Hot or Not : Ugly With A Nice Personality

Ok guys, many of you found my last post so superficial…

Now I want to know which one of you guys would hookup with a guys that is not considered beautiful, but has an amazing personality?

Think about the ugliest man you can imagine, bad teeth, wrong hair, pimpled face, overweight…. But the most charming person, very devoted, loving, fun, sweet and cuddly. Is his nice personality winning over is ugliness?

Is having a nice personality and being a nice person only what counts when it comes to hooking up?

I wanna hear you guys….Brandon, Tom and the other guys who said I’m too superficial ….

Call me superficial, but for a hookup, personality is the least of my priority. Physical attraction is the only of my priority….

For a lover, that is another story.



There are 82 comments

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  1. James

    So very true, hookups are primarily based on looks and looks alone. If I was looking for a boyfriend (which I don’t believe in) I would consider all those other factors, but let’s face it, we are a group of people who are very superficial, shallow, and very judgmental. That’s what makes us gay, now let me hurry my fast ass to the gym.

  2. Benga Lewis

    Everybody has a preference. Sad to say I wouldn’t take a guy with bad teeth giving me oral, lol. But seriously, I feel the pain cuz I’m overweight and there are a lot of shallow people out there looking for Mr. Perfect, Hwp, fit n’ trim, muscular and so fine. I have a nice personality which gets overshadowed by my appearance of pounds. Me, on the other hand, don’t look for perfection because nobody’s perfect. Hookup or more (I prefer the FWB not the NSA) I seek a person(ality) within the person, in other words, I seek an inner beauty before outer.

  3. simplykarma30

    For me i dont do hook ups but if im interested n a guy sexually personality wins over looks cuz u cab b the sexiest guy out here but ur personility makes u the ugliest person n my eyes

  4. bryan

    I need a good looking guy for hookups or relationships, especially relationships haha. Ugly is subjective though, but a hideous exterior can’t make up for the most perfect interior for me.

  5. Stewie_Griffon

    You can also mention guys like me w/ 360 degress of ugliness. How many guys like an ugly guy w/ an equally horrible personality? 😉

  6. Connor

    You have to be physically attracted to someone before you will ever be emotionally attached . Even in a relationship you have to be attracted inside & out. Plus what some people consider ugly others may find attractive, there is a Lid for every kettle!

  7. nasty pig

    “Think about the ugliest man you can imagine, bad teeth, wrong hair, pimpled face, overweight…” All these things can change if the person wants too. But no if you don’t care about your appearance or hygiene I am not interested at all.

  8. badowdy06

    I doubt many would go for him because of just the personality. Gay men in general are superficial all the time. Being an overweight guy even I fall prey to being vain as well. Some one might settle down with the ugly but good personality. But he will more then likely still be getting the hot one on the side.

  9. Darby

    Ten years ago I ran into a guy that was not attractive at all. Over weight, bad teeth, bad hair, and so on. VERY nice to chat with. Today he has cleaned up his act and got into shape, had his teeth fixed, I mean he is now hot. Ugly can be fixed if the guy wants to. So ugly isn’t for ever. Stupid is forever for not taking care of yourself. Call be superficial or call for a make over.

  10. Mike

    I agree physical attraction is the main priority and cause of a hook up but ugly dudes need loving too. If the first fuve minutes of the conversation with a fugly dude is interesting with our personalities matching, I would totally take one for the team.

  11. george

    I usually don’t comment on these type of things but this actually caught my interest.

    I personally think that having a nice personality. i.e:
    – Being humble
    – Genuine
    – Honest
    – Sincere
    – Kind
    – Loyal
    – & etc…
    Is a turn on, even if it’s going to be a hook up… with a “hottie”, “average joe”, or a guy who is overweight, has bad teeth or etc. Why would I want to sleep with someone who is rude or a straight out jackass? The moment I see signs of any type of nastiness in form of personally, I will not even waste my own time with that person. As corny as I may sound – I’m a believer of karma. You receive what you give out to others. I will admit that I do have some vanity within me but in reality WHO doesn’t? soo to answer your question yes I think that having a nice personality does win. Who wants to have negative energy, personality around them even if it’s going to be a hookup?

  12. Jay

    For a plain hook up and romp – personality really doesn’t matter. It’s a pure physical attraction thing. I think there are fair number of guys out there who get these things confused. You don’t need an “emotional/personality” connection to blow a load. We are no different than animals when it comes to sex. You don’t see two (insert animal name here) saying things like “I need to know someone first and make sure their personality ‘clicks’ with mine before having sex!” It’s based on the attraction, alpha state, etc.

