u..haha its too damn funny how quenny they act…than daily still visit ur profile.. So damn creepy.. Jeffrey daughmer people I swear… Creeps… Lil immature cry babies.. And so desperate too.. Gross..

  136. Capt

    Idk how it feels to be rejected.. Everyone wants me. HA I’m kidding.. I get the “not interested” message sometimes.. It doesn’t feel great but I just move on.. It’s the ones that say “lol I don’t think so” that are rude and almost move me to say something but even then I understand that I’m not what they’re looking for and obviously the guys a tool so no big loss.. Definitely hate when I get bitched at then blocked.. Guys.. Don’t start a conversation you can’t finish

  137. Bernard

    I agree with these guys bs .. I don’t have a problem with flirting or showing my pvt pics .. I hate when they say the pics aren’t clear.. ALL LIES!! Just take a good look,jack off , and push on.. You know what I mean ?!?

  138. einathens

    if you were at a bar, party or other social situation and someone came up to you and said ‘hi,’ would you ignore them, turn and walk away?

    probably not. so why do it online? it takes seconds to respond and indicate your lack of interest, and those seconds are what seperate the grown men from the brats.

    and remember, no matter the reason someone has for rejecting you, someone else will fetishize you for it.

    it all evens out, and karma’s a bitch.

  139. Jon

    It’s interesting–when someone isn’t interested in someone else, why it seems so polite to even respond with a “thank you, but I’m not interested,” or “sorry, but you’re not my type,” or “I don’t think we’re a match.” When someone isn’t interested in me I certainly don’t need them to take the time out of their day (or mine) to reaffirm that I didn’t make the cut. If anything it makes me feel more rejected. It’s like rubbing salt in an open wound. If someone doesn’t respond then duh, clearly they’re not interested, can’t we leave it at that and call it civility? And furthermore when I’m not into someone, I’m not “sorry” I don’t wish to “thank” them or say “I don’t think…” when I know very well we’re not a match. In essence, why is it so damn impolite to just ignore or block? I see it as more polite, less in your face, and a simple way to just move on without me having to explain myself (or someone else to me).

  140. AJ2

    Wow, Seth, love the hate you spew while you justify yourself.

    A “fat guy will kill you”? I’m your same height and size and let me tell you something, sweetheart, I’ve had great times with bigger guys — and they’re much more aware of the height/weight issue and will make a point of not putting their weight on you unless you ask them to.

    Honey, you should be so lucky to have any big guy be interested enough in your to want to “kill you”. Fucking punk.

  141. Jr.

    I mostly agree, but 99% of the time I’m not looking to hook up. So I mostly look and initiate chat with guys whose profile says not looking or indicates they are looking to chat or for friends. Sometimes I will get a response that says, “sorry no blacks…no offense.” This is even I’m not even remotely attracted to the person and just trying to make conversation.

    I’m a good looking self assured guy so that doesn’t bother as much as the blantant racism. I think its funny how we want everyone to accept us as gay but many gay men are not tolerant and discriminate as well.

  142. N Node

    problem with this site is no one is interested in anyone except if you look like Jake Gyllenhaal or Ricky Martin and have a body of your favorite go-go man-boy dancer, you all are looking for that needle in a haystack, one guy out of thousands, if your a hot guy (you know if you are), you only want to be with other hot guys and anyone whos appearance resume doesn’t fit, they are thrown away, the rest are cock-blocking each other to see who gets Mr average, then there are the poor guys that is “no ones type” that probably haven’t had sex in over six months or years, advise to those other than the “beautiful ones”, get off this dam site and find another more worthy of your time and effort, I guess the silent treatment to email means NO thanks, I personally don’t take this site seriously

  143. Deepassion38

    I recently had someone just unlock his photos. He did not say hi or anything. When I looked at his profile, I was not attracted to him and responded with “Thanks, but I am not interested.” He responded immediately by calling me an ass and blocking me.

    I cannot understand this rudeness. First of all, did he feel that by unlocking his photos, I would instantly fall in lust with him? I realize that I am 40 but that does not make me desperate.

  144. CocoDrilo

    I simply never respond since it is better than saying I am not interested. If you try to be polite, which I got tired of being, you get a shower of insults and emails wanting an explanation even though you have said enough. Why bothering responding, why try to give explanations since we all know what this site is for.

