Gay Stuff : 5 Questions To Ask To Your Date


Many guys on A4A are looking for something more than sex. They are looking for THE person to share with, their lover, their life partner…. I know it is not easy in the gay community to find someone that is serious. In this blog post I’ll suggest 5 questions to ask your date to get to know him.


First question is : What are you looking for in a relationship?

Most guys will probably say that first they are “looking to have fun” and for “something casual” and then if there is a chemistry they will want to go further with the person. Usually when a guy answers this question right in front of you, he will be honest in his intentions or you will feel it. Then, based on his answer, you will be able to evaluate if he matches what YOU are looking for. If it does,”Yay” but if it doesn’t, there will be someone else around the corner for you.


Second question : What does your Saturday morning look like?

With this question, it will give you indications of his habits outside of work. Is he an early bird who likes to go to the gym or go for a run before the city wakes up? If you like to stay in bed all day and play “Angry Birds” on your iPad, let’s just say it might be more difficult for you guys to find common interests and maybe there is less compatibility.


Third question : What’s your most embarrassing moment?

This question will give you an indication on his sense of humour. Opening up with YOUR most embarrassing moment will encourage him to tell his and he will be more comfortable to do so. Think about something embarrassing but cute at the same time….something that will make him laugh but would still show your confidence.


Fourth question : What about my profile made you want to write to me?

Is it your sexy photos? What’s written in your profile? A combination of both? You will also get to see if he is comfortable receiving and giving compliments and FYI giving and receiving is a good indicator of real relationship readiness so pay attention to what he is saying.


Fifth question : Are you close to your family?

This question is a tricky one because many gay guys have families that are not supportive of their sexual orientation. By asking this question, you will get to know if it is the case with him. Or he might be very close to his family and having dinner with them every Sunday night. Family values are important for many people, so this simple question will give you the indication if family is important for him or not.


So, of course these questions are not to be asked like a list of questions A4A blog told you to ask. Sprinkle them over a conversation and make them flow like you are just asking questions casually to get to know him. Telling him  “Hi. What’s your most embarrassing moment?”  will probably not going to give the result you would expect, so be wise and don’t be too stiff about it.

So now, make sure your A4A profile shows what you are looking for. If you are looking to date, maybe you could hide the picture of your ass or the closeup of the head of your dick. Maybe a nice picture of your face showing a smile would be great. Also, you could write a little text that tells what you are looking for. Updating your profile with new photos and new text shows that you are serious in what you are looking for.

Alright guys? Let me know what you think about it and let me know if it works!


There are 41 comments

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  1. TDG

    I’ve asked each one of these questions, albeit different wording, and I’ve gotten nowhere with another yet; eh, I’m at fault too.

    I agree completely on showing what you want and not the opposite; if you want sex, show people what they’ll be getting. If you want a legit friendship/relationship/something beyond sex, then don’t have your private parts as your primary or the public pics.

    I have a request as I need some advice: there’s this guy that works at the market i go to when I’m too lazy to travel further; he’s, simply put, physically amazing while not looking cosmetic. I dunno if he’s gay and unfortunately i don’t live in an area where many men fancy being hit on by another male (although I’ve been hit on by many of the DL closeted men in the area; gross).

    He stares at me while I’m not looking directly at him and he seems to always make himself shown whenever I walk in the store. How do you approach a guy that may or may not be gay? I’ve grown so accustomed to being the recipient of the advancement. Part of me once to just get it out of the way and politely ask while the other half doesn’t want to deal with the drama if he takes offense.

    Realistically, I’ll never know until I ask; I just wanna know how other men approach the situation.

  2. Rafael

    TDG: do not be afraid of ask question…so say : what your name? if you feel like he respond good aks another question…… is too short… go and get him!

  3. midway

    I love that question. similar situation here, only I have let it go on with out finding out for too long. How do you approach a guy with out seeming pervy or risking a big scene?