    But, while you are having sex with that hot guy you are attracted to, you may find a personality match which is very nice indeed. You may discover he “clicks” in what you like – or their physical look is all they have going for them 🙂

  13. never commnt...

    that’s kinda bullshit Dave.We ugly dudes with great personalities don’t ever even get the chance to show our personalities. Most dude on this site I have come across won’t even respond to a simple “Hello, How is your day going?:
    You can be superficial if that’s what you are. We can usually see through it.
    I like your blog Save, but I used to REALLY enjoy reading your blogs before you posted your picture.

  14. Jey89

    I had this conversation with a few people hefore and it really grosses me out how much of a standard people hold for others. Honestly speaking, I can’t say much for hookups since I’m not really a sex person, but I can’t help but find hot/not in personality than appearance. Thd “hottest” guy ever could be so unattractive to me just because of their personality. It ruins the entire image. But an “ugly” (I despise that word) person could be the most adorable just because theyre that sweet kind caring person. A person can’t help the way they look so I find it stupid to base attraction majoritly o know that. Even then, god looks arent really going to make a diff in anything..

  15. Keith Bailey

    I’d say if you’re being critisized then those doing that chastizement are likely being hypocritical. I’ve been in the gay world a very long time, and I know from personal experience that no amount of being a nice or good person can ever overcome a pretty face and six pac abs for a good 99% of gay males.

  16. Hunter

    Tough question, but only because for me the concept of polarized criteria for “hook up” guys and “love” guys, with vastly different rules for each, does not exist. If I decide to put a guy on “the workbench”, the plan is we’ll be there for more than just a “once and done” event. If my “need” is that short and superficial, I’ll take it “in my own hands” without involving someone else.

  17. D402

    and would you look at that. . . crickets. . .and I can just imagine most of the people who called you “superficial” are just as superficial as the rest of us. .when it comes to sex hell yes looks matter. . there is no emotion there is no depth it’s just sex. . two guys a bed (or where ever you prefer to do it)and a whole lot of energy. . as for a relationship no looks shouldn’t mater. . a relationship is based on many different things so to answer your question dave. . . . . . . No I wouldn’t 🙂

  18. Brad

    This question is childishly defensive. You’re upset at being called shallow, so you’re basically asking “Would YOU sleep with someone who wasn’t your physical type if he was a decent person?” Obviously most people would answer no; physical attraction is part of the picture and it’s naive to say otherwise.

    Let’s talk the exact opposite question. If you met a man who was absolutely gorgeous but a complete and utter douchebag, would you still hook up with him? That’s still a no for me. Even if romance isn’t an option, I still need to LIKE the guy I’m hooking up with. If I can’t be around him for ten minutes without wanting to punch his teeth in, I’m certainly not sleeping with him.

    • blog

      Brad, I’m not being defensive at all dear.
      I’m just questioning.
      I won,t change my opinion anyways, i’m just curious to know other’s

  19. William Austin

    It depends on wither you want a life mate or a fuck buddy? You can always find one night stands, and they should be pretty or at least hunky fun! Whereas a life mate needs to be a forgiving, fair humble person that is a joy to be with – EASY TO LOVE!

    Looks fade, but a good hart goes on forever! If your life is never ending one night stands, sooner or later you will end up emotional bankrupt – DEPRESSION!

  20. Dee

    well since when does being big, stocky, etc makes a guy ugly? Im so sick of guys thinking as suck. Im a stocky guy but Im also handsome. You shallow fucks needs to go on somewhere with that. A slim tone and muscular body does not make a guy sexy. His personality and whats in his heart is.

  21. Jay in Chicago

    And it from just how you’re presenting the scenario, it appears those guys are right that is is a fucked up way of looking at things on your part even for a hookup. Hell I may not be looking to live happily ever after but if I can’t even stand being near a guy because he has a fucked up attitude, why the hell would I even want to put my dick in him and think of fucking him? Instead of me getting a hard on and using that on Mr. Nasty Attitude, I’m likely going to want to give him my hard FIST instead depending on how he directs that nasty attitude my way. But then again I’m that rare breed who has been able to build decent friendships off what started as a hookup because of the fact the guys in question had something going for them besides their looks to get by.

  22. Nick

    I’m going to start off honest and say I count myself among those who some guys might not consider “attractive” but have been told countless times I have a wonderful personality, so the following opinion is coming from that perspective.