  145. 69Albert



  146. TallProblem

    We’ve all been there and we’ve all been on both ends of that awkward conversation. It’s no more fun to reject someone that to be rejected. No one takes rejection well (I don’t care WHAT you say) and then there are some that just act like total babies. I’ve had guys cuss me out and/or block me simply for saying no or not giving a response (or should I say the response they wanted.) And yes, some guys are as much assholes about saying ‘no’ as some are about hearing ‘no’. In the end, rejection is an inevitable part of the game. It’s a risk you take and sometimes you just have to be a big boy about it and suck it up (no pun intended) I just wish some of these big cry babies on here can remember that the next time they can’t get their way.

  147. Mike

    People should be polite. Even if someone sends you a message that is not your type, they are still a human being. You might have something in common with them on another level. It seems we focus so much on a person’s looks. We can still be friendly to each other and maybe become friends with someone, even if that are not our type.

    I pride myself with having conversations with guys online, even when there is no a physical chemistry. I still can form a lasting friendship with them and have someone to seek out advice.

  148. Sacflip

    Chill folks. If someone responds with “not interested” just reply…”thanks and have a good day…b safe.” However, if you get a contact and are not interested, be man enough to respond with the “not interested”…just don’t BLOCK first. State your preferences clearly and concisely in your profile: age limits, race (if any), height, weight, etc.

  149. Lexi Roxs

    Yea I don’t get why people do that, too bad if your but hurt I get emails like that all the time… I’m sorry I’m just not into younger guys or black guys and they always start with the bs emails, talking shit… I love that block button!!!

  150. Paul Proteus

    Thank you so much for your comment Rebjorn. So much of the “i’m not interested has more to do with veiled racism than anything else. Most times some one who isn’t interested on other grounds will just say not interested. But usually when my friend of the preferred authenticity logs in, despite having the same body type and characteristics I do,he’s treated like he’s better.

  151. James

    Almost nobody says “I’m not interested.” anymore. On any of the hookup sites. They just ignore you. That seems to be the industry standard. If they’re interested they’ll reply. If not, then they wont. Some people take it to the extreme and just block you if they’re not interested. Without even saying a word. If A4A charged a quarter every time you blocked someone, they’d make millions! (And all of the stuck up little twinky guys would have to actually exhibit some manners and say “No, thanks”. Poor little things.)

  152. vegasmmaannn

    what i hate is when a guy blocks you just because you looked at his profile? haven’t said a word but they block you. its just sad that you think your all that. people look take it as a compliment and be a decent human being.i can deal with someone saying not interested if you sent them a message. but blocked for just looking? get over yourself

  153. Vers_guy

    I do agree that people need to learn to take rejection. However I do think that all of us need to learn to be a lot more respectful to someone. I think if we get a message we should respond and respond respectfully. A lot of people will just not respond to messages.

  154. Mike

    I think A4A should diversify a bit and have specialized sections for what people are really looking for so there is no misunderstanding. Personally I am looking for a relationship and will never bother or pester anyone. There should be an age range in plain view as well. I am older and just accept who a person is…but some who say I just wan’t to chat…then you do attempt…you are ridiculed beyond belief. I am in my 50’s …and take good care ..but the reality is many gay men are egoistic and can ‘t be civil ever. Having great communication skills is the best solution and being nice at all times…then if they cannot be then warn they will be blocked..then do so if needed. But I think A4A can be a SUPERIOR site if they section off areas of likes…including younger for older..etc. and even if a fee has to charged to do so. So many on here lie about their “status” as well. HIV is either neg or pos..non detectable is pos ! I have no problem with nay is the honesty that matters. TRY AND LOVE EVERYONE…lots of people need a little love (not meaning sex)…nothing is better for
    making someone’s day by being nice. But first you must have a personality to begin with, of which i find shallow on this site at best. Just an observation and suggestion. LOVE TO ALL !!!

  155. MadRage

    and I quote “Like Latin/asian/middle eastern, caucasian.” im sorry for your bad experiences with the other race. sorry I discriminate against big guys…shit, I really don’t like guys as much anymore…but I digress. you know exactly who you want-that is wonder-fur!

  156. alpha85

    there is a local guy like that near me. I am NOT into overweight guys and he is flat out obese. ever since I told him I wasn’t interested, he has been cussing me out whenever he found me online on any site. I usually just block him and move on. talk about holding a grudge lol.


    And just think if you hooked up with that nut job and then had to tell him no thanks. Where theres smoke…. therss fire.

  158. ricky153

    If someone is not interested in me for whatever reason, I don’t take it personally. It’s not about me. Besides this is New York. There are thousands of guys like you on every corner.

