Speak Out : 22 Year’s Old Poz Member

SPEAK OUT is a new category on the blog. It is YOUR platform to express yourself on any gay topics you would like to share with A4A blog readers. Whether you want to share your opinion on gay marriage or child adoption, whether you would like to tell us a big secret or get advices from other gay men, send us your text to blog at and I will post it on our blog.

Below is our first text from a young poz guy, hope you enjoy it ! Feel free to leave your comments, encouragement notes or advice for him!

Have a great weekend guys!


“Hi guys my name is Raul, I am 22 years old, and I am HIV Positive. Sometimes I attempt at sharing my status with people, hoping they understand, as I hope you do. I was infected more than a year ago through my carelessness. I sometimes want to go back and change my decisions, but then other times I don’t, not because I like living with my disease, but because I am learning and trying to help more than before. The good thing is that this disease is not the same as before, it is not the death sentence we saw in the 80’s or 90’s, but it is still the same epidemic amongst all of us. We need to help those who are helping and the ones who need the help.

I remember back to my first diagnosis, the first time I sat in one of those free clinics and waited to get tested. At the time I was with my ex-partner. We cracked stupid jokes to pass the time. I had gotten tested recently, so I felt this as just routine. Everything was fine during the testing. Even though I was terribly nervous, I thought that getting pricked by a needle would be the worst part. But, it wasn’t. My life changed that day, the diagnosis was positive. I wanted to run, to me it was the end, I was so scared, no I was terrified, I never thought this would happen to me, and that biased idea was in my head that there’s nothing after this. My ex and I were quiet driving home. All we had was an appointment card, that horrible feeling and a book about places for people with HIV, people with HIV that was me, now. I thought my life was over, even though I had my share of information, now I knew it wasn’t the same as having this disease. I was sitting in bed trying to comfort my ex, and trying to think of what to do. I looked at the book, something told me to pick it up, and it’s funny the first page I opened was for Project Vida. I quickly took the number down and called, the first person that answered, and who I thank so much to this day, was Andrew. He talked to me about treatment, Case Management, and more testing.

The next day we had a meeting, I was more nervous, but their help was above amazing. I got all my information. I attended the Core center, which was instructed by Andrew, they are also fantastic, I have not yet felt more comfortable at a clinic in my life. I have been meeting with them and Project Vida ever since, and I would not like to change that at all. The coolest part is that they are helping me pass out information now, for HIV testing and prevention. Since there isn’t much of help around my school, College of Dupage, I feel it is my duty to help. In honor of those who helped me. Currently I am going to school for Political Journalism. My grades are good, even if I have a few classes. I want to help all of my community, and I do not mean the LGBTQA community, I mean all of us who need help. I think we should all help to have places like Project Vida open not only here, but around the places that are missed. Some people who don’t have the money for help, or treatment, or they are just scared, they will really need one of these places close by. It would be cool to open even another Project Vida or Core center, a place where they can get all the help they need; To be active in their community, to be more safe, to get treatment, and whatever else they need. Well, I thank all the help I received, because without it I would be lost. My family has been supportive, my peers, and many other people, who are here today or not. Because of all of you and others, Today, I am proud to say, I am Raul Romero, 22 years old; I am a family member, a college student, a helper of my community, a homosexual, a writer, HIV Positive, and above all a Human being.”

Member name : raulgm

There are 130 comments

Add yours
  1. Jim A


    I have been POS for over 15 years. I to, have been frustrated by so many not having a clue to what POS is.
    Ten years ago life took some strange paths. HIV has been a good thing in my life, it made me slow down, made me think of what I am doing.
    I have recently returned to school, at 55 years young. I am impressed with your ability to find out what is important and incorporate into your life. We are more that what so much of the Gay community can realize.
    The only thing we have in life, is this one moment. HIV taught me to live this moment and to savor every smile.

  2. Jose Luna

    I totally enjoyed both, the blog and the first comment. It shows that WE have come a long way from considering ourselves victims or consider others as the villains. As I have found on my own situation, it all comes to one thing. Choices, and we as adults have to make the best choices we can. HIV has changed the lives of all who get the virus, definitely it changed mine too. I think it made me more aware of the risks that I can become to others and the risks that others can be to me, even though I am already with the virus, there is always the question of What else can I get if I am not careful? Helping the community live healthier and happier lives is indeed a noble cause. Let’s all get involved.

  3. Rodney Emauel

    So glad that Raul has come to accept the fact of realism here. We’re so so blessed to have as much needed help, guidance in today’s world here. Very grateful we can now, live normal lives as we go from day to day, take care of ourselves, help others to cope as they too have found out their results. Been poz for 8 years (undectable) and it’s unlike I’ve ever known here. Grateful to know, it’s not a “death sentence” anymore. Have seen so so many friends pass along the ways poz and supposedly “healthy” even they go before we do now. Food for thought here everyone, listened to a minister in church tell the congregagtion, “it’s not always the leaning tree that falls first” and that thought has stucked to my mind, life from that day forward. We just need to be strong, remain optimistic about life, help others around us, and to never ever look down unless we’re picking them up.

  4. HIV and me

    I am HIV person … Begin living in HIV pos is not easy of a lot of things . Very expensive cost for treatment and made me run out my own pocket money . Then I applied for council help is not easy too . They asking and prove too much privates Infomations and alot hassle . I am from San Jose California

  5. GayMaleLA

    im 23 and HIV pos. So I know how it feels. It sucks. I sometimes feel like I will never find love, and no one will want to be with me because of it. Im happy I got to read this story. It made me realize how important sharing knowledge about HIV is.

  6. anon

    Very interesting story. Raul is very brave to share his story so publicly. It is quite troubling, though, that on his a4a profile he claims to be HIV negative. Despite his words, Raul is still acting in a way that perpetuates the stigma that exists around our disease. (It is also illegal for an HIV+ person to have sex with someone in Illinois without disclosing his status.)

  7. FreeRangeRadical

    Hey, Raul.

    It sounds like you’ve gotten some good support. That’s wonderful. And, you sound like a pretty squared-away guy, too.

    I’ve watched HIV go from HTLV3, one of the very first names for it, right on up to where it is now. I lost friends to HIV back in the 80s and 90s. I saw the communities it ravaged. And I’ve seen people finally begin to open their eyes and stop fearing it and finally begin to deal with it.

    I’m not HIV+, but it’s amazing that I’m not, given my haphazard sexual escapades. But I’m thankful for people like you who stay strong and serve as a light in the darkness for those who come behind you. Your story may very well save lives, because as far as we’ve come, there’s still a long way to go.


  8. Alex

    Well I think it’s great he has the courage to tell his story here, that’s fantastic. It would be nice if this honesty was applied to his profile. He says he’s negative on his profile. I’m very open to hooking up with poz guys (I’m neg), but you should be honest about it. Lying about your satus is really deceptive, people deserve to make decisions about their health based off of accurate information. If you lie or hide information like that, then we can’t make informed decisions. Yeah, some people won’t hook up with you if you’re poz, but that’s their choice and they deserve to know the truth about your status. If you both are going to risk their health, they’re entitled to know they’re risking it. Especially if one party knows. You seem to be quite comfortable with being poz, so you should be honest about it here, especially now that you’ve announced it on a blog.

  9. Marc A

    I’ve been sexually active since I was 13 I’m 24 now and I get scared everyday with having the fear of getting anything there are times I’ve been safe and others I have not been. I’ve lost my uncle at the age of 3 when HIV was still being known as a death sentence and in his case he didn’t want to know nor did he want to admit he was sick. Every time I’m around my family members they say I remind them of him and it take that in a good and almost bad way as well because he was a very good looking navy man that just happen to be gay and then behind closed doors he like to have lots of fun with all men sick or not he just like to have fun. On 1/9/13 I lost a dear friend of mine she was very closed to my heart that was also HIV positive but she didn’t pass on due to the disease she passed on because of lack of care in our area they feel because we are a small town that it isn’t needed here they can go to a bigger city to get the proper care. I wish there was more information we could have here due to the up and coming gay teens boys and girls they need to learn the truth of it all. I’m sad to say that I’m scared to even know my stats so I’ve been avoiding it after my relationship with someone for over two years just ended because I don’t want to feel like I’ve let myself down nor my family as far as protecting myself and being the only nephew son and grandchild to even make something of himself is big for my family. Just wish I had a strong support system if anything was to be wrong, guess I just need someone to talk to

  10. Teddy

    Interesting that “raulgm” is forthcoming on this blog, and this link to his blog, yet his actual A4A profile lists him as HIV “negative”.

