Health : Premature Ejaculation ?

Cuming too soon can be embarrassing and cause problems in relationships. It is a common problem and there are lots of “cures” out there, most of which are useless.

The first step in solving any problem is to understand the problem. So lets start by looking at what may cause premature ejaculation.

First, what defines premature ejaculation? Exactly how quickly do you need to cum to be considered a premature ejaculator? Well, in heterosexual relationships most men would be considered premature ejaculators by women as most men cum pretty quickly and women take at least 15 minutes or so to reach orgasm.  Medically speaking premature ejaculation occurs when a man has an orgasm sooner during intercourse than he or his partner wishes.

Ideally we would be able to last as long as we want without having an orgasm while having sex.

Premature ejaculation is most common among younger men. This fact hints that inexperience, anxiety, and a lack of self awareness have an effect on premature ejaculation. Inexperience causes problem when you have not learned to recognize the feeling when you are about to cum. Physical causes of premature ejaculation are difficult to determine as there are usually no abnormal findings with the condition.

There are generally three stages a man goes through before reaching orgasm. Arousal when you start to get hard, intense excitement during sex and before orgasm, and the point of no return, when you are unable to control your orgasm.

The goal of any treatment for premature ejaculation is to prolong stage two, the intense excitement during sex.

There are many things one can do to help treat premature ejaculation.

  1. Deal with your emotions. Talking with your partner before sex about your current feelings, especially feelings of fear, anger, shame, and performance anxiety can help relieve some of the emotional underlying causes of premature ejaculation.
  2. Try the start and stop method. (Edging)This technique involves sexually stimulating yourself until you feel as though you are about to cum. Stop the stimulation for about 30 seconds and then start it again. Repeat this pattern until you want to ejaculate. The last time, continue stimulation until you cum.
  3. Try the squeeze method. This technique involves sexually stimulating yourself until you are about to cum. Then you or your partner should gently squeeze the end of your penis for several seconds and stop all sexual activity for about 30 seconds and then start again. Repeat this pattern until you want to cum, and continue the stimulation until you reach orgasm.
  4. Medications such as antidepressants, serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), may help as one of their side effects is to prolong the time to orgasm. But medication should be taken with caution and under the supervision of a physician.
  5. Topical anesthetic creams containing lidocaine or prilocaine which dull the sensation on the penis to help delay ejaculation. Applied a short time before intercourse, these creams are wiped off when your penis has lost enough sensation to help you delay ejaculation. Some men using topical anesthetic creams report reduced sexual pleasure because of lessened sensitivity.
  6. Cognitive behavioral therapy may help as well. Counseling or talk therapy, involves talking with a mental health provider about your relationships and experiences. These talk sessions can help you reduce performance anxiety or find effective ways of coping with stress and solving problems.

Generally speaking the road to a happier sex life that is free from premature ejaculation is paved with practice and honest communication. Open communication with your partners, and exploration and a  willingness to try a variety of approaches to sex may help both partners feel satisfied and help reduce conflict and performance anxiety. If you’re not satisfied with your sexual relationship, talk with your partner about your concerns. Approach the topic in a loving way and avoid any blame and or shame.

If you’re not able to resolve your sexual problems on your own, talk with your doctor. He or she may be able to help.


There are 21 comments

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  1. Ron

    As a former RN who has dealt with this health issue in many men, I find that alot of men are uncomfortable discussing concerns about sexual health and the overall health of their penis and genitals as a whole. I have had to teach more than 100+ men in my time as an RN who to perform self-testicular exams and 100% of the time, most men got flused. I agree with the fact that overall, men, need to let their inhibitions go and that we need to learn about our bodies, not just our dicks. When these frustrating times come along and we cant ejaculate or we ejaculate without even touching our penis, then, you say “so what” and move on with life. I feel that we life in a society that is overaly obsessed with how big our dicks are, how tight our ass is, do we look perfeect, do we, do we, do we, and then we forget about ourselves. Enjoy your body and then you will be able to enjoy your mind and your spirit. Let your preconceptions about how sex is or isnt supposed to turn out go out the door, what happens, happens and if it doesnt, well then. Too many men, especially gay men, feel that if they cant get rock hard in 0.000002 seconds then their life is over. The older we get, the more likely we are not to be able to get and maintain those erections on demand, and if you cum to “early” well you came. And who determines when its too early? Always love yourself for the fact that you are unique and wonderful. Dont feel that you have to live a persona that it is not you. Be true to you, screw whatothers think, its your opinion about you that counts.

  2. kevin

    if all else fails, go some where private and masterbate. then when the sex starts, it will last longer before you bust the second nut.

  3. ken

    a small dose (5 mg) of Levitra helps give you more control over ejaculation- it’s an attractive side effect of being able to get and stay harder.

  4. ForeverLasting

    How about those of us with delayed ejaculation that can take forever, if at all, to have an orgasm and ejaculate? Yeah, we are seen as real studs that last forever, but from this end that is very frustrating as our partners enjoy themselves while all we do is pump away.

  5. Don

    I don’t think medications of ANY kind should be used in this situation. Premature ejaculation, as stated above, is more of a inexperience situation; note I did not use the word ‘problem’–as in medical problem. Edging is the best way of solving this situation, as stated above. Practice using masturbation is a possible method.