    When all someone cares about is hooking up, I totally agree that personality is the last thing most guys consider when looking for someone to get off with. Someone would have to be naive to believe otherwise, so I never take it personally if a guy snubs me because I don’t fit his ideal image of what is hot. Overall, the concept of “attractiveness” is all in the eye of the beholder, so there is nothing superficial in just being honest with one’s tastes…especially if all someone is looking to do is hook up.

    As for your comment that a lover is another story, I agree with that too. There is a difference between the qualities we look for in some guy we just want to have sex with and someone who we want to seriously pursue a deeper relationship with. I believe that personality and physical appearance both become factors in choosing who we let into our lives as a lover/boyfriend/potential partner/whatever and who we might pass on. In this sort of situation, then I think that it is more a game of give and take, so where one might lack in one area, be it looks or personality, they might make up for it in another. I’m probably a romantic in this comparison, but I think of the situation as something similar to the story of Beauty and the Beast, where the beautiful person saw something appealing in the beast’s personality and looked past his appearance, though at the same time I would also imagine some aspects of the beast’s body might been attractive to the beauty too. I think that the issue of if personality wins over lack of looks is all a matter of circumstances and individual tastes, but that is just how I see things…all of you guys are free to have your own view on things.

  23. Tancredo

    What you define ugly might not be the same as I think but great personality is a most for me to engage into any relationship even if it’s a friendship.

  24. jack

    Hah. You wouldn’t hook up with a guy that is less the what you call hot or good looking. Damn. You are superficial. You tried to save yourself with the idea that you would lower your standards for a boyfriend. I Bet you have strings on that comment. Like a big wallet or a. Ig dick. Lol. But your not superficial. No. But you are immature as hell.

  25. jay

    Hmmm.. for me it depends on what’s goin down. If u wanna give me a bj I don’t care much about your looks. If your want some ass/dick/kissing and the whole 9, then looks are the top priority.

  26. patrick

    sorry, nope. most people can be at least decent looking with a good haircut. if he can’t be bothered to take care of his appearance somewhat, we can still be friends

  27. Cjock317 - Alex

    I personally think that personality is not all . I think that i personally would not hook up with a ugly guy . I consider myself a decent looking dude but i always look for a physical attraction and then i worry about the personality . Come on guys , we all know how it is , lets not act dumb .

  28. What.

    You’re asking two things, and mixing them up. Yes, personality matters for sexual attraction. Yes, ugliness detracts from sexual attraction. Can they cancel each other out? Sometimes. There is a level, though, to which someone will go and no lower, for either quality. It’s a combination effect for me. I would rather go for the average face, athletic, nice guy than the beautiful jerk. I won’t go for the average face unathletic guy, as that usually implies a personality defect anyway.

  29. steve

    I agree with you. If the outside is ugly then it is hard to warm up to the person no matter what the personality is like.
    Most people will not admit it but the same is true of age. Most 20-30 years olds will not have anything to do with guys over 50. Guess I was the same at that age so cannot really complain.
    Growing older just means I have to rely more on personality. lol

  30. Mark

    Why does this sound like a post from a 21 year old ? It’s really a question of maturity. You are LUCKY if you get to be a “beautiful person” for a period of time in your life. But no matter who you are, looks fade. If you want to tap into some REALLY hot sex, try having sex with guys that are used to being rejected. They have some amazing pinned-up sexual energy that you should be so lucky to receive. Also, I think that guys need to remember that 1. sex is 95% chemistry, and looks is only a (small) part of that. Smaller than most guys think it is. And 2. We are in such a “show me a picture” society, that we forget to remember that pictures rarely tell a whole story, and often don’t show the personality that will make the sexual chemistry work. And 3. Remember your manners (this is mostly for the twinks). Your looks will fade too. Sexuality is fluent and WILL change as you get older. Just because you’re not into someone now, wait 10 years and you might be. If you’re smart, you’ll be nice to everyone now, because you never know which burnt bridge you might want to cross in a few years. Remember what your momma told you. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

  31. Tibor

    Neither extreme works for me. Gorgeous and nasty is no more attractive than ugly and sweet. If I am going to share my body with someone he needs to have some of both looks and personality.

  32. George

    What is ugly? ” Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. Seems like your talking about grooming here bad teeth, etc. As far fat, some guys like hefty. I think when you clean up and groom someone they are reasonably attractive. I would rather have an average plain disease free guy, vs a diseased model.

  33. Mark

    I really dont care what he looks like, as I look at it, sex is a simple biological act, a hole, is a hole is a hole. As long as he is not sick with anything I can catch, and will wash who cares.

