Gay Stuff : Who Are You?

Get up from what you are doing and look at yourself in the mirror. Ask yourself what kind of gay are you? Are you a bear because you have a hairy chest and a beard? Are you a jock because you wear a jock strap once in a while and play softball? Are you a gaybro because you like sitting around with the guys and watch a game? Are you a gym dude or party boy? Is Madonna in your vocabulary?

If you have answered No to any of these questions, congratulations you are a member of what I like to call the Everyday Gays. This is the majority of us. We don’t fit into a specific category and we don’t want to.

We get up, feed and walk our animals, have some coffee, worry about world peace, wonder if we’ve accomplished enough at whatever age we are, wonder if we are paying too much for rent or mortgage. Worry about our jobs, our boyfriends. 

For some of us we worry about our kids and how the world will see them because they have gay parents. 
We wonder when the GOP will stop trying to shove us back in the closet. Yes people, we are the Everyday Gays. 

Be proud!! 

Thoughts?  Comments?

g skorich aka eastvalleyoral

There are 55 comments

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  1. G90814

    Perfect article. I don’t see the str8 folk trying to categorize themselves into a tizzy, not sure why gay men do.

    As you pointed out, most of us are just ‘guys’ and have no need to pigeonhole ourselves into a category.

  2. Blackthorn1

    lol Everyday Gay?….and here i thought i was just ME!!!!I am gay, i work for the State Government and i live a happy if somewhat hassled life…And i dont worry what anyone thinks…GAY OR STR8…Why worry all it does is add more wrinkles. LOL

  3. Sean

    I’m glad to be one of the ” Everyday Gays.” It’s like gay men try to create a hierarchy of which sub groups are better than the others. The guys who call themselves jocks think they’re the best and demonize the ones who act more stereotypically feminine. I just let people be who they are, and if I don’t like what they do I don’t surround myself with them. I think we would be a much happier and more inclusive group if we weren’t so awful to each other based on race, supposed feminine or masculine qualities assigned by heterosexist norms, and age. It’s a lesson we all have to learn.

  4. Brandon

    Being a bear or a jock does not exclude you from fretting about your mortgage or walking your dog. This ‘article’ does little more than dehumanize people who are different from you.

    So, you’re not a gym rat or a bear? Good for you. Most of the gym rats and bears I know don’t consider that their defining feature. Try not to pin your hang ups on other people just because you feel that you are a unique and special snowflake that can’t be defined or pigeonholed. Yes, you are unique…just like everybody else.

    Not to resort to name calling myself, but insisting that your worries or concerns are alien to people that DO fall under gay stereotypes makes you sound very much like a hipster. “I worried about my mortgage before it was cool.”

  5. nater

    So, you if you are not an “everyday gay”, what classification do you fall under? I consider myself a PERSON, who happens to partake in same sex relations. Where does that put me?

  6. erick

    hell YEAH.. MADONNA is in my vocabulary. but i don’t like labeling people nor getting labeled.i’m just me doing my things with out falling in to stereotypes /labels / etc.

  7. TDG

    @Nater: you should answer your own question.

    As for me, I don’t try to be like or unlike anything/anyone; I simply am.

    As for the article: people actually concern themselves with “world peace”? That’s never existed.

  8. WTF

    It took me a little while to process not only the article, but the responses. I kind of feel that by calling myself an “everyday gay”, I’m putting myself in a pigeon hole of ordinariness. I try to do all the things that you mentioned in your article, but I don’t want be labeled by any one of them. I am me. If you call me anyone of those labels, I could be and of the 10% that makes up our community. If you call me by my name, then you’re talking to me.

  9. John

    Glad to be an everyday Gay!! Rent sucks especially when u pay it alone my dog dont talk back and life is to short to be stuffed in a category.

  10. BringerofDoom

    World Peace? If that existed the earth would be vastly overpopulated, resources would diminish at an exponential rate, and the increased pollution would destroy the ozone layer. Riots would ensue and we would plunge into another dark age. The more nukes, warfare, conflict and blood, the better for all of us. There are too many idiots in this generation with no ethics or structure having too many kids, TOO FAST. BRING ON THE APOLCALYPSE

  11. nater

    TDG, that was the statement I was trying to convey. I am me. Nothing less, nothing more. I am a person who does not feel the need to be “classified”.