  11. ALmann0

    All that is great, but why do I see all of the articles say what a good thing it is and it takes that to get past 95% OF the gay superficial BS? Does it take a deadly disease to all of a sudden say… Oh I am looking for some substance in my life and not just the 18 to 23.55446 demographic and if you are 23.55447 you are just too old?

    The other side is what but I am a healthy Poz whatever that means. Guys get insulted when I do not want to talk to them beyond just talking to them or being their friend. I am happy they have been Poz since the dawn of time and undetectable. If I get it I might be dead tomorrow and just can’t handle the virus. I do not want to find out for the sake of We are all together.


  12. Edward McCallion

    I just wanted to say that it is so wonderful how open you are about being HIV+. Your story really touched me and I wish you a future filled with Health, Happiness and Prosperity because you are a persom Raul who really deserves it. Much Love Always………Ed

  13. Joe

    I have said this several times and will say it again. I do not know why anything goes is an option here. if you are really interested in helping the community you will make people pledge to not do bb for joining the site and not act like anything goes is an option. it can not change behavior of irresponsible people who forget that the meds are 40 – 50 dollars A PILL ( and that is hoping you have a strain of the virus that is treatable and you do not have such bad side-effects you have to get disability) but at least it would be a start.

  14. Jm

    I think it is great that you have decided to do your best to help otheres as you were helped, and I think it was brave of you to talk about being poz. Not to take anything away from you but I had checked out your profile and noticed you have your status listed as negative. This is a common issue in our community, people either don’t know thier status and say they are neg or they do know and are dishonest about being poz. I can almost understand though, I have seen the way that some people react to/treat people who are positive and it hurts my heart. Just because someone is poz does not mean they are bad or dirty, the only difference between someone poz and someone neg is luck. You could be the most careful person in the world and always use protection, a condom could break and you could have hiv just like that. Things are getting better but this world can be hard for the LGBT community and the fact that people with hiv are treated so horribly by some of our own community really saddens me, we as a community should embrace our brothers and sisters with hiv and give them extra love and support.

  15. mike

    To raul and anyone else living with this desease: I myself am hiv- and should say very proud of that! However I do have a few friends with hiv and all I can do is support them and love them. I am very loyal when it comes to friends and partners, I personally duo not have sex without a condom on and never will. But I am not perfect! If you are + make sure you’re status says so. And always use a condom please don’t spread this desease any further, use common sence that we all have!

  16. Patrick

    Telling a group of people your poz and putting it in your profile is two different things. As long as you tell the person your going to have sex with, its just fine to list yourself as neg in your profile.
    Leave the young man alone.

  17. Zaq

    I have been poz for almost 22 years so I can understand the frustration. However I am happily partnered for the last 10, and yes I still fool around sometimes. But why this gentleman decided to state in his profile he’s negative baffles me. I would rather see no answer than an out right lie. It calls into question his sincerity to others and the truthfulness of everything contained in the profile. Bottom line: you’re 22 and there will be plenty of time to discover love. But first learn to become honest with yourself. Honestly I hate that A4A asks about HIV status and not about any other STD. It re-affirms the untruth that HIV is a gay disease.

  18. Taye

    @ Jason maybe Raul doesn’t want to be rejected before someone gets to know the man behind the hiv status. Sometimes putting an open hiv status in your profile sets you up for public humiliation and categorized stereotyping that could effect his job; family life or any type of mormalcy in general. To me this story encourages through the eyes and experiences of an honest individual Raul in which I am emotionally inspired and physically challenged to be a better individual as my hero Raul!!!!

  19. Miguel

    Wow does no one read the other comments. everyone just has to point out that his profile says neg. Did you guys see in his story that he tells people or shares his status in convo. the way you all are acting explains why he has neg on his profile. you put poz on there and no one will talk to him let alone date or sex. when I was 19 my bf was 21. He was pos and I was neg not only did we get a nasty response from friends and family members but the local heath dept looked down on our relationship because they we scared I was going to be infected. thankfully I wasn’t due to safe sex and the manager of the health dept gave me one on one classes 3 times a week about safe sex and the disease. it was a rough time because of all the negative people out there and my scared mother. yes I was young I made mistakes, but I don’t regret dating him. only the part where he cheated on me. so I moved on. people asked me if I felt stupid for risking my life for someone who cheated on me after only a year and in all honest lol I feel stupid whenever anyone cheats on me. it has nothing to do with status just he honest to me about everything and I will still love you. so don’t be so mean you guys unless you can walk a mile in his shoes. putting neg in your profile is ok to start a conversion just be honest about your status before you have sex.

  20. Rob

    I hate to say it.. but in this day and age and all of the education we have about HIV/AIDS. I have no respect for anyone “careless” under the age of 40. MY generation got hit the hardest. I had several HUNDRED people DIE of AIDS due to lack of education and protection. We fought for that education, and protection. You dont know someone? then don’t fuck them without a condom! how hard is it to go to the free clinic TOGETHER and get tested before you go and have sex? No, I am not trying to rain on Raul’s 5 minutes here, but facts are facts. Be happy Raul because of the suffering of the young adults of the 80’s the treatments now bring a healthy life to you and not a death sentence.

  21. sly2013

    i have been HIV for 5months and on last month January 2013 i was declared undetectable.. i like most people didn’t not see a bright side to this, but with an awesome support team and the resources i have been able to deal with it better.

    i sometimes have moments where i get angry but the less they come the less they stay around… there are a lot of guys that still say they are HIV- but are really HIV+.. i don’t understand why you would want to mislead anyone.. be honest and accept it. if they like you fine if not fine…

  22. Miguel

    Ok so I just read raul’s profile and I really just don’t get it you say you were infected due to your own carelessness. you want people to understand and not be scared, but I don’t see how anything has changed besides you use a condom for sex…… I have had a lot of friends die over the past 20 yrs from hiv and aids. When I am online I always see the same thing. pigs being pos wanting sex with no condoms people who are pos wanting sex sex sex. people who are infected don’t care about using condoms with other infected people not worrying that the virus can mutate or be doubly infected. I know someone who had been infected with 5 different strains of hiv. YES that’s right he was infected 5 different times for 5 different people do to not using a condom. he isn’t even 21 yet and what does he do for a living ??? he is a prostitute, WITH FIVE DIFFERENT STANDS OF HIV!!!! I completely understand that this is a hookup site but come on. If you really learned your lesson about being careless or being infected use a condom. stop sleeping around. how can you say your lonely when your profile says you just want to have fun and screw around. “looking for friends and fun”. There is an option that says relationship or dating you know. it doesn’t even look like raul wants a bfax or relationship just fun which is a danger to every hook up but did you ever consider that you would be happy to have someone to cam your own? Instead of being mad that guys dot want to hook up? You can’t fix the world if you can’t fix yourself.

  23. Boss

    I understand the frustrations and the hardships of trying to connect with people. But you like so many have taken the first step of knowing that its a condition and nothing more. You seen through the social aspect of what carrying the label as poz means. People who don’t know about HIV can sometimes treat you as if you are broken or less of a person but to hell with those people. The gay community has build a wall that shuns POZ as if they were nothing more than health cases. I have a friend who is POZ and I remind him everytime I see him He is special. ALL my poz friends are special. They harbor a reality that so many of the gay community has ignored or even shunned. THe future gets brighter everyday in the advances of HIV being a memory. Just know that you have people like me who will offer support. To me, Being Poz was like a second “coming out” It made me realize who I am and who my real friends were. It forced me to take better care of myself and those arround me. You are very lucky to have that experience because many don’t even get to live again. Keep doing what you are doing because the people who don’t matter always seem to mind while those who DO matter never mind at all.

  24. Cesare

    Hey everybody, in his profile our friend Raul does call himself an “expository writer”; writing where the purpose is to inform, describe or explain. While his intententions may be noble; as a personal narrative, it sorta feels hollow. But then again, he may have just been lazy in updating his status. And ol’ boy has started a conversation, lol. Peace…

  25. jv

    I support you Raul 100% my opinion when it refers to profile its better leaving on clear therefore its an open ended ? if not posted people should ask,We don’t need signed across forehead making the statement, that’s why Adam4adam leaves it open to make your choice. Be well happy and healthy Raul

  26. brandon p

    Hey my name is brandon and I am hiv poz and I am 27years old and I have been living with it since I was 19 years old and I have been an actives for my comunity every since I been poz.