  4. Mark

    I disagree with hiding the picture of your dick or ass when you’re looking to date. I would not want to enter into a long term thing with a guy who is not sexually compatible with me and hiding that part of yourself creates a problem down the road. I have done the sexless relationship with a guy that expects monogomay and it sucks. I never cheated, but ultimately the lack of sexual fulfilment led me to end the relationship. I say lay it all on the table. If people want to see face pics, and know HIV status before they even talk to a guy they shouldn’t be afraid to know what his cock looks like.

  5. alex

    Some other interesting questions that I like to ask
    (at some point):

    Who do you admire/ who has inspired you?
    To talk about something that is special in your apartment.
    How do you get along with your ex’s?

    Responses to these questions have told me a lot about new, potential dates

  6. einathens

    @tdg: walk up to him and say, “hi. you’re here every time i am and i kinda feel like i know you. i’m thinking about moving closer to here and i was wondering what bar/gym/restaurant/etc you’d recommend to an unpartnered guy.”

    his responses will clue you in to whether he’s gay and if he realizes you are. if it’s encouraging, give him your card and ask him to call you the next time he’s going out.

  7. sjohnson

    it’s a sex site….go for that first. i want “only friends” first is a bunch of crap, why then would someone post whether or not they are a bottom, whatever, cock size, etc, etc, etc.

    as for TDG, smile at him (maybe wink) and ask a few leading questions.

  8. Jeffrey87108

    I really don’t know if these questions will help. I am certain that after meeting a guy for a hookup that these are questions you should not be asking. This is a hook up site for sure and most are on here for dick or ass.

    While the chances of meeting Mr. Right now are hard (based on the last post of why men don’t show up)you can imagine the chances of Mr right for life, yet it does happen.

    My question to add to this list are you honest in your profile and except the no shows,the turn downs and the block list to find him.

    I found Mr right on this site. We have been together now for 4 years. Honesty and respect as been the bases of our relationship. Thats the way you will find Mr right for life. He is old fat and has a dinky winky, but a heart and soul I would not trade for anything.

    The sixth question should be ” are you offering what you want.”

  9. replytoTDG

    TDG, firstly just because he stares at you doesn’t make him gay. Maybe there’s something about you that piques his curiousity. Try talking to him about normal stuff, if he’s interested he’ll try to make the conversation longer. Also this might be the first time he’s done anything with another guy, so when he’s interested, take it slow, you don’t want to scare him. Sometimes little cues like touching his arm (e.g. when you guys go on a date and something interests you, be cute and touch his arm and say hey let’s go there) can make him less nervous…who knows he might be the one to start the physical part.

  10. Sick Rich

    1. Would you ever cheat on someone to get back at them?

    2. What’s your HIV status?

    3. Do you hide behind religion just to mask the wrongs you did to people?

    4. When was your last relationship, and why did it end? *Didn’t work out is not a valid answer.

    5. If you moved in with me, would you be okay with having my estate in your name also?

  11. Rock You Like A Hurricane

    TDG, here’s an idea. Next time you go into the store, have a post-it note in your pocket with your email address on it, ideally NOT one associated with your work (companies filter) or one that you use often (most of us have at least one). I’m sure at some point he’ll have his back turned away from you. When you do catch him looking and he’s nearby, go up to him and say ‘hey, you dropped this.’ Presuming he’s not stupid, he’ll know what your intentions are, i.e., to ‘feel him out’ and establish a connection if he’s interested and gay. I wouldn’t put a cell phone number on the note unless you want a stalker.

  12. Scarpien

    TDG: in reference to your situation, I’d suggest breaking the ice with this guy by asking info. about an item/produce that’s sold at this store. Even a simple “good day/good morning” etc might be enough to get the ball rolling. Just use any topic as a means with which to strike up a conversation with him. Good luck.
    Like you, I too am shy about approaching guys I’m attracted to but as they say “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” So I’m working on that aspect of myself.

    And Dave, you’re right about those questions. I’ve found that guys who aren’t looking for anything concrete usually won’t stick around after the first chat when the conversation is that deep. And that’s a good thing since it helps in weeding out the undesirables, so to speak.