  12. E

    what kind of Gay and I?! the individual kind, the big ME. I will not define myself by a group be it cub/bear, twink/jock…etc. I own a business, I pay my bills, I have a dog, I even got audited this year, active in my church, and single…if in terms of my boring life I would be called “everyday gay” however there are as many flavors of gay as there are straight, and you do not see straight people using terms like we do, so why do we?

  13. David W. Bradburn

    I’m just an EveryOtherDay Gay!! lol It’s great not to limit ourselves or pigeonhole ourselves into one category or another. When we do we forget to be naturally empathetic to others and it isolates us from those who are uniquely different than us. Also, we are constantly changing on a daily basis, if we are evolving, and as wise old man told me years ago, “When you make a friend with Change, you have a friend for life.”

  14. Bosa_Nova82

    Amen john! This article is short, sweet and simple. Its not to be taken verbatim of our everyday lives but, to simply say that we are normal. Embrace that and love yourself.

  15. Keith

    Hang it in your ear about the GOP. You need to keep politics out of the discussion. The political squabbling has gotten us in to the mess we are in.. Just be yourself and vote as you wish, but keep it to yourself!

  16. Justin

    Reading this article gives me mixed feelings, in fact aren’t you just creating another category to fit people in? Which I think you are trying to steer away from. So why add yet another pigeonhole to stick another group in? Is that just the basic fear of the unknown? Calling this new category the “everyday gays” makes it seem like any of the other people in any other category don’t live life with basic worries or stresses. If ask me we all just live a bit differently from one another but do in fact have many real life stressors in common. My advice, live how you want to, if others want to lump you into some category or stereotype, let them, it really is none of your concern.

  17. sergios

    This article really hit me in my soul when I was little living in a “macho”northern mexican town to be gay or “JOTO” sorry 4 the word) you we’re condemned to dressed as woman and work on cantinas there were no other way and I knew I was gay but I didn’t want to be a “woman” so I left my home and came to this beautiful country were you can be anything you want to be so I choose to be ME yea as easy as that ME so be whatever the heck you want to be that is why we have that beautiful and colorful flag but always remember that to be respected we must respect others 😉

  18. Hunter0500

    This blog was fantastic until “We wonder when the GOP will stop trying to shove us back in the closet. Yes people, we are the Everyday Gays.”

    The bias has been unmasked…Liberal.

    Newsflash … plenty of guys who like sex with men are … Conservative / Republican / Right Wing.

    There are plenty of gay men who find themselves siding with the GOP on many political (social, economic, government, etc.) issues.

    This Blog was great … until it’s ugly underbelly was uncovered.

  19. atomickiwis

    I am the typical gamer geek. I spend a lot of my free time in the winter months playing video games and watching sci-fi movies and tv shows (X-Files, Star Wars, Star Trek).
    In the summer months I camp and hike and spend all my time outdoors while my dvds and video games collect dust.
    I have many other hobbies that are considered masculine, but I have many other hobbies that some consider feminine. So I guess I am just a whole lot of things. I am on the twinkier side of body build, but I like what little fur I have. I have been seen with multiple hair colors, I have tattoos. So I guess that makes me kind of punk too. I guess I can also say that I come across as very shy and quiet until I’m comfortable with the people I’m around, then you can’t shut me up. I don’t drink or do drugs, but I still have a good time. When it comes right down to it, I am a little bit of a jumbled assortment of a lot of things and I like that about myself.

  20. Archael

    I think the article is here to free us from the categorized boxes that we have placed on ourselves. We are not just bears, jocks and gym rats; it makes a tiny piece of a whole.

  21. Ryan

    I actually really liked this. Me and my friend have been wondering where I fit in, and I think this makes the most since. Being gay isn’t what takes the majority of my life, nor do any of the other little gay ‘cliques’. This fits best, though i do not worry about all the things you listed. That probably comes with age though.

  22. This guy is blunt


    First off, I think 99% of men on this site are gay at least 50% gay at all times.

    To the people here wanting to be “just me”: a label doesn’t define you per se. They only exist because well there are trends among people with shared traits.

    bears- hairy, heavier, hike, beer are things I associate with them – lazy, obsessed with maasc/femme
    jocks – sports, health nuts, competitive – cocky, idolizes Ken dolls
    part boys – bars/clubs, music, dress flashy, love to dance, prefer hard liquor – judgmental, cliquey, drugs
    femme – open minded, knows what’s “in”, typically aware of political events (specially gay stuff), aware of all things related to sex (positions, health, etc) – always thinks they’re right, catty, dramatic

    generalizations? YES, but I didn’t just come up with those trends. It took time. I’m a party boy, but I don’t do drugs and I don’t expect others to do them. BUT I know they’re MORE likely to be around me than a bunch of tri-athletes.