  159. John

    Courtesy is voluntary, not mandatory. If I read your message and do not reply then my not replying is the same answer as my telling you I’m not interested. I see no reason why people need to be coddled through a rejection. Those who have a problem with not receiving a reply are just like those who respond badly to a “no thank you, I’m not interested” reply, just at a different level is all. Point is: People need to get over their false sense of entitlement.

    As for not being sexually aroused by people of a different race; So what. Using the race card in an attempt to make someone feel guilty for their sexual preference is stupid and those who get so upset about being turned down because of that are most likely ashamed of being their own race themselves if it bothers them that much. Maybe it’s racist and maybe it’s not, but it still in no way assigns anyone any authority to deprive others of making their own personal choices.

  160. hrdcop

    get blocked u get blocked remeber you are dealing with a computer person on other end cam be any one rember if to good be true it is.

  161. SamVimes2012

    I do not mind getting told no. What bothers me more are no responses or instant blocks. If a persons profile reads “I will talk to anyone just message me.”, I take that to mean that person will talk to anyone. I am not always looking for sex with someone, I do look for friends. Maybe I am wrong and if I am then someone tell me please. Well i just had to say a little on this as I think it’s important to be able to communicate with people. Have a great time all, take care.

  162. KissMySass

    I agree. I had one guy that would constently email me, I told him I wasn’t into him, and he would continue to flood my inbox with his messages. I eventually blocked him and he went out of his way to create a new profile that basically had a username asshole, description “your an asshole” and so on,etc. Then he blocked me from that profile.

  163. eastvalleyoral

    of course not all guys give the “not interested” flag but if you sent an email and he hasn’t responded in lets say 2 hrs and he is still on line that probably means “not interested”. its all good, move on to the next.

    great comments and suggestions. Thanks!!

  164. tomzuk

    I have just gotten to the point where I don’t repsond to guys I am not interested in. Especially the ones 8000 miles away.

  165. gabber_az

    I don’t know if I agree with most people on here. When it gets to insulting and rudeness that’s one thing but like someone else said, would you block someone who complimented you out in public? Or would you say thanks and be polite?

    Sure it’s a hook up site but it is also a chat site so how can you not expect someone to be serious about just striking up idle conversation? If you don’t want to shoot the shit then say so then block, or put it in the profile. But a lot of people say they are looking to chat or for friends but don’t respond to idle convo because that’s not really what they are looking for–amd that’s a matter of honesty or dishonesty. You invited the person to say hi, amd if they said hi, why bitch about it?

  166. Charlie

    It happens on other sites as well. This is def not the only one that guys block you for your likes and dislikes. It’s happened to me several times. There are times I think, however, that we need to read profiles more carefully and see what they are into. I place my likes and dislikes on my profile and if someone hits me up outside of that. I urge them to read my profile. That normally results in an immediate block. LOL. But I don’t intend to ever explain why. I don’t know if I can.

  167. Lonelyaikenguy

    I know I’m not many guys type but if I send a smile or a message and you aren’t interested. I’m sure I can figure out on my own why you aren’t and that’s cool but at least tell me don’t ignore me. Don’t have to say why just simply reply “not interested” that’s all that needs to be said.

    South Carolina

  168. navysoccerboi7 Justin Taylor

    I find it funny when MY profile says NOTHING about wanting sex and I say “hi, how are you?” to someone that’s also “looking for friendship” and they respond with something like “No, Im attracted to xyz guy./Im not hooking up with you./etc”. Im not even looking for sex, that’s weird, especially when the hate mail starts after that and the block happens. Sometimes when someone blocks you b/c you blocked them…..that’s funny b/c its a redundant/useless block. hahahahaha

  169. edgemycock

    If you send me a message, you feel I’m REQUIRED to reply? Get real and over yourself. Unsolicited communication is voluntary. Any expectation otherwise is delusional!!

    Also, Racism is saying race x is inferior. Racism is NOT saying I prefer race x, y or z. Preferring a race is prejudice.. but not racism.

    I do not personally choose by race. I focus on attitudes, behavior and other choices someone makes. It all boils down to choice.

    Peace people! Love not war!!!!!!

  170. Huracan

    The problem isn’t guys who can’t take no for an answer. The problem is guys who won’t give u an answer either way, ignoring u & hoping u go away. It’s just rude & immature. If u’re not into someone, just say so, what’s the big deal? If u were at a bar & some guy u weren’t into hit on u, would u turn ur back & ignore him, or would u politely turn him down?? I’d rather someone tell me to f* off than just ignore me, I have more respect for that! At least I know where I stand.