  27. David

    To concur with several other comments, I am dumbfounded that you don’t practice what you preach in that you blatantly lie about your status on your page. I am poz and I state so on my page both in my description and under status. When you let alone don’t disclose status but state the opposite you are misleading people who communicate with you.

    It may be the case that you do inform people however there are thousands of profiles stating HIV Negative from Poz guys which I think fools the people browsing this site into not realizing the spread of this epidemic. If when browsing profiles more people were truthful about their status it might make people realize just how many people are poz out there and get them to think twice about having unprotected sex.

    It disgusts me how many people message me saying hey I’m poz too when their profile states otherwise. Its even more disgusting when neg guys are looking to get poz’ed but that’s a whole different story.

  28. Big Casino

    This is kinda sad. Here a young man has found the courage to tell the world and his fellow gay community that he is HIV+ and all most of you are doing is criticize him for not changing his profile. Just think how hard this was for him to do. After dealing with all the mental pain and suffering that this disease brings to a person, he is trying to find some compassion from us, a friendly voice telling him that everything is going to be alright, a shoulder to lean against when the weight of this is too much for him to bare. Is everyone here so honest about the information on our profiles. I think not. In order for Raul to heal, he has to take little steps, and this was one of them. How can we as a community ever evolve from the closests and the shadows if we are afraid to tell our own brothers. I find a ray of hope in what Raul did and have to thank him for his courage. I was not trying to speak down to anyone who criticized Raul. Please, that is the furthest thing from what I indeeded here. My heart went out to him when I read his story and like the big Shinning White Knight I am, I came to his rescue. But the truth is, he doesn’t need it, he has found peace within himself and nothing anyone says or do can change that. I am getting off my soap box now, but before I do, I want to leave you with one thought. Put yourself, truely put yourself in his shoes and say “What would I do if this was me” .
    Much peace and love

  29. HIVPOZBlackMan

    I am curious as to why your profile says you are HIV negative???

    Probably because he just found out a year ago. Some of us have been on A4A for years and one time I thought I was negative too but 5 years later I found out I was positive.

    Be strong my all my POZ brothers, we have to support and take care of each other. At the end of the day we are all we got! If you are POZ email me at and lets talk.

  30. fred

    I am curious as to how people know this man’s profile and can read it on Adam4Adam? If he is negative on profile but is indeed positive, then that is indeed inappropriate. I have posted positive in my profile, and I sometimes get mean-spirited emails. One Person said “How dare you be in this room if you are HIV positive. You are a disgrace to yourself. I am blocking you.” That was an actually email. I thought that being honest about my status would have people thinking “He’s at least honest.” However, I feel that some people believe that I should never be with a man again.

  31. Brandon

    Rob—I understand how your feel. My gay uncle who is 51 feels the same way you do. However, remember that those of us under 30-ish were not exposed to those images of people dying from AIDS. We came of age in the late 90s and later when HIV stopped being an automatic death sentence. I remember a gay mentor of mine telling me he went to hundreds of funerals over the years. I can’t imagine that b/c it’s not my reality. Those of us under 30 have NOT had that experience. Plus, sex-ed during the George W. Bush years (when we were in middle school and high school) was abstinence-based and NOT comprehensive. Condoms weren’t a part of the conversation. Even now, condoms are not as ubiquitous/free in gay clubs and bars like they were in the 90s. I think Gen X-ers who graduated high school by 2000 or earlier are better off than those of us who went to school during George Bush years and weren’t taught comprehensive sex-ed, overall. 2001 was really the tipping point and the start of HIV increasing in the gay community again b/c of Geroge Bush’s anti-condom policies

  32. Brandon

    On another note, I think raulgm should change his status on his profile from negative to positive. He should have never had “Negative” on his profile in the first place even before coming out as poz so openly. If anything, just leave it BLANK. BUT, please don’t LIE about your status. That is so irresponsible.

    • blog

      Brandon: Maybe he tells it to everybody he speaks to…Who are you to decide if he should or not put it in his profile ?
      I heard that many people don,t talk to poz guys simply because they are poz…which is fucking stupid if you want my opinion.

  33. that guy

    Sorry guys, no sympathy from me.. We all know what the risks are when you bareback someone. And if you get HIV its 99% chance you didnt use a condom. So why have pitty on someone that was careless? You put yourself in that position, and its no ones fault buy your own.. HIV awareness, you say? well, we all know not to put your hand it a pot of boiling water now dont we…

  34. geffen

    I’ve read all the comments and one more about your profile stating you are HIV- would probably just be redundant but fuck it. I admire your decision to tell us your story but for God’s sake, please be honest about your status with any sex partners. Ultimately we all take a chance but we should also be able to make the choice!

  35. trhine


    hang in there life is too short so everyone should enjoy what we have in this world. my best friend died back in 2006, damn doesnt seem that long ago, and he was positive. i always said i wouldnt date or play with anyone pos but within two years i had dated two different guys for months,at separate times. both of them were positive and it didnt bother me anymore. after my bff(CORY I MISS YOU) died educating myself about hiv really helped me and my ignorance of the disease. they only thing i missed while dating a + guy was swallowing a load ;)now to try to help out i am in the hiv vaccine study. i feel as if i can help one person out there atleast i did something.So raul, if people dont love you for who you are fuck em because there are people out there that will and does love you.

  36. Brandon

    I personally am not willing to hookup with someone that is a known positive. Just being honest. I say that knowing that people are who known positives, when using a condom, are less risky than unknown positives because known poz people take meds and have lower viral loads. Still, I can’t mentally get over having sex with someone whom I KNOW is positive. It’s a mental thing. It makes the sex unsexy and would just give me anxiety. When people are who known positives LIE by putting “negative” on their profiles RATHER than just leaving it blank and having an ask and tell policy, it really bothers me. I do always ask every person I sleep their status regardless of what is on their profile. However, someone who lies on their profile is also likely to like when asked, in my opinion.

  37. Brandon

    It is my choice not to sleep with someone who is knowingly positive. No one has the right to take that away from me with their lies. In fact, in many states…it is ILLEGAL to lie about that.

  38. Brandon

    Moreover…like someone said here. All these positive guys putting negative in their profile are truly furthering the stigma by making it seem like POZ gay men are in such a minority. I bet 25% or more of the guys on this site are poz, but you would never know it from the profiles. 90% of them say negative. My best friend is poz and NEVER lies about it, on profiles or otherwise b/c he knows, as a previously negative person hooking up, how awful that is morally. The lying is disgraceful all around. Leave it blank rather than lie.

  39. smart ass

    I am Gay and hate being gay. No, I’m not in denial. One thing I see wrong with gay men is the lack of education on this topic,I understand that we all make mistakes in life. But we also have to take responsibility for our own actions. Let me explain,if you are an individual that likes to meet random strangers for casual unprotected sex you can’t expect other results. This can happen to anyone,gay or straight. Respect yourself ,use protection every time and trust no one. If you don’t protect yourself, other people wont. Stay on a monogamous relationship and don’t Whore around!

  40. Ivan

    Can someone explain the undetectable part to me? And also if its undetectable how is it even caught in the first place? And is it easier for a bottom to catch HIV? Also can you get HIV from swallowing ?

  41. E

    your story and your profile are 2 different things pos on the blog neg on the profile, and if you are dishonest about it in your profile it makes me think that everyone on the site is poz, and lying about it. Call me crazy, however i would rather know straight out first, I would respect you more if you were honest from the beginning. I had a friend date a guy from here for 2 months, and before they had sex the guy told my friend, my friend dumped him, not because he WAS poz, but because he was dishonest about it from the beginning.

  42. Allison

    Hello I just want to say that I was very touch by your story and in knowing your story I want to say HIV/AIDS has com so far that people is not dying from it anymore if u take care of do most of doctor says and use common sense and u will live long and strong but in everything try GOD he and he sits on the throne and keep the faith that its not your ending its your beginning u r very young I hate that it happen to u but GOD can do anything even bring u out of all of this so thank u for sharing such a major part of your life with us and I’m praying for u and your love one now go and b blessed!Allison

  43. BearOKC69

    I apologize for the long post but here it goes….

