A4A: Preference or Prejudice?
What is Adam4Adam? To an outsider the site may look like nothing more than a place for gay men to find other gay men to play, but once you are a member the site can become much more.
Over time, fuck buddies often become long lasting friends, long distance friendships can be made and maintained as we cruise profiles and chat with people in far-away places, and life partners can be found as we get to know one another in a more personal way. But for many, especially when first joining the site, membership is about marketing yourself as a sexual object to find a match.
Marketing yourself and seeking others based on how they advertise themselves takes skill and honestly the more precise and accurately you describe who you are, your physical characteristics and what you are looking for in another person the better your chances of finding your match and finding him quickly.
We all have preferences in men, tall, dark, and handsome – short, stout, and average, when it comes to what turns us on we are all very individual.
Every once in a while our support team will receive an email from a member saying that they find a specific profile to be offensive because it says something like, ‘masculine Black men only’ or “Whites to the front of the line” and even “no fats or fems”.
Knowing the site is a place for men to find other men that may be able to fulfill a very specific sexual desire because they fit into a certain group or have a specific physical attribute, is stating what you are looking for bluntly appropriate?
Is it prejudice or just a benign statement of a person’s preference to say something like “Black men only” or “no fats or fems”?
If it is prejudice, how is stating your preference for a specific race different then stating your preference for hair color or dick size? And, if stating things like your racial preference is actually a sign of prejudice, would you want to know that a member is prejudice before you start talking with them?
So what’s the deal?
White / black, long / short, blonde / red, how do you state your preferences without being offensive and how do you perceive others when they bluntly state what they are looking for?