  23. Ryan

    Gay guys leading everyday lives would probably answer yes to a few of the questions posted at the beginning, considering that everyday people tend to have a variety of interests. The attempt at encouraging people to embrace who they are just comes off as you judging people who might enjoy sports and or Madonna. Maybe try proofreading sometime?

  24. Jeffrey87108

    I am a doctor, lawyer, politician. I pay taxes, rent and my car payment. I respect my fellow man and honor my fore fathers and love the freedom of speech.
    I am not white, black Hispanic or any other race. I am not a man or a women. I am rich as I am poor. Its not what is in my pants or the size of it.
    I am a human that requires the same respect as any other human. I love and cherish the one I love.


    P.s. I am not gay but a pissed off homo that has to fight for the same rights as other humans.

  25. Rick

    Oh these poor people that have to complain,contradict,and deride. What was brilliant about this succinct post,is it comes right on the verge of social season. How many of us have exited gay, due to feeling like you just cant be seen? PERCEPTION IS REALITY.We all hope that people see us beyond prejudice. It is a rare quality to find.

    I am a black gay man living in Palm Springs,California. I know that I am dealing with a lot of prejudice on the dating market here. But no less discrimination than I felt in Atlanta.

    I don’t see my gays anywhere. But when we find each other it is great. I can tell other everyday gays by their ability to have a conversation. Is it all fashion, circuit stuff, or past relationships? I wanna know what your favorite song in high school was and whats new and exciting in your life! Some people are just trapped in their stereotypes. I’m glad to see the site giving props to those of us who aren’t. Very relevant post!

  26. Steve

    I really likes this commentary……Guess I’m probably an “everyday gay” but only if I have to be categorized 9really don’t have to be). Truthfully, being gay does not define me…being a good all around person is how I like to define myself. It is sad to think that some of us might need a label but I do respect that right.

    Thank you for putting a meaning to all this.

  27. Cybur

    “…congratulations you are a member of what I like to call the Everyday Gays. This is the majority of us. We don’t fit into a specific category and we don’t want to.” HAHAHA! I love oxymoronic statements!

  28. Charles

    I don’t think the point of the article is to catergorize those of us who are just simply trying to live our lives without feeling the need to fit into an established niche. I havealways consideresd myself to be a man who is attracted to other men. But as I explained to my niece today, there are all types, none better than the other. I choose to live as Me!

  29. ajbbincubus

    LOL!! I said no to every single one. I’m just me. Not flamboyant or fem or masculine, just me. No I don’t listen to Madonna or Lady Gaga religiously. No I don’t care for whats hot in Hollywood. Yes I do care about my fellow man/women/animal gay or straight. Yes I want world peace and killing people with kindness. No need to hate, to much hate in this world already.

  30. Juls

    I see some ppl getting angry saying that they’re bears and they walk their dogs too.. I think what the author was saying was that for “everyday gays” that’s all we worry about.. Not what clique they fall into, not their body fat percentage and not what party they’re going to on the weekend.. Obviously we all do these normal everyday things..Also I don’t think he means to demonize any of the other “categories” of gay men.

  31. eastvalleyoral

    people are more comfortable when we are defined by them. of course bears, jocks , twinks , leather guys blah blah blah all have the same concerns as the everyday gays. we just do it without labels.

    look at the bear movement over the past 10 years. bears and cubs. now we have muscle bears , polar bears , otters. which are all great. but some of us who have a hairy body and some facial hair don’t really fit into the bear category. we for into the everyday gay category. no label. just a gay man making my way through the day’.

    thanks for the comments.

  32. mike

    good post although i would agree that the political stuff should have been left to another article as our country is headed to hell i a hand basket.

  33. einathens

    how about ‘post-gay’ as a term meaning that you don’t feel the need to define yourself by your sexual activities or others’ stereotype-derived presumptions of your subcategories?

    i am an openly gay middle-aged american male. i get to decide what each of those terms means to me.