    I disagree with the poster that said that a pledge should be taken & anything goes etc shouldn’t even be an option. All that will do is encourage even more people to lie about their status. After all, they are already lying about their status, don’t you think they might lie about the pledge too?

    Basically, you should presume that everyone is Poz. I remember a poster in the Dr’s office decades ago that said every time you have sex, its like you are having sex with everyone that person has had sex with (and everyone those people have had sex with….etc etc etc).

    I always put “don’t know” in a profile status because almost no one really knows if they are neg or not. Even if you tested neg today, it can take up to 3 months for it to show up on the test. So unless you and your partner absolutely had no sexual contact with anyone else in those 3 months, you just don’t know.

    As soon as I found out my status and contacted those I had been with in the previous 3 months, I updated my profiles to Poz. I didn’t do it 1st because I didn’t think that was something someone you’ve been with should discover while reading the web. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do, having those face-to-face conversations.

    I know that some won’t even consider me because of it and that is ok with me. Their choice. I also take it an extra step and mention it at least once again when talking with someone before hooking up that I am Poz. It is amazing how many dont see it in the profile or ad.

    I am sure many of us can relate to what raulgm described when they found out they were Poz. Feeling that your life was over etc. In my case it came as a complete shock to me as I hadn’t had contact with anyone in over 3 months and thought I was getting tested regularly. Turns out the HIV test box I was checking on my routine blood work forms was only the authorization for them to run the test…not that they actually ran it. When results came back and nothing was mentioned, I figured “no news is good news”. Found out later that if they run the test, they are required by law to let you know the results (law may be different in your state).


    We all know the risks. Usually infection is sourced at a cheating partner that’s why if you cheat on me once 1. You’re dumb because I’m a model, and 2. It’s goodbye forever- your loss. Why stay with someone who doesn’t have your health as a top priority to be protected? Is that what “love” is? If so count me out. I will be dammed if I have to live with HIV. Yes, it’s not the life sentence it used to be but it is a BURDEN. And even though it’s 2013 it is still viewed as a plague to be avoided at all costs (sad I know). Honestly some people really don’t care what consequences there actions can have on others, as long as they fulfil selfish desires at whatever cost (sick I know). Sick world, and it’s never going to change.

  45. Trizzy Troy

    I think his story is 1 of courage. He is only human, and like all of us is flawed. Funny how so many dudes checked his profile & became critics. As if they don’t lie, and as if his lie has an impact on another’s responsibility. I’m 40 survived the late 80s n the 90s in NYC so yes I’m blessed to still b -. WE R ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN LIVES!! Regardless of what we read on a profile, see at a club, hear on a chatline, feel in a bathhouse, want at a sex party. You can indulge RESPONSIBLY. I’m a living witness to both the tragedies & triumphs of this life. Wld sum1s status affect your decision as to how you wld protect yourself??? If so then their lie/truth isn’t the issue YOU R!!

  46. that guy

    You need to think on emperical facts.. there is no reason for it, and it is not stupid not to talk to someone because they are pozitive, That person made the choice to fuck with out a condom (i know there are some other circumstances) but it was that persons choice, I shouldnt have to deal with their mistakes that can directly affect me when they were careless.. I sure as hell wouldnt feel that someone should pay for my mistakes… but wait, i would never put myself in a position to contract that…

  47. doc reiss

    Ever known someone who was so magnetic they could pick up someone on an escalator?

    Ed was that way. And he did. He once got laid in the men’s room near the bottom of the escalators at the mall. When he was going down, the stud was going up and then coming down to meet him.

    It was 1989 and even though Nebraska was a couple steps behind embracing homosexuals as human beings. . . Iowa was a bit further back. And Ed’s family was from Iowa.

    He was positive and trying to keep from having wasting syndrome. And he partied his buns off whenever he got the chance.

    He was always honest, even before they implanted the shunt to feed his meds.

    When his eyesight began to fail rapidly because of tumours forming in his brain, Ed took his old Buick out on a rural highway lined with pastures and floored it.

    Ed never had AIDS. He never had HIV. He was never gay. He steered is car into a tree at 80 miles an hour so his family could say he died in a car crash.

    Our society has changed since then. There are still stigmas.

    Years ago there was a very effective campaign in the Czechoslovakia that showed couples of all persuasions. In each picture one of the people had a nose like Pinocchio. The caption said, “You can never tell who is lying. Always be safe.”

    That is the message we need to perpetuate. We teach our children to drive defensively. We need to teach how to fuck defensively.

    Let’s work toward that goal moreso than deriding each other.

    I’ll get off my soap box. Thanks.

  48. mark

    He needs to update his status on his profile. Lying about your status is illegal. Having said that,I hope he has a good life and is more responsible with any potential partners. Let this serve as an example that we all need to be more responsible.

  49. chris

    You know as someone else who was infected 13 years ago at 20, I know why his profile says neg. I want people to know me as a person first versus a tick of a box.
    I always intiate the conversation before I even make plans to leave the house or give out my address.

    Most guys still wanna fuck me bareback.

    Most guys still wanna fuck me safe.

    I have learned that when I put the poz up they literally glance over my profile. So will I put the poz up? probably not likely. Do I still tell 100% of the guys who I fuck? Absolutely.

    What the fuck you gotta say about it?

  50. David W. Bradburn

    Thanks Raul for your story and letting folks know that if treated by the new antiretroviral drugs on the market today can mean staying healthy for many years to come. Yes these drugs are very expensive in the states when they actually can be made much cheaper and are in other countries. So much of our anger and advocacy should be placed on the drug companies to make these drugs more affordable for all who are at higher risk for getting HIV. Especially since truvada is showing great potential as a preventative drug. For you fellows all upset about not showing your poz status on this site should take a less passive aggressive approach to personal safety and just treat everyone as if they are positive. Then you decide whether or not to use condoms as a personal choice rather than seeing it as just a protection from all those dangerous poz guys out there. The are no enemies when it comes to health and wellness. If so, should I blame my own family genetics for being a type 1 diabetic. I think not. It does not change my reality in the least. I still have to test my blood sugar levels and keep my insulin pump filled to lead a healthy life. We should be very careful about judging each other to harshly and try to understand each other’s life experiences that make us who we are. Just because we are all mostly gay or bisexual, does not mean we have walked the same path. We are still individuals who make mistakes and are perfectly flawed even when we know better. Do you hound your buddies who still smoke or drink to much when the great evidence shows this can lead to lung cancer or liver disease. Probably not. All we can do is lead by setting a good example for others and let folks make their own decisions on their life’s path. I am HIV positive but have never felt the need to be angry at whoever infected me when I was the one who did not protect myself. Personal responsibility is a tough pill to swallow. All we can do is keep communicating and support each other no matter what free choices we make. David W. Bradburn

  51. Jerry

    Speaking as a POZ man, I know from experience that we in some ways are worse than the people that demonize us. I’ve had plenty of experiences of being shunned or treated badly by people because they were scared of HIV and still associate it with being something that only “bad” people catch.

    I watched as a kid in his early 20s at Manhunt admitted he’d just tested positive and wanted everyone who’d been with him to get tested. The scorn and hatred that was heaped on him was incredible. I spoke up there to ask why all the hate unless these same guys were guilty of the risky sex practices that had zapped that kid? Then the hate came thundering in my direction.

    I guess I touched a raw nerve there and that’s the crux of the problem — everyone seems to think it won’t happen to them and they don’t like treating sex partners like they might have it and use safer sex practices, then they react with such hypocrisy when something like that comes around.

  52. pozdude4life

    The story is good i went through the same thing if u get tested and care enough about yourself and others to where u want to know your status and get the help you need if you are poz. One thing I find disturbing is that he claims neg on here and says only has sex with condoms in his profile well thats great but condoms break not always but they do and im living proof of that and all it took was that one time u have to tell people and give them the choice when ur poz even if he list no status and is responsible enough to give that info privately in an email but to make a claim that he is neg um just not acceptable

  53. Sexxygrad2

    Hey guys this amazing young man just told his story in being set up with the disease. If some of you go get tested you wouldn’t have neg by your name anymore either Quit with spiteful statements and applaud his courage…Well Done Raul!!!!

  54. Raul

    I am sorry for everyone having an issue with my status, but honestly, I don’t really care. I have lived with this disease, and I am healthy. I changed my status, but once upon a time, didn’t all gay guys keep in the closet to not be judged, then even today they still keep in the closet. You all talk like there is no skeletons in your closets.
    I am 23 years old, and I help my community, whether some appreciate it or not. While most people my age are messing around, I try, but I can’t because I instantly become judged, by a bunch of old queers or ignorant queens.