  34. BeefyBiGuy

    Dave, I agree with you. For a hookup it has to be all about physical attraction. However I might remind everyone that just because someone isn’t your type doesn’t mean that you should be rude or ignore them. If yoibarent into them say thanks but that you’re not interested, don’t mock and ignore.

  35. BeefyBiGuy

    Oh I’ve also noticed hot guys are usually pure takers (it’s all about them). Where more often average guys are more about making it enjoyable for both partners. Just from my experience, hot guys are fun to look at and have but average Joe tends to be better in the sack.

  36. Soft & Fluffy

    Hey , if you like ’em ‘good looking’ and ‘fine’ more power to you.

    For myself , I’m more into ‘interesting features’, and NO they don’t have to be considered handsome and good looking and all of that.
    Mind you , I’d still like to see that they have good teeth ,no major complexion problem and no hairy backs

    A slightly cocky and confident personality with a sense of humour helps pull it all together .

    A funny story for some maybe ? Many years ago an old aquaintance told me that he had had the best sex ever in his life the night before with an ugly guy. And he had had a few guys in his time , trust me.
    His belief was that the other guy was making up for all the times he didn’t get it and all the times he wasn’t going to get it again ..

    OK .. I thought it was funny anyway .

    • blog

      Guys, when I mean good looking, I mean good looking for you.
      Of course if you like chubby bears, they are good looking for you. And a skinny twink won’t be considered handsome.
      Now read the post again, having that in mind.

  37. Aqualad

    This is your blog, as with all the columnists who write columns, or blogs, its their personality you read and look for. Yes you are superficial, yes true, as most gay men are but that is your opinion. If someone wants a conservative opinion he should find some other blog. Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and the City has her flaws, a lot of them, but the reason fans flock to her was because of her flaws. Hell if you wanna count the men she has slept with you’d label her as a slut. Keep true to yourself, there will ALWAYS be people who will deem you as superficial but like most of us we mature as we age. For now you are what you are so be who you are. When you age and change your views then you write about that which is true to your heart.

  38. Mark

    The more I read and think about your post, the more angry I get. What a silly, thoughtless, worthless post. First of all, what is considered attractive is 100% subjective. No matter who you are, somebody will think you’re hot, and somebody will think you’re not. And the notion that only “attractive” people should be chosen as sex partners is really ludicrist. Most guys are only “attractive” for 10 or 15 years (at most) of their adult life. That means that most male adults (if you do the math) are not what society would consider “attractive”. To even suggest that they should not be worthy sexual partners is offensive, and makes me wonder how they themselves should be received as they get older. This is part of what is wrong with our society today. People can say whatever stupid things they want to online and have no consequence.

  39. BryBry

    I have to say, It would depend…I am not a fan of bad teeth (I had my own fixed), the highly overweight (don’t need to be a gym god), but a guy that in shape or looks like he cares about himself is a winner. But my big thing is a guy that can make me LAUGH. My first BF was a guy I did not think I would end up with: He was way short (5’6″), a bit short with some and patient with others…BUT he cracked me up, and was relentless. He charmed me, and won my heart. He is no longer with us, but when he left this world 19 years ago, it broke my heart. He still makes me laugh. Laughter is still one of the best medicines!

    • blog

      BryBry thanks, but I’m talking about hookup here…
      Of course when it comes to a BF and a lover, its totally different…
      personality is very important.

  40. allen

    I have a fuckbuddie who is a chubby bear cub. He has a sweet personality and easy to get along with. He is very willing and eager to play without any hesitation, where as the so called beautiful people would procrastinate of how it would tarnish their pathetic insecure personality and image. I love my chubby fuckbuddie and his 8×6 thick beer can cock too! So don’t underestimate the chubby boys. They are the best lovers to know and meet!

  41. troy

    I have been with model types, muscle/buff types, short, fat, skinny and everything in between….and all I can say is I would take ugly, average men over stunning anyday…because for one most guys that are in the stunning realm are plastic, only care about themselves…remember people beautiful is only skin deep

    • blog

      thanks troy, that’s the kind of opinion I like to hear.
      Mature, honnest 🙂
      However, I had been with model type too, and some of them, are nice too.

  42. Brian

    My $.02: Dave, if your only defense is, “read the post,” chances are everyone already has. Your phrasing made you seem much more superficial in this one than the last (which wasn’t all that bad, IMO). Stop defending yourself; your goal was to provoke a conversation, and you did. It didn’t matter what people thought of you when you wrote it, so why does it now?