  6. Kev

    Foreverlasting might have spent too much time edging out, training his dick to last forever when going solo. Drop the vice grip, switch to the non dominant hand, get a loose fleshlight/jack (?) and retrain the nerves in your dick. Probably should only have sex to orgasm w/a man/man sex and stop the JO habit. Took awhile but worked for me.

  7. full of it!

    I would stay away from Generic Priligy (Dapoxetine) or any other SSRI to treat premature ejaculation because many men taking those meds also experience erectile function, decrease libido, and an increase in appetite ( u can gain up to 30# ) and suicidal ideations.
    I would rather cum fast than having any or all of those bad side effects. I am not a doc just my humble opinion.

  8. bonusboner

    instead of the hard stroking….go slow and soft ..lots of kissing…nipple play…the average sexual pleasure should be about 30 minutes of slow thrusting then when ur ready to blow //pound nice n hard ..until….kaboom!

  9. Jay

    Hey guys, interesting reading the different views. We talk from our own experience and that is fair enough. I get really hard when I get with a guy, and that is great. However, there are two issues for me: 1. If a guy sucks me or plays hard with my cockhead, I get so excited and I cum like fury! 2. If I pull him off too late and squeeze on the base of my dick I can stop the ejaculation, but then I either lose my erection and can’t get it up again, or when I do cum, a lot of the excitement is lost. That is really frustating. And, on other occasions I jerk-off without it getting hard! Not good. What you think guys? It can be so frustrating!

  10. John

    I use to be worried about that problem when I was younger. One thing to consider is if you when to cum in 1.2 seconds, perhaps increase the amount of foreplay – kissing, sucking, rimming, etc you do with you partner to bring them to them to your point of arousal. It can lead to a happy ending for both closer together. I find myself being an edger because I really did not want it to be over and enjoy the “fuck”. I find myself now needing to do a little or the retraining to be able to get off anytime close to when the man I’m with gets off.

  11. Ed

    Don’t have the problem about premature ejaculation, but what about precumming / getting wet very easy? I seem to do this very easy and precum A LOT. Have not received any complaints from my partner’s but wondered if it’s a common/uncommon thing or is it a medical concern?

  12. Amir

    i found it helpful if you drink couple of vodkas with cranberry juice before sex. it will delay ejeculation significantly for me . Also other drinks can do the trick but vodka works for me 🙂

  13. wil

    i m having a problem gettn and keepn a hard.. I also have no cumm that comes out after i finish with sex??? help me please

  14. Dameco Southernbayou29

    I think this is why I’m glad that I enjoy sex with other men the most. Neither of us have to work to delay the moment. If so, we can agree to. However, the squeeze method does work every time. Stop for a few seconds for intimate kissing or nipple play, while squeezing the head. If your really good, like me, you can split up the 3 step process into 4 and cum twice. Just as you’re about to cum, a split second before, stop! You will ejaculate and alot of cum will come out but without the end all be all orgasm. No it’s not the same as precum, not talking a few drips. Then you will buy yourself about 5 more minutes for the most intense orgasm your partner will thank you for. I do it all the time, especially while masturbating. Got expert timing for this when I was like fourteen stroking daily. However, I’ve only seen a video of one other guy that can do it.

  15. Marc

    Edging is very helpful for some, but the best practice in the world is a tantric approach to sex. It has helped many. I am a tantra practitioner.
    It is a matter of cultivating the sexual energy, therefore giving you more self-control. I have a strong libido and could come in a minute, but not I have a lot of control. I focus on the moments pleasure and make it last by making my entire body orgasmic with intimacy and keeping sex playful. I can now have intense sex for hours and not ejaculate unless I want to. To allow the ‘horny feeling’ to build up is a good thing. It is possible to have many internal orgasms, if you don’t worry about ejaculating, just enjoy. It takes a lot of practice. An exercise I give to my students around the world is to masturbate daily, but don’t ejaculate, until you can pleasure yourself daily and go several weeks, the you begin to gain some control, but still have more pleasure. Happy playing with yourself. – Marc, Tantra Master

  16. Marc

    I would be glad to respond to related questions, if desired.

    Forget the drugs, there are many natural aphrodisiacs from herbs and foods and increase sexual energy.

    Remember, it’s not about the ejaculation, it’s what you do before then, that matters. If you can control and delay ejaculation, you can have 100’s of orgasms in the mean time.
    Most of what we have been talk about sex, which is not much, is the wrong information.

    Marc de Tucson

  17. donnie

    my ex and i use to set aside an evening, take a shower together, have 3-4 drinks ( not getting drunk)smoke a couple bowls and take our time.. i just learned to control myself, ease off if i get close and start again..over the years i could hold off as l0ng as i wanted…we got to where i could go for 4 1/2 hrs.. not always.. sometimes we do a quicky which is fun too…its mentally comtroling yourself…if always been about pleaseing the other person..and i just love to jack off by myself ALOT as well i only have about 6.5 inches so i figured id better throw a good fuck or i wouldnt be able to keep anyone around…lol my wife use to brag about me and i had 2 of her girlfriend offer themselves to me…i declined

  18. Stephan

    Wil, please speak with you physician. If you are an adult, there may be a medical foundation to your inability to get hard and stay hard and produce cum.

  19. hotaznbtmboi

    I don’t call it premature ejaculation of the top I’m doing can get it hard again right away (or within a few minutes by oral stimulation). Most times round 2 (and 3, 4…) is way better that the first!

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