  13. blowiemcblowjob

    This is a response to TDG – my short answer? Grow a pair and talk to him — find out whether he prefers meat or seafood. ;o) You could make it known that you are a meateater without having to make him feel like he needs a long shower after talking to you if he is not into that — I’d recommend that you try and chat him up concerning this away from his co workers — out in the parking lot… some guys who may be interested may give you the wrong message when its in front of people they work with or know….wear a rainbow pin or a human rights campaign equality logo —-if he’s interested in the men folk, he will know what they are. Unless you’re a big ol ball of nelly, and that’s why he’s staring… ;o)
    Oh and I say this as a dear dear friend…. Your comments about being grossed out by being hit on by guys in the area, and you are so accustomed to being hit on…. makes you sound like a bit of a douche. Just sayin. But keep me posted on the progress – and good luck!

  14. Daveybones

    I agree with most of this article, and even the following comments. “It did not work out” is a given, they’re not with that person anymore for a reason. Many times we have to dig a little deeper and not be satisfied with the surface blanket answers.

  15. TDG

    Thanks guys! I appreciate all of the advice. I hadn’t even considered some of the options mentioned. I especially fancy Rock You Like A Hurricane’s approach; I’m gonna go for that mixed in, and preceded by, ReplytoTDG’s suggestion.

    Again, thanks to all. 🙂

  16. BearOKC69

    Mark: I don’t think he meant to hide pics of your dick etc if you want to date 1st. Think he meant not putting everything out there all at once if that is your goal. Then after getting to know someone, either by email, in person or dating, then you can reveal the more private areas. Certainly don’t think anyone meant hiding your pics until you are married…

  17. Osei

    REPLY TO TDG – Just wonder over to where he is located and after two minutes looking at whatever item is close to where he is located, turn around to him and if he is looking at you then ask if he knows where X item (e.g. broccoli rob) is located on the floor. Remember to thank him whether or not he knows and smile. You don’t have to try and go overboard. Next time you may flirt a little more by asking where another item is located. If he doesn’t get the hint that you are always asking him for direction then he must be pretty dense.

  18. No Honestly

    This is all well and good, but most guys on Adam4Adam are ONLY interested in sex and make those of us not specifically looking for it feel like we shouldn’t be on there.

    And let’s be realistic. Generally, gay men don’t date. They don’t have the capacity for it.

  19. AL

    As gay/bi men, it seems we didn’t hear about the basics in socialization! I get the concern about not getting punched by a phobic man, yet simply asking direct questions about what you are in the store for is a good place to start! If he acts uncomfortable, then take it slow. Give him a chance to talk with you!

  20. David

    It’s a date, not an interview. Geez. How about going out for a drink, cutting loose and having fun? No pretense. No nervousness. If you like them after a night of the sex, your onto date number two! Been with my guy for five very happy years, and that’s how we did it.

  21. chicagokok

    I would not ask the first question on a first date: it is way too desperate sounding right off the bat. First dates are supposed to be fun, not to make someone feel like they are being interrogated.

  22. Dan Ryan

    TNG: Start out slow, find a reason to close in on him… when you’re close, make direct eye contact and say good morning/afternoon/evening, with a big friendly smile. The goal is to make it significant enough that he will have to respond with some level of enthusiasm. You may need to repeat this a few times over the course of days, but based on his response you may find him nervous (good sign) or just friendly (not such a bad sign). If the polite greeting isn’t getting you anywhere, ask for help with something, gauge his reactions… try to throw in a “how are you”, again, use enough enthusiasm to show you are actually asking and not just robotically asking for courtesy’s sake, this will compell him to answer also not robotically. Look for changes in his voice, shaky hands, touching his hair, licking his lips, etc.; these can all be subconscious indicators of flirting. Have a fea ideas in mind of what you will say so in case he is nervous and doesnt give you a leading statement, you’re ready to go with the next line of conversation. If you say “how are you?” and he says “doing great, you?” come back with “ready for beer o’clock!” or something witty and simple. build the rapport and keep looking for clues. or maybe ask him “big plans this weekend?” and it gives him the chance to say “hanging with my gf/wife/friends/whatever”, granted if has a gf it doesnt mean he isnt open to play but the fact that he would mention her so openly will tell you he doesnt have any further intentions as if he does have further intentions, he probably wouldnt mention her for fear of scaring you away. you need to build a minimum comfort level otherwise he’d probably never contact you if you just drop him a note. if you really really can’t get a lead on him, drop him the note and roll the damn dice OR have a good looking guy friend do you a solid and hit on him for you; “i dont me to offend you, but are you gay?” works reasonably well these days, and if you have a friend do it, youre isolated from it being awkward should the answer be no.