    With respect to the topic, and your efforts to clarify things: Yeah, we all want to hook up with people we find personally, subjectively attractive. There’s a “duh.” People don’t pursue sex or romance with people they find unattractive, so I really don’t see the point of this post as anything other than inflammatory.

    Does he need to fit some cookie-cutter image of beauty? Hell, no. Does personality mean as much or more than looks most of the time? In my case, yes. Even if it’s just a hook-up, I like to LIKE the person I’m hooking up with. If they’re a total douchebag, there’s nothing going on below my waist. And nice people, you know, the kind that help old ladies with their groceries and hold the door for people in buildings? It’s my experience they make the best partners, whether it’s for one night, one year, or one lifetime. They get the concept of sharing, and that’s all sex (good sex, anyway) is.

  43. Deezy

    The gay community is a very shallow one, that’s just the nature of the beast. We are all human, we all have things we like and things we don’t like. But honestly, if you aren’t a fit, white guy, things tend to be a bit harder. I’m personally not big into hook ups. Not saying they never happen but I’m not as casual as some when it comes to sleeping with people. Clearly if someone has all the issues mentioned, most wouldn’t be able to get past that. But I feel like this is an unrealistic question, designed to make Dave feel slightly less shallow. Which isn’t a knock at you Dave. You are super pretty, be shallow, own it. With all of that said, personality can totally make up for a few flaws one may have. I’ve found myself attracted to guys after getting to know them when originally, I would not have been interested. Smart is sexy for example. And I’ve also found myself less interested in a few good looking guys with little to no personality. So its a slippery slope. Also, if someone has potential and is willing to learn/grow (working out, skin/hair care, etc) that’s cool too.

  44. TxSpartan

    I require a little of both. A guy has to have some personality to form hot chemistry. I guy too full of ego, lacking any modicum of empathy or that is shallow, egotistical, or pretentious is NOT hot no matter how hot he looks. A hot looking cold fish is still a cold fish. No thanks on one of those.

  45. jose willis

    there are so many ugly looking guys who have given themselves gym bodies to cover the fact they are not traditionally handsome. in our society we call that “masculine”.
    in my part of the world, there are ugly men with just for men hair dye of 55 with terrific bodies. there are also stunning examples of healthy lifestyles. both types seem so vapid and self indulged as to not have any personality, and thus no sexual attraction.
    i have always rooted for the hometown boy with the regular features of a farm hand. not so easy on the eyes, but wow what a great body,and a fun sense of humor.

  46. ZF

    I was in a pool league in L.A., and one of the guys on my team was overweight, bad hair, missing teeth, etc. But he would get any number of any guy in any bar that we went to. Why? Because he was confident, friendly, kind, and genuine.

    I’d much sooner go out with an ‘ugly’ nice guy than a hot ass (pun intended). Personality is more than half of what makes a person attractive, in my opinion.

  47. KRuss

    A good personality goes a long way in my book. I am usually attracted to good personalities that compliment my own.I wouldn’t care how you look. But that is only for actual dating and finding a partner. When it comes to hookups, I am mainly looking at location, attractiveness, size (not just cock size) and sexual role. Might as well be honest here.

  48. Joe

    Why would someone that is attractive and in shape have to justify why they are NOT attracted to someone that’s obese, or had unattractive issues…..It is all about attraction, what you like. Some 20 year olds like older men, some think older men are creepers. Some guys like bears, some think they fat. We all have different taste. I for one, get a bit tired of guys that are not in shape, or have other issues and lecture me on “giving it a try”. I know what I like….if I try to hit up someone and hes not into me, I move on. It is what it is!

  49. Paul

    Firstly, ugly is subjective. Call me old fashioned, but I have found that ugly people get less ugly with more whisky, both in character and in looks. If I need to get laid, I do what I need to do.

    However, ugly is still ugly the morning after. I’ve been on both sides of that coin myself. Haven’t we all? Either way, I find it important to be kind and considerate of the other person and to demonstrate the best personality I can. Sometimes it’s all I have.

  50. Diamondcrowned

    honestly i agree with you dave, when hooking up, its all about your looks! fuck you could have zero, brains,or personality as long as your hott im good!

  51. Brad

    Dave, I never asked you to change your opinion. Why would I when I agree with you? No I wouldn’t have sex with someone who wasn’t physically attractive in the least regardless of how awesome their personality is. That said, I’d rather be with a nice guy who’s mildly cute than a smoking hot asshole.