  171. Richard H.

    Just wish guys on A4A could be more responsive: I generally
    try to respond to all messages within a few minutes, with
    either a “not interested” or “Tell me more…?” Frustrating
    when you message a guy and never get a reply!-Only takes a
    second to express interest/noninterest.

  172. Filo

    People in general on this site are assholes for no reason. It doesn’t take but 2 seconds to tell someone you’re not interested, in a tactful manner. None of you are God’s gift. I’ll at least give people that courtesy and I’ve only been bitched out by one guy who couldn’t take “no” for an answer. Just so you know, discriminating against someone’s race is discrimination, no matter what you think. Gay people want equal rights, yet they can’t even see how divided they are.

  173. etalon

    If I’m turned down, I just realize that there’s plenty of men out there, and if this particular one isn’t for me, and he’s polite enough to say, “sorry, I’m not interested”, I kindly reply, “thank you for being honest and replying”. I find so many people on here who lack courtesy… it’s like being on the freeway and cutting in front of someone and not acknowledging their politeness with a wave. I wave when I do so. People think with 3,000 pounds of steel around then that they don’t need to have manners. Just be polite, there are people on the other end of each and every one of these accounts. Some people like Hondas, some like BMWs. We always should act polite… I was taught manners when I grew up, and I presume (naively) that everyone else has. Oh well. I don’t let it hurt my ego. Good luck to everyone. 🙂


  174. dylf999

    I want to play devil’s advocate for a bit, because I think there is a another kind of hate that is being overlooked.

    Say you’re Frumpy McGee. you were not gifted with a hummingbird’s metabolism or the cutest face, you don’t spend 24/7 in the gym because you’ve got a full time job with overtime, but you do happen to be gay. In fact, you’ve had to work hard your whole life taking care of your mother who was battling a lifelong terminal illness, and your youth has now passed you by. On your rare day off, you get on A4A looking for friends, the occasional hookup, and maybe a lover. For about 1000 profiles you see this:

    18, 5’10”, 139lb, 29w, Athletic, Brown Hair, Smooth, White, Looking for Friendship, 1-on-1 Sex, Relationship.

    “Fun” loving masculine young dude recently out of a relationship.
    u fat = delete
    19+ = delete

    Jock, Smoke No, Drink Socially, Drugs No,

    vers/top, 7.5″ Cut, Anything goes, HIV Negative, Prefer meeting at: Public Place.

    This is accompanied by miles of ass and cock picks, so not only are you getting hornier by the minute, you are also getting more and more depressed. You start thinking that nobody could ever want you ’cause they’re all looking for what you’re not. Then you think about all the love you’ve given to family in the past and how you’d like to have someone to love that would love you. Finally, you see this:

    25, 5’10”, 179lb, 36w, Average, Blonde Hair, Smooth, White, Looking for Relationship.

    Sweet caring guy looking for someone to love.

    Smoke No, Drink Socially, Drugs No,

    vers/top, 7.5″ Cut, Safe Sex Only, HIV Negative, Prefer meeting at: Public Place.

    You message them and they respond “not interested”.

  175. Jay in Chicago

    Hmmm this post brings up a couple of things on both sides of the coin that guys on this site manage to let overcomplicate any type of connection when the profile doesn’t state they fall outside that guy’s preferences:

    (1) The need of some guys to learn how to respect boundaries and learn that no, not interested means just that. No apologies needed for that especially when the person took time to communicate that respectfully.

    (2) The overblown assumptions by some of the rest that just because they’re getting hit up the other guy automatically wants to fuck or get fucked by them. Maybe just maybe that guy saw the profile and from the way it was written had the thought that you had something going for yourself outside your looks, dick and ass like a damn brain in your head.

    And the comical side of this whole thing is the number of gay men who are guilty of the above having the gall to cry and complain they’re still single. One thing I will say for the guys on here who gleefully state they ignore messages go right ahead and continue because it shows that your not being man enough to just say ‘not interested’ and be done with it is a pretty good indication you’re likely not men in other important aspects outside of sex.