  23. Hunter0500

    There are guys here who seek nothing more than the next hookup. There are guys here who want Mr. Right Forever. Those polars positions are good … if that’s what a guy wants.

    But there’s a massive space in the middle. One that seems be be crazily overlooked. It’s where guys have a group of play buds, men they’ve gotten to know and stay in contact with on an ongoing basis. Mostly for play, but as good long term friends. They connect and play when they can singly or in numbers. They’re a herd, a team. Yes, there’s sex, but there’s also long discussions about life, family, work, politics, religion … you name it.

    I’ve been at this a number of years now and have a good group of men I meet whenever our schedules allow. All good men from a variety of backgrounds. Professional workers, public workers, married, retired, and in a variety of shapes and sizes. Some are “hot” and some are not. What they do have in common is they’re all respectful gentlemen. The eclipses just about anything else.

    We met a variety of ways, a few from quick hookups that worked out to numerous long chats on a variety of topics before deciding to meet. Some of us were buds of the others and have become part of the team.

    It works well. I’m really really thankful to have these guys in my life now and know they’ll be around down the road.

    And no, admission to the team is not closed to new members (hey we’re guys, more IS better!).

  24. Dylan

    TDG, I was in a very similar situation and didn’t even know it. I go to this bar with friends. We’ve met their the last three Fridays in a row. The piano player is SMOKIN’ HOT(not to mention an amazing musician)! Never in a million years would I ever expect him to be attracted to an average guy such as myself. And really couldn’t tell if he was gay or not. Last Friday he was playing and pointed to me between songs and said,”does everyone know who this guy Is right here?” The whole bar + my friends all looked at me. I’m not a public person at all and I got as red as a fire truck. He than said,”he’s my biggest fan as he’s been here three weeks in a row to hear me play and always sings along with me.” I was slightly embarrassed but that feeling was quickly squashed by the fact this guy noticed me three weeks in a row. Not to be out done I had to say something stupid like “the drinks aren’t half bad as I held up a shot of jack.” We spoke after the show at great length and we see eye to eye on a lot of the same issues.
    Why am I telling you this…don’t miss an opportunity, find down in your soul that thing that gives you the power to be gay, make a point go in to that store and deal with it! Walk up to him, hold out your hand and say “hey, I’m James (but use your real name cause you’d look stupid if it was something else). You know he’ll shake your hand , and you’ll find out his name. The conversation will flow naturally. If he is not gay or not interested, at least you know. Good luck, let us know how it goes!

  25. rick

    Many guys? come on, you start off WRONG assumption… A4A is full of guys with head games and crap like ALL of these sites. my advice, show your dick and your ass and don’t go on here outright being needy and looking for love. Just fuck your brains out until you find compatibility and then love will fall in place. Ask the one question that matters: What is love ? and please don’t be needy.

  26. Matt

    First question is: What are you looking for in a relationship?
    On a first date to be talking relationship screams moving too damn fast. To go on a first date looking for a relationship is idiocy. What if the person goes on the date and thinks “nice guy but not for me” and you’re jumping to the relationship question. As someone with a Masters in psych, I would say scratch this off your list. Go on some dates with the guy before even thinking of becoming dating partners. Date some more and become boyfriends. Date some more and THEN and only then think relationship. Moreover it is narcissistic to assume the person wants a relationship at the inception of dating. It’s just dumb to put that pressure there from the get go.