    That Guy- Honestly, if you do not know, don’t talk. There are multiple ways of becoming infected.

    Guys who are positive, yeah I didn’t post it, but have you stopped to ask why?

    Instead of speaking your minds and trying to attack me, which is really pathetic, ask me questions, and get to know me. Then, you can know why my status says negative.

    I am happy to have been helping a lot of people, and that was my goal, so thank you guys for asking questions and informing yourselves. Anything else from; condom use, alternatives, risky behaviors, HIV info, a friend, or just someone to turn to, I am here. Do not be afraid of talking to me. =-).


  55. Rico_linK

    Just wanna say that its places and the people who run the places who some times end up being our heroes i know how it feels i was alone and scared and had no one to be there with me so when it comes to people being scared alone and not knowing where the answer is i always share with them where i found help and security cuz no one should have to go thru that being alone and scared and even more so when people reach out to me cuz there alone it makes me having hiv worth it that i get to make a difference in peoples lives every day one person at a time

  56. Kc

    I can only assume that all of these critical and quite rude comments are from guys who at some point lied on their profiles, either with pics or weight or etc….regardless if someone wants to disclose their status or not its their decision and shouldn’t we as a gay community be more sensitive to our positive members… If they are brave enough to share their status with an online community maybe next time send a smile or a hello, you might be missing out on a great friend, its not always about sex people!

  57. William Austin

    FORBS MAGIZINE sent out 22 AIDS Blood samples to different labs and they got back 22 different results! Conclusion: The AIDS TESTING is not a dependable!

  58. dominantbottom

    30 years pos, 15 years undetectible.

    Many of the friends I’ve lost to AIDS gave up on life the day of diagnosis. They chose to burn out rather than fade away. Instead I chose to extract every ounce of joy out of every day of my life, while also planning for the future. Today I savor riding my Harley over decade old bridges. I remember wondering whether I would live to see their completion or not. To this day I get a special joy whenever long drawn out road building is finally completed. There have been so many other small victories in my life, that might have gone unnoticed otherwise. However if I could go back I would have insisted on using condoms.

    My status is undisclosed on my profile because I have found that most men don’t read so it always must be addressed anyway. I disclose only once it seems a real time meeting is inevitable,(which is really rare due to my picky tastes in Men) and I never allow anyone into my personal space without disclosure.

    Sadly many of you will have unprotected sex with others who are unaware of an infection aquired after their last negative test. Some will become infected by selfish, dishonest men who think more of their own needs than the health of others. This is why bareback sex outside of a comitted relationship is a deal breaker for me personally. I’ve seen so many profiles of pos guys that claim they are neg. It’s safest to treat everyone as if they could have anything.

    My antique HIV mutation is easily kept undetectible and my meds have never failed because I take them on time religiously. I won’t bareback other pos guys because don’t want a mutated drug resistant update to my HIV. Nor do I want a handful of other STDs that can be easily absorbed through more ways than just entering the blood stream.

    I’ve had a number of long term relationships in 30 years, and all of my exes, male and female are still HIV- today because safe sex works if proper protocols are adhered to. DDFree UB2 is not safe sex. It is a prescription for tragedy.


    ” let he without sin cast the first stone “…

    no matter what his profile says , it takes strength and courage to sharee his personal life
    its a good story and take away from it ” you always learn from you mistakes and grow from there”

  60. R

    Raul I really like your positive attitude and the support that you received. I have been positive for over 28 years now and am still healthy. Attitude and support from family and friends is about 50% of the battle against HIV. Good luck to you keep up the fight.

  61. Luke

    Wow. Stay strong man! Many of these comments are written by ignorant and frightened assholes. HIV is something that affects EVERYONE. Poz or neg, we all need to practice compassion, honesty, and perseverance. No one is walking in another’s shoes so stop with all the judging guys. Assume everyone you have sex with is poz and quit being so frightened of living life. Start loving each other, educating ourselves, fight stigma, and believe in a world where we can and will find a cure for HIV.

  62. Blog( not really lol)

    Maybe he tells people he’s poz in person..especially because in his profile he says he’s ” mostly lookin to hook up” and that he’s ” hiv neg”, yea so after he’s dragged his victims by lying about his status cuz he wants sex ,he’ ll THEN tell them he’s HIV POZ..yea that ll work!!.. everyone loves that experience..Mr.’re an idiot for putting this fakes story on here..

  63. marc

    Leave him alone about his status, what he shows the world is his business. Its a4a people, you should be dealing with everyone as if they were poz. Hiv negative peeps have a responsibility to ask. Dont make someone else be responsible for you, you are all grown up now. This man can put whatever he wants on the internet.

  64. Jay

    If his status was not listed, that would be omission. Since he lists “negative” that’s just a complete lie. Sorry but what a douchebag. He’s done a huge disservice to all poz guys by writing this and then publicly lying.

  65. Drew Cline

    Raul, HIV might not be a death sentence for people in the western world who have access to medicine, but careless sex and the spread of HIV is very much a death sentence to many people in the world who have no access to health care.

    It seems that many of us forget that what we do locally has an impact globally on many diverse populations not as fortunate as us.

  66. nastNfit

    great story…you got all my support. But to all you guys that keep focusing on his “Status” in his profile….he doesn’t have to put it there….its not mandatory…but it is mandatory for him to tell before he has sex…so lay off of him. The guy was just trying to share his story and its like 90% of the responses is like negative…..WTF?? Im poz as well…. hell I get hate mail telling me to drop dead…I should not be on here…or I go to just say hi and they block me instantly or have blocked me before I even tried to contact em….so I can see why he would choose to put neg in his profile…Its noones damn business anyway but his..and the person or group he chooses to have sex with…hell you guys that are going off on him ….lets all visit your profiles and see now inaccurate they are….how many of you guys are lying bout your age, build, etc, etc…..don’t preach bout honesty when your just as bad, if not worse…..its his fucking status guys…let him be…yes, we became poz, but its our status and its noone elses business …we choose who we give it too….and as long as we give it to the person we are about to have sex with…..thats all that matters….and as far as what “That Guy” said about sympathy and we pretty much deserve it……dude I got it from a needle stick at work…an accident…I wasnt aware of the coworker behind me and I wasnt exactly watching it….but I didnt deserve it… fuck you

  67. Hunter0500

    For much of us, life is a work in progress. For raulgm, that’s true. With “HIV Negative” still in his profile, he is just that. I wouldn’t fault him for it, but would think that in light of the article here, he’d be ready to square up that inconsistancy.

    As a rule, I don’t contact or respond to anyone with “anything goes!”, or “love to bareback!”, or “pig!” in their profile. While they’re meant to be sexually inviting, for me they are life threatening.

    It was good to see in the Blackout in Atlanta piece here that a condom made an appearance, the writer snuck it in unubtrusovely which was positive. The overall idea of such pieces, however, is that random, unsafe sex is “fun!” A4A’s printing them and then publishing articles such as raulgm’s on STDs makes no sense. From a credibility standpoint, A4A needs to find its position on this matter and stick to it.

  68. terry

    hi guys iam same and was very hurt first time fount out , but life moves on and some drink to stop feeling bad they got hiv but its worse on you drinking alot, meds dont work as well,i get very sad not with any one cant find any one hurts being alone on holidays and one thing hurts haveing hiv family dont wount me around. its sad but in away i never told them who to be with why should they tell me.iam looking for a nice guy no games or drugs some one to do things together and be best friends maybe more.

  69. zack

    People with HIV have it due to their careless disregard for their life. You know the risk when you have unprotected sex! HIV+ ppl are right that they will probably not find love or sex if they reveal their status. Your status means you’ll prob run out and sleep with another man behind my back. Its your ‘Scarlet Letter’. Raul played with fire and now be can live with the consequences. Some may think this is a mean spirited comment, but its not as if HIV+ people didn’t have a choice. Cancer patients get my sympathy not HIV+ carriers who chose to ignore decades of information and science and its just frustrating that with all we have fought fight for we are still our own worst enemies. With all of our money, education and support groups no other population kills there own as fast as we kill ourselves i.e. suicide, HIV, racism, low self esteem issues, drug use, body issues, random unprotected hook ups, et al. Feels as if we run around like a group of feral animals unable to control our urges.