  176. D

    Attractive guy here, and I post pics that I would call very luring to guys, so with that I get a ton or guys emailing me. I am not the type that likes to hurt a guys ego or any things, so I say it in the nicest way I can until it appears they are not getting the point. For me I rarely give in to the guys that make attempts to get with me, but instead I like a challenge and prefer to go after the type I like. I don’t take rejection to heart at all, everyone gets it at someone point or another, some maybe more then others, but that just comes with trying to find someone online or out in public. Should be much easier taking rejection over internet but some guys take it to heart.

  177. FreeRangeRadical

    @Rebjorn Entity

    I agree about the race/ethnicity thing. I just don’t get the racism thing, but I suppose that’s true of ageism, sexism, and a lot of other -isms.

    If it’s an individual like or dislike concerning one person who’s hitting on someone, that’s fine, but to dislike a whole race is puzzling to me.

    I was 19 the first time I had sex with a black guy and wished all along the black kid in my high school graduating class had been willing to play.

    I don’t know, I don’t understand writing off whole groups, I guess, but at the end of the day I suppose we all still have our likes and dislikes.

  178. Lkg2FuckU

    I used to like this site many years ago but as new people move inti my city, I am finding myself being blocked just for reading profiles. I have learned to remain untracable but for most I am too old, I am black, I am HIV Poz, I am not muscular, I am not rich, I am not a bottom, I am too tall, I am too husky, I am not old enough, my cock isn’t big enough or too big. I find it so hard to meet people for friendship even with the same interests. While I am not unattractive, I was raised to resespect everyone and value the qualities that are different than mine that why I am tolerant of people all over the world. I recently received a death threat from a member in my community and I just want to know how people can live a life in a shell where there is no variety, no susbstance and everyone looks the same. Give me a world where I can be accepted by all and educate people on how people should be. I guess when your BFF is Abercrombie & Fitch you really don’t need to see the other part part of the world where people are real.

  179. Mark

    I know it’s commonplace, as has been mentioned on here already, but it’s exceptionally rude to just blow someone off if they send you an email. “Netiquette,” as one poster put it. If you’re not interested, then just say so; after all, they took the time to email you because they liked what they saw. If they persist after you have the courtesy of five seconds’ time to reply, “Thanks but I’m not interested,” then block them. Completely ignoring someone’s message or, worse, blocking someone as an initial “response,” is really lame and speaks volumes about the kind of people we are.

  180. Hillie

    I like that you wrote if you’re not into white guys when it’s mosly the white gyys that aren’t into blks or asians. The truth of the matter is yes it your body and you’re allowed to have whomever you want suck your dick, but some of you guys need to own your racisim and stop hiding behind the term preference.

  181. Joshua - artistikgoofyguy

    I feel that it is the WAY people go about saying their not interested. So many guys on here take the douche and “i’m all that, we wouldn’t get along, i’m better than you, approach”, that it begins to feel like you should exchange a few words. I’m not one to email someone more than once to give a friendly reply, yet if we’re into the same things, it does bother me, that if they list that they are looking for friendship, that they contradict that by not speaking with someone because they aren’t the right race (and yes, that is a huge issue on here), or “pretty enough” for them . If they do not wish to make friends, they should not list that in their profile. In regards to guys that won’t stop hounding for sex, if you’re on a slut wall themed site and don’t reply with either words or hitting the block button, then you’re in the wrong. Further, if you are uninterested, the site has a delete trace button, check out the person, and then delete your trace, they may get the picture. There is no reason to be an asshole on here; and lately, that’s what I’m noticing. Then again, I must always tell myself, over half of the guys on here are on here because they do not know how to properly talk to men face to face, so they probably will do an awful job of it online too. My suggestion, build a page where you can integrate your age and must have preferences as well as cannot have preferences, then, do not allow emails to come from anybody that does not match that without sending an email first to confirm that the person wishes to have contact with that other person; less people would get hurt, and there would be less drama… ask a graphic or web designer, it can be done 😉

  182. Nhoj

    I see a number of guys saying “I don’t understand writing off whole groups” Duh! Women are a group and if you are a completely gay man then you do understand writing off a whole group. To others who believes they are owed a reply to a message. You are owed nothing. Also just because you might have similar interests as the person you are messaging. You might want to inspect your profile for other things we can all see if we take the time to look. For example there are photos which clearly show what a slob the guy is by the filthy, cluttered house in the background. I could go on and on about other red flags in a profile that may be turn offs, but I’ll leave that for others to ponder on their own.