    With that crappy mentality we’re all doomed. no wonder people dislike us so much. and theres a really twisted view/opinion of what gay is all about specially within the gay community itself. its not all about how you look. this goes to all of you hot and sexy untouchable guys. have fun now because time flies and in a couple of years youre all gonna be looking like those creepy ass men in the corner of the club cruising for fresh meat. sadly if you invested your time in “hooking” up with that cute guy who you never saw again but wasted the opportunity to really click and make a connection with someone less attractive but better all around then that sucks for all of you. i wonder who’s gonna wipe your ass when you get old. because we’re all heading that way.

  53. jamie lawry

    I agree with you if I’m not attracted to you I’m deff not going to sleep with you and it seems the more computer cell phone savy this generation gets the bolder people are seeming to get, I have a strict if you or wouldn’t approach me in public don’t do so on the internet. Creeper no creeping! Bet the ones who disagree are the ones,on the other side of that text, face it people you get further in life if you look good,dress nice and take care of yourself, cry about it all you want that ‘great personality’ is only going to get you into so many doors.

  54. SplitMyWishbone

    I have been 190 pounds and am now 285 pounds (medical [medicine] issues) and I don’t believe I’m not a handsome guy, however, I’ve lived in SF, Houston, Tulsa, Honolulu, Milwaukee- and in every city I’ve been treated as an ‘invisible’ person. And now, here in a college town, there has been no way I’ve gotten any type of response to a reply to a craigslist ad – there’s no gay hangouts because of the homophobia here. So, I don’t think personality seems to get a chance at all. Myself, if I want a hookup, I’m looking for a guy that is normal, considered average, I really don’t care what he looks like because I’ve been ostracized and had some awesome times, still can’t find a partner around here. So I think, deep down, everyone wants someone that catches their eye, chubs/chasers, jock/athlete, s/m, b/d, chicken/hawk, hustler/john sugardaddy/sugarbaby – we all want something hot as we are or hotter.

  55. Brandon

    Seriously? This is so damn childish. So someone called you superficial, and now you want to throw a temper tantrum?
    Seriously. Asking this kind of question is like asking if you would go to a hooker for a hug.

    But I’ll answer your question anyway. If you’re being ‘hookup’ specific, let’s first establish what that means. You said “hook up.” Not “FWB”. not “trick that turns into a show”. I take that to mean a one night stand.
    So let’s take a look at the kinds of guys that look for one night stands. I’m not going to over generalize here by saying that all men who hook up are exactly the same. But I will say that in my experience with men, there are a few common threads. Usually these men aren’t looking for anything more lasting than a few hours, so no, I don’t think they’d factor in a personality for a sex partner at all. When one goes out trolling for a one night fling, the criteria are totally different than they would be for anything else; friends, boyfriend, even a semi-regular friend with benefits. It’s a different need you are trying to satisfy.
    If you are comfortable living with just hookups and never have anything more meaningful past “Good morning” then by all means, continue to post like you have been. And by all means, keep posting irate and ,yes, Immature counter-posts.

    There comes a time when the physical rush isn’t enough. There comes a day when you look around your fabulously styled apartment and all you see is emptiness. There comes a moment when you just want someone who will accept and love you without judgment and reservation.

    Knowing that, why don’t you answer a question for me? When you need that deep, validating fulfillment from another man, are you going to want A.) a perfect 10 who is probably not listening to a word you say because he’s focusing more on a mental checklist of the things he needs to do to STAY a perfect 10 or B.) An actual person that is more than just a life support system for a penis. Someone with depth, sincerity and truth, perhaps? Maybe even, *GASP* with a few cosmetic flaws, but filled to the brim with love?

    You’re not superficial, darling. You’re just damned selfish. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Just be honest; you’re out to get your rocks off, end of story.

  56. Spade

    A guy with a great personality is a rare jewel these days and I would make every effort to make him my friend BUT he hasn’t got a chance as a hookup if he isn’t cute.
    I don’t consider that being shallow, it’s simply valuing myself. If I can make the effort to get to the gym 6 days a week then so can he. I have a great personality and I’ve put in the effort to be more attractive so it pisses me off when all these ugly dudes hit on me just cause I’m kind to them. I wish these trolls would just have a little common sense! I’m kind to everyone, it doesn’t take any effort to be nice but if you’re unattractive and haven’t done anything to change that the why the hell would you think you’d have a chance with someone cute?!?! If you’re 50+ and haven’t maintained yourself over the years why would someone half your age be interrested? There are some smokin’ hot 50 year olds at my gym so age is NOT an excuse. I’m in near perfect health so what the f*ck kind of chance do you think you have with me if when we first start chatting you start listing all your illnesses. USE COMMON SENSE!!! I’m no model but I’ve made the best of what I have to work with and it’s insulting to me when ugly dudes try to talk to me or worse try to get me to bed and they aren’t offering he anything in return. I used to be a Pollyanna and would give ugly dudes a chance at sex and I’ve had some good sex with the less than desireable but in the end hookups are about receiving pleasure from another person and it just more gratifying if you find that person attractive.