    Regarding his profile stating neg. Its just perpetuating the stigma to be ashamed of yourself. Everyone makes excuses for his lack of status update but we dont owe him anything. All he had to do was put on a condom it takes 30 seconds! He lies on his profile what else is he lying about?

    “When ppl show you who they really are, believe them. “

  70. MIke

    I have several friends that are POS. I met a guy that is POS and I fell in love with him. I never treated him any different than anyone else. The sex was some of the best that I have ever had. But his mental state was just not good for me. 🙁 I love him and sure wish it could have been different.
    My very first BF I had in High School died in 08′ from HIV he stopped taking his meds. I loved Brett so and will always love him, and miss him.
    Good luck to all you guys with HIV.

  71. whateva

    Yeah, men who are only interested in meeting NEG men might be missing out on some great POZ men that they could be having great safer sex with. But that’s their choice to make. I know that there’s ignorant asses that make nasty comments about POZ guys and I’ve heard most of them – but eff those guys, you just can’t fix stupid.

    And sorry, but if men can’t be honest in an anonymous profile I really have my doubts that they’re going to suddenly become honest when the clothes start to come off.

  72. Allegro89

    Interesting post, nonetheless. It is difficult for me to feel sympathetic when we all know the risks of unsafe sex.

    My best to you, Raul. I am sure this has been a difficult journey and I hope you continue to thrive and grow.

  73. James (2q2bstr8gayboy)

    I’m really happy to read the comments left by others. I would like to let every one know I have 2-ex boyfriends that have HIV ,who both got it after we where together. I must even knowing that they both got it, I’m happy to say they are both still my friends and I still love and care about them both very much. If I had a choice to pick a boyfriend to be in my life it would probably be with someone who has HIV because they need LOVE to just like us guy’s that are HIV-negative. I’m willing to be anyone’ s friend so hit me up.. I’ve posted this because I’m not afraid to be a friend to anyone that is HIV-positive

  74. NECutie89

    I love what he said!

    You know yesterday it really hit me how nasty people can be about it…At the bar, being rejected right off the bat b/c my a4a status has been poz for a year and a half–I have been poz for three years….I was sick of the having to tell someone I like that I had it, and was done with the heartache when I thought they’d be okay with it, and they weren’t at all and/or freak out on me when I didn’t tell them and we were 100 percent safe and then later find out their negative. I was done with that….so I did it. I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback from it (and i’m really greatful for that), but man, guys can be really hurtful, and a part of me regrets listing my status, so I can see why a lot of poz guys don’t list it, but it’s also potentially dangerous if you “forget” to tell someone. I honest don’t trust myself…that’s why I have it there. I have to go to work soon, and I wanted to post about this quick so sorry if this seems scatter-brained.

  75. scott

    i think the subject of HIV should be private and confidential. its nobodys business if you are negative or positive. if you have anal sex-just use a condom-or dont. i get really upset that gay men are always under attack on this subject. look at heterosexuals-most of them DO NOT use condoms. the AIDS epidemic started with them-they are still spreading it today.

  76. Trudude

    I’m amazed by the way Raul shared his story. I thank people like Andrew who helped make a difference in Raul’s life… The snowball effect just started by Raul sharing his story and given everyone a positive outlook. I love being a counselor… Especially after reading Raul’s story.

  77. Darryl

    Raul I have alittle advice for you my friend. It takes alot of courage, and balls to reveal your hiv status for the wold to see. So on that note i applaud you for doing so. Don’t let anyone make you feel less then who you are at this point. Part of being a Man is being able to be completely who you are flaws and all. We all will make choices that may or may not be in our best interests, so the fact that you contracted hiv is something that we all will deal with in some form or another. I know for myself that each time i get tested i replay everything that i’ve done sexually so i can try to pin point where, when, and how. I try to stay informed as to how hiv is contracted, and do my best to keep myself, and my partner safe, then enjoy what comes naturally to the two of us. I won’t even begin to preach about what you’ve done in your life, but what we all can learn is that hiv/aids is still here, and we must stop the bs about it and deal with it head on. All of us know someone who has hiv, or have died of the disease. What we have to come to grips is that another one of us is now hiv positive, and it pisses me off that we cannot provide some compassion, and support for him. Lift this Man up and say to him ok we will help you get to where you need to go, if we can help just ask. If i were to open myself up here, i would want someone to give me a helping hand.

  78. Zaq

    Definitely one of the best blogs to date. This young man’s story has generated conversation more so about the use of a drop down menu selection. If you fuck raw you know the risks but don’t let your excuse be you put your faith in a drop down.

  79. Jonathan

    First, thank you Raul for writing and sharing your story. You seem to be at peace with who you are despite all the haters. I’m happy for you.

    Second, I have read all the comments and it amazed me how many were negative instead of supportive. For many years I have observed that the gay community is it’s own worst enemy. We parade around demanding “equal rights” from the rest of the world, while openly hating and despising subsets of our own community. How can we expect the “straight” world to accept us if we can’t even accept ourselves? Whether it’s the drag queens or the dykes or the HIV positive, it doesn’t matter. Hate is hate. Why can’t we practice what we claim to believe and truly, openly embrace and love everyone?

    As I read the comments, two stuck out to me as being such incredibly incorrect thinking – the kind of thinking that leads to hate and stigmatism associated with HIV: ‘Whateva’ said, “And sorry, but if men can’t be honest in an anonymous profile I really have my doubts that they’re going to suddenly become honest when the clothes start to come off.” These profiles are NOT anonymous. When you live in a smaller community, as I do, you KNOW everyone who is online in your town and everyone knows you. And do you think that only gay men will see these profiles? I know for a fact that many gay guys show profiles to their straight friends, especially with the advent of mobile dating apps on iPhone and Android. So, NO, they are not anonymous and can easily be seen by anyone gay or straight, male or female. As an HIV positive man in a small community, I want to avoid unnecessary stigma and discrimination, therefore I choose to leave the HIV status blank on my online profiles. That does not make me a dishonest person, it makes me cautious. Disclosing HIV status SHOULD simply be about sex, but as we well know , it transcends into every aspect of social life as well. I choose NOT to be defined by my HIV status. However, when it comes to having sex, I am always honest, which leads me to the second glaringly wrong statement I noticed.

    ‘Zack’ said, “HIV+ ppl are right that they will probably not find love or sex if they reveal their status. Your status means you’ll prob run out and sleep with another man behind my back.” First, that is just down right mean and hateful to say that anyone is unworthy of love. Second, what does a man’s HIV status have to do with his character? You obviously believe that all positive men are inherently liars and cheaters. We are all individuals. Our character and conduct is not determined by our HIV status. You, Zack, are exactly the kind of person who perpetuates hate, bigotry, lies and discrimination. You and people like you are the biggest problem we face as a community – yeah a much bigger problem that even HIV. As a man who has HIV, I am not ashamed of my status and when I tell potential sex partners, most are nice about it even if they decline. They appreciate the honesty. I have plenty of sex with both poz and neg men. I love sex. Sex is not the enemy. Lies and hate are the enemy. As for finding love, my life is so full of love, I couldn’t ask for more, so you are wholly wrong on both accounts. Poz men can indeed find both love and sex and sometimes, both at the same time!

    To all who are HIV+, don’t be discouraged by the haters. There is plenty of love in this world. I know it’s hard to find sometimes, but I promise you it’s there. And in my case, the greatest love I’ve ever known came from a man who is HIV-.

    To everyone, can we please be kind in our words and actions? Can we let love be our guide?

    Thanks for listening,


  80. JackFL

    Since when is becoming positive and sharing you story the right thing to do? Sharing your story to make yourself feel better about who you are or what you did or did not do seems stupid. Yes, you have HIV, you made a mistake or not. I am sure you did know what you were doing. Hell, in your own profile it says “Looking to hook up mostly ” unless you change that. Of course your HIV+ but at one point the profile was listing negative? Really? I do not applaud people who think being HIV+ is a badge of honor. It’s regrettable that it happens and mostly because we all become lazy to do the right thing. More so, we do what is in the heat of the moment. This guy deserves no more praise than any other person. Yet, we applaud him for having HIV and telling his story, as though that makes it okay. We all need to learn to stay safe, myself included. This is not something to be proud of. The sad part is, this is becoming the norm and we are praising it and making people like this a hero. He is not a hero. He and the other stories like this should not be the standard that respects the gay community.