    ‘everyday gay’ sounds to me like ‘i’m just like straight people.’

  34. BBtwink4breeding

    I’d say I’m a jock/bro/preppy. Though I’m really shy and kind of a nerd. And my friends say I’m a total man whore lol But I don’t really sleep with that many guys, honestly 🙂 I love having fun and getting wild and sometimes I just stay home watching re-runs of “Friends”

  35. Mychael Dio

    How’s a self described bad boy heavy metal cowboy that just happens to love to suck cock and have his ass fucked every now and then grab y’all?? I even occasionally like to tag team a woman with another dude,and yes, I’ll eat her out if he cums in her..The “typical” Gays can’t stand me cause I defy everything they are, and the str8s don’t quite get me either..I just have a fuck it attitude about it all, and you can do whatever with whom ever you want as long as it’s conscentual and nobody gets hurt..I consider myself a “Man of The World”… Been lots of places and seen almost everything anyone could ever see,and have been in some pretty wild situations…I came out of it all just fine..No problem with who or what I am at all..i’m just me…And if you don’t like me for who or what I am then move on to the next person that gives a shit..

  36. Tristan

    Hunter0500, I’m with you … one of the ugliest ‘isms’ out there is the one that demonizes people like you and me because of our politics. Heck, I even had one guy almost turn me down because of a bumper sticker on my car, but in the end, we hit it off and had a great relationship … Lust conquers a heckuva lot.

  37. vafratboy

    It’s not an ‘ism’ to prefer not to hang out with people with particular political beliefs. Unlike you race/gender/sexuality/etc, political beliefs are a result of your character, your personality and your world view. You got Mike Huckabee holding a “Chik-fil-a” day to support CFAs decision to donate millions to groups that advocate the state-sponsored execution of gay people and the lines are out the doors with Republicans scrambling to join in. You’re saying I have an ‘ism’ against you because I say, “Hey genocide isn’t really my thing, and I choose not to hang with people who support it?” Yeah right.

  38. Randy

    I am amused by your comment about the GOP wanting to shove you back in the closet. It is sad that you rely on a party or government for your approval or identity. That is proof that you are not truly equal. If political party can make you equal then petition the Democrats to give us the ability to bear children. I pity those who rely on the Democrat party for acceptance and a feeling of equality. I am a proud American who votes Republican, I am successful, happy, equal to any other human, have the same rights as any other American, and I fuck hot boys, but that is not political in any way, and is of no concern to any other.

  39. Jay

    Actually, Mylene Farmer is in my vocabulary. Check out her concert version of C’est dans l’air on youtube. Yeah, she isn’t singing in English. Deal with it.

  40. Graig

    I am not an everyday male that likes the company of other men, played softball, watched sports and yes I like Madonna, but do not fit into any categories so labeled. Oh well I guess I am an everyday gay. Politically active, HIV positive, card bearing homosexual. but wait I also enjoy the company of my lesbian friend, my straight male friends and even a straight woman. pretty much screws those boxes we keep putting ourselves in. Oh but I hate to shop and wear sweats instead of cargos

  41. AJ

    What a ridiculous blog post. “Everyday Gay”? Please.

    Being gay is a very small percentage of who I am and I absolutely despise those people who talk about how we shouldn’t label ourselves…and then in saying they’re not any of THOSE labels, end up labeling themselves “everyday gay”. How’s that label-that’s-not-a-label working out for you?

  42. John...

    There is no such thing as a stereotypical everyday gay, unless you mean the gay group-think clones who believe every other gay man has to be a cookie cutter version of what they think is the correct way to be gay. They think they are the only ones who know how to act, decorate their homes, how to dress, what music and other entertainment is the best etc.

    Gay men can be as diverse as any other group of people and breaking out of that old and tired group-think stereotype is what has caused a lot of gay guys to split off into other factions where they can just be themselves with others who are like them and no longer feel the need to participate in the generic group-think stereotype which they are in no way obligated to ever be a part of to begin with.

    I know this makes the group-think stereotypes nervous because it is dwindling their numbers and the control they believe they have over their version of what it means to be a gay man, but so what.

    It’s time to evolve and remove ourselves from being prisoners of the arrested development those others wish to remain shackled to. Just because a guy is gay in no way obligates them to have anything to do with any other gay man they don’t care to be involved with in any way. It’s a sexual orientation, not a religion nor a commission to fight in some army.

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