  57. J.D.

    I have hooked up with guys that are not the prettiest. Those have been “blind dates” where either I met them in a chat room or responded to an ad without photos. I generally must be attracted to the guy before I hook up with them.

    The kicker is that I’m no prize! I’m over-weight, not terribly hung and not very pretty…but I do (if I do say so myself) have a wonderful and friendly personality!

  58. vafratboy

    I must be physically attracted to a guy to sleep with OR date him. Period.

    If it’s a one night stand, how do I even KNOW his personality. It can’t really figure in as a factor if I’m unaware of it.

    But outside of a one night hookup, I don’t understand how people separate personality from appearance. I don’t view people I know that objectively. I’ve met guys who were super physically hot until I got to know them and found they were awful people, but afterward, I no longer found them PHYSICALLY attractive. Sure the way they looked hadn’t actually changed, but they just no longer did it for me. Likewise the reverse is true. I’ve met guys I wouldn’t have given a second look at if I merely passed them on the street, but having discovered what a great guy they were, began to think “oh he’s cute.”

    So, yeah, I need to find a guy attractive to want to be with him (in either capacity), but what LOOKS good to me is influenced by a variety of information, not merely the physical shape and structure of the flesh body.

  59. Eric in FL

    Two cliches but very true:

    Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
    At 2 AM all the 2’s become 10’s.

    Not 100% spot on but a lot of truth to this: I never fucked a 10. Never fucked a 10. But in one night, I fucked five 2’s.

    I have hooked up with men who were def out of my league and men who fell short of my personal preferences. Short of a couple with really shitty attitudes I do not regret a single one. A good number of the ones that were below my “standards” ended up being some of the BEST sex partners I ever had while on the other hand the so called “Adonis’s” were horrible. A good number if the so called 2’s have become close, long term friends.

    Be shallow and conceited if you must but you are only screwing yourself and if you become too picky, that’s all you ever will screw.

  60. Scarpien

    I’m with you George. I don’t care how hot a guy is, if I’m not attracted to his personality, there’s a good chance NOTHING will ever happen sexually between us. So if the guy is not my type physically, as long as his personality makes up for his physical shortcomings, he more than likely has a very good chance of getting with me. Now here’s the kicker, because I’m not attracted to him physically, I won’t be as freaky as I can be with him. lol Go figure.
    So for me to be all I can be in bed there must be that balance, between looks and personality. Once a guy has that balance, it’s on, be it hook up or relationship.

  61. Jorge

    I think this is a rather absurd premise. Attractiveness is different for everyone. And who is not attractive to you, you probably won’t want to have sex with, unless as someone mentioned earlier, it’s 2AM and they now appear attractive. I consider myself very average but if you come across as a total ass, I don’t give a rat’s ass how “hot” you think you are, I wouldn’t be interested in the least. Another bad assumption is that looks = great sex. You may go for the “looks” in your “hookup” but that doesn’t mean it will be good just because they “look good”.

    One other thing, someone earlier mentioned that someone that is not “good looking” is a character defect in itself (probably because the person doesn’t go to the gym as often as they do). Well, I think a lot (not all of course) of the really “hot” guys also have a serious character defect too since all they can think of is themselves (you know the ones in the gym in front of a mirror admiring themselves and how good they look, as they do a few curls, ugh). So the ones that think that anyone that is not in the gym everyday like them is not worthy of them are rather pathetic. Maybe they’re just stupid and not worthy of someone with half a brain. You think being stupid is a character defect? LOL! It’s all about them. I’m sure they’re a lot of fun. Not!!

  62. Jay

    An attractive guy may seem like the wiser choice but if he treats you like crap, and you stay him solely based on looks something is seriously wrong with you. I look at guys at times and say “He’s cute” but not the trim, athletic type. I have a sense of what a person is like when they are in a crowded room, if they are conceited I’m clearly not interested. I’m only 22 years old and YES I’m on this site but NEVER for a hookup. I chat with all types of guys, and to find many men here saying ”All gay men are superficial” is disgusting. I am beyond humble and sincere. I’ve had 1 boyfriend in my life and how did that end? He died in a car accident 5 years ago. We met because we worked together in a camp, he was attracted to me because I take no ‘bull’ and I was attracted to him because of his eyes and smile and personality, he longed to make people laugh. If you base looks on a hookup, or because you feel you’re better than somebody else who YOU deem as ‘unattractive’ it’s safe to say you’re never going to be happy.