    • blog

      JackFL : oh you think that because he is poz he has to stop living his life, stop having sex and die?
      Educate yourself on the HIV subject. I suggest that you use our search tool and type “HIV” to read all our hiv related blog post.
      By controlling HIV with medication and condom, the risk of transmitting is almost absent.

      Also nobody said they were applauding him for having HIV….They are not saying he is a hero because he has HIV.
      Probably more because he helps people and help ignorant people on the subject.

  81. Raul

    I do read the posts, and it would be nice that instead of posting rude comments, you ask me. After all, you are attacking me. So have the proper balls and ask me. If you guys have an issue with me, then say it to my face.
    Also, thank you so much to the guys who are supportive and the ones who are trying to get to know my story.

    • blog

      Raul, after blogging for more than 2 years here, I found out that there are indeed some very angry guys in here and also some amazing men as well.
      It is always the same people that say bad comments though. ( I can see their IP and email adress as I approve their comments)
      So … Don’t be discouraged by them… just ignore them 🙂
      The majority are very proud of you and what you are doing and you are very brave to come out about your status 🙂
      Big hugs

  82. stealthblk


    I applaud your bravery to, at the very least, contribute to this blog and free yourself from the stigma that plagues this site. I can understand your apprehension to not display your status on your profile. I have come across countless individuals who have done the same thing, only to come out with their truth after some lengthy conversation or after the deed was done. I am in no position to judge anyone and I certainly won’t hear of it from anyone who is ignorant or uneducated or grossly misinformed, because NO ONE is perfect.

    I am the type of person who is all for self disclosure. Loving yourself and respecting yourself should be of the utmost importance. In the pursuit of love, lust or whatever garners one’s need for sexual/physical gratification…pursue away. Nonetheless, the perils of acceptance of one’s sexuality can be as tedious as teeth pulling during the dark ages with no anesthesia. A contributing factor to the extremely low self esteem many males who sex with other males: (a shame you cannot even call a spade a spade with the lot of them; GAY SEX).

    I have been through the scares…the lectures…the tests. Hell, some of the very same lame dudes on here had the nerve to label me HIV (which by the way, I AM NOT, and more than happy to have the ones who rumor milled me come with me to any doctor’s office or clinic…test me…show you the results, then beat the shit out of you for your ignorance).

    But I digress…

    Raul, I am sure you don’t need me to validate your actions, but I applaud your effort. No matter what some of these prudish homos…hetero wannabes or self-loathing individuals have to say, you just stay true to you. It really is sad that people who use this site in the midst of being hated on by society at large for being who you are, try to beat down their own kind…MALES WHO SEX OTHER MALES…my spade for ALL of you out there in a4a land.

  83. Pozguys0

    Great story, I going thru the same situation , but Im really lucky to have a great Doctor witch he is more than that he is a great friend an has help me a lot, Im front About my status and something to have learn to do, bcs it was a hard thing to do at first. I have found guys that are educated about it and there are always that ones that are not, they won’t even want to talk to you it doesn’t bother me anymore like it used to , have to keep your head up no matter what!

  84. JackFL

    Blog (Dave): No, I do not think he needs to stop living his life or stop having sex. He has a duty to be honest with people, upfront, about his status. His profile, which now reflects his correct status, but didn’t before. That calls into question about how honest and upfront said individual is. If you lie about your status is an “online pick-up profile” what else is he NOT being honest about. Again, even though it’s now corrected, it calls into question the honest and integrity of a person.

    Yes, people are calling him a hero and praising him. Saying they are proud of him, he is doing the right thing by speaking out. The RIGHT thing to do was to not put yourself in the situation to get HIV in the first place. If he had wanted to help the gay community, it should not have taken him getting HIV to suddenly want to become a spokesperson for the Gay HIV community. While we can turn a mistake into a positive thing, which I encourage. I just do not lavish praise on someone who made a bad decision. If it was me in this situation, I do not feel I am warranted any praise or a soapbox for telling such a compelling although questionable story.

    So it’s out there… I have nothing against anyone positive or negative. It happens, sometimes by choice and other times, not so much by choice. I wish him the best in life.

    Anyway, that is what I have to say on the subject.


    • blog

      JackFL : Not because YOU think that he has to tell his status in his profile that for HIM, it is the right way to do. You have the right to your opinion but it is not “THE way” of doing things. If he prefer to chat a bit with the person before he tells him his status, that is his business. That is totally what I would do too.

  85. whateva

    Raul- I was one of those that was critical of the NEG status on your profile. You’re the one that posted a story for comment, you’re the one that put a NEG status on your profile, so obviously you’re the one that’s going to get called out for that lack of consistency.

    I didn’t think I was ‘attacking’ you then, and after reading your comments I still don’t It’s called owning your words and actions. It can be a hard lesson to learn.

    And to Jonathon – especially in a small town, if you’re being honest with your partners, word it going to soon spread. I know, I’m living it. But better to be talked about behind my back than a fist in my face (or worse) if word got out that I was being dishonest about it.

  86. rauls

    I’m not positive but I do help out with gay teens struggling and who are scared of their status’. It pains me to see how badly they regret that one brief moment of “fun.”

    And guys, don’t bash on why raulgm’s profile still says Negative. Look at it this way, if you had no knowledge of his story and you saw his profile, would you care to contact him if his profile said Positive? Like he says, he rather tell you about his hiv status. Give him a break.

  87. marty

    Raul’s story is interesting.
    So sad to see anyone under-40 coming up positive; there’s no excuses any more, but we’re all human and we make stupid mistakes. Maybe in his lifetime we’ll develop a cure. For HIV, not for stupid (that one’s incurable). No, I’m not calling Raul stupid, I’m just saying we all do stupid things and we end up in bad places. Compared to my peers from the 80’s, he’s lucky. And god bless him for that luck.

    His I’m positive statement and negative on his profile (yep, I get it and I suspect his HIV stat does come up before sex) says what we should all assume, everyone is positive until they prove otherwise.

    Good luck, Raul, I wish you and all other poz men the best.

  88. Yesterdaywasnow

    Marty: “So sad to see anyone under-40 coming up positive”

    This statement is ridiculous. Why must we think of HIV as an eventual fate? Why must we think that it’s acceptable for older people to be infected and younger people that are infected are ahead of their times?

    Our attitudes toward HIV MUST CHANGE. It is unfortunate that someone so young is HIV positive but him being over-40 would not make it any more acceptable or tolerable.

    The young generation today (of which I am a part) is the MOST AWARE generation in terms of sexual health and safe practices and it is blind carelessness that would cause someone of Raul’s age to become HIV positive.

  89. jon8739

    This is mainly for the user dominantbottom but everyone is welcome. i’m a 40 year old bi white male bottom, i have not had any sex in almost 3 years but i do get tested and am free of std’s i have aim obie8739 if anyone would like to connect

  90. A_Black_Man

    Instead of featuring guys who are reckless and careless with their sexual health, why not feature 22 year old’s or individuals who are actually practicing safe sex for a change.

  91. parTyfunboi

    I like JackFL’s comments. I think it’s very admirable to see a man say No to risky behaviour and protect his health on a daily basis! I don’t think it’s respectable for a man with regrets to tell others not to follow in his footsteps.

  92. James

    As Dave pointed out, there are a lot of angry people on here. Am sure despite your HIV status, you are more happier than most of them. And People accept you for who you are as a human being. Furthermore, I noticed some people like HUNTER0500 were quick to point out about your HIV STATUS on here, yet they don’t even have their status on their profile. Stay true to yourself.

  93. A_Black_Man

    Hey Mister Dave, I’m far from perfect, I’m just tired of seeing profiles of young guys in their early twenties who are still being sexually careless and thus subjecting themselves to a life-time of doctors visits and costly medications. Instead of implying that HIV is not so bad if you get it, or everything will be okay because HIV is no longer a death sentence, why not provide more and frequent messages on HIV prevention, as well as messages that reinforce the dangers of bareback sex. In any given room on A4A I see more and more guys who are young, hung and now poz, and some of these guys have even hit me up and they’re shocked and surprised that I don’t want to knowingly fuck a poz guy.