  183. Paul. ttiger350z

    I’m just amazed at the misuse of the words in the English language. when will guys learn the difference between your and you’re. or and are. The list goes on. Come on guys, get it together. Just a thought that bugs the shit out of me. Ok,lay it on me guys.I know this is not a English lesson.

  184. Nhoj

    OMG! What a bunch of insecure whiners. It’s no wonder you can’t make any friends or whatever on here. Just because someone says they are interested in making friends does not mean they are obligated in any way to make friends with everyone else who says they are interested in making friends. People have a choice in who they want to become friends with and sometimes that won’t be YOU. The same goes for anything else a person says they are interested in.

    As I mentioned before. A person’s profile and the way they present themselves via their photos, etc., says a lot about them than they may even be aware of themselves.

    People want to make friends etc., with people who they have certain things in common with (and here’s the kicker) on the same intelligence level, so they can easily communicate with one another.

    Often there is no reason to even read the profile or reply to the messenger when they send goofy messages like “sup?” etc. “sup?” is a phrase from an out of date beer commercial that was hijacked by lower intelligence people who for some reason can’t stop using it twenty years later. If you have nothing intelligent (of your own) to say to begin with then there is no need for you to wonder why so many people ignore your messages.

    Adam4Adam is set up perfectly. There is no need to change a thing about it. Lazy and insecure people who use it are what needs to change.

  185. Cockoholic

    Obviously this discussion plays out differently for the Gorgeous Boys than it does for the rest of us. I personally make a point of finding something to compliment whenever I send a first message. Then if I get no reply or just a “thanks” then he’s not interested because he didn’t engage in the conversation. I’ve only actively blocked one time, aside from blocking anyone who has blocked me first – which as a non-young not-thin guy happens all the time.

    I do take offense at those who say it’s racist to have racial preferences. Since I’m way more attracted to pale blonds and redheads, black/latin/native/asian men do nothing for me. Pretending otherwise does no one any good.

  186. Jon--drsocal

    After reading these posts I’m still fascinated at how people view etiquette, netiquette, so on and so forth and how these work in delivering a rejection. I’m a good man, very decent looking so I’m told, and of course I’ve been rejected more times than I’d like to admit. My observation of my own feelings is that while rejection hurts (and everyone has been both rejected and hurt by it, and I’m sorry but I don’t believe you if you say otherwise), I seem to rebound so much faster (or forget it entirely) when I’m ignored or blocked. When someone takes the time out of his day to let me know he’s not interested, I can tell you the hurt is deeper and longer because all he did was confirm to me something I didn’t want to hear not to mention belabor the process of rejection.

    On the flip side, I’ve been the rejector many times over, and I’ll admittedly say that I reject many more than I entertain. I have personal preferences, we all do, and I’m within my right to have them. With that said, when a nice guy writes to me and isn’t my type, I think about how I feel myself when I’m rejected, i.e. I don’t need a belabored explanation even as simple as “I’m not interested,” or “sorry, not my type” …so I just simply minimize by moving on and hope that he’s sharp enough to get it and gracious enough to accept it without losing his cool or getting salty and cussy.

    A4A is hit or miss. We have a 50/50 chance of rejection or acceptance. I’m not “sorry” when someone isn’t my type any more than someone else is when I’m not his. It’s more disingenuous to say “I’m sorry” when you’re not than it’s impolite not to say it at all. Or “thank you but I’m not interested”…what’s the thank you for? I don’t want to be thanked for my interest that isn’t being returned, and I don’t wish to feel obligated to offer thanks to someone when I just wanna get on with my day.

    Rejection–lets make it quick. Lets cut the small talk. Lets cut the antiquated values that dictated how we should deliver or receive it. Lets rethink what is polite and what is more (or less) hurtful to someone. Rejection is a dime a dozen and there’s someone out there for everyone–cliche, but true.

  187. Hunter0500

    What’s up with guys here responding to your chat request and then, after decent discussion for a few minutes, they just quit chatting? This never happens on the other sites I’m on. The conversations seem to flow well. One topic leads to another. Your profiles seem to match. Things are looking promising for making a new bud. And then even though you can see they’re still on, but they just quit communicating even though they keep the chat window open. No “I’m not interested”. Nothing. It’s like aliens kidnapped them. I take a “the ball’s in their court” stance on ever chatting with them again and move on.

    But, really, what the hell? While I don’t need a response from guys I hit up (a non-response is a simple clean uncluttered answer in itself), once chatting, the chat should be closed out somehow not just left hanging.

  188. Brian (BenLiteral)

    It comes down to two simple things.