  63. Kumo Rebel

    I know i’m hot. I think that if the guy has a few flaws maybe a little weight, but was really sweet to me then Id totally get to know him and maybe even have him as mine.

    But if he’s like deformed or morbidly obese I wont relly take the time to understand it. even if I did it wouldnt be on the lvl of love.

  64. Kiernan

    Personality for me is key. Even for a hook up, which is mostly physical, personality is still the deal breaker. Nobody wants to have sex with a guy who is going to treat them like an asshole. Even if the guy is the hottest thing to walk the planet, if he is too into himself, it’s not worth it. If he’s rude, mean, or any of the above mentioned, it just wouldn’t be worth it. A lot of “ugly” people, sadly, get looked over these days…nobody really even gives them a chance. They say hello and their email gets deleted before even taking 5 seconds to see if maybe you are turned on. Now I’m not ugly by any means, but I’m also not a 6’2 muscle god either and I get the response all the time, “you’re hot, but you’re not fit enough for me”…and I have a flat stomach lol. I just think that the “attractive” people get more attention because they are just that “attractive”. Forget that the “ugly” people could just be the best lay you’ve had to date, you’re going to settle for sub par because they look good (I say sub par because most of the good looking people from my experience don’t have to be good they’re going to get it no matter what)

  65. Trizzy Troy

    Sorry we r a visual society gay or straight. And that’s why they say beauty is in the eye of.the beholder. What I may put dn another might pick up. It doesn’t make me or any1 supeerficial. U like what u like. I dnt think any1 is gonna fuck a monkey if they wanna fuck a duck. Just bcuz the monkey swims or the duck is in a tree. If I find a guy repulsive to look at its a distracting from his personality. By the same token I have fucked (as in shut up n strip) some sexxy guys that couldn’t carry a conversation if it had a shoulder strap. But none of us has shopped in a store if we didn’t like the window.

  66. Chris

    Looks fade and we all die someday. So guess what? That hot guy will someday be a corpse, like we all will be. The way we treat other people is the most important thing in life, and that goes for any kind of interaction we have with other people. So for those of you who think there is such a thing as ugly, I feel sorry for you. You lead sad lives.

  67. BlowieMcB

    Hehe I find this fascinating — I, as I say in my profile, have never been burdened with good looks. Ugly is a strong word — Ill say mildly unattractive. Id say my wit, charm, and sense of humor are what guys are attracted to – and what usually got me my boyfriends and gets me laid. (lol yes I’m the plain jane thats with the hot guy that guys come up to and hit on like I dont exist…)The internet doesnt really transfer my positive qualities, but nevertheless, here I am. I run into some nice guys on here, but many is the time that the guy likes my bod, we are chatting away and having a great time, then I unlock and he disappears. You get used to it. That being said, Id be lying if a pretty face doesnt drive me to distraction… I can have my shallow moments as well…. but bottom line, its all biology. Its nice chatting on here, but there is nothing like walking down the street and passing some guy who makes your heart flutter a bit and your zipper twinge, then you turn to get another look, and hes looking back at you. priceless.


    Looks matter! I am an overweight, 47 year old, black male. I have three strikes against me. My age, weight & race so you know I don’t get any action. It’s hard to make friends. You give someone a friendly smile. They ignore you, because they think you are an old troll trying to get into their pants.

  69. Nobody Nowhere

    I’m a total package type of guy. Yes, I do have that shallow looks-to-die for attraction built into my inperfect brain and dick, men have to have a physical reaction to engage in the act of sex and I’ve always made the analogy that if “the crane don’t show up to the job, no work gets done.” However, if a guy is devoid of a personality or even worse, has an abrasive personality, it’s game over dude. That being said, the guy doesn’t have to have a flawless body with rippling muscles and a perfect tan and smile. While I love those types of guys I also like an average guy a lot of time, and if he has a good personality (intelligence is one attribute that I find particularally attractive in a man, this does mean you know everything about everything, being intelligent to me means that when you don’t know much or anything about the subject at hand you are smart enough to shut-up and listen to the people who do, and ask questions about what you don’t understand) then I have no problem being with a guy that isn’t perfect. Lord knows that I am no where near perfect myself. The problem I have that makes it hard to be with them is that they obviously have some type of inferiority complex or just exercise really poor judgement, I mean they must, if they hook-up with me. (Just a joke).

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