    Second question: What does your Saturday morning look like?
    Seems inoffensive, but it’s invasive. Keep you nose out of someone’s private life until a friendship exists and then OFFER YOURS FIRST!

    Third question: What’s your most embarrassing moment?
    Absolutely the question NOT to ask! You’re on a first date and you want the guy to (1) divulge an embarrassing moment, (2) to relive it, and (3) possibly feel demeaned by the question. He will reveal it if and when he wants to, but until then it’s NONE of your busy body business.

    Fourth question: What about my profile made you want to write to me?
    Fair question and the only one of the five that is not utterly arrogant, narcissistic, or codependent.

    Fifth question: Are you close to your family?
    Another BAD idea from the pit of hell. If he is not close, then you’ve made him uncomfortable. If he is not close, are you going to go co-dependent with him? “Oh mine is bad too and…”

  27. Steve

    @TDG – Personally, I’d start with something about him: How long has he worked there, does he like it, etc. Or possibly about him: How often does he work out, where, etc. If he doesn’t seem put-off by the questions, then I’d move to “let’s grab a beer/coffee at that place next door sometime” or whatever.

    @Mark – Leading with a pic of your cock as opposed to simply including one in the mix send two very different messages. Personally, if you’re going to choose to “date” someone based on it either way, then you’re not really looking for a relationship.

    @Slick Rich – I’d say those are valid questions … after you’ve been out a few times; queries about exes are pretty personal territory (esp passing judgement on their response … which is likely to be “it didn’t work out” if asked early on).

    Two questions that have been suggested to me (though I have yet to try them):

    1. What’s your fighting style? How do you conduct yourself in an argument?
    2. What are you passionate about?

  28. Julius

    I love the questions. I am a fifth year psychology student and I think the answers to these questions would provide some major insight. But I would also like to express “caution with communication.” For one thing, guys aren’t likely to be honest all the time… some of them know the game and play it well. Further, our interpretations of their answers will be based on life experiences. We have to try hard to be unbiased. Just because someone says something that you may not want to hear, does not mean that it isn’t needed info. The questions are good, how the answers are given and interpreted are questionable.

  29. Studdad

    I appreciate the suggestions of how to approach a guy that you find sexy. I have this problem with a man at a gym I go to. He’s very sexy and I’m trying to get to talk to him more. Definitely I get big hellos, smiles and handshakes. Got to take it to the next level and need help!.

  30. Reply to 'Sick Rich' (Christopher, Supporter on A4A


    Perhaps add “how much do you party/drink/smoke.

    Are you willing to complete a blood and drug test?

    Those are the showstoppers for the majority…….

    Great ‘better questions” Rich!

  31. vafratboy

    Yes, I always laugh at the profiles that say “NO HOOKUPS” (or better yet, “friends only”) had lead with a cock photo. Because I meet all my friends by flashing my cock at them..

  32. vafratboy


    Just strike up a conversation with him. It’s usually not hard to do, just figure out a question you can ask him, preferably one that requires more than a one word answer. Once you’re talking you’ll be able to better gauge his intentions and steer the conversation accordingly.

  33. the other steve

    First of all, chicagokok and David are right. These are the wrong questions. I hit on guys all the time because otherwise, I’d never have a social life. I work in the trades and I have pretty good social skills, so everyone, gay, straight and otherwise, assume I’m straight. So I’m like the guy in the store the TDG likes.

    If you ask me what I’m “looking for” my immediate thought is, someone else! Instead of asking interview questions, take notice of the person you are interested in. People express themselves in the way they dress. What is he wearing? What is he looking at? Base your first question on his interests. If he is wearing something sporty, ask about it? Do you like basketball/running/etc.? Then build on common ground.

    Personally, I find it almost offensive that A4A asks questions about your medical condition (HIV) and sexual activities, but not whether you are single or partnered. So the first question I usually bring up is “Are you single?” If he’s not, all the other questions don’t add up to a hill of shit.

  34. BJ

    The best way to get to know a guy is to spend a weekend having sex with him.

    Not much opportunity to hide anything when you wake up with him on the second day. In the course of a weekend, you get all the answers that matter.

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