    Rejector: You don’t have to be a dick about it.
    Rejectee: Buck up and move on. Don’t boil over it.

  189. vafratboy

    95% of the time I reply with “not interested” if I’m not (at least once, subsequent messages from the same guy are usually ignored), but I totally get why guys don’t bother, and anybody who has read through this and similar threads should to.

    Here’s what I read here “Is it really so hard to just say ‘not interested’?” then somebody else says “If they ask why, is it really so hard to just send a little message briefly saying why?” Then on another thread about the same topic I saw somebody right that you should not say “not interested” but rather just kind of coyly point out what you ARE interested in for 4 or 5 messages until they get the point that they aren’t it.

    If I’m seriously obligated to spend 10 minutes or more per person coddling them so their feelings don’t get hurt, that means I’ve spent a hour per 6 people I’m not interested in, and it’s not particularly uncommon to get 20 or more messages on a new profile. Sheesh I better hire a secretary and quit my day job because according to several people on here, you must devote your entire life to Adam4Adam or you’re “rude.”

    And then they wonder why guys don’t reply.

  190. nhoj

    When it comes right down to it people should just do what they feel they are comfortable with. For a people who don’t like straights and churches telling us how we should live and act it’s pretty hypocritical for any of us to be telling each other how we are to use a message board. Let’s lose that gay clone mentality and respect each other’s rights to do things the way we choose to, our own way.

    If someone’s feelings are being hurt because some guy they don’t even know doesn’t acknowledge their existence and or is not sexually attracted to them; then those people need professional help and shouldn’t be dumping their emotional baggage on anyone else.

  191. mike

    i don’t let other guys dictate my actions, if i am not interested, i tell them, if they persist, i block them, enough said

  192. JRB-92

    Im 20 years old but this happened to me last year on a4a when I was 19. So im on a4a one day and this older guy messages me out of the blue saying “Hey how are you today?” I was already in the middle of a chat with a couple other guys so I couldn’t respond to this man’s message right away. Well about 30-45 seconds later this older man says “Hmmm ur not very friendly are U?” So I told him that “I’m just not really into older men like that.” So 5 or so minutes later this fool had written up this big ass paragraph talking about how stuck up I was and how I looked kind of nerdy to this guy. I thought to myself “Why would U say im stuck up U dont even know me like that?” Well this guy’s long message finally ended with him calling me “a half breed BITCH” (and yes I am Native American). Before I could respond back he had already blocked me. Freakin pussy couldn’t even be a man to listen to what I had to say back 2 him.

  193. ghs

    I 100% agree. I’ve had so many guys keep me messaging me when I’ve only nicely said sorry I’m not interested. But, a few minutes later they want an explanation and reason why they are being turned down? If they want want all of that I block.
    Im sorry but I’m picky. I will not sleep around with a guy I don’t know or plan on ever being in a relatiomship with. Just because your gay like me doesn’t mean we will have sex.
    I’ve even turned down straight guys who’ve only just wanted me to give them a bj just because I am gay. I respect myself and one thing I won’t do is just give a bj for free only because your curious? Sorry, but my parents raised me better than that. If you want a free bj go on CRAIGSLIST, and stop bothering guys like myself who work hard and only want a positive guy with goals and doesn’t sleep around.

  194. SunWhore

    They are desperately lonely people that want interaction. And they are frustrated that they are highly interested in you when after testing the surface waters you are not interested in them

  195. R

    I have taken rejection before. I have given it before. If hit on by someone who doesn’t interest me, I usually just say “thank you” and leave it at that. If he hints at sex, I tell him “I’m flattered, but I’m not really looking now.” If he persists, I may say “Maybe we can talk, but I can’t guarantee anything.” If they want to meet, I tell them chatting on here is fine. Humanity remains, but I keep my comfort zone. I meet who I feel like, when I can. I have a job, financial obligations, friends and family (parents, siblings) whose needs come before my sex life. Some turn me down because I can’t drop everything right then, and that can get me blocked. So what? Obligation trumps someone I haven’t met, and if they can’t value that loyalty, they aren’t my kind of guy. On the matter of “pos”, I’ve been rejected for disclosing that, and it’s partly because of guys like the one who said “undetectable” is pos. Technically, because American doctors are cautious, unlike the Swiss, who say 6 months undetectible is negligible. Undetectible is poz, but so is full AIDS. But obviously, the contagion risk is different. And so, many pos guys are less risk than the untested “negative” guy who may be carrying untreated contagion. But that’s a side point. Basically, if I don’t turn a guy on, cool. Let him say so. It means he sized me up as a person and not just a pole and a hole. And that means more to me than a “yes” for the wrong reasons.