    • blog

      A_Black_Man : Well, that is the kind of comment that I don’t like to see here. I’m tired of people that don’t know a shit about HIV and refuse to have sex with poz guys that are undetectable. Go read about HIV and educate yourself instead of writting hate message on A4A blog, like if being HIV is wrong or dirty or gross or negative. That’s my 2 cents on your comment 🙂

      A4A has a lot of ressources in place for people who want infos about STDs. ( )

      We also have a health section in our blog in which we are blogging about HIV and STDs more than enough. Feel free to check it out!



  94. mark morelli

    I am a 22 year old poz man as well it is frustrating and I agree with a lot of the members saying they will never find love it hard but one of the first thongs I do is tell the other person I’m poz kinda makes it easier . If anyone needs a friend hit me up could always use more poz amigos member name is mrmee4u21

  95. Tom

    Most people turn caring, aware and involved when they are afflicted with serious illnesses themselves. Women become more active with breast cancer charities and men start running marathons for live cancer research funds when someone in their family dies or battles these illnesses.

    Hopefully, gay men will find new sources of heroism than the current HIV+ related struggles. Hopefully someday it will be guys who become loving, caring and involved in helping each-other stay HIV and STI negative by making sure to remain negative themselves through, responsible, safe sex so that as a “caring gay community” we do not continue infecting each-other with casual, careless hookups.

  96. Raul R.

    Dave, I wanted to let you know, that you truly are amazing. And to everyone else, like I’ve said, come say it to my face. Before you judge me, get to know me. Perfect people, pff, sure, I am more perfect than any of you who have wrongly commented and judged me, because I get to know a person before opening my mouth, wusses. =-)

  97. Tom

    Raoul’s profile status is meant to teach us to not be naive and trust our health with someone claiming that they’re are HIV negative on a profile. A lot of guys do not test regularly and don’t suspect that they have any STI. So the message is always be careful and practice safe sex even with guys who are “HIV negative” on the internet.

    By the way, here is too much focus on HIV and other STIs are ignored as if they don’t exist. What would be your attitudes if A4A had options for “Hepatitis C positive” or “Syphilis Positive.”? If a person states HIV negative remember that you can still carry other STIs without being “Poz.” So “be cool and say no to BB” should be the new slogan for men.

  98. A_Black_Man

    Dave, having a preference is not being hateful! Having sex is a risky behavior whether protected or unprotected. As an HIV negative individual, if I don’t want to have sex, even if it is protected, with an HIV poz undectectable person, that is my preference and choice.

    The individual you featured initially lied about his HIV status in his profile because he didn’t want to be stigmatized, and you expect me to be comfortable with having sex with someone who is poz, and who says that he’s now undetectable. Am I supposed to believe someone is undetectable just because they tell me so?

    So Dave, I’m supposed to be comfortable with fucking a poz dude who was careless with his sexual health, and now believe he’s being diligent with taking his HIV medication?

    I’m not saying that dudes with HIV are dirty or gross, but if an HIV dude prefers not to fuck around with them, I don’t want to be demonized for having a preference. Now that is my two cents.

    • blog

      A_Black_Man : Yes that is your preference….it’s fine, but use the right words next time, because it sounds very demeaning.
      And please don’t get mad when people say “not into black guys” in their profile…It’s just a preference too.
      One of my ex is poz and he takes medication, undetectable. He is very athletic, hot, intelligent, smart and nobody in the world would think he is poz.
      He is not a pig, nor a slut, nor someone who doesnt take his responsibility…He was raped in a club by people that put something in his drink and he lost conciousness, he doesn’t remember anything. Is this ok in your book if he is poz now ??
      That is my other 2 cents!

  99. James

    I am 45 yrs old i’m sorry to ramble but here is my HIV story. I was diagnosed with HIV in 2010. During 2006 I took 2 HIV tests they were negative. I had aways tested negative. I never had “unsafe sex”I have never been in a relationship…i never had willing penetrative sex with another man. I thought getting my dick sucked was safe…I would frequent adult bookstores a couple times a month to get sucked off on my way home from work. a couple times guys would trick me and substitute their ass for their mouth but i would sense the difference and pull out .this happened a couple of times between 2007 and 2008. Late in 2007 i started getting sore throats all the time…and stomach pains accompanied by severe headaches…my doctor told me it was just a sinus infection. But it kept recurring every few months and the sore throats made it hard to swallow…plus i started geting a white coating on my tongue. Then in October 2008 i got a itchy rash on the top half of my body and a red rash on my right only lasted a few days. I knew something was wrong. I went to my regular doctor he told me not to worry it was nothing. I knew he was wrong and i went to another doctor. it seemed no doctor wanted to suggest HIV. I went to a third doctor who went through tons of tests but still would beat around the bush thinking it was HIV. He took some blood tests and told me he thought i had a form of blood cancer called Multiple Myeloma…he sent me to a cancer specialist. the cancer speciaist asked me a few questions and asked had i been tested for HIV, i said ” yeah about a year and a half ago i was negative.”She then took some blood and gave me a follow up date. I came back and with not to much emotion she said. ” You don’t have cancer- did you know you are HIV positive?” I said “no”. She said didn’t doctor #$$%% tell you? I said he told me to see you….Then she gave me a few numbers to call and said she doesn’t handle HIV and told me to take my file to the front desk..and that was that…I went to my car and couldn’t believe it..i knew something was wrong and i finally knew but it was not fair..I don’t smoke or drink or take any drugs….i avoided anal sex for just that reason and somebody gave this to me on purpose. i felt violated and stupid at the same time it was my fault messing around in bookstores. I wanted to kill myself.. for some reason i immediately caled my mother. I told her everything.. I was gay and I had HIV…she didn’t even know i was gay…i apologized for being stupid and letting everyone down, i should have been smarter. Surprisingly she said no problem i love you and want you to get better . she said what was done is done, she talked me out of doing something bad to myself and told me nothing coud make her not love me to give her more credit than that.She told me she had uterine cancer and didn’t tell me because she didn’t want me to worry but she is going through treatment and hopefully she would get better and she wanted me to get treatment.What happened next was crazy when i went to find out about treatment…i walked into the clinic they confirmed i had HIV..and then i got hit on by the HIV counselor who told me i was cute and wanted to have sex with me right in the office…i was so out of it i couldn’t believe what was happening… i left and didn’t come back until they called me and tod me not only was I HIV poz but that I had fullblown AIDS because i had so few CD4 cells …..

  100. Teddy

    It is for us to judge Raul for lying in his profile about his status BECAUSE he put himself out there as an example.

    If we were just “picking” on a random guy on here, that would be one thing, but since Raul decided to hold himself up as an example, it stands to reason that he should be honest in his profile.

    And to those of you who say “he hasnt changed it because he’s only been Poz for a year”, I say this, “Oh yes I forgot, you arent infectious until after 365 days after your infection, so yeah, um you dont have to disclose if its within a year of your test.”


  101. newlyDiagnosed (may have met him)

    @RON….How about Fvck you!!! What about the people from your “GENERATION” who willingly infect others….younger than them!?? Pretty stupid and wreckless comment for u to make!

  102. Chas

    U no iv learned a whole lot bout me the bastard that gave it to me I don’t no who, i was very free wit having sex with any one, an through it all it has taught me the cutie an the badiest dude in the club is not all ways the answer,they to are looking just like me an they are usualy the one,trying to live a double life so with with this being said please state your stats weather u put it on a4a or just tell your partner for me I don’t post it but wen I do tell partner most times they don’t care we just wrap it up an be safe just be honest we are trying to stop the spread of HIV.Aids

  103. fratini3

    hay guy first off you made it happen second if you are on the web to play than man up and tell the truth yea no one likes to be rejected truth me most lie like hell on the web if you are a bottom safe sex take your brains out of your ass and start usein themits not the end of the world start useing you fucking head not the head of you dick

  104. Jerry

    I am also POS but my status does not show my status, neither POS or NEG. Why? Because my POS (or NEG) status does NOT define who I am, that’s why.

  105. Maximilian

    Ok after reading most of the comments,( been HIV+ since 1994, undetectable and std free for the last 7 years ) Around 85% of profiles on hook-up sites the option “status” : neg. Or neg on PreP ( btw, ‘neg on PreP’ doesn’t give you freedom to BAREBACK. It -doesn’t work that way ):
    And just because the profile says NEG,doesn’t mean they are .. I always assume they are poz, have the talk of me being healthy Poz, undetectable and take the necessary precautions ..
    And I may not list my status on my profile but one thing is for sure, I disclose it in person (I think it works better that way they can see you look ok, healthy and ready to play )

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