  196. Fireboi900

    God i get those creeps all the time. they just cant take no for an answer and when you ignore them it gets worse. especially the ones you actually converse with for a few messages they become forceful and act as if since you spoke with them you have to have sex with them its quite annoying and a turn off. ive been called all kinds of rude things simply bc i turned them down. sorry but i dont f**k every dick thrown at me. NEXT!

  197. Wayne

    Some times it’s good to reject or get rejected… I try to tell a guy early. I usually say man you’re nice looking guy but from reading your profile we’re not a match. Some say stupid stuff like a4a added stuff to their profile which is a lie… guess I was born last night. Either I’m always nice, the clincher is when I mention I’m only into soft or fem. Now I get cursed out and told how sick I am. I use to think fit guys were shallow for rejecting other until I joined a gym and trust me working out is no joke so I can understand their preference for guys similar to them… good luck guys.

  198. locksley

    Rejection don’t exactly tickle, men are fragile about their egos in general. However, a “man” with a healthy
    sense of self-esteem, will move on like water off a duck’s back. There’s alot of guys who could do with some psychological help runnin’ around out there/here. Some guys you can’t even give compliment to however, lmao! It’s as though they’re God’s gift to the whole world and any attention given them means, “oh you must want me bad”, lol.
    Just goes to show you there are some very concientious people who aren’t very conscious, though. Looks just are not withstanding, we’re males after all (visual creatures) it is mostly about the physical being, even if only first.

  199. masonwhite25

    I think guys just get frustrated that they can’t get what they want. Take for example, “surgedsquirt”. He hit me up unlocked his pics and said “I like”. First of all, have a full sentence. Grammar goes a long way. Secondly, I saved us both the time and said “sorry man, not interested. good luck”
    Then he comes back and says “lol, you are a queen of queens.” seriously guys? I could have led you on and then broke it to you at the last minute. Jeez, lots of shallow fucks

  200. Chefling Justin Taylor navysoccerboi7

    I really do understand the whole “Im not required to respond” or “no means no”, but is it really necessary to avoid and/or lie about the reason? Just let the person know, if you even know, the reason you’re not interested. Maybe they just come across a bit agressive and you dont like that. Just tell them and move on. It’ll probably avoid alot of wasted time and what-not. Yes, I’ve been rejected and not told why, but Im a grown adult……I get the fuck over it. Yes, I’ve rejected guys before and just given the reason and it tends to go a bit smoother than not giving the reason. If it was as simple as “no, Im not interested. {block the guy}”, we could all do that up to the # of guys that we’re allowed to block. I’ve hit that limit before and had to go back and delete some ppl of my block list to make room for the new guy. That kinda blocking is a bigger Pain In The Ass!!!!!!!

  201. Nobody Nowhere

    Nobody likes rejection, I’m no different. But what really grinds my gears is when you’re emailing somebody say that responded to a craigslist ad I posted, or maybe that has the pics all locked on their a4a profile(as I do mine). So they ask to see some pics, you oblige, and they fall off the face of the earth! Like I said nobody likes being rejected, but I prefer that to the digital cold shoulder. Usually before I send or unlock I will send an email or message saying “I will send/unlock my pics but before I do I would like for you to make me a little promise. I want a response whether you are interested or not,”thanks, but no thanks” is fine, no offense will be taken and I’ll gladly leave you alone, I just prefer that to the digital cold shoulder. Deal? Most guys are decent about replying. If they’re not interested I usually reply with: “I appricate the honesty. Nobody is everybody’s cup of tea, and I’m fine with that. I wish you the best of luck in your search and hope you have a great day!”. If I find myself on the other end where I’m not attracted to the other person, but I’ve had a couple of message/email exchanges I typically send out “I want to thank you very much for the replies, unfortunately you’re not quite what I am searching for. However I wish you the best of luck in your search and hope you have a wonderful day!” I know it’s just a sugar coated rejection, but I think it helps soften the blow. Most people thank me and go about their day, just because you don’t find someone attractive it doesn’t mean you have to be rude to them. Most the time they are unique people that are very helpful, friendly, generous, and a great friend, and friends don’t need to be attractive, just true.

Post a new comment

Like us to stay in touch